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ADDICTION. & i cant understand (Part II)
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    Comeback Kid is offline Advanced Member
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    Default ADDICTION. & i cant understand (Part II)

    Continue the valued discussion here. Mod said the other one was too long, and causing technical problems.
    Clean as of 5.29.2014

    "Do you have another day 1 in you?"

  2. #2
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks CK! Hope it lures Kathleen and everyone else back!

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    melindau is offline Member
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    was wondering where they were?????????????? ty ck!!!
    Melinda

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    deleted820 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi all, was wondering why the thread was locked. Hope Laura and the others find us here.

    Amy is doing wonderful! Tomorrow ankle bracelet comes off. She is working, we went to get our teeth cleaned and do a little shopping. She bought me a birthday cake and cookies, nice card and her bf bought me a nice card and gave me a gift certificate. I give him a lot of credit, he waited for her 3 yrs. My baby is back, looking beautiful and getting on with her life. There is hope after jail.

    The son is another problem. He is self centered, has a bad attitude and did not get me a birthday card. We had the in-laws over, they have been wanting to see Amy. Matt stayed upstairs, tried to eat dinner before we were all ready and is just a jerk. So, no more wake up calls, buying him lunch meat or anything else for that matter. He is mad because we made him move out. He was given a year to get it together. Instead, he went to jail. Oh well.

    The idiot who I worked for reversed my paycheck. Yep, am out $500. Just great. Am thinking on how to pursue this. Probably have to go to the labor board.

    At least I have time to spend with Amy.
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    Comeback Kid is offline Advanced Member
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    So glad you found it kathleen! Glad things are going well with your daughter.

    I was at a meeting yesterday. It was our "open" meeting format where all are welcome, and a beginner meeting. This older woman came in and sat down. She was a little late, so missed the opening introductions. The chair person opened up the discussion and had us go around the room sharing. Well it came to her, and she said she didn't know how this works. She stated she was there for her son, but that he wouldn't come. I felt so bad for her. She was there trying her best to understand this disease. Her son is 41 and destroying his life before her eyes, and all she can do is watch. The courage it takes for her to come to a meeting by herself to learn more about why her son acts the way he does is amazing. It made me remember that our disease hurts so many others, not just ourselves. In the end, our family is sick too and in need of support.

    Again, im glad you found the thread. I hope everyone makes it back. Take care, and God bless.
    Clean as of 5.29.2014

    "Do you have another day 1 in you?"

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    deleted820 is offline Advanced Member
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    It is terribly hard for anyone to walk into a meeting. Fear of the unknown, fear that you are the only one. Am glad she made it and hope she returns.

    Amy is doing incredibly well. Working, the ankle bracelet came off today, she is a completely free woman. My loosing the job came at a good time, having to get things done with her. Having a hard time getting a copy of her social security card. She needs an >>. All is well today.

    Laura, I know you are busy but check in. I'm missing my friend.

  7. #7
    GregL123 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey CK,
    I understand what the elderly woman is going through, that's what led me to this forum. Its impossible to describe watching your child slowly killing them self and all the other sh!t going on. maybe you could talk to her and send her to "addiction I dont understand" start with the original thead. That got me to finally realize I cant help him anymore and I had enough of having enough.
    Stay strong and focused my friend!
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    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey, Kathleen, haven't posted to you in a while, I keep reading though. I'm sure Matt will come around in time, perhaps he has jealousy issues right now and he'll have to find his way through those. Glad your life is coming together and you sound brighter!!! Also wanted to bump this up again as a flag for Laura and the others that were here. This is an important thread.

    Peace: Rose
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  9. #9
    deleted820 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Rose. I do hope Laura finds her way back. I know she is very busy with school and work.

    Amy is doing great! She is loosing weight, working 5 days a week and gives me gas money for driving her. We finally got to social security, she should have her card in 10 days. Then, go for a license. So many loose ends. Amy went to driving school about 4 years ago, I have to remember the name of school and hope they have records from years back. She asked me to put a car her bf is getting her in my name and insure it. I said no. She understood, no drama. What a nice change! Am worried because she has not gone to planned parenthood. She wants to get pregnant. Oh my!

    Matthew came home on Sunday, had dinner with us and watched football. He is growing up. Someone once told me boys mature until age 30. Must be true, he is getting taller, growing a beard and talks differently, more intelligent.

    I have decided to break into voice overs. Went to class last Friday and go back again this week. Have booked studio time. It is about my dreams now. Putting the word out, getting my demo done. Told hubby, give me 6 months, if I can't make any money, then I'll move on.

    So, life is pretty good. Ct weather is perfect! Am going hiking next weekend with my niece.

    Many thanks to everyone who has helped me through these long years. I will keep posting!

  10. #10
    deleted820 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi All, I have to keep posting. This forum has been a life saver for me, for many years!

    Amy is still working and doing good. It's funny we are exactly the same size in everything. We share clothes, which helps because she really didn't have any clothes here. We went to my girlfriends house, our kids call us Aunt, we are that close, anyway, it was a wine tasting. We dressed up, had a good time. Tried different wines. Her son talked to Amy about different wines and the regions they come from. It was fun, good food, good friends.

    My only issue is with her bf. He texts and calls about a thousand times a day! Really. I find him very controlling. Told her she needs to sleep home. He lives part time with his dad, the rest with his mom. Oh well, can talk until blue in the face. She will live her life as she sees fit. I will be her mom and love her.

    BTW, still interviewing for jobs. Still going to the studio to practice.

    Hey Laura, I miss you. Here is a story you can relate to. I decided last week to start getting out more. Went out with my friends on Wednesday, ladies night. There was a card reader, so I thought, what the heck, give it a try. Really interesting, the first card said there was much sadness in the past, the second was I need to put more joy into my life, the third is my dreams will be realized (voice over work) and the people who have been holding me back will fall to the sideline. Ok, fast forward to the wine tasting. Talking to a guy who I never had a conversation with. You know, the kind where it's hi, how are you? Anyway, turns out he is building a recording studio in his home. He lives down the street from me and has connections in the industry. Also, he offered to do my audition for free! So, it seems that things are falling into place. Am not stressing about money, told Dave, give me 6 months to make money doing voice overs. If after that time, not a cent has been made, will go back to bookkeeping.

    Finally, it's about me!

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    Comeback Kid is offline Advanced Member
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    Glad to hear the good news Kathleen! Addiction doesn't ruin just our lives, it ruins those of the ones we love to. It is crucial that they (you) rebuild their lives as well. Glad to hear it's that time for you. Keep on doing the work, it will pay off!

    Please do keep posting. Your insight has and will continue to help all of us. Even for the addict, knowing what we do to our loved ones is what keeps us honest and continuing to try to repair all that we have taken from them over the course of our addictions. Your posts are invaluable for all of us. Realize there are hundreds of "lurkers" who don't sign up or speak up but read everything and you are indeed reaching many people with your posts. Keep it up.

    I hope the others find the thread and make it back. The camaraderie you all had was great and is why I started this thread again, as it was so insightful.

    Thanks again!
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    deleted820 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Adam, Seems like Laura has not found her way back to us, hopefully she will.

    Well, got another job. I change jobs like people change clothes! This guy is ok I guess, only worked two days. It is supposed to be 9-12, well, he thinks I am working full time. Not so. Learned my lesson from past positions, don't give 110%. Amy is still working, loosing weight and looking good. Hopefully, she will get her license soon, don't think she wants it though. I think she is afraid of the freedom it will give her. Asked if there were any girls she would like to go out with since she has not done that. She said, everyone takes pills, will just go to work and see bf. Ok with me.

    My neighbor and I went out last Friday night dancing. Well, she got so drunk! It was embarrassing. The next day she slept until 3 in the afternoon, then went out drinking again. Got popped, the second time. Refused breathalyzer so automatic 6 months in jail. This is the same person who would not forgive Amy or even send her a birthday card. Then she says, I know how Amy felt in jail. Told her no you don't. You were in jail for 3 hours, Amy was in for 3 yrs! Her family had an intervention and she is now in rehab at age 56. Doesn't mater what your age, it's your mind set. She loved going to bars, she loved how all the old men would tell her how sexy she was, all bull. Remember, the girls/guys always get better looking at closing time. Her husband is so upset but he has a drinking problem too. Hopefully, she will see she has a problem. Probably not. 2 weeks in rehab doesn't cut it.

    Take care everyone, will check in later.

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    lauramarie1994 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi Everyone-

    I did not realize that the post was closed and wondered where everyone went. Just this morning I was thinking how I should get some counseling since I did not see thread anymore and then I saw the "closed" sign. Kathleen- I have missed you and I am so glad for you and Amy and your good times together- it brought tears to my eyes. Relish every minute of peace and love!

    I- on the otherhand am back in hell. Lindsay did really good while boyfriend was in jail- she mostly stayed home and went to her meetings and we were making good memories-she was even dating this great guy that would come see her every night and take her on dates- but then boyfriend escaped the rehab that he was sentenced to and came and got her and they have been living homeless and back to using everyday. I think it is really bad. Husband has been sick and I am way too busy with school, internship and work. But I guess being busy might be a blessing in disguise, cause I am one step away from loosing my mind, if only our children could understand the pain they cause so many with their choices. Anyways boyfriend now has two warrants out for his arrest and will go to prison when they get caught. I wrote a letter to both judges begging them to put him away. Not sure what is going to happen to her when that happens- not sure if I can take her while she is detoxing again.

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    deleted820 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Laura, I really missed you! Am so sorry this is continuing. It does go on for years. She will be put in jail and finally get clean. All those years I fought for Amy NOT to go to jail and it is exactly what saved her. She will learn. Stay busy, thankfully you have a lot going on. How is school/work?

    Amy has a kidney infection. Have been begging her to go see a doctor, she went back to the emergency room last night. She did get her photo >>, spends every waking moment not at work with bf, either with him or talking to him. As long as they don't do drugs, don't care. Am grateful she has a job.

    Matthew is coming home this weekend, my brother is trying to sell his house. Told him and her, get along in my home or get out. Talked to Matt yesterday, told him he needs to see more of this country than our small little town. The world is so large yet, his world is small. Have an adventure. Says he will think about it.

    Have learned, they will do what they want, when they want. I advise, that's it.

    Welcome back my friend, think of you daily. You are NOT alone. Now, where is Sabrina?

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    lauramarie1994 is offline Senior Member
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    Good Morning Everyone!

    Kathleen- I am so glad that Amy is doing well! Do you like your new job? I think about Sabrina too...wonder if she ever checks in? She helped me so much at the beginning of this mess!

    I had a chance to turn Lindsay's boyfriend in last night (as there are 2 warrants out for him) and I didn't. She called and asked me to bring her cigarettes and told me where she was. The only reason I did not turn him in is because I talked with bf's mother yesterday as she sent me a nasty text because I wrote both of the judges about her son. I called her and we talked a bit and I told her that I was not out to get her son- I just wanted them separated before one of them dies. She told me that they have been stealing off of her and she does not want them around. I felt sorry for her as she is dealing with the same thing as I am. At this point, Kathleen- I welcome jail for my daughter. I was wondering why the heck she was calling me though- she probably knows that I want to turn him in and I was wondering if that was her way of asking for help? But I had to let it go, knowing that she does know how to walk away and she did choose to go back to him. I did not take her cigarettes.

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    KSinMT is offline Member
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    Hi Kathleen (and the other moms who have a child struggling with addiction), I have spent some time reading through the other thread off and on since I found this site and it really captivated me...almost like a book I couldn't put down and it was like I was reading about myself written by my own mother when I was a teen. I was addicted to methamphetamine but it was the same scenario, different drug. I sent my parents to hell and back. As I started reading through your posts my first thought was "this girl needs to go to jail". My mom was an enabler too and fought to keep me out of jail for several years.....she only wanted the best for me and wanted to save me. I committed felonies and was on probation at the age of 18 and that didn't stop me. It wasn't until my mom's best friend finally convinced her that jail was where I needed to be to save my life. I will never forget that night she called the cops on me at my boyfriends house and I was arrested for using drugs and possessing a syringe while on probation. I thought I would never forgive her. I spent several months in jail and then to a treatment center and halfway house through the department of corrections for a year. As that time went on, and I got into my early 20's I realized what a gift she had given me. I did turn my life around, I went to school, became a nurse, started a family, all that good stuff. So there is definitely life after jail and I will pray that your daughter stays on the right path. I never bought into the whole "once an addict, always an addict" until I became addicted to pain pills 6 years ago. Fortunately I didn't lose my career or destroy mine or my families lives again before I got help but I wish I would have listened to the experts when they told me back when I was 20, that I could never use a drug again recreationally.
    I just wanted to share my story so that anyone struggling with this will know there IS hope and as painful as it may be to see your child in jail, sometimes that is what it takes to save their life!
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    lauramarie1994 is offline Senior Member
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    KSinMT-

    Thanks so much for writing as it has given me hope as my daughter is now living on the streets. I would welcome jail for her at this point. I could try and turn her boyfriend in ( there are warrants for him), but she does not have any at this point. So- I wait until something happens- it is very scary. I am so glad that you turned your life around. Any other advice is appreciated.
    Laura

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    lauramarie1994 is offline Senior Member
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    Also- after reading your post KS - I am pretty sure I will turn him in next time I know where they are at- maybe she will be arrested for having drugs on her. I learned so much from Kathleen's thread and it has prepared me for what we are up against with these drugs.

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    deleted820 is offline Advanced Member
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    Thanks for sharing K. We need to hear all sides to make rational decisions. Laura, turning your child into the police is unbearable, but it will save her life. Amy lived on the streets in crack houses, disgusting. Lindsey is not strong enough to change or walk away. She needs to be protected from herself at this point. Laura, I understand. Stay strong, continue with your life and pray. I will keep our kids in my prayers too. Have a good day!
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  20. #20
    KSinMT is offline Member
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    Hi Laura! Ah yes, "the boyfriend"...I remember that scenario all too well even if it was almost 20 years ago for me, it all stays the same. Him getting arrested and being gone for a while certainly would be a step in the right direction for your daughter but even with him out of the picture, she will still need to do some work to keep on the right path. The 1st boyfriend that I had, who introduced me to drugs and I was using with from the time I was 15-17, when he went to prison I did good for a while and I think every one thought with him out of the picture I was in the clear, but then before anyone could blink an eye, I found my way back out there into the drug world and before too long I had found another one that I was using with. I was always a magnet for the "bad boys".

    I would say yes, if you have an opportunity to get this guy behind bars then do it! He will end up there eventually anyways with that kind of lifestyle it's inevitable and your daughter might scream and cry that she hates you and will never forgive you but at this point that doesn't matter when were talking about life or death and she will eventually understand your reasons and forgive you. I don't know your whole story or the extent of your daughters drug use is but don't lose site of the fact that just because the boyfriends gone, if she is using and addicted she will need to do some other work on her problems and learn how to live clean while avoiding other potential triggers, friends, etc. Sending prayers for you and her!

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    lauramarie1994 is offline Senior Member
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    Ok folks - thanks for the prayers. Lindsay called and wanted to come home tonight and says she is tired of how she is living her life. She agreed to my terms of being on lockdown- no phone- internet- visitors or going anywhere at all. Everyday checking to see if bed is open for in treatment program. Supposedly 2 week wait- but should get in sooner if she checks in everyday. So far all is good- but she can choose to run away at any point, so please keep praying she is strong enough to stay here till bed is open and that we are strong enough to take care of her.

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    Comeback Kid is offline Advanced Member
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    Amazing news Laura!! I hope she has reached her bottom. Now time for the ascent to the top! Good luck to both of you. Remain guarded but optimistic.
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  23. #23
    deleted820 is offline Advanced Member
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    Laura, I am so happy for you! I understand the wondering if this is the last time. Have her keep calling for a bed, twice a day if needed.

    Last night was terrible for me. Matt has been coming home to eat, although I didn't cook last night. He is laying around watching tv. Not bothering anyone. Then hubby starts in right when I am going to bed about how happy I am to have my son home, etc. He got me so upset, couldn't sleep, lots of nightmares. I am not happy about my son at all. He is 25 with no direction. Matt is still at my brothers, though he wants him out too.

    Oh well, another day in paradise.

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    lauramarie1994 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi all-
    Made it through the night. My husband and I are taking shifts and praying a lot. I have to work and then I will be home for husband to go to work. Yes- Kathleen- I wondering if she will even make to rehab- but we have to keep trying. I am sorry Kathleen that your husband is not more supportive, this is such a hard time. If you want -tell me the nightmares

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    deleted820 is offline Advanced Member
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    How do we contact the moderator to get the above post deleted? Totally inappropriate.

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    deleted820 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Laura, hope your day is going ok. It is quite stressful waiting for the empty bed. Might have a better chance today because the weekend is here, those that can leave, will.

    I honestly don't know what to do. The husband has been on my case constantly, about everything. How I cook, clean, etc. OMG, it's driving me crazy! I called Amy and him outside last night to look at the beautiful moon, of course he had a remark for that. I feel like I am being pecked to death.

    Laura, my dreams were crazy. One was I was pregnant and was having a ultra sound, there were 3 babies. OMG, freaked in my dream.

    Hubby had an interesting one last week. I was riding a motorcycle barefooted, he was running after me, trying to get me to stop. I just kept on going. Hum. Visions of things to come?

    My mind plays games at night. Good luck Laura, hope it goes well, will check in tomorrow.

  27. #27
    lauramarie1994 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey View Post
    How do we contact the moderator to get the above post deleted? Totally inappropriate.
    I think we press the little triangle on the bottom left of page. Lets wish this guy has a really crummy day today.

  28. #28
    lauramarie1994 is offline Senior Member
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    Kathleen- I showed Lindsay the moon last night too!!! It almost makes me cry thinking we were both showing our girls the moon at the same time! I think first dream is "you can guess who the first baby is?" ....And you may be correct on second one. Motorcycle in dreams can represent balance and since you were by yourself- independence. Bare feet- could be freedom. The rest of the dream is easy to interpret. Thanks for being here! It makes me smile for a sec while daughter is on couch. Getting a bed is a joke. She signed up 2 weeks ago and they now say that was just for detox- not rehab. So- now we have to wait till Monday morning and stand in line and we are still not promised an intake or to get on waiting list. It has been rough and Lindsay has a good attitude- just very sick. It is minute by minute, but I always say "expect the best". Got a break in the middle of my day so I came home and made soup for when she is hungry. Hope you are enjoying your day
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    lauramarie1994 is offline Senior Member
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    I meant to say "you can guess who the extra baby is in dream"

  30. #30
    Comeback Kid is offline Advanced Member
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    Im so glad you ladies have found your way back! This is what we had been missing. Hope this thread continues to help as it has for so long. Y'all hang in there. It's all in God's plan.
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