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Oxy withdrawal (day 4) venting
  1. #1
    Socaljosh is offline New Member
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    Default Oxy withdrawal (day 4) venting

    Hey all- just want to start off by thanking all of you who post on here to help people thru these extremely difficult times of their lives- I just registered today, but have been to the site several times in the past, as I tried to summon the courage to go through the process I am currently enduring.
    So I am currently on day 4 of a cold turkey oxy withdrawl... Although to think its only been 4 days is absolutely incredible, it seems like 4 years. It has been the hardest few days, emotionally, mentally, and physically I've ever lived. And while I, by no means, feel like I am out of the woods, i cannot believe the change in myself just in this short period of time.
    A little backstory on my situation-
    I am 30 years old, I have an amazing girlfriend who loves me very much. The hardest part of this whole thing is that I cannot share any of this with her. The guy she was with before me (who I know, and he Is a very good person) was a very severe addict to anything he could get his hands on. Because of his addictions, he put her through things that she should never be put through. She told me that he would call her to tell her that he loved her, and just wanted her to know that, in case he didn't wake up from everything he had taken that night. She was there for him for so long, but after so many years, she couldn't do it any more... Fortunately, he got help in time, and the last I heard he was celebrating 5 years sober! I was so happy when I heard that because he really was a great person, he just got so lost in this evil stuff. Anyway, I wanted to get out of my addiction without her knowledge, partly because of my shame, mostly because I couldn't imagine putting her through this again in her life. She deserves soooo much more than this.
    I have suffered from severe back spasms since high school (I played baseball, and pitching for many years destroyed by back). For much of my twenties I just dealt with it; got a lot of massages and used hot tubs, etc... Until about 3 or 4 years ago, when one of my bar regulars (I am a bartender) offered me a few percocets because I was having a really bad week with the spasms. I originally said no thanks, but after a few more sleepless nights I took her up on the offer. Sitting here now, I just wish I could go back to that day and slap myself silly for taking them from her! I remember going home, taking 2 or 3 of them, and just coasting off to peaceful oblivion and a wonderful nights sleep. It makes me chuckle now (sarcastic chuckle albeit) that 15 mg of percs could do that, given where I was last week. It was so effective for me that I asked my friend if she had any more of them. She had been through a terrible knee accident and due to a blood condition, could not have surgery to repair it. So she was forced to let a destroyed knee heal on its own, and was given literally thousands of pills to help with the pain. So thus began the constant supply of poison into my life.
    I'll fast forward a bit... A few pills a few times a week turned into a few pills almost every day, then over time became four or five pills every day. While I could go a few days without them, sometimes a week or so if I went on vacation, as soon as I would get back I would go get some from her and start all over again. This went on for a few years, and while I didn't like that i felt dependent on them, I was making great money at work, I was more productive, and I was getting the pills for free, so I didn't feel the urgency to get off of them. But just like all good things, it had to come to an end. My friends knee was almost better, so all of her scripts were being tapered off. I had to go back to a few days a week, and I just wish I would have been strong enough to quit then... But I wasn't.
    I started hunting online, and found a dealer for roxy pills. This went from a 30mg a day habit, then gradually increased to 45, 60, and so on... For the last six months, I've hovered around the 60mg a day number, only taken at night, but this became the focus of my life. Get through the days nonsense, do what I had to do, then wait till I could get my fix and enjoy my night. But many thousands of dollars later, and avoiding friends and social situations that would interfere with my fixes, I had come to the realization that a "habit" had become a full blown addiction, and if I didn't stop now, I was gonna lose everything I really cared about.
    Jump to this last Thursday... I was down to my last stock of pills. I knew (of course) exactly how many days I had left in my poison-fueled euphoria. So it was decision time- give in and send the text to my connection, or decide this was gonna be it. I am so glad I chose the latter.
    Knowing full well I was not capable of scheduling and tapering, I just let the pills run their course and figured I'd face the music on Friday. And my god, what intense freakin music it was.
    So this was my timeline up till now:
    FRIDAY (DAY 1) - Friday wasn't too bad physically, I'm sure this was because my body was used to the nighttime dosage, so it wasn't really expecting the drug till later. Mentally, however, this was a very tough day. I was very anxious, very down, I think I just knew what was coming. I tried to hydrate a lot this day, knowing that diarrhea and associated dehydration was expected soon. I stocked up on NyQuil and aleve, from reading posts saying that these helped with aches and insomnia. I got through the day, but at nighttime I got insanely edgy and anxious. I had a few Newcastles, (I know alcohol is not recommended, but I needed to relax or I was gonna go insane) then I took some NyQuil and tried to get some sleep. Wasn't too bad, I was able to get a few scattered hours, I did feel a bit hot/cold swings but it wasn't as bad I expected.
    SATURDAY (DAY 2) - the beginning of the cleanse. Got out of bed and felt like I had been hit by a truck. I could barely move from the bedroom to the couch, not to mention I had no mental motivation to do so. I took some aleve, drank about 5 gatorades, and tried to push down a few saltines. When it cooled down enough outside, I mustered the energy to go down to my complex's hot tub, which temporarily helped with the awful leg pains I was having constantly. I got through the day, once again dreading the upcoming night. Waited until I felt like I might sleep, took the NyQuil and went to bed. This was definitely the worst night, extreme sweating and chills, awful twitchy legs and body, no sleep at all.
    SUNDAY (DAY 3) - uggggggghhhhh. Never felt so depressed in my entire life- I remember 11:00 am was the first point I considered giving up. I looked at my phone for about 10 minutes, thinking about just making the call to get my relief. And that became my proudest moment! I put the phone away and continued on being miserable. This day was the absolute bottom for my psyche. I tried all day to think positive, encourage myself, and tell myself it would get better, but I just felt like it never would. Don't think my body produced one positive endorphin all day. I can't believe that state of mind was only 36 hours ago - Seems like a lifetime ago. This night I broke the no alcohol rule again, I had some makers mark to try to relax myself into some sleep- to no avail... After another late night soak in the hot tub, I spent another night tossing and turning, burning up and freezing at the same time. Was able to get a few hours sleep after the sun came up.
    MONDAY, TODAY (DAY 4) - got out of bed after the failed sleep experiment, and was surprisingly spirited. While I still had some heavy leg pains, I felt a distinct difference in my mood. Still a bit "down" but didn't have the overwhelming hopelessness I had felt over the last few days. Loaded up on more aleve, kept sucking down gatorades all morning. Throughout the day today, I had pretty distinct swings in mood, from pretty tired and unmotivated, up to fairly positive and energetic! First energy I've had since my last buzz on Thursday. I was able to do some chores around the house, play a little with my dog, and even went for a little walk around my neighborhood (Which a day earlier had seemed like climbing Everest). Can't believe how much better off I am now than I was just a few short days ago.
    So now I sit here after writing this novel (congrats to anyone who actually made it through the whole thing), it is 3:02 in the morning and I am not expecting a whole lot of sleep tonight either. But for the first time since I can remember, I feel somewhat positive about the future. I know full well that there will be plenty of difficult days ahead, and I have no idea how long it'll be, if ever, before I can go through a day without cravings, or reminders of the life I led for this long.
    While I wrote this long post as sort of a venting for myself, I really do hope that it reaches someone who is in need of some comfort during their time of trouble. If you are going through withdrawal from this drug from hell, or if you are considering stopping, please take my story not as a spook tactic, but as proof that you can fight through this and that your body wants to be healthy and happy, even if this drug tries it's best to convince you otherwise! Stay strong! I am very proud of what I have done so far, and I'm rooting for everyone who is freeing themselves from this horrible anchor!!!

  2. #2
    mottam is offline Advanced Member
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    socal,
    Welcome to the forum and congratulations on getting yourself clean from the opiate beast. I went c/t from ~ 100/120mg of oxy, so I can identify with your w/d and the struggle it takes to get through the physical hardship.
    The timeline you posted is a good reference for anyone jumping off at the level you were at. By day 4, I was turning the corner and starting to feel better. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

    Just curious - what are your plans now? Meaning, what do you plan to do to stay off of the opiates? The last thing you probably want to do is start this cycle all over again.

    Keep us up to date on how you are doing, and how you are ensuring that your recovery stays intact.
    Don't know where you live, but the weather here in the NE section of the US is getting nice. In my fellowship, this is a time when some people cycle out of the rooms to have 'fun' in the summer time, only to come back (if they are LUCKY) to get their white key tag and start the recovery process all over again. That does not have to be you. Find your path in recovery that ensures you have support and a foundation to get you through the temptations of this insidious disease.

    I have a few years clean now, and still, to this day, get spring fever. My sponsor and network help me to play the tape through, and make the next right decision.

    Again, great work getting off that stuff.

    Best of luck.

    Kindest Regards.
    mottam
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    Persistency is consistency

  3. #3
    Socaljosh is offline New Member
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    Hey mottam thank you very much for your response and support!
    I live in the San Diego area where it is currently a million degrees and everything is on fire...
    I am now on day 6 and still holding steady- the body aches and hot/cold swings are much better, but still having some lingering stomach issues and leg soreness. The worst part now is the lack of sleep. I thought that I would be sleeping a bit better once I felt better physically, but it's been long nights of no sleep for the whole experience.
    As for my plans, I have no intention of ever touching the stuff again. I've obviously had cravings constantly, but I just try to think about all of the money and time I've wasted getting high on the stuff.
    I can't say for certain that I will never slip up, I feel like saying "I will NEVER" do anything puts too much pressure on oneself, but I am 100% certain I never want to go through withdrawals again!
    But fortunately for me, none of my close friends use, so I just needed to delete some phone numbers to cut my ties with the drug. (Not to say that I couldn't get them again, but it isn't all around me by any means)
    But I am committing myself to this for the long term!
    I only wish for my energy to return, my mood to get better, and for my body to be able to sleep!
    Mottam, or anyone else who has been through this, if you could let me know when these functions came back to normal it would be really helpful! Thanks all! I'm rooting for myself, and for all who are going through this...

  4. #4
    mottam is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey Socal,

    There really is no formula or timeline for return to normal sleep patterns. From my experience, and those shared by others on this forum and in my fellowship - quality sleep is one of the last things to return.

    Be patient. Lack of sleep bites - but it will come back. Try to ulitize Sleepytime Tea, and exhaust your body w/ exercise. Breathing and meditation work to calm your mind.

    My suggestion to you regarding recovery is to take it 1 day at a time. Don't stress about what happened yesterday, or what may happen tomorrow.

    Deleting #'s is a good step in the right direction. 1 of the 8 suggestions in the fellowship I attend (NA) states to change your people, places, and things. If you are not around people who are using, you are not placing yourself in the sites of temptation.

    Best of luck.

    Kindest Regards
    mottam
    Persistency is consistency

  5. #5
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Dear Socal,

    As usual, Mottam has good advice and is an inspiration here and has been for a long time. Hi Mottam! I totally agree with him that sleep is the last thing to return to normal and for me, after a very long time habit, who knew what "normal" was for me anyway. Four years clean now, I've discovered that 5-6 hrs is my normal. I'm OK with that. (Bet you wish right now you could get those 5-6 hrs, don't yah?) I dealt with the sleeplessness much the same way as the other horrid withdrawal symptoms. I accepted them. I just stopped trying to fall asleep if sleep wasn't to be had. After reading posts here about Sleepy Time Tea or Melatonin, I quite literally would scoff. Right!! After taking enough oxy per day to put down a large horse, a little tea or a herbal remedy is really apt to work. I didn't buy any of it. Then one day while in the grocery store and having money in my checking account to burn, I laid eyes on a bottle of melatonin and decided what the he** and bought it. I took one that night. Nada. The following night I took two (don't tell anyone I abused Melatonin, ok?) Nighty night. It worked!!!! Not like I slept 10 hrs but I think I did put 4 or 5 hrs together and that was a miracle. Best ten bucks I've ever spent.

    Good job on your detox. Don't leave us. You write so well and I just know you will continue to be a wonderful addition to this Forum.

    Peace,

    Cat

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    2 things man.

    First. Loperamide and motrin. every 5 hrs. this will help you sleep too. untill you feel better physically.

    second. do not even take one mg of another opiate. even if you take 1 5mg vic... you are not in control anymore. no more. not one. trust me. you do not want to get caught in the cycle of using and withdrawl over and over. it's hell on earth.

  7. #7
    mottam is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Cat - great to see you are still keeping your disease arrested - 1 day at a time - outstanding!

    Your post made me realize that I should not throw the word 'normal' out there like I did. Everyone is unique (as you stated) - so Socal - you will eventually find your normal sleep rhythm. Again, just be patient.

    What always worries me about people who post on the forum is after they do a fantastic job of getting off of the stuff, I often do not hear of what is planned to keep that recovery alive; to chase recovery as hard as the pills.

    Absolutely no judgment here from my end - I am very proud of you Socal for getting out of denial, admitting your issue, and doing something about it. I am an addict just like you.
    Please do yourself a favor....as I-Hate_Subone stated - the vicious cycle of using, w/d, recovery, relapse, etc., repeat will end one way or another. In our fellowship, one of the readings from the basic text: 'We Do Recover' speaks directly to those ends…jails, institutions, or death, or a new way to live.

    Whatever you chose to advance your recovery - please find a new way to live that affords you a support system - a network of people - that will allow you the foundation you deserve to stay clean.

    Best of luck - have a peaceful weekend.

    Kindest Regards
    mottam
    Persistency is consistency

  8. #8
    Socaljosh is offline New Member
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    Hey everyone! Thanks for all of the replies and nice words! Sorry I've been M.I.A. for a while, it's been a crazy few days with my entire city on fire! I'm currently on day two of my mandatory evacuation from my house because one of these San Diego fires is kinda near my place... Hopefully will be home tonight.
    Anyway, I really do appreciate all the support- and I do want to reiterate, I have zero intention to ever touch those nasty things again! It's just that in the past I've seen people put out a cigarette and say, "that's the last cigarette I'll ever smoke!" I just always saw that as throwing so much pressure on one's back. With that said, I am just taking it one day at a time, it's almost been helpful in some ways to have this fire saga in my area, it's kept my mind a bit distracted from all of it.
    Still been a tough go on the sleep front; hard to quiet the mind once in bed, very difficult to relax. And although physically I feel 1000 times better that I did when I posted originally, I do still have some aches (in the legs mostly), which don't help with sleep either.
    I find it helps, when I feel down or unmotivated, to take a very deep breath, and let out (what is prob a really obnoxious) sigh like thing. I don't know why this helps, but it seems to just a little bit. I've been doing this quite often the last week... Bleh...
    It's a grind for sure! But I'm holding steady, I am now on day 8, which is almost 3 times longer than I ever went without the roxies, and longer than I've gone without any oxy since I started with those damn percs, however long ago that was.
    So... even though I have this little jerk constantly on my shoulder, telling me I need those pills, I am fighting him with all I've got.
    Thanks again to everyone for the support and time you put into this forum to help people like me! And don't worry Catrina, your melatonin secret is safe with me I'll be around, I'll keep updating and look forward to hearing anything else anyone has to say!! I love seeing new replies, it makes me feel like i have a bunch of good guys on the other shoulder!

  9. #9
    Pharmer724 is offline New Member
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    I hope you stuck with it. These stories are why I'm going to taper. It has to lessen the withdrawal

  10. #10
    rocksolidihope is offline New Member
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    [deleted -breaching forum rules]
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-19-2014 at 08:03 PM.

  11. #11
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    Wow, your story is so similar to mine! I'm about 30, can't tell anybody...had a casual habit of ~30/day that about 2 months ago blew up to about 60mg/day of roxy. I noticed that I would plan things around my habit, I noticed that I missed out on things, I also remember those weeks of vacation/etc where I'd go through withdrawal, get clean, and jump right back into the >>>>.

    Good for you for putting down the phone, and good luck!

  12. #12
    Socaljosh is offline New Member
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    Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted for quite a while... Just an update, I'm now approaching 4 months and am still clean! Go me anyway I decided to write again because I saw there were some new posts on the thread.
    Pharmer- yeah I definitely think that tapering would have helped a lot with the physical part of the withdrawl. I just sorta knew in my head that I wasn't going to be able to stick with the taper schedule, I guess I just enjoyed the drug too much to ease off of it- I knew that cutting off was the only way I could make the leap... But if you're trying to get off the pills, tapering will for sure make it much much easier on the body.
    With that said, when I was going through the withdrawl, everyone said that that was the "easy part". They all said that staying clean was the hard part. I feel like that is true, but not true at the same time. It has been very hard to stay off the pills- but when I think about the amount of pain I went through, it is a big helper in making me not want to go through it ever again. Only a few months later, now I would say that I "crave" the pills about once or twice a day, and it does suck for sure. But considering that for the whole month or so after stopping, i literally was spending 90% of my day thinking about them. Every day got a bit easier to fight the crave, and without even realizing it, after a while I would go a whole day without it crossing my mind!
    To finallydoingthis- thanks for your kind words! It's people like you, and especially my friends mottam and catrina, that gave me the advice and support to get through my fight. I'm not sure by your post if you have also gone through this, or if you are trying now to get clean? In either case, I hope you'll post again soon- I'd love to hear your experience, or give you whatever help/support I can so we can beat this together!
    Thanks again to all those who were kind enough to help me in my time of need! I haven't forgotten any of you and hope now I can join you in helping others

  13. #13
    Dudeman007 is offline New Member
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    Default Cold turkey is the way to go

    Quote Originally Posted by Pharmer724 View Post
    I hope you stuck with it. These stories are why I'm going to taper. It has to lessen the withdrawal
    Hello everyone. I'm 61 years olds and I'm a chronic pain sufferer. Here in Canada , it seems once you get a prescription for oxy, the skies the limit. I been or I should say was going to this doc for years and I told him on one of my visits that the over the counter pain mess work but just not enough. So first prescription was for 5mg short acting Oxi twice a day. Well when I started taking the meds they seems to work for awhile and of course your body gets used to the dosage so back I go. So now he gives me 10mg long acting. Well, I started them and I though I died and went to heaven. I was actually getting pain free. I took these for well over a year and once again, the body says, it wasn't enough. So back I go again, now it's 20mg. I took those for about a month and I noticed no changed in the pain level but I was getting really down on myself. The old Karl was no longer there. I just didn't feel the same, not only physically. It mentally as well. I got to the point where I had to be home by a certain time so I could get my mess.

    My depression continued to get worse so off I go to my mad Doctor. He, instead of looking for the cause of my depression, he wanted to start me on Cymbalta. Well this drug has a history of itself and take it from me, it's not much be tee then the Oxi horror story. So I ask all you readers, Who are you suppose to follow here? You always think your doc has your best interests at heart but do they really? They keep giving you pills apron pills until you totally lost control of your life, perhaps your marriage and in my case, my girlfriend which I wanted to marry.

    I ask all of you out there , if it meant keeping the soulmate in your life, What would you do. So I quit taking the pills

    Well the first day I was so bad, I phoned a medical help line cause I thought I was going to die. Thoughts of suicide rushed through my brain, I just wanted my anguish to end but I stuck it out. The very next day, I got up and sat on my deck and had my coffee and I noticed something direr end about myself. I was actually starting to think a lot clearer and things started to make sense to me. The second day wasn't much better but I live on a acreage and kept busy just doing stuff to keep my mind off of the mess. My stomach was in knots, felt sick, I still wanted to go back to the meds, but you know what, I didn't.

    Well I'm on my third day and I now can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm starting to get "ME", back in my life. Everyone out there, you see how I'm doing it, is I'm taking one day at a time. I don't concentrate on the long term cause all you think about is the bad stuff, the withdrawals, what if you fail, then what? Just take it one day at a time. Get through that first day, I know it's hard but it's worth it. Also on that first night, I was on my deck crying my eyes out cause I lost my girl and I was all alone. Well, I prayed to God to give me strength to endure and to hold me in his arms and help me on this journey I chose to take. Well I don't know what happened, 5 minutes later, I stopped crying, my son called to invite me to go fishing, and I crawled into bed and fell asleep.

    Everybody has their own way of completing personal hardships in life , some work and some don't. I think the trick is to know what your capable of and where you fall weak. I'm the type of person that doesn't like to fail, in anything I do. I quit smoking35 years ago without the aid of anything on the market.

    I'll close my comment by saying the following. If all you readers, in the bible there's a saying. That saying is that the devil will show himself to you or try to influence you in your darkest hours. This being said, it is when you are the weakest in life and vulnerable to manipulation or deception.its is in those dark hours of withdrawal you need to find what makes your strong as a person. Stand up in your back yard and yell to the heavens and say," I will not be defeated, I will win this battle and never again go down this path of destruction.

    Every day, I can feel my body getting stronger and my soul becoming me again. I am becoming happy again, and extremely looking forward to restarting my journey in life but this time," with my eyes and arms wide open filled with joy and happiness" all the best to you all and you will succeed, just believe in yourself"
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  14. #14
    Dudeman007 is offline New Member
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    Hello there. I too am on my fourth day and it was the best decision I ever made in life. OxyContin took control over my life and the first thing I would thing about in the morning is where's my pills and I even planned my day so I was home in time to take my second dose. If I was late I started having anxiety like you wouldn't believe. It was from experiencing the axiety that made me decide to quit. I was a addict and got really scared. The first day I went off them, I was sitting on my front deck, shaking like a leaf, crying my eyes out, I even phoned our medical help line and they were going to phone an ambulance for me cause I had thoughts of suicide cause I wanted this hell I created for myself to end. But I stuck it out and now I'm on my fourth day and it's the first day that I am in control. I got up and didn't even think about the pills, I have lots of energy and my mind is thinking a lot clearer . Once I make the weekend, I'm pretty sure I'll be over the hump and on my way to a happier, healthier, and complete life. I lost my soul mate because of these drugs cause they turned me into this mad man and I didn't even know it. I would say things to my love and never remember saying it. I even went as far as making phone calls in the middle of the night and was unaware I was doing it until the RCMP came banging on my door. I can't do anything about the loss in my life, maybe she'll see that I'm better and forgive me for my actions but time will only tell

    All you readers out there just starting your detox, find something to focus on, whatever in your life is important to you. Keep that in your mind when the times get tough. I focused on getting my life back as a normal person again. Also don't think you can binge on these drugs as well. If you think you can take one once in awhile, you will collapse into a life from hell in no time flat. If you have decided to quit, it's for life. I quit smoking 35 years ago right after my Dad past away and never smoked another cigarette. I thought quitting smoking was hard, we'll all the people on here should just pick one friend who's trying to quit smoking and tell them your story of the hell you went through to get off OxyContin. Quitting smoking to me now after quitting Oxy is a walk in the park.......lol lol

    I cannot wait for the two week mark for me. It's then I will know, I've succeeded in my task and I will be the happiest person on planet earth, just knowing I have my life back, the one God intended me to have

    God Bless everyone and remember in your darkest hours, the devil will be there trying to influence you but remember when these hours are apron you, God is holding you in his hands

    Take care

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