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My story of addiction and detoxing from Suboxone
  1. #1
    Kells_1love is offline New Member
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    Default My story of addiction and detoxing from Suboxone

    Hello all. I'm Kelly, I'm 31 and have suffered addiction for the most part since I was 17. Here's my story:

    My vice was always pills, codeine, Vicodin, oxy's, Norco's.... Basically anything I could get my hands on. I'd classify my use as recreational until at 19 I lost my little bro to a car accident. Started popping pills like mad. I was taking 15 plus 10mg Vicodin daily, with 4-5 Carisiprodal/soma {spl?}. I'd pop 4 Vicodin w/3 soma's at breakfast, lunch and dinner with several more sprinkeled in the mix all day.
    I was spending roughly $150-200 day or more, just to feel normal- not even getting high anymore. If I did it was a slobbery doped high.

    I am/was what I guess you would call a "functioning addict", as through all my >>>> I always kept a good job, never switched to harder drugs, and always had a line I wouldn't cross- I had this pride that wouldn't let me (I would be extremely embarrassed to be outted and hid my issues from everyone). In fact, aside from my pill friends, people considered me to be sweet & innocent, and could hardly believe I smoked cigarettes, never mind my various addictions. On a bad day I broke down to one of my close friends, I think I was out of pills or something cause it was really out of character. Anyways, he decided to call my MOTHER and tell her all. So overnight my big secret was out in the open. She was pretty cool, she'd just lost a child and was not gonna loose another. She didn't know much about addiction, so I told her what I knew at that time: there's basically 3 options. 1. Go cold turkey & suffer thru 2. Go to rehab 3. Get on Methadone
    Mind you, this was 11 years ago so you couldn't "google" options like now . She & I agreed that methadone maintenance seemed to be the best and least painful solution.

    I started the program and was a model patient. I tried taking pills a couple times the first week or 2, but you can't feel them so what's the point? Compared to how I was taking pills, methodone really did help me. I was totally clean for 6-7 years. That is, if you consider taking 28mg methadone daily being clean. But did a 2 year pill habit require a lifetime of taking methadone? In this 7 years I had a daughter, I'd fallen in love, I excelled at work, so I guess it did help me.

    Also, after I hit bottom and quit taking, My friends that kept using kept dying. Young people- 20-29 year olds. In total 2 died in car wrecks- drugged up and driving, another fell asleep in a hotel and drowned on his throwup, and my closest friend suffered liver & kidney failure. So getting help was surely the right thing for me. But after 7 years of paying $224 month for that damn purple juice I was done. I started tapering, went from 28 to 14mg slowly, then one weekend I was set to pick up my supply and I said I'm done. Detoxing from methadone was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It's somewhat a blur, but I remember I missed a week of work, I stayed in bed the entire time- horrid RLS, insomnia, etc etc. I wound up finding the age old detox recipe online: that told you the vitamins, excersise, and to get clonidin from Dr. I did all of it- and it helped. A lot. It was no instant fix like, say, a pill. But after 3 full Days adhering to this Recipe I was feeling much better. I think it was right at 16 days that I felt the worst was behind me. My problem? I was blahhhhh. No energy, no motivation, struggling just to get thru each day. It was so hard.

    When I got off the methadone I felt like a Fog was lifted. Things I'd been content with I wasn't, I was a walking talking zombie on that drug, void of true emotion. And to think I'd carried my daughter 9 months on that zombie juice! I was good though, and I stayed clean about 4 months. My daughters dad & I split up during this time. He had his own issues added with cheating on me and I was done. The really weird thing was I wondered if I ever would have been with him so long had I not been a zombie on methadone. I felt like the methadone had helped me get through life, all the while not actually living life.

    Anyways, like I said I stayed clean for about four months before a pill presented itself. Now 28yrs old- I took it, I felt great and you guessed it, I fell right back into what had orginally kicked off my decade of addiction. I'm am idiot. It started slowly and evolved to Popping pills left & right again. I really tried to limit my intake, take breaks between, not take more than 3 days consecutively- cause you know, I knew about addiction! Right? Wrong. That lasted maybe another four months. I had a bout of depression and gave in fully. It feels like I just woke up one morning like, damn. I'm an addict again. A functioning addict. Now my vice was work, I had an amazing job I was really good at- when I had pills. My numbers demolished everyone else but if I didn't have pills I could barely reply to an email. But that wasn't often.

    I ended up meeting my husband, about 6months into heavy using. I hid it for as long as you could expect. Came clean after about a 6mo together, he'd already known for the most part. We were to be married in Sept 2012 and that August I went to the Suboxone Clinic. Same as before, it worked, got clean, stayed clean, enjoyed life, him, my daughter. They put me on two 8mg sublingual films per day. After reading Roberts induction recommendations I realized they had totally screwed me. Fast forward 2 years, and I find myself in a position to take a few months off and detox. I want to be healthy & clean and not have to depend on something just to feel normal.

    My Suboxone self detox:
    I start by eliminating 1/2 my dose, going from 16mg daily to 8 for about 3-4 weeks. Totally fine, don't even break a sweat. I then start just tearing a little bit of a strip (maybe an 8th?) in the am, and another in the pm. Did this for about 2 weeks. So last Thursday at 2:45pm I take my last lil bit.
    Day 1&2: I'm good Friday, good Saturday- it was my husbands birthday, went to his moms and went out with friends that night.
    Day 3: Sunday, wake up. Feeling >>>>>> but okay. Kinda dragging but managed to take my daughter to cousins birthday party. Sunday night the RLS started heavy. 1-2 hours sleep tops, sneezing, lethargic, sore body. Withdrawel has always given me this horrible skin crawling sensation in my tailbone (kind of akin to RLS, pulses every 15seconds, drives you crazy) Sunday was a bad night- I felt horrid and maylayed my poor husband. He'd had a bottle of 7.5 Norco's he got for a back injury, I guess I was subconsciously relying on those to carry me thru the worst. Well, he'd trashed them. When I asked and he told me I just Iost it. Really mean stuff said, at 4:30 in the morning, when he's sleeping. I bawled, I laid in the shower, I paced, I cried. I took a flexiril and swallowed some NyQuil to no avail. Sleep would not find me until about 6:45am .
    Day 4- Monday: Waked up by my husband getting ready for work. His face is pure hurt and worry, and sadness. I let my daughter stay home, I slept on and off in fitful sweats all day. I text an apology to husband, he says we can do it and he's there for me. Monday night RLS all night, the tailbone thing, sweats, no sleep.
    Day 5: So Tuesday- yesterday- day 5, woke up... Feeling okay. Stopped cokes, stopped caffeine, stopped sugary foods. Feeling not good, but not to bad. RLS gone, tailbone creepy feeling gone, just lethargic and sore tired. Made myself stay up during the day so I may sleep that night. Excersise seems to much but forced myself to water some plants in the yard. Took a nap and read & read & read the forums. Made a list and went to the grocery store, bought vitamins, bought Muscle Milk, bought fruits n veggies. Dropped of groceries, left to pick up my daughter. Came home, got her snack and took her to her piano class. Went home, my hubs was home. He was thrilled with me. Proud of me. It made me feel proud of myself.

    Today is day 6, last night I had insomnia- mild RLS (very mild- more like heavy legs). Today is day 6 and I know that the worst is behind me. Suboxone withdrawal symptoms, though no walk in the park, were mild compared to methadone. Having suffered withdrawel from methadone, pills, and suboxone- I can attest that the suboxone was the easiest, at least for me. It was a lot of mind over matter thoughts, ALOT of reading these forums and peoples stories and being inspired. It was a lot of telling myself "this to shall pass".

    I'm Kelly, and today I'm 6 days clean from a 2 year 16mg suboxone habit. I'm 31 years old and have been on one form of opiate or another since I was 17. I can see thru eyes no longer drug induced, and I'm telling you friends, I won't ever go back. I know the road ahead is long, but I'm ready to face it head on and smell the roses, see the colors, and LIVE!!!

    Sorry so long, somewhat therapeutic to release all this.

    Peace & wishes my friends,
    Kelly

  2. #2
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    So Calif
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    That was gutsy of you to jump off at 2 mg after being at 16 mg for so long. I really hope you continue to get better each day. Good for you for wanting to re-claim your life!

    Are you involved with NA or AA?

    Let us know of your progress. Subs have a very long half-life so I really hope your jump continues smoothly without complications.

    If you'd like to have support through your recovery, you should copy and paste your original post into a new thread under the Suboxone Treatment board. This particular board is slow.

    All the best,
    Kat

  3. #3
    jayryan is offline Member
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    Mar 2014
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    I agree with kat..I'm somewhat new over there but its right up your alley..hang in ther! Jay

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