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My xanax addiction
  1. #1
    whyagain is offline New Member
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    Angry My xanax addiction

    I am currently trying to wd from xanax once again. I am a 32 yr old male who has struggled with benzo addiction since I was 16. I am do tired of going through this I feel so stupid and down on myself for ever getting on them again as I have suffered the worst kinda of benzo ws symptoms in the past. (seizures, psychotic episodes, hospitalization) I am married I have a 7 yr old son, my wife and I both work but I had to take a leave of absence from work as of today because the wd is too bad I can't drive. I have an appointment with for a screening and placement into rehab/detox center Monday morning. I feel so bad letting my family down my son has no ideal but I may have to leave him for 30 days and this kills me. I haven't completely stopped taking the xanax for fear of death. Guess I am just looking for advice or help with coping with this problem. I know I probably sound like a kid crying over spilled milk but I can't stop obsessing over the withdrawal and worrying about everything......someone please help. Like I said I haven't completely stopped taking it but I jumped from 8-10mg daily down to 4 in a couple days and I'm feeling it. Should I just keep taking it till I get into detox?

  2. #2
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whyagain View Post
    I am currently trying to wd from xanax once again. I am a 32 yr old male who has struggled with benzo addiction since I was 16. I am do tired of going through this I feel so stupid and down on myself for ever getting on them again as I have suffered the worst kinda of benzo ws symptoms in the past. (seizures, psychotic episodes, hospitalization) I am married I have a 7 yr old son, my wife and I both work but I had to take a leave of absence from work as of today because the wd is too bad I can't drive. I have an appointment with for a screening and placement into rehab/detox center Monday morning. I feel so bad letting my family down my son has no ideal but I may have to leave him for 30 days and this kills me. I haven't completely stopped taking the xanax for fear of death. Guess I am just looking for advice or help with coping with this problem. I know I probably sound like a kid crying over spilled milk but I can't stop obsessing over the withdrawal and worrying about everything......someone please help. Like I said I haven't completely stopped taking it but I jumped from 8-10mg daily down to 4 in a couple days and I'm feeling it. Should I just keep taking it till I get into detox?
    Hello whyagain, first off, that is way too big of a reduction! Try reducing by 5-10% only and stay there for a week or so before dropping another 5-10%! I suggest you read the Ashton Manual thoroughly, you can find it by doing a search online. The is the authority on all benzodiazepines! It will illustrate how to properly taper off xanax? I also suggest reading at least the first 3-4 threads here in this forum if you haven't already, you will find alot information that you are currently seeking!

    I would go back up in dosage so that you are comfortable and not in withdrawal then slowly taper as suggested above and as outlined in the Ashton Manual! As far as the 30 day detox goes, I have no idea how that works but I know that there is no way that you'll be able to stop taking xanax within 30 days and be okay? Others will stop by to offer some more insight and suggestions for you? It's slow in the forums on the weekends so be patient. I'll leave a post for a couple of members that I know that have a ton of experience with benzos and detox, hopefully they can stop by your thread soon? In the meantime, hang in there. You can get through this but it has to be done right! This is a very, very slow process and cannot be rushed! I'll check back later to see how you're doing? Take care... God bless us all!

  3. #3
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    I can't say it much better than Ricky did. He is giving you perfect advice. You are on a huge dose, cutting it as much as you did is not safe. My experience is with self- tapering, not forced detox in a rehab center. My understanding is that during forced detox they can monitor you for seizure danger and treat with other drugs, whereas that fast a detox on your own is very dangerous. However, aside from the seizure danger of rapid detox, it seems that for people who detox that fast, the relapse rate is MUCH higher. The best success comes from tapering off very slowly and being in control of your taper. This allows your brain to adjust gradually to the change.

    To be in charge of your own taper you need to be motivated and have a true desire to get off the drug. It sounds like you do have that, however because you've been on them so long, it is extremely difficult for you to function without them now. That is a physical reality and has nothing to do with your desire not to abuse, it is your brain having changed due to long term drug use. In this situation, it's not a matter of "willpower". You brain has literally changed due to the drug in such a way that it now requires the drug to function, an analogy is like you need oxygen to breathe. This is why you find you can't even drive without it now.

    Think of getting off the drug similar to deep sea diving. If you spend time at depth, you cannot swim quickly to the surface or you will get the bends. You have to rise very slowly and gradually. Getting off benzos is exactly like that, a very slow gradual change is needed so that your brain can readjust bit by bit. Quick detox rehabs don't seem to understand that, but they are good for opiate detox. Opiates are different somehow, your brain seems to heal very quickly from even cold turkey. But it's entirely inappropriate for benzo detox. But it seems a lot of people lump all "narcotic" drug addiction together and try to treat it all the same.

    I can't tell you that going into rehab is wrong because I don't know the total situation you face. For example if you are obtaining them illegally and lost the source, or if you are being given an ultimatum by someone, these can influence your decision. Ideally a person in your situation, I would want to have access to a legally prescribed benzo either the Xanax you were on, or better yet, Valium, which Ashton suggests you use for your taper. Unfortunately the 30 day detox/rehab business is interested in you being an inpatient, not in prescribing you Valium for a year so you can control your own slow detox. But there may be reasons in your situation you need to go into rehab. Sometimes people need to get away from their friends/dealers. How much of your use is the physical dependence and how much is due to your surroundings? Think about all these things and read up on the Ashton method and other websites dealing with slow benzo tapers and learn all you can before your Monday appointment, is my best suggestion at this point.
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  4. #4
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    Update, first I never have ran out of xanax. I probably have 30 pills left. I just don't want to take them any longer. Long story short I went to the doctor they put me on a Librium taper. I purchased unisom and melatonin from a local drug store. I have to say nothing takes away the wd but some things ease the symptoms. They didn't recommend rehab because it was my personal decision to quit. So, I am at home I was able to sleep for the first time last night. I still have the wd symptoms but they aren't near as bad I suppose because of the Librium. Not sure how I feel about substituting one benzo for another..but the doctor tried to give me Valium first I refused to take it and was told Librium was less habit forming I don't know how that is. He may have been just trying to get me( a grown man) to stop sobbing in his office. Yes, I have been crying just for no reason sometimes it's weird because I'm not usually a tears type of guy. I am doing better and hopefully this taper will continue to EASE the symptoms.

  5. #5
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Thanks for the clarification. I don't understand how Librium is "less habit forming" than Valium. I do urge you to take Ricky's suggestion to read up on the Ashton Method. The Ashton titration charts include a taper chart for Librium just like all the benzos, but does not have a transition to Valium because they have equivalent half lives. In other words, your Librium is itself a benzo, pretty much the same as Valium except dose equivalencies are different! Keep in mind that .5 mg Xanax is equivalent to 25 mg Librium. Schedule 11 in Chapter II of the Ashton site, if you google it (I dasn't post a link, who knows what will get my posts deleted) has a 16 week taper from 75mg per day Librium.
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  6. #6
    whyagain is offline New Member
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    Yeah, I kinda figured the Librium being, "less habit forming" than others was total bull.......I have tried to read the Ashton M. several times to be honest it scares me. I'm on day 2 of my taper but probably day five of wd they started me on 50mg of Librium 4 times a day, I was able to take less actually yesterday and plan on continuing to skip doses when I feel good enough? Do you think this is ok? As far as the 16 weeks go, I have a rapid one week taper combined with Depakote incase of seizures and Inderal....none of this was or has been easy. I only want to go fast because I want to get back to work. I know I'm not doing it right...but I'm highly motivated and ready to move my whole life is outside that door. I feel like I'm so close to opening it if you know what I mean. Anyway thanks for being there.

  7. #7
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whyagain View Post
    Yeah, I kinda figured the Librium being, "less habit forming" than others was total bull.......I have tried to read the Ashton M. several times to be honest it scares me. I'm on day 2 of my taper but probably day five of wd they started me on 50mg of Librium 4 times a day, I was able to take less actually yesterday and plan on continuing to skip doses when I feel good enough? Do you think this is ok? As far as the 16 weeks go, I have a rapid one week taper combined with Depakote incase of seizures and Inderal....none of this was or has been easy. I only want to go fast because I want to get back to work. I know I'm not doing it right...but I'm highly motivated and ready to move my whole life is outside that door. I feel like I'm so close to opening it if you know what I mean. Anyway thanks for being there.
    Hey whyagain, just checking in on you? Thisweekforsure and myself are not steering you wrong, trust me! Going from that much xanax to librium for a 1 week taper is not wise at all! Btw, librium is kinda like a milder version of valium with a long half-life (up to 100 hours), xanax half-life is up to 12 hours! I'll will tell you that most doctors have no idea about benzo addiction, the long term effects it has on a person and they certainly do not understand how to properly taper someone off! I don't want to scare you but in my opinion you will be in a world of hurt with awful withdrawals for a long time if you go this route? Highly motivated or not this is just way too fast! Benzodiazepines especially xanax is one of the worst meds you can detox from and the withdrawals are horrific! Xanax is the nastiest of all the benzos! I feel that if you try this taper plan and once the librium starts leaving your body which will take a few days to a week or more because of the long half-life you will go into serious withdrawals again? I really hope I'm wrong? You said you were taking 8-10mg of xanax per day, how long were you taking that amount for? Then you dropped straight to 4mg, give us the time-line on all this? I'll check in later? Take care... God bless us all!

  8. #8
    whyagain is offline New Member
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    I was taking that much (8-10mg for two months or less but have been on the xanax for 6 months. I dropped from that to 4mg on Wed of last week by Friday I had to take a leave of absence at work because I had pretty much all the wd symptoms you could list....i still have all the mental wd symptoms but the medications help with the tremors insomnia headaches etc...I know I'm.going fast. I know I'm going too fast. But if I can tough it out shouldn't I? OR am I just being stupid and hard headed and on a one way trip to the ER?

  9. #9
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whyagain View Post
    ......I have tried to read the Ashton M. several times to be honest it scares me.
    What about it scares you?

    I'm on day 2 of my taper but probably day five of wd they started me on 50mg of Librium 4 times a day,
    This is a good daily dose, about equivalent to 4 mg Xanax per day if I did my math right.

    I was able to take less actually yesterday and plan on continuing to skip doses when I feel good enough? Do you think this is ok? As far as the 16 weeks go, I have a rapid one week taper combined with Depakote incase of seizures and Inderal....none of this was or has been easy. I only want to go fast because I want to get back to work. I know I'm not doing it right...but I'm highly motivated and ready to move my whole life is outside that door. I feel like I'm so close to opening it if you know what I mean. Anyway thanks for being there.
    They are going to taper you completely off in one week? You want to go fast because you want to get back to work? I do not understand that logic. The way to remain functional so you can go back to work right now is to get stable without withdrawal symptoms. A very slow taper should have you able to work the entire time. If you get off in only a week you might have severe symptoms that keep you out of work longer.

    I agree with Ricky that most doctors just don't seem to get this. Put you on a very fast taper and then give you anti-seizure meds? Why not taper slowly and comfortably and keep other meds out of it? I understand you are impatient to get off the benzo. I felt the same way. I never thought I would become "addicted" to it. I never used it to get high, and I only took it as the doctor ordered at bedtime to help me sleep. One day I said, "oh I don't want to be on this anymore" and stopped suddenly (or reduced by 50% can't remember which I did first, I tried both). I was fine for about 3 days, then it hit me. Then I realized what a monster this drug was and was appalled, and wanted to get it out of my life as fast as possible. But after educating myself I realized the only comfortable way to do it was a very slow taper. But I completely understand the desire to get it behind you quickly.

    If it's the length of time of the slow taper that scares you, you don't have to follow it exactly. You can modify it to be faster and see how it goes. Even if you cut the 16 weeks in half and make it 8 weeks, that's still 8 times slower than one week. The Ashton Method is only a starting point. And everyone is different, you might do fine.
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  10. #10
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whyagain View Post
    I only want to go fast because I want to get back to work. I know I'm not doing it right...but I'm highly motivated and ready to move my whole life is outside that door. I feel like I'm so close to opening it if you know what I mean. Anyway thanks for being there.

    Hi there…

    I guess I'll never understand why people come here seeking help, advice, and support and do things their way regardless. Ricky and Thisweekforsure have both given you EXCELLENT advice and if I were you I would follow that sound advice. I was asked by Ricky to offer some suggestions, but they have given you the exact same suggestions I would have given.

    If I had the time to tell you my story using benzo's it would scare you silly. I came as close to dying as one can come because I abused these drugs, tried to jump from way too high of a dose, tried to taper much too fast, and didn't listen to anyone that had the knowledge and understanding of benzo's. I almost paid for that severe lack of judgement with my life.

    Reducing quickly to get back to work is the wrong approach to consider. The best, and SAFEST way off any benzo is a very slow and steady taper at the rate of 5 - 10% reductions every 5 - 7 days or so as you have been advised by Ricky and Thisweekforsure. A benzo detox is many times worse than any opiate detox.

    I would hate for anything to happen to you so PLEASE reconsider your plan.

    Randy
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  11. #11
    whyagain is offline New Member
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    Well, everyone was right...I'm in a worse spot than I was before the week long Librium just sent me into a world of hell when it wore off. I've given up on returning to work anytime soon and am just going to work on myself for awhile. I reinstated on my own on .75mg a day there are days when I only take .25 even a day last week when I took 0. I am looking for a "benzo wise" doctor. There doesn't seen to be many that specialize in Benzo addiction alone but I'm not giving up. Yes, the wd symptoms are there. Yes, I feel like lower than dog poo on a hot summer day. But I will beat this it wont beat me I refuse to let it. Thanks guys.

  12. #12
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whyagain View Post
    I reinstated on my own on .75mg a day there are days when I only take .25 even a day last week when I took 0. .
    Are you talking about Xanax? That is all you are taking? If so you are very much lower than you started off which is a good thing but if you still are not able to work that's a bad thing.

    I'm not sure you are going to find a "benzo wise" doctor. I wouldn't even know how to go about finding one, because from my experience, it's not like you can call them up and ask whatever staff person answers the phone, "Is Dr. So'n'so familiar with the Ashton Method? Does he follow an extremely slow taper plan?" I think you'll get nowhere. Even if you manage to get a nurse on the phone she is likely to tell you, "Yes we taper benzos slowly" meaning, over a week or a month, which is way way way too fast. In any case, to go to another doctor now is going to look like doctor shopping. Maybe you should follow up with the doctor who gave you the librium?

    Have you finished the librium taper that the doctor put you on? Will he not consider a slower taper?

  13. #13
    whyagain is offline New Member
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    Yes, I did finish the Librium taper I felt great last week while I was doing it however a couple days after my last dose I got hit hard with wd symptoms. I didn't follow up(I've made some stupid choices) and was supposed to three days after my hospital visit. Yes, I am talking about xanax. I'm having panic attacks and crying fits along with brain zaps and all the other nasties that come along with it. I'm going to make the appointment tomm with that doctor so hopefully by Monday I can get in to see him. I'm very scared and fearful I dont to want to die. I'm so embarrassed about my addiction it's hard for me to even talk about it with anyone close to me.

  14. #14
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Your description does sound exactly like bad benzo withdrawal. I hope the doctor will put you on a much slower taper. One or two weeks is not long enough to bring you off your level of benzo use. I understand how scared and fearful you are. Coming off benzos was one of the most frightening feelings I've ever had.

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    whyagain is offline New Member
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    I took my .25 last night along with some Tylenol pm and melatonin and was able to sleep for the first time in 4 days. It wasn't uninterrupted but it was sleep.....this morning I woke up not near as shakey, my skin isn't burning like it was(I noticed this yesterday as well) I was able to eat a few crackers without throwing up this morning but still in a nightmare of psychological symptoms I find myself on the floor crying....my son has went to stay with my mother for a couple weeks because I can't let him see me like this...all I can do is think about him and it makes me cry. What a horrible horrible person I am is all I can think about.

  16. #16
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    That is slight progress. I like that you took your .25 at night and got some sleep. I think that is a priority to try to get as much as you can. Hang in there!

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    whyagain is offline New Member
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    I have just scheduled an appointment with a psych doctor but they can't see me till next Friday.....that's one week from today...I may be a little better by then but I still need to go see him I know I'm very nervous about the appointment being 7 days away.

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    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whyagain View Post
    Well, everyone was right...I'm in a worse spot than I was before the week long Librium just sent me into a world of hell when it wore off. I've given up on returning to work anytime soon and am just going to work on myself for awhile. I reinstated on my own on .75mg a day there are days when I only take .25 even a day last week when I took 0. I am looking for a "benzo wise" doctor. There doesn't seen to be many that specialize in Benzo addiction alone but I'm not giving up. Yes, the wd symptoms are there. Yes, I feel like lower than dog poo on a hot summer day. But I will beat this it wont beat me I refuse to let it. Thanks guys.
    Thisweekforsure, Randy and myself all told you exactly what to do and how to do it. Go back and read our posts to you! This is exactly why I don't post much anymore here in these forums, I can't speak for other's but I'm sure I'm not the only one? Randy said it perfectly in the 1st paragraph of the post he left for you! I do wish you well though... Good luck! God bless us all!

  19. #19
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    Update, I've been hospitalized since Saturday. They too have me on Librium. I'm feeling better still have the appointment on Friday to get me on a LONG taper like you guys suggested. Ricky I almost feel as if you want confrontation. If I was feeling better I'd give you what you've been wanting, maybe you shouldn't reply on these forums if you're going to be a dick it's that simple. I'll get better and yeah maybe all this could have been avoided, your negative comments dont help honestly not sure how they would help anyone in this situation. “The value of compassion cannot be over-emphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one cares or understands.”

    —Arthur H. Stainback Good luck in your future Ricky.
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  20. #20
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Wow you must have been in a bad way! Good luck with your Friday appointment. I hope things go smoothly from this point. Tapering still isn't fun but you should be able to function adequately.
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  21. #21
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whyagain View Post
    Update, I've been hospitalized since Saturday. They too have me on Librium. I'm feeling better still have the appointment on Friday to get me on a LONG taper like you guys suggested. Ricky I almost feel as if you want confrontation. If I was feeling better I'd give you what you've been wanting, maybe you shouldn't reply on these forums if you're going to be a dick it's that simple. I'll get better and yeah maybe all this could have been avoided, your negative comments dont help honestly not sure how they would help anyone in this situation. “The value of compassion cannot be over-emphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one cares or understands.”

    —Arthur H. Stainback Good luck in your future Ricky.
    whyagain - First off I'll start by saying that if I didn't understand or care I wouldn't spend any time in these forums trying to help others! Trust me, I was not looking for a confrontation nor do I think I was being a dick! I was being real, people spend a great deal of time in these forums trying to comfort and help others and it's very frustrating when people come here seeking help but then they decide to do things thier own way? I personally know how bad benzo withdrawal can be because I've been through it and it's very scary! I apologize if I came off the wrong way and I really hope you get through this as easy and painless as possible? I wish you all the best! Take care... God bless us all!
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    UnwantedLegacy is offline New Member
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    I agree...Ashton Manual is the only successful program I have heard of that works. I, too, struggled with Xanax and did not know it was one of the worst, most wicked, nasty w/d, medication's that's out there. Once you understand what Xanax is doing to you and why it is next to impossible to get off of, you will have a much kinder judgement of self. Crying is good for you...do it! Ashton's Manual is not substituting one benzo for another. It is using Valium to help you off the Xanax at a pace you can handle and replacing it with the aide of a longer half life....stays in your system longer. Then she taper's you off the Valium after the Xanax is gone. I did it and had no w/d...none!!! Believe me I was terrified bc I know what you go thru when trying to do it alone and how deathly sick you become without help. I would cry, too.
    Good Luck~

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    Update, first I apologize for the misunderstanding Ricky. I had my appointment with my pdoc today. He was more than willing to help me. I prescribed depakote for seizures, atarax, trazadone for sleep, inderal for the hypotension, and valium to start what he says will be a long taper. Thanks for all the support. I'm getting the help I needed and am on my way!

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    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whyagain View Post
    Update, first I apologize for the misunderstanding Ricky. I had my appointment with my pdoc today. He was more than willing to help me. I prescribed depakote for seizures, atarax, trazadone for sleep, inderal for the hypotension, and valium to start what he says will be a long taper. Thanks for all the support. I'm getting the help I needed and am on my way!
    whyagain - no worries about the misunderstanding. I'm glad you're on your way to getting off the benzos safely and hopefully very painlessly? I don't know much about the atarax and trazodone but if I were you I would find out if those meds will need to be tapered when it's time to get off them? Just be cautious with those meds! Keep us updated and hang in there. I wish you well! Take care... God bless us all!
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  25. #25
    whyagain is offline New Member
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    I am currently down to 4mg valium down from 30mg it has not been easy but it's doable and a blessing.
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  26. #26
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Wow, good job! Slow and steady wins the race. Thanks for updating.
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    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whyagain View Post
    I am currently down to 4mg valium down from 30mg it has not been easy but it's doable and a blessing.
    Awesome! So glad to hear you're doing well! Keep it up! Take care... God bless us all!

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