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Adderall addiction hell
  1. #1
    niKKidolCe is offline New Member
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    Default Adderall addiction hell

    I was prescribed Adderall to treat ADD and depression in October of 2009. The starting dose was 30mg. I took only the amount perscribed. I instantly was very motivated at work and excelled very much. However in the evenings when it wore off i was more depressed. I told that to the doctor and they said that it was the comedown (crash) and switched me to 50mg of Vyvanse. Vyvanse would supposedly not have a crash, it was controlled release. But i did crash, it would happed at 10pm at night and it was worse than the Adderall crash. I becaome suicidal. After a week I was put back one Adderall, this time 45mg daily in divided doses.

    There were many days I took less than prescribed. The doctor and his staff told me that Adderall was not addictive, but I couldn't go one day without taking it. would have no motivation or energy to do anything, and my life is busy and requires me to be able to function everyday. As time went on I grew to hate Adderall. I became obsessive, zombielike and started picking my face. I began to look like "Faces of Meth" with sunk in cheekbones. My jaw was so tense, my neck ached and I could not stop working after hours. I was so obsessive, spending hours on the internet, hours picking my face. I could not pull myself away from whatever activity I was working on. I became socially withdrawn and more depressed.

    I stopped going to the doctor by December 2009 and planned to stop Adderall when the prescription ran out. I couldn't stop. I have the leftover Vyvanse (three weeks worth) and took it every other day. On off Vyvance days I would lay in bed crying hysterically after I got off work. I tried to go longer than a day without it and I couldn't because of the lethargy and depression. Right before the Vyvanse ran out called the doctors office and the prescribed me 30 10mg Adderall for me to used to wean myself off. By this time it was February 2010. It didn't work. I had to take at least 20mg a day to be able to function. I was so unable to stop than I thought of getting another prescription and staying the Adderall I hated so much for the rest of my life, just to avoid the withdrawl. The pills ran out fast.

    I went through absolute hell when the pills were finally gone, but I wanted to stop Adderall so desperately. By day 3 without any pills I was suicidal, couldn't take care of my son or myself. I had a constant fever. And work was worse. It took all my strength to lift my arm to reach over to the printer to take the paper out. I had no energy to kill myself, so I started thinking lazy suicide plans. I wanted to drive my care into the ocean and left the water just take me away, that was about all i could do. On day 4 i didn't care if I went to work, didn't care if I was fired and hadn't showered in days.

    I woke up about one hour after I was supposed to be at work, and a friend called offering me painkillers. I was so depressed and suicidal that I took up the offer and as soon as those pills kicked in i felt normal again. I went straight to work and caught up on everything I fell behind on. I liked painkillers much better they helped my depression and helped me focus much better than Adderall. Obviously I quickly became addicted to pain meds but I figured if I had to be addicted to something, it might as well be something I actually enjoyed taking.

    Of course there is one problem with maintaining an addiction to painkillers. Tolerance. My supply the first week costs $30, but within two months I had a $60 a day habit. I was going broke fast. So this week I started Suboxone treatment. Sure it costs a fortune but it sure beat paying $420 a week buying pill off the street. When I went through 24 hours of withdrawl before my first dose of Subutex I was suprised how quickly I had become physically dependant. And although I have to take responsibility for my addiction, I know the would never had happened if I had never started Adderall.

    I feel bad and have alot of work to do before I get back to normal, but I honestly prefer withdrawing from painkillers than to Adderall withdrawl because I was so depressed and suicidal stopping Adderall/Vyvanse. At least now I have the will to live and care if I keep my job. I hope my story makes someone think twice before starting stimulant medication, my experience was pure hell. Maybe someone else might not have depression or an addictive personality, but I don't think it's worth the risk of finding out if the same thing could happen. This almost killed me.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-08-2010 at 05:02 PM.

  2. #2
    niKKidolCe is offline New Member
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    Default Another detail

    Oh I forgot to mention how I threw the last Vyvanse in the garbage and two days later was contemplating digging through the trash to retrive it.

  3. #3
    ihateaddy is offline New Member
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    Default I Can Understand Your Hell

    I can relate to your Adderall hell. I've battled it for three years, off and on. At first it started innocently. I took 60 mgs a day for a few months and then I noticed it wasn't working. Someone told me to snort it. It was the worst advice I have ever taken. From then on I became addicted to it. My dosage increased rapidly, ending with 200 mgs some days. This went on for almost a year until my spouse discovered what was going on. I left my computer on and he noticed an email about a drug deal. It only got worse. He found a straw and a pill crusher in my purse. I was forced off of it and crashed for days. Since then I would stay clean for a few months, and then I couldn't take it anymore and would go back to it. When I couldn't get two scripts in a month I would withdraw and then my husband knew. He threatened to throw me out. In February my dr wouldn't give me anymore. I don't remember what happened but I ended up in the psych ward for five weeks. I am bipolar also. I was told that when I was on it I had that sunken face look and I looked ratty. I didn't take care of my appearance. I stayed away from it for about twelve weeks. Then I couldn't stand it. I went out and got it twice more. I'm on the second script now, with about 7 more days to go. I want to stop and I've promised I would after these pills are gone. I wanted to taper but it is impossible for me. So I will crash. Hopefully not as badly as when I used for a long period of time. I know I will feel lousy for a few days and semi-lousy for a week or so. After that I will have to fight the cravings but my energy will start to come back. It'll take awhile for the boredom to go away. But on this stuff I don't do much anyway. I don't want to do anything except snort my drugs. I'm just sick of lying, sneaking and waiting for the chance to do it in private.
    I hate everything about it but I still want to do it. It's sick. But I can't live this way anymore. I've had enough. I hope you will do it, too. Let me know how you are.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-19-2010 at 09:21 PM.

  4. #4
    Tori1964 is offline New Member
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    Default

    If anyone is still on this thread, I NEED HELP!!! I'm battling an Adderall addiction and like the original poster, I too pick at my face and I look like a meth addict. Can a doctor help me with getting off Adderall? I am also on Suboxone, which only complicates matters. Please respond with any advice or encouragement. I'm looking for an accountability partner, so if you are interested, let's discuss how to communicate. I live in the Memphis, Tennessee area, but with today's technology I know my account abillity partner can live on the other side of the world!
    I need to find a professional addiction specialist, that is #1 on my list of priorities. Looking forward to receiving any replies.

  5. #5
    jabel4 is offline New Member
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    Default

    Hey there. I can't be your accountability partner, but I can offer advice. I would talk to the doctor to see what they say could help but don't trust what they have to say. Discern whether or not their advice is good. If it's another medication, it's probably not but tell them to give you the lowest dose if so and only use it for a week to see if it gets better. Aside from that, I would say to just cut down the amount you take very slowly, like if you are currently taking 60mg a day, cut down 5 mg every 2-5 days. I'll be praying for you, God bless you!

  6. #6
    Ethanboyle is offline New Member
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    Default

    how can one be prescribed 200mg or 300mg....thats just asking for trouble.

    what happen to the normal dosage to treat A...

    Perhaps, docs should not exceed no more than 60mg....

    who takes 300mg can def feel the coming down.
    im happy for 7 months for 2x 20mg.

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