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open letter to my addiction
  1. #1
    ladianios is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
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    6

    Default open letter to my addiction

    When I first met you, You introduced yourself to me as "OC", about five minutes later I fell in love with you. You helped me be a better father, a better partner, a better professional and just better. We were on tour to take over the world. Those beginning days still burn fresh in my mind, We had fun together, stayed up late, laughed and just lived man! My friends told me to walk away from you but they just didnt know you like I did. Every day I opened my eyes I just wanted to be with you and then something happened.

    The first time I didnt see you I felt really empty inside so I sought you out that day and suddenly that feeling was replaced with warmth but also with an astounding emptiness like what next? I realized then that you werent here to help me become better, you were here to destroy me. I began to wake up every morning needing to see you, needing to give to you everything that was me! My love, you had NOT made me better, you were turning me into a monster. You stole me from my family, my friends, my priorities and did it with unrelenting satisfaction. You had lied to me and in that process turned me into a liar.


    On the day my son was born, I left you. I cried and fought through the pain but within a month you were at my doorstep begging for me back and in a moment of weakness I gave into you. This time around you completly destroyed me and the ones around me! Many nights did the mother of my children beg me to leave you, many nights did my children beg me to leave you, but you had me. I hated every moment with you at this point but felt like nothing without you. Together we destroyed pieces of peoples lives, people who unconditionaly loved me but were brought to their knees by our selfish acts together. I Hated you!


    March 1, 2014 is the day my family and friends sat me down...about 30 people total. I listened to every word the spewed at me, I watched as people sobbed uncontrollably as they begged me to leave you. Every single person in that room said they would die before they gave up in this fight. I listened to one girl, whom I never realized cared about me so much due to the haze you brought upon me, tell me how much of an impact I had on her and her daughters life while I helped her through her divorce as she soaked my shoulder with her tears, I sat there with my 3 children on my lap hugging me while each person took their turn pleading with me. I hated you even more!


    March 7, 2014 is when I left you and you have been banging at my door ever since like a rabbid coyote tring to sink your teeth into me, haunting my every dream and trying to beat me down. Will you stop at nothing? Just leave me alone, stop trying to destroy me, you cant win. At least not on this day, Not on this day because I have the tools to defeat you, I have too many people that love me and I love too many people in return, So not on this day. I know you will be back tomorrow but just be prepared because I will stand tall, with sword in hand and strike you down. You cannot defeat me.
    Robcol likes this.

  2. #2
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    So Calif
    Posts
    2,791

    Default

    Wow, that was pretty powerful. The way you described the intervention by family and friends got me a little teary. You obviously have lots of people in your life who love you and need you.

    Congratulations on getting clean. What were you using and for how long?

    If you're looking for support on your journey to recovery, you should copy and paste your post into a new thread on the "Need to Talk" board. There's much more traffic on that board and you will get lots of support there.

    All the best,
    Kat

  3. #3
    ladianios is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
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    Hi Kat, my DOC was oxycodone and usage was just over 2.5 years....120-200ish mg a day

  4. #4
    aurora m myers is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
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    Woww that was deep. And perfectly said ..my husband is battling with the same issues and this litterly brought tears to my eyes..I wish you the best and when u feel down and out and feel like using again please read this and always remember its no longer for u

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