I'm going to try to shorten this as much as I can. HA!
I'm 48. I am female and at age 23 I had my first panic attack. Never will forget it. Same day I went to my family doc and was prescribed Prozac after determining I wasnt having a heart attack or any other physical problems. From that point until approximately 6-8 weeks this medication was changed several times. Antidepressant to other antidepressants. I was a beauty school student at the time and stopped going to school. Agoraphobia set in big time! Couldnt leave my house and all of that jazz. I made an appt with a psychiatrist who prescribed Valium which made me feel SO weird it caused more anxiety and panic. Xanax same, Ativan...same but better just didnt last very long but I remember it making me very sleepy and then the panicky feelings would race back in within a couple of hours. Still on Paxil I believe it was at the time. Then. A newer doctor at the same facility prescribed klonopin and it was like I lightswitch flipped on! I was immediately ok! All day every day. It was my cure. I felt "NORMAL " again. I went back snd graduated from beauty school then a couple of years later finished nursing school with a huge interest in psych nursing. Throughout this time from then until now I have been prescribed Klonopin. Sometimes it was at higher doses such as 8mg daily but over the last ten or more years I've only taken 1-2 mg daily and within the past 5 years 1 mg day and never thought twice about it being ripped away. FOUR doctors I had seen and had retired or moved on from the same facility passed me on to the next doc assuring me that the would recommend to the next...NO MED CHANGES specifically on the klonopin. It is like a safety thing for me. Just having the bottle in my bag makes things ok. I've not had a full blown panic attack in years.

My mother also has panic disorder but refuses meds and has been locked in her house for as long as I can remember. My daughter started having panic issues at age 10. Horrific panic attacks. I put her on meds too...one being klonopin. Doctor never thought twice.

Current: 3 years ago, my then 13 year old son was diagnosed with CNS Germinoma brain cancer. He went through surgeries, four cycles of chemo and 15 proton radiation treatments and received remission status in July of 2016. He was the RE-diagnosed with the same just this past March. He has had 2 cycles of ICE chemo...very aggressive and is now about to start his third of three stem cell transplants. He is doing well and we anticipate this will cure him. I am a single mother snd the ONLY way ive been able to keep our house and our bills paid is due to our community holding fundraisers which has paid the bills. The treatments are long and not enough time in between for me to even think about working. Once finished I plan to return to work full time as a nurse...December 1st is my goal.

Now. I was "assigned" a new "nurse practitioner " with less than two years experience and less than one year experience in psych, to manage my meds. I was taking Cymbalta 60mg, Seroquel 50mg for sleep, klonopin 1-2 mg as needed, Suboxone 8/2 x 5 years and recently added last November Vyvance 30mg.

SUBOXONE? Always seems to draw attention and immediately label me as being an untruthful drug addict that wants to get high on anything and everything all of yhe time no matter what.. In 2007 was prescribed Hydrocodone for a false diagnosis of fibromyalgia. A lot of it. Within a year I was buying them from people I knew, stealing them from my grandmother etc..and at 16 months, I called to get help. Did s 30 day detox on suboxone and resumed normal life with my normal meds until 2012. Kidney stones.....10 hydrocodone prescribed. Whoops! Again but only for 3 months and got myself back on suboxone again and have been on it since because I've been afraid if it can happen twice....I dont want a third time and this is safe. Now...I really feel I'd be ok without it but considering what's happened with my meds and this new person prescribing....I dont want to put myself in any more pain.

In February I rescheduled and appt with her. I am notorious for rescheduling appts but no one had ever really said anything about it so I just did. I went in for my appt in February I believe it was and she said she was stopping my vyvance (that she just started in November) until I could show up for a few more appts and not cancel. Hmmm. This I thought was weird to use medicine as a punishment. Anyway, went back in June and had talked to her about possibly coming off of some of my meds. It was an idea for ME to TRY to see if I actually needed all of this stuff. She told me to cut my cymbalta in half to 30 from 60 AND Klonopin in half at the same time. WHAAAA? I voiced my concern and she assured me.."just give it a try and call me if u have any problems".
I did just that snd by the 4th day had a MAJOR panic attack, wanted to call an ambulance, completely brought back how I felt 26 years ago. I called. Left message that I wanted to work on just the cymbalta alone first and that I was resuming my normal 1-2mg dose of klonopin. Couple weeks go by...I'm having slight symptoms from weaning cymbalta but continue until the next appt in late July. My son is in the hospital at this time with no immune system. She tells me..."my life was threatened by someone on benzos".
Ok? What does this have to do with me?
"So I'm taking you off klonipin"
I'm immediately freaked out, start crying asking why????? And why NOW while my son is so sick.
The answer..."benzos arent for long term use".
Omg. What is she talking about??? I've been prescribed klonopin by this same place for 26 years!!!!
Fast forward. She gave me 21 days worth of .5 mg per day and then 14 days of .25mg then said to STOP.

it's now October first and I am back 26 years ago before I began klonopin. I am so anxious, panicky all day, floaty, brain seems foggy, I'm closing my outer world off a little more each day. Its HORRIBLE. No one will listen. I have called and begged for help, to please do this slower or not at all. Now I'm just a crazy nuisance. Cant find another doctor who can see me asap. I've went thru moments where I feel strong and I can do this only to end up crying snd having another attack. Recently, a nurse called me and said the reason now was because I'm on suboxone. That its dangerous to take together. This was discussed prior to my starting suboxone 5 years ago and both my neurologist and psychiatrist were ok with it. I've NEVER taken more of ANY of my current meds, I have not mysteriously "lost" any prescriptions in fact on prescription of klonopin usually lasts me 2 to 3 months because I normally only take the 1 mg instead of the allowed 1-2mg. They know this. There are pharmacy records. Yhis is about this particular nurse practitioner who has single handedly put me back into acute panic disorder with no tools, no help, no compassion.
It was too fast, it was the wrong time, and I am aware of the risks but would rather live the life I have as a fully functioning mother, human and nurse. I dont see me working like this. I've called so many other providers and as soon as the word klonipin is mentioned I hear "well we wont prescribe it for you here either".
I'm now at the mercy of going to an emergency room so that I can be admitted to a psych unit so that I can see a doctor who MIGHT listen and hear me and understand that this is ruining my life and I'm NOT abusing them and YES the benefits outweigh the risks in this situation. I WILL LOSE everything if someone doesnt help me. Not because my son has cancer though. Because one person's life was threatened by "someone on benzos". "They arent for long term use"....(26 years later) and "there are risks with taking suboxone"...then TAKE ME OFF OF SUBOXONE!

OH...btw...my daughter goes to the SAME facility but different city and the restarted her on klonopin 2 months ago. Just showing here their inconsistency. *interesting fact.

I apologize that this is sooo soo long. I'm ve been keeping a calendar for about 3 weeks on how I'm feeling. I have officially run out of klonopin about two weeks ago but remembered I had spilled sum in the corner of my couch and like some fiend have recovered a couple of them. I have taken an ativan here and there when I felt like I was dying...my sons ativan for nausea from cancer treatment. That's real nice of me right? Right now...I'm writing this INCREDIBLY long story in Hope's that someone here can tell me what I should do. Where to go. How to get my life back! My klonopin back. I'm 48. I'm not addicted to any drug. I'm "dependent" on several which I hate but klonopin saved my life and I want it back! Please help....
Have not grammar or spell checked so hope this all comes out making sense.
Thank you for reading my story. I live in Indiana near Indianapolis for anyone who has a referral or info.