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new here and really need some help with addiction
  1. #31
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    I agree with Cherry suggestions however, I do feel if he got by with the Aleve than he is just taking the other for the high and given the opportunity he will abuse them which means you are just taking two steps back when he is already on the right track.

    Mikie, please do not let him manipulate you. I know it's scary to allow him to have the decision to choose his family or the pills but there is no in between. I have been reading alot on another forum strictly for family and friends of addicts and have been learning alot about codependants and you policing his activity is not healthy for you. You have to let him fall until he hits his bottom and WANTS to dig himself out.

    Trust me, I know it's hard and I haven't exactly been the best example of this but I did find that once I realized I have no control over this situation, I started to focus more on myself and my son than I spent driving myself insane checking the bank and phone records.

    Sometimes we feel like if we have control over these situations it will make things better but the reality of it is, we don't have control, and if he wants to take those pills, he is going to. Regardless if they are in your possession, he will find a way, they always do. This just sets us up for disappointment and we tend to blame ourselves because we thought we had this under control when in fact, we have absolutely no control. Don't do that to yourself, I did and it brought me way down, so far down, I felt like I was the addict. I had a lot of the same symptoms my husband did while detoxing. Couldn't sleep, upset stomach, lack of appetite (stress/depression).

    I am a control FREAK So it was especially hard for me to let go, this doesn't mean turn a blind eye to his actions, it means to say what you mean and mean what you say. He has to know taht this is serious and that you are serious. I am not trying to make the situation sound so dramatic but addiction in my experience is the most manipulative and deceitful disease that takes over our loved ones. It drives us crazy as naturally we want to help them and understand what is going through their head. We want to know how they can do this to us; they are doing this to themselves and we are allowing it to take over our lives. We don't have to live like this, it's our choice. Just as it's the addicts choice to continue using or to surrender and accept recovery.

    Here's a couple good reads I found on the other forum, an addict wrote the last one.

    Dear Family/Friends/Loved Ones,

    I am a drug abuser. I need help.

    Don't solve my problems for me. This only makes me lose respect for you - and for myself.

    Don't lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue whether I'm stoned or sober. It may make you feel better, but it only makes the situation worse.

    Don't accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents my keeping them, even though I mean them at the time. Promises are only my way of postponing pain.

    And don't keep switching agreements; if an agreement is made, stick to it.

    Don't lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and any possibility of helping me.

    Don't let your anxiety for me make you do what I should do for myself.

    Don't believe everything I tell you. Often I don't even know the truth - let alone tell it.

    Don't cover up or try to spare me the consequences of my using. It may reduce the crisis, but it will make my illness worse.

    Above all, don't run away from reality as I do. Drug dependence, my illness, gets worse as my using continues.

    Start now to learn, to understand, to plan for your own recovery. Find Families Anonymous, Nar-Anon, Al-Anon or CoDA; those groups exist to help families in just your situation.

    I need help - from a doctor, a psychologist, a counselor, from some people in a self-help program who are in recovery from a drug problem themselves - and from a Power greater than myself.

    Love,
    Your "User"

    What Addicts Do

    My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

    My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

    My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

    And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

    Stop being surprised.

    I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-19-2008 at 08:16 AM.

  2. #32
    LTClady is offline New Member
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    Default If all else fails

    If all else fails and you can afford to spend a little money there is a great place in San Francisco that specializes in tapering and weaning off psych and pain meds. They fully get the person off their meds and teach them ways to maintain a much more healthy lifestyle. Their results are incredible...I know because my son went through their program.

    It's called Alternative to Meds Center
    Last edited by Anonymous; 10-20-2015 at 09:31 PM.

  3. #33
    mikie7911 is offline Member
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    hey cherry!

    thanks for the advise, i still have them, they are in and he knows they are in and i told him again yesterday that i WILL NOT put myself and my kids through another month of his habits, he said he is in no pain right now and actually feels better than he has in a long time. (except for the sleep, that's still been a problem) he hasn't asked for any right now and i do have them, unopened. if he insists on having them in his posession, i did let him know that it will be the very last time, he screws up and he'll need to leave and fix himself on his own. so far, he hasn't even mentioned them again. we'll see how long he can keep it up. maybe he'll surprise me.....maybe.....

  4. #34
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    Hi mikie and lost83
    I have been reading your storys,but hav not posted on your thread.
    becouse i am the flip side of your stories,
    I am clean now for over a month,
    my husband came up to me today and told me
    he was happy i was back,the girl he fell in love with,
    what im trying to say is please give them some time to get well.
    it sounds like they both love you to very much.
    A little love goes a long way.
    Good luck to you both, God bless

  5. #35
    cherry14 is offline Member
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    Lost83, you make some good points also. Mikie, you certainly don't have to do ANYTHING, and involve yourself in it at all. I guess it depends on if you want to try to help him control it or not, but you are absolutely not obligated to do that. He may need to do it all on his own, and PLEASE do NOT feel in any way guilty if trying to help him does not work. That is not on you at all, and if he fails it is HIS failure and his alone.

  6. #36
    mikie7911 is offline Member
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    lost, cherry, melinda, and tlclady,

    well, it's been a week since he's had a pill and about a week prior to that was just a half a day until he was completely out. i do still have his new bottle in my office and he hasn't asked for them. if he does ask for them, i will give them to him, like ya'll have all said, if he's gonna abuse them, he's gonna abuse them and i have been reading what ya'll have been saying about me policing them and it not being healthy for me. i do agree with that and am seeing that clearer. i am also a control freak, lost, just like you say that you are. in fact, i get totally obsessed about things like counting pills when he is taking them, i get obsessed about looking for those "extra pills" when i feel like he has gotten some. i really am tired of all that, hopefully, this time he'll do better and stay off of them completely, but if he goes back to the same thing, he'll have to do it alone, i can't take another time.

    melinda, i'm so proud of you for being clean and please, for the sake of your family, keep up the good work. i feel like the past several years have all been like a fake life.

    tlclady, i've tried to get my husband to go for treatment and he says he can quit anything on his own. he would also loose his job if he went into treatment which would not be good. electricity is nice!! LOL!!

    lost, those are some great things you read on the other threads, i also wanted to tell you that i attached a bright yellow card on the new bottle of pills that are still unopened and i wrote on it. one is never enough and a thousand is too many......got that from you!!! : )

    thank ya'll all, i don't know what i'd do with out ya'll!!!

  7. #37
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lost83 View Post
    Mikie,

    I found this on another forum, I wish I saw this 2 months ago, it's a good read and I am learning that it is so true.

    If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me. Don't throw a pillow under my ass to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it. Don’t stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me) ... Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit ... trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me ... The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours ... the sooner I will arrive ... and on time ... just right where I need to be ... me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead ... resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one ... If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile ... I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out .. I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound ... Don't you see ?? Don't you know ?? You can't do this for me ... I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours ... I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act from your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me ... but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good ... don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly ... Nudge me out of your safety net ... trust the process and pray for me ... that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar. ---Passion

    Damn girl. That is good. I like that. It pretty much tells the story.

  8. #38
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Good Morning Mikie,

    I think I wrote that wrong, it's "one is too many and a thousand is never enough", in any case, that's great that you posted that on the pill bottle, good thinking. I am glad to hear things are still going well! Have a good day :P

  9. #39
    mikie7911 is offline Member
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    hey lost,

    i just looked and you did write it correctly that is how I wrote it, just couldn't remember last night. one thing that is going on and you have been through this i believe from reading your post. he has been very quiet and i guess depressed over the weekend, not talking to me, he is talking on the phone to his friends and sounds good when he talks to them, but just not me. our daughter cooked at her house sat night and invited us to come eat and he wouldn't go, i did go though and had a good time but he has just been real quiet. don't know what is going on in that head of his if he is trying to play some guilt trip with me or something but any suggestions for me to deal with that? i ask him what's wrong and he says nothing, i ask if he is hurting and he says no, but then i saw him heating up his thing that goes on his neck for pain. don't know if he is doing that to make me feel guilty and me think he is hurting and not taking pills or what.

    how was your weekend and how is your husband doing today???

    mikie

  10. #40
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Mikie,

    I know the silent treatment all to well. In my case, I just think he was depressed, he wasn't chipper on the phone and barely spoke to anyone, you are probably right, maybe he is trying to make you feel guilty. DON'T!! We are all entitled to our feelings but if he chooses to see this as a negative change then that maybe his way of rejecting change. Only time will tell what his true intentions are. It's so nerve wrecking to wait and see which way they choose to go, we can only choose not to go down with them if that's the route they go and it's sooooooo hard but very necessary for our own sanity. My advice would be to not make a big deal of it, maybe he is craving some negative attention from you so he can turn the tables, maybe not, but if he has good conversations with friends and you seem to be the only one singled out, my best guess would be he is looking for something to use as an excuse so he has someone to blame other than himself whether it's to take the pills or just be plain miserable.

    I think a week away from him will be good for you. Maybe not him but you will be able to focus on other things, sometimes out of sight out of mind is better for us. It gives us a chance to stand back and look at the big picture and see things more clearly. I hope he doesn't choose to use while out of town, but if he does, it's his choice. Man I am kicking myself right now for even saying that because I would be calling and looking for signs and checking his phone records and luggage. Man I am a freak! Don't do it to yourself, it never did me any good, just made me look and feel like a lunatic.

    Enjoy the time with your kids! Keep me posted

  11. #41
    mikie7911 is offline Member
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    lost,

    it is hard to just sit and wait to see what happens and the thing that drives me crazy is when he's good for a while and i settle back down, then....boom! oh belive me, i am obsessive compulsive too and i probably will be calling to see what is going on and i will also ck his bags too before he leaves.

    have a good day!

  12. #42
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    We have alot in common, you are a smart woman!

  13. #43
    mikie7911 is offline Member
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    we are both smart!!! : )

  14. #44
    mikie7911 is offline Member
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    hey lost,

    i was reading on this site last night and wanted to share it with you, i was doing a search on post withdrawal and found info on what they call paws, post accute withdrawal syndrome. thought you might find it interesting and helpful, http://www.hopelinks.net/addiction-t...ithdrawal.html

    i am seeing alot of these symptoms in my husband, especially the lack of emotions. he goes to work, comes home, sits in his chair and has very limited conversation with me. let me know what you think about the site.

  15. #45
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikie7911 View Post
    hey lost,

    i was reading on this site last night and wanted to share it with you, i was doing a search on post withdrawal and found info on what they call paws, post accute withdrawal syndrome. thought you might find it interesting and helpful, http://www.hopelinks.net/addiction-t...ithdrawal.html

    i am seeing alot of these symptoms in my husband, especially the lack of emotions. he goes to work, comes home, sits in his chair and has very limited conversation with me. let me know what you think about the site.

    PAWS or post acute w/d syndrome is a real and awful condition. It's what makes lots of longterm addicts relapse. Been there. It got me too.

    PAWS normally hits us at time intervals while we are clean like at 30 days, 90 days, 6 months. It can be so annoying as it can seem like it will just not go away and leave us alone. We have most of the w/d symptoms from when we got clean to start with other than the gastro-intestinal problems.

    People who are suffering with PAWS need to understand what is happening. It will eventually go away but it can be debilitating. God bless.

  16. #46
    mikie7911 is offline Member
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    hey robert!

    thanks for the insight...how do you really know if someone is going through that. he hasn't had a pill whatsoever in 2 1/2 weeks, new bottle came in and it's still unopened in my office on my desk. he is still not sleeping well at night, for about 2 hours, he will dose off, then start jumping around in the bed and wake up. then the rest of the night he's very restless. during the day when he's at home, he is mainly just sittin in his chair and flipping channels. talks only when talked to mostly, sortof emotionless. i'll ask him if he is hurting, "no", what's wrong, "nothing",........suggestions?????

    thanks

  17. #47
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikie7911 View Post
    hey robert!

    thanks for the insight...how do you really know if someone is going through that. he hasn't had a pill whatsoever in 2 1/2 weeks, new bottle came in and it's still unopened in my office on my desk. he is still not sleeping well at night, for about 2 hours, he will dose off, then start jumping around in the bed and wake up. then the rest of the night he's very restless. during the day when he's at home, he is mainly just sittin in his chair and flipping channels. talks only when talked to mostly, sortof emotionless. i'll ask him if he is hurting, "no", what's wrong, "nothing",........suggestions?????

    thanks


    I don't think he has had long enough to be suffering any PAWS symptoms. He is still probably detoxing. He's just being grouchy it sounds like to me. Detoxing can take weeks if someone is a serious abuser. I was in the hospital for almost three months total. I month in rehab and two months in a regular hospital. He has not been doing this long enough yet. His symptoms are classic for detoxing from opiates. Give it a little longer.

    People who are detoxing are pretty much anti-social. In fact they can get on your nerves. Everything is wrong with them. You should start seeing some improvements over the weekend. Let us know how it's going. God bless.

  18. #48
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Mikie

    Just checking in to see how you are doing. Is your hubby back in town? I hope you enjoyed your time with you kids. Have a good day

  19. #49
    mikie7911 is offline Member
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    robert, you are right still detoxing, mainly just not sleeping.....

    lost, he ended up having to work so stayed here. still hasn't taken any pills which is good, i'm still just taking it one day at a time and haven't let my guard down.....

    how are you???

  20. #50
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi Mikie,

    That's great news! I am glad to hear it. I hope things continue this way for you and your family!!

    Same ol c rapola my way. Lies, manipulation, stealing, I don't even have the energy to post about it, he didn't use though and i am thankful for that. He came real close to being out on the street though. I am just tired.

  21. #51
    mikie7911 is offline Member
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    hey lost, i'm sorry that things are going ********************py for you. even though my husband hasn't taken any pills, things are not just peachy here either. he can't get to sleep until between 2 and 4 in the morning and is constantly complaining about that. it would be so easy for him to start back on his pills and i see him still thinking he "needs" them, but so far he hasn't taken any. over the weekend, we were going somewhere and he said for me to bring one of them "in case he needed it", then called me back and said never mind. he knew i was pissed cuz he asked me to bring one with me for him. it wouldn't take much for him to take them again. and.....he is still VERY grouchy!!! but i know that all it would take would be for him to take one and then the cycle would start back over. you know in my mind i have thought for the past 3 years, that if he would just get off them, things would go back to the way they used to be but it just hasn't happened that way. i almost feel like i've been cheated on, not with a woman, but with pills and that he is still "wanting" them. so i constantly wonder, how long will he stay off them and what am i gonna do if he starts back on them. i just don't want my kids to go throught that cycle another time, myself either. when he is on them, they just rule our lives, all is dependent on them, moods, everything.....so......i just sit here and do my work, run my household and take care of myself and the kids and watch him pout and sit in his chair and fuss when we do talk. it is very draining, i agree. no pills, but......still going through stuff too.

    hang in there.

  22. #52
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    Hi Girls
    OK,I cant beleve im going to admit this on here,but when i was going thru my w/d.I loved to listen to motivational speakers,the one that helped me the most was anthony robbins, (lessons in mastery)It helps you change the way you are thinking about drugs,or neg. things in your life.you can get it at your local library. It might give them the edge that they need...
    just trying to help...
    have a good day... melinda

  23. #53
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    It's definitely a drag. One minute things seem ok and the next, he is pulling some stupid stunt. He took $20 from my purse Saturday night before his meeting. I had the baby and no car so I asked my Dad to go to the store for me and I noticed it was gone. I knew it was there because I had just paid bills and balanced the check book. So I called him on his cell and he denied it of course. Then I told him I knew he took it, there was no one else who would. I told him if he didn't come home with it then not to bother coming home at all. He even tried to blame me saying oh you better check your purse. He has made me think I have lost so much money over the past year and a half. Needless to say, he came home, I had a friend over we were outside (don't smoke in the house) and he walked straight in the house and went to bed. Well looky looky what was next to my purse when I walked in a crisp $20 bill. I asked what his intentions were and he said he was going to stop at the store, I asked then why lie? He said because he is so used to lying. Oh please, if he wasn't planning on doing something stupid he would have just said yeah I took the $20, I will bring you the change and the receipt from the store and I would have been a ok with it. But of course not, nothing can ever be that simple anymore.

    So I went out with my friend to the miniature golf course so I could get out and clear my head. I slept on the couch, I couldn't even stand the sight of him. I am so tired of him lying to me and me having to act as a warden or his Mom to drag the truth out of him. It's getting so ridiculous and tiresome. The next day, he stormed out of the room because the baby was crying and I heard him so I got up and tended to the baby and told him to go back to bed. Around 11 am after I had already started cleaning the house and my Dad was mowing the lawn I went in and told him he needed to get up and help around the house. He threw the biggest fit I have ever seen a grown man throw. Saying he is depressed, he isn't getting out of bed. So I told him if he didn't plan on contributing to the household, he could leave, plain and simple. Either get your a$$ up and help out or leave. He comes back with, "where am i gonna go, to hell?" What a sad sad thing to say. WTF is he thinking?

    He never used to throw a pity party for himself, he was never a liar, he was always helpful and respectful to me. I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I called him yesterday on my way home from work and he asked how come I don't call him during the day anymore, my only response wasn't nice, so i ignored the question and said what I had to say. I used to look forward to spending time with him, no I am always concerned with what his mood is going to be and whether or not I am in the mood to deal with him. I am supposed to WANT to be with this man. I do love him dearly, but this person is not my husband. I want him back, get rid of this miserable manipulative, lying bastard. I don't like him. Again, this is where I vent and I am just so pissed at him, thanks for listening to my gripe. I feel a little better now, shoud've done this Saturday night but my PC is still down.

    On another note, I am glad your hubby is still clean. That is wonderful. Hopefully his attitude will start to change and he will want to live life sober. My husband didn't start sleeping through the night until about the 3rd or 4th week. The doc told him to take benedryl to help him sleep. He didn't but it's worth a try. I completely understand the cheating thought, it's terrible but true. It breaks my heart. Just to know he wanted that pill more than a good honest relationship with me. I guess it sounds selfish, but then again, nah, not really. You just have to take things one day at a time, and sometimes by the hour or the minute. Don't try to read too much into the future and set expectations, you will drive yourself crazy, been there, done it. It's not fun. I definitely have more of a grasp on things when I remember to live for today, not for tomorrow and not in the past.

  24. #54
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikie7911 View Post
    hey lost, i'm sorry that things are going ********************py for you. even though my husband hasn't taken any pills, things are not just peachy here either............................

    you know in my mind i have thought for the past 3 years, that if he would just get off them, things would go back to the way they used to be .................................................. .......

    so i constantly wonder, how long will he stay off them and what am i gonna do if he starts back on them.............................................. .........when he is on them, they just rule our lives, all is dependent on them, moods, everything.....so......i just sit here and do my work, run my household and take care of myself and the kids and watch him pout and sit in his chair and fuss when we do talk. it is very draining, i agree. no pills, but......still going through stuff too.

    hang in there.


    Mikie ... it's very important for your sanity that you realize things will NEVER go back to being the same as they were before. Don't keep stressing yourself out wondering if it will ever be the same. That doesn't mean that you two can't make it together, it means what it is. Too much has happened, too many pills were consumed, too many lies were told. All of that takes its toll on any relationship. It is just like being cheated on like you said. It's probably worse than that if you look at how serious something really is .. not to belittle infidelity. But addiction changes everything. I hope you can accept that and focus on how or if the future will work for you guys. We can forgive but we don't ever forget. That is life as human beings.

    There are lots of people who have quit using drugs but are still living out their character defects. We have to do more than just get clean. Using is only a symptom of our real problems. When we figure those real problems out we can then start to become who we are meant to be.

    Sometimes when a person gets clean the two partners find that what brought them together is gone. Drug induced relationships have a tough time lasting for a long time. Just try to concentrate on what can be built on, if anything, but let go of trying to rekindle the past. It would be much more productive to focus on the changes for the future.

    You are spinning your wheels if you think for a second that it will ever be the same as before. We are all adults. Just think about it realistically. Remember that there is no such thing as a normal life. There is just life. God bless.

  25. #55
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Default Lost

    You have been struggling with him stealing money from you or family members for long enough it seems to me. He should have THAT much control over himself to CHOOSE not to steal from his wife's purse. YES he is making the choice to take from others. That is not just addiction. That type of attitude is undoubtedly one of the causes of his addictive behavior. I have never even opened a wife's purse. Everyone deserves some privacy. That in itself, just going through my things, would pi$$ me off. These are the types of problems that can actually positively affect his addiction if solutions or answers are found.

    It might help if you could eliminate the need he feels to have to take from you or others even if that story from him was just an excuse. Obviously you are limiting his access to cash as you are afraid he will use again. I certainly understand and don't blame you at all. And I know it's NO fun for you having to play warden over the money. So if you could eliminate this situation it would simplify your life and might give him some self-respect. He has to hate asking you for money. I know that I would hate it even if I put myself in the place he finds himself now.

    I would suggest that you guys sit down and figure out together what his cash requirements are each week. Don't make the decision yourself or it will seem to him like you are giving him an allowance. Instead explain that you want him to have the chance to prove himself responsible enough again to handle his responsibility of controlling his own personal cash. The amount needed each week is irrelevant. But this will give him one more chance to either hang himself or get some pride back by doing well.

    I would open a seperate account so your family money is not at risk. Deposit HIS money each week. He can't blow it too badly with just a small amount of money being on hand in the account. Even if you only keep a few dollars in there, it's a start. And I wouldn't put much more than that in the account to start out. If he can't handle the small amount of $$$ he needs to get around at work and what not then he has more serious problems than using some pills. I would make this ONLY his spending money. And be generous. Make sure he has enough according to what he says, make sure he has NO excuse for running out. I have made this same suggestion to NA sponsees/spouses in the past and it has worked pretty well. Just have to watch it pretty close at first so they don't go crazy with it. But the success with this has been pretty strong. Once they get just a little time behind them without mistakes the same momentum that works in recovery works here too. And they will work together. Everyone needs to feel some pride, not just constantly being under the microscope. Just a suggestion. You have to decide what is best for your family. God bless.

  26. #56
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Robert

    I agree with you and have already made that suggestion. He was insulted that I wanted to open an account for him. I was talking about for his paycheck because he keeps *************************ing that he doesn't know where HIS money is going when half of my paycheck every two weeks goes to repay people I borrowed money from to bail his ass out of jail. Our accounts have been combined for most of our relationship. I have no problem splitting it up. I told him maybe this will teach him how to budget his money and then he would know where it is going because I will give him bills to pay. Too much responsibility I suppose but what happens if something happens to me? Enough is enough already, I am ready and willing to give him enough rope to hang himself, if that's what he wants. I refuse to hang on to someone that feels like he is being forced to be sober and is going to use it as an excuse to do immoral, immature, deceitful things.

    I am tired of the lying and stealing, WTF is he thinking. He said 'I'm getting better', please, there is no excuse for that, NONE!! I have no problem with him going in my purse and taking a few bucks, I don't like the fact that he lies about it. I USED to trust him and he USED to go in my purse if he ran out of money but he USED to tell me in the morning before work or whenever, 'hey babe, I took 5 bucks out of your purse'. No problem. I don't care. He obviously had bad intentions and got caught before he had the opportunity to screw up.

    I need a partner, someone who wants to trust me, who values trust and love. Not some bum that wants to use addiction as an excuse to be dishonest. I am just so f'in mad at him. I miss the old him so much and I am scared he is gone forever. Sheesh, my life pretty much disappeared in the past year. He is pushing me further and further towards the edge.
    He is almost forcing me to kick him to the curb, like he is begging me and in the back of his head he is thinking, she deserves better, maybe if i continue to piss her off, she will give up on us and I can go on my own and do whatever the hell I want. Is that even a possibility? Is he looking for an out??

  27. #57
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Default Lost

    I should have known you would have already made that effort without me bringing it up. I am not often left without words as you know but this whole thing is starting to get on my nerves, I know it has to be trying yours. I honestly can't see his reasoning that this would make him mad. Hell you would just be giving him more freedom and some control over his life. I don't understand what he is thinking.

    You know enough about the addiction at this point I think to know that things will never be the same as they were before all of this happened. Things have just changed too much, we can never go back to what was. I just hope you guys can salvage your lives with the new set of circumstances you have to overcome. Perhaps I will think of something else that might help as we move forward. Just do your best. That is all you can do. And I do think you have done that so at least you can have a clear conscience. God bless.

  28. #58
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks Robert, I am at a loss for words too. I'm tired, I should just start smacking him around, maybe that will work (just kidding of course).

  29. #59
    mikie7911 is offline Member
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    robert,

    thanks for all that, i guess i do need to realize that things will not go back to the way they were before pills......i have to see if i can get over what all i've been through during this ordeal and see what is there to build on. and like you say we never forget, that is so true and i see all those actions from him like complaining about hurting and what i read into that is that he's wanting a pill which will only lead to two, three, etc. i just know that i will not go back there.....i also do agree that there is an underlying reason for him to be that addictive person and i don't know how to get him to understand that and for him to find out what that cause is.....

  30. #60
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey Mikie,

    Hows it going?

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