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Anxiety and depression directly related to opiates?
  1. #1
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Default Anxiety and depression directly related to opiates?

    Old member back with a new thread specific to anxiety and depression that is related directly to opiate use? Whether you have experienced anxiety and/or depression during regular use of opiates, in-between doses, while tapering or after stopping? I would like to know the experiences of others who have been through these things before? Unfortunately and regrettably I have relapsed, mainly using oxycodone for the past 10 months or so, anywhere from 30mg - 90mg/day. Opiates are something I swore I would never touch again but here I am and it sux, I feel like such a failure! I went through such a difficult time getting of the opiates before and now I'm facing the same thing again! I am just as scared as last time because the debilitating anxiety and depression has already started in-between my doses, the panic attacks are awful! I'm sure most of it is because I'm tapering by too much and too fast, unfortunately I have no more money for anymore meds so I have to work with what meds I have left. I would like to hear some time-lines of others who have been through this specific process of the anxiety and depression? What will help besides time off the narcotics, diet and exercise? What supplements help, what supplements make it worse? Here's a link to my original thread if anyone is interested -
    https://forum.drugs.com/need-talk/no...red-69845.html

    Thanks in advance for any and all responses... God bless us all!

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    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Awwww Ricky...
    I'm glad you are back but sorry to hear the circumstances that brought you back home... You could never be a failure in my eyes Ricky but reality is relapse happens and I'm grateful to hear you made it back. The only suggestion I have for you Ricky is go back threw your thread you will see as scared as you are now the anxiety depression panic attacks you have been threw it before this is just a normal part of your process Ricky. You came out the other side before and I have no doubt you will do it again... Keep posting we are all here to support you my friend...

  3. #3
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lvg nghtmare View Post
    Awwww Ricky...
    I'm glad you are back but sorry to hear the circumstances that brought you back home... You could never be a failure in my eyes Ricky but reality is relapse happens and I'm grateful to hear you made it back. The only suggestion I have for you Ricky is go back threw your thread you will see as scared as you are now the anxiety depression panic attacks you have been threw it before this is just a normal part of your process Ricky. You came out the other side before and I have no doubt you will do it again... Keep posting we are all here to support you my friend...
    Lvg, thanks so much for the reply. Even though I've been through this before and I know what to expect I am still scared of all those feelings of doom and despair. The anxiety, depression and panic attacks were horrible last time and I'm already experiencing those same feelings now and I haven't even tapered that much! And also I find the taper much more difficult this time, I know last time I tapered I was tapering too fast and by too much but that's what the dumb doctor suggested, this time I'm doing it by myself with a very limited supply of oxy with no extra money to get more! I have gathered some supplements that I'm hoping will help, I've got DLPA, L-Tyrosine, B-6, Mutivitamin, Fish oil, GABA (which I've read is useless and doesn't cross the BBB), L-Methionine and L-Glutamine. Does anyone have any experience with any of these supplements that I have mentioned? I'm doing my best to taper and get through this without the extreme anxiety, depression and panic attacks that I experienced last time! Any and all suggestions are welcome? I've noticed that the forums have been really slow and I'm afraid that I won't receive the support and recommendations that I received back when I started my 1st thread in October of 2015? Thanks again Lvg for the post, it means a lot! God bless us all!
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    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    First, welcome back. I’m no stranger to relaps myself.. I know how it feels. If only we could learn our lesson the first time! But, you’ve made it through this before. You know what it takes. You know what to expect. You know you CAN do this.

    As for the anxiety question, I never had anxiety or panick attacks my whole life. I really didn’t even know what they were to be honest. It was probably my 3rd relapse and they hit me like a truck. They stuck around for a few years until the last time I cleaned up. After about 2 months (longest I’d been clean since starting opiates) they started going away. I ended up relapsing again after 6 months and those feelings came back very quickly. I continued to use for about a year and a half and have since gotten sober again, 5 months today. My anxiety is almost completely gone. I have a moment maybe once a month now where I let my thoughts get the best of me and I think I’m going to have an attack, usually at night, but they quickly go away with a walk to the fridge to grab a water. I don’t know if those feelings had anything to do with my drug use, I can tell you that it made them MUCH worse. I can tell you that my life now without pills or panic attacks is much better than it was on pills. As bad as the withdrawl is, it’s so worth it.

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    davepeerson is online now Platinum Member
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    Hey Ricky71......Glad you at least came back....To where you know there is help......advice.....Support!! This is the only place I know, where everyone gets what your talking about......How your feeling!! I have been through another relapse as well......most of it spent on Subs.....but.....either way.....getting back to what WE really want.....Freedom from this Animal....Well.....It is NOT something I look forward to......So I absolutely get the anxiety...depression part! It sucks...plain and simple.....there just isn't an easy way out!! We did this to ourselves...AGAIN.....So Now we gotta do what we KNOW!! Me personally....Don't really have any other advice except what You already mentioned......Exercise...….and trying to eat a Super good nutritional Diet!! The other things that help ME the most....is this Forum for one!! Keeping in contact with others is So Huge For ME!! As Long as I don't get stuck in that self-pity mode......I can do ok!! I know sleep will suck for a little while......But the thing that always takes the most time for ME is that Energy??...That's where the Gym.....or any kind of exercise ….which seems weird....since energy is lacking......But If I can drag myself to the gym....or steam room and swimming pool.....it helps me So much more than just sitting.....cuz then self-pity sneaks in.....and then depression!! Lets DO this Ricky....I have been tapering down off subs for a VERY long time....and am as Low as i'm going...about.125...to.15mg per day.....And when my Girlfriend goes on a two week vacation....I am jumping.....9/19/18.....That will be My day ONE!! I don't know where you will be around that time......But whatever you do....keep posting My Friend!! Been there....Done that.....let's Do THIS!! Stay Strong Just For Today!!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-31-2018 at 12:35 AM.

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    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Thank you OKC and dave for taking the time to reply, it means a lot.

    OKC - congratulations on 5 months, that is awesome! Keep up the great work!

    dave - my old friend, you were one of the 1st to reply to my original thread back in October of 2015! Sorry to hear about your relapse but I'm glad to hear that you will soon be off the subs and living a clean and healthy life without opiates!

    Take care... God bless us all!
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    Leah987 is offline Senior Member
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    Ricky! I wondered where you went off to. Welcome back! Sorry about your relapse, but, you know, sheet happens. I'd hate to sit down and count the number of relapses I've had, and most of them were before I was even finished tapering. You are not a failure unless you stop trying....and that's not you. Here you are, ready to pull off the boxing gloves, and jump back into the ring. That says you're not a failure. (this coming from someone who also thinks of herself as a failure....wow) I'm not going to try to give you any advice, Ricky, because you already know anything I could tell you, and much more to boot. I couldn't say anything about depression and anxiety, because I don't know. I've been depressed and have had anxiety attacks all my life. Even as a child....,so it's impossible for me to know what is from opiates, and what is just normal for me. I'm proud that you've decided to come back and beat this thing once again....you've got this!!!!

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    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leah987 View Post
    Ricky! I wondered where you went off to. Welcome back! Sorry about your relapse, but, you know, sheet happens. I'd hate to sit down and count the number of relapses I've had, and most of them were before I was even finished tapering. You are not a failure unless you stop trying....and that's not you. Here you are, ready to pull off the boxing gloves, and jump back into the ring. That says you're not a failure. (this coming from someone who also thinks of herself as a failure....wow) I'm not going to try to give you any advice, Ricky, because you already know anything I could tell you, and much more to boot. I couldn't say anything about depression and anxiety, because I don't know. I've been depressed and have had anxiety attacks all my life. Even as a child....,so it's impossible for me to know what is from opiates, and what is just normal for me. I'm proud that you've decided to come back and beat this thing once again....you've got this!!!!
    Thanks for the post Ryka, I need the encouragement and support. It just sux to go through this again! I'm hoping by finding the right combination of supplements and by following a healthy diet I can reduce the severity of the anxiety and depression and lessen the duration of time it will take for my brain to repair itself and for all the chemicals to balance out to a normal level again? I hope you are doing/feeling okay these days Ryka? Take care of yourself... God bless us all!
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    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey Ricky. Welcome back. Sorry It's under these circumstances but that's life I suppose. I came along a little after you took your hiatus. And on all those long sleepless nights I did get to read many of your posts and your thread. I know you know everything that we could suggest and all that good stuff. So I'm not going to bore you with that. I will however say that the single thing that helped me with all the doom and gloom when I was detoxing from subs was lots of protein, walks, and DLPA. It was a real battle some days as you know. But we survive. Just take it one at a time. Forward progress, that's all we can do. You're absolutely right about the forum being slow lately. Who knows why? I'm sure it will pick back up again soon.

    I'm glad you're back Ricky! You know this place. You'll get plenty of support! You can do this!

    Have a great weekend!
    Beef
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    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefaroni7272 View Post
    Hey Ricky. Welcome back. Sorry It's under these circumstances but that's life I suppose. I came along a little after you took your hiatus. And on all those long sleepless nights I did get to read many of your posts and your thread. I know you know everything that we could suggest and all that good stuff. So I'm not going to bore you with that. I will however say that the single thing that helped me with all the doom and gloom when I was detoxing from subs was lots of protein, walks, and DLPA. It was a real battle some days as you know. But we survive. Just take it one at a time. Forward progress, that's all we can do. You're absolutely right about the forum being slow lately. Who knows why? I'm sure it will pick back up again soon.

    I'm glad you're back Ricky! You know this place. You'll get plenty of support! You can do this!

    Have a great weekend!
    Beef
    Thanks for the post Beef, means a lot. I've seen your name around the forums quite a bit, congrats on getting off the subs. Just so people know, relapse is only one bad decision away so always keep your guard up! The old statement still holds true - "One pill is too many and a thousand pills will never be enough"! God bless us all!

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    extremetm is offline Junior Member
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    My anxiety disappeared about 1 month after my last Norco. Depression disappeared about 2 months after that. Tried everything while on the pills. Nothing worked.

    So yes, in my case anxiety and depression were directly related to opiates.

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    hopes1211 is offline Senior Member
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    Ricky - thank you for coming back and sharing. So many of us won't or don't, and it's a shame. We are all human. End of story. The bottom line is that it's hard. You will do fine because you know yourself. You know who you are and what you want. You will get there. It's jst wanting to get there. '

    I am grateful that we all can be honest and share with either other the trials and tribulations we are going through. It keeps it real.

    Any time you want to talk, just get on here. It make take a little bit for a reply (I am not sure what happened to everyone), but your friends will be there for you. Take care and be strong.

    Hope

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    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by extremetm View Post
    My anxiety disappeared about 1 month after my last Norco. Depression disappeared about 2 months after that. Tried everything while on the pills. Nothing worked.

    So yes, in my case anxiety and depression were directly related to opiates.
    Thanks for the reply extremetm. Congratulations on getting off the pain med train, how long have you been clean? What was your history with opiates? How long were you taking them, how much per day, did you quit cold turkey or did you taper, etc...? Would you say that the anxiety and depression that you experienced was mild, moderate or severe? I do understand that all of us are different so I do take that into consideration? Thanks again for the post. Take care... God bless us all!

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    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopes1211 View Post
    Ricky - thank you for coming back and sharing. So many of us won't or don't, and it's a shame. We are all human. End of story. The bottom line is that it's hard. You will do fine because you know yourself. You know who you are and what you want. You will get there. It's jst wanting to get there. '

    I am grateful that we all can be honest and share with either other the trials and tribulations we are going through. It keeps it real.

    Any time you want to talk, just get on here. It make take a little bit for a reply (I am not sure what happened to everyone), but your friends will be there for you. Take care and be strong.

    Hope
    Thank you Hope... Great post, I appreciate the encouragement and support. Take care of yourself as well Hope... God bless us all!
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    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey Ricky!! I haven't been on the forums for several months myself, and a lot of that has to do with the depression/anxiety I've been going through. I was made aware of your post and figured it was time to peek my head back up, especially because of all the help you gave me when I made the jump.

    I get the anxiety and depression...both before I went on any meds or started self-medicating, while I was on all the scripts and especially now even a few months away from being 2 years clean. Sometimes it's debilitating, and just takes everything out of me.

    I know for me, a lot of the depression comes from the chronic pain I've had since birth. I knew getting off the oxy I'd be dealing with a lot more pain, but some days it's just crippling. I think a big reason I haven't posted in so long is because while my life has improved in so many ways, I'd be lying if I said I was able to do more physically off the meds. Have actually had to stop doing a lot of physical activities and work I was doing. When you trade one sucky life for another life that sucks in many ways it's hard to always keep your spirits up. It's also been hard for me to know what to post to others to motivate them.

    I think when I made the jump the L-Tyrosine was the best supplement I took that helped my mental state. I was also on Trazadone and Xanax which I stopped about the same time, so the anxiety was really hitting me hard. I also think that eating better helped me a lot. I considered taking st. johns wort because I had heard that helped some people, but also read some negative stuff about it as well. It might be worth looking into for you.

    I had also stopped taking my blood pressure, cholesterol and thryoid meds, just didn't want to take any medications at all and that was a huge mistake. I never should have stopped those, and it's possible my thyroid has been causing me some problems because of it. I did go back on those meds a while back (and got quite a chewing out from the new doctors I see for stopping them), but my thyroid levels are still off which can cause some mental/physical issues I didn't know about. Could be worth having your thyroid checked and an overall physical in case there are some other issues causing the depression/anxiety.

    I'm also seeing a therapist and psychiatrist to deal with a lot of my depression and anxiety issues. I've recently started taking Lamotrigine since I refuse to go back on any benzo, and have been kicking around the possibility of going back on the trazadone since I was taking that for anxiety and never abused it.

    I'm just sharing all of this with you to let you know that you're not alone, and that I get it. I don't know if any of it helped, but wanted to at least share with you since you did so me for me. You're loved here Ricky, and just like in the rooms we don't shoot our wounded. I'm glad you reached out!!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-02-2018 at 09:08 AM.

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    zebra1961 is offline Member
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    Hi Ricky glad to hear from you wondered why you stopped pouring out great advice and energy you have brought to this forum, frankly i miss your powerful post helping us thru the quitting and getting clean, so that being said anything we can do to help we will,we all have relapsed so dont take it hard nothing out of the ordinary just part of the process.I can tell you i quit 27 months ago and still have bouts of depression and anxiety but they are fewer and less powerful as time passes. I have found that still the smoking hot baths still help me when i am down,and any physical activity helps mentally. The L-Tyrosine and DLPA help and i only take when the anxiety and depression flare up,maybe once a month or even less than that now. You are not a failure keep your head up hope this helps some. If you did it once you can do it again we all have. Keep talking to us we will do anything we can to help!!! You have no idea how many you have helped!!

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    extremetm is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky71 View Post
    Thanks for the reply extremetm. Congratulations on getting off the pain med train, how long have you been clean? What was your history with opiates? How long were you taking them, how much per day, did you quit cold turkey or did you taper, etc...? Would you say that the anxiety and depression that you experienced was mild, moderate or severe? I do understand that all of us are different so I do take that into consideration? Thanks again for the post. Take care... God bless us all!
    Been off 147 days. Anxiety was moderate. Depression was sporadic and mild. I was also on Xanax for 15 years before the opiates. The rebound effect from that is what started my anxiety and depression. A great deal of it went away when I quit that over 5 years ago but it lingered with the opiates. Now I'm living a anxiety\depression free life.

    But people who have never taken a drug get depressed and get anxiety. Not really sure your motivation for these questions. The real question in my mind for anyone is, do you want to live in a clock watching opiate zombie fog or do you want to live a clean life with all of it's benefits. If it's the ladder then do whatever it takes to get there no matter the discomfort unless of course there is a really legitimate pain need where no other option has worked. And no one can answer that question but you.

    Here's a link to my journal of the taper.

    https://forum.drugs.com/prescription...nal-74706.html

  18. #18
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by extremetm View Post
    Been off 147 days. Anxiety was moderate. Depression was sporadic and mild. I was also on Xanax for 15 years before the opiates. The rebound effect from that is what started my anxiety and depression. A great deal of it went away when I quit that over 5 years ago but it lingered with the opiates. Now I'm living a anxiety\depression free life.

    But people who have never taken a drug get depressed and get anxiety. Not really sure your motivation for these questions. The real question in my mind for anyone is, do you want to live in a clock watching opiate zombie fog or do you want to live a clean life with all of it's benefits. If it's the ladder then do whatever it takes to get there no matter the discomfort unless of course there is a really legitimate pain need where no other option has worked. And no one can answer that question but you.

    Here's a link to my journal of the taper.

    https://forum.drugs.com/prescription...nal-74706.html
    I most definitely have legit pain, so much so that there are days that I can barely walk! I started the pain meds again because I was missing too much work and on the verge of losing my job. With the opiates I'm able to walk and go to work without having to be in excruciating pain and discomfort. Now that my tolerance has gone up and the depression and anxiety are creeping back in it's time for me to get off the meds again. For me the depression and anxiety are directly related to opiate use and once I'm off them for a good 2-3 months the depression and anxiety will go away and I'll feel normal again. The mental pain for me is much worse than the physical pain!

    My motivation for the questions were/are to get others experiences with depression and anxiety directly related to opiate use and hopefully time-lines as to when the symptoms went away after stopping the narcotics?

    I read your taper and I see that you were on xanax for 15 years and pain meds "in one form or another" for 16 years. So your experiences cannot be too closely compared with mine because of how long you were on mind altering meds compared to the short time I have been on them. You also said to "do whatever it takes to get there no matter the discomfort", as you've questioned my motivation for the questions I was asking, I question why would you make that statement? Clearly from an earlier thread I found of yours from June of 2017,
    https://forum.drugs.com/prescription...1-a-73378.html
    that the "do whatever it takes to get there no matter the discomfort" doesn't always apply! So please do not make statements like that especially since you yourself only made it one day cold turkey back on June 6th, 2017 and then stayed on the opiates another 8 months before beginning your taper! God bless us all!
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  19. #19
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by DravenDomnq View Post
    Hey Ricky!! I haven't been on the forums for several months myself, and a lot of that has to do with the depression/anxiety I've been going through. I was made aware of your post and figured it was time to peek my head back up, especially because of all the help you gave me when I made the jump.

    I get the anxiety and depression...both before I went on any meds or started self-medicating, while I was on all the scripts and especially now even a few months away from being 2 years clean. Sometimes it's debilitating, and just takes everything out of me.

    I know for me, a lot of the depression comes from the chronic pain I've had since birth. I knew getting off the oxy I'd be dealing with a lot more pain, but some days it's just crippling. I think a big reason I haven't posted in so long is because while my life has improved in so many ways, I'd be lying if I said I was able to do more physically off the meds. Have actually had to stop doing a lot of physical activities and work I was doing. When you trade one sucky life for another life that sucks in many ways it's hard to always keep your spirits up. It's also been hard for me to know what to post to others to motivate them.

    I think when I made the jump the L-Tyrosine was the best supplement I took that helped my mental state. I was also on Trazadone and Xanax which I stopped about the same time, so the anxiety was really hitting me hard. I also think that eating better helped me a lot. I considered taking st. johns wort because I had heard that helped some people, but also read some negative stuff about it as well. It might be worth looking into for you.

    I had also stopped taking my blood pressure, cholesterol and thryoid meds, just didn't want to take any medications at all and that was a huge mistake. I never should have stopped those, and it's possible my thyroid has been causing me some problems because of it. I did go back on those meds a while back (and got quite a chewing out from the new doctors I see for stopping them), but my thyroid levels are still off which can cause some mental/physical issues I didn't know about. Could be worth having your thyroid checked and an overall physical in case there are some other issues causing the depression/anxiety.

    I'm also seeing a therapist and psychiatrist to deal with a lot of my depression and anxiety issues. I've recently started taking Lamotrigine since I refuse to go back on any benzo, and have been kicking around the possibility of going back on the trazadone since I was taking that for anxiety and never abused it.

    I'm just sharing all of this with you to let you know that you're not alone, and that I get it. I don't know if any of it helped, but wanted to at least share with you since you did so me for me. You're loved here Ricky, and just like in the rooms we don't shoot our wounded. I'm glad you reached out!!
    Hey Draven, good to hear from you. Looks like you have been going through a lot yourself and for that I am sorry!

    The depression and anxiety that I encounter is definitely related to the opiates or at least 99.9% of it is! I know this because it started last time I quit and lasted for about 2-3 months and then went away. And now that I'm back on the opiates I'm starting to feel those awful feelings coming back, mostly in-between doses at the moment. I know this is going to be the hardest part for me and one of the reasons I started this new thread. Needed to get some similar experiences especially with things that will help ease the mental symptoms and hopefully shorten the duration of them as well? I've done a lot of research and gathered up the top recomended supplements, vitamins and amino acids. I'm going to keep a journal of what supplements I take, how much and how often I take them. Maybe I can find something that helps me and in return will help other's in the future when they are detoxing?

    Thanks again for the post, it does mean a lot! I hope you start posting more now, you have a lot of good advice and knowledge that can and will help many people! And in return I think it will ultimately help you with everything that you are going through right now? I hope you feel better soon? Keep in touch... God bless us all!

  20. #20
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by zebra1961 View Post
    Hi Ricky glad to hear from you wondered why you stopped pouring out great advice and energy you have brought to this forum, frankly i miss your powerful post helping us thru the quitting and getting clean, so that being said anything we can do to help we will,we all have relapsed so dont take it hard nothing out of the ordinary just part of the process.I can tell you i quit 27 months ago and still have bouts of depression and anxiety but they are fewer and less powerful as time passes. I have found that still the smoking hot baths still help me when i am down,and any physical activity helps mentally. The L-Tyrosine and DLPA help and i only take when the anxiety and depression flare up,maybe once a month or even less than that now. You are not a failure keep your head up hope this helps some. If you did it once you can do it again we all have. Keep talking to us we will do anything we can to help!!! You have no idea how many you have helped!!
    Thanks for the post and the many kind words zebra. You've been around these boards for a couple of years now, you have giving a lot of great advice and helped lots of people here as well.

    In all this time that you have been here I see that you still haven't started a thread for yourself. I know it would help other's a lot to know your background, history, experiences, etc... with opiate use and recovery? Take the time to finally start your very own thread, let us know what you took over the years, how much and most importantly how you eventually got clean? I really do think that your story will help other's for many years to come and it will also give us a place to ask you questions directly? Like I said, you been around these forums for a couple of years now and you're definitely part of the community here so please get that thread started for yourself and for us? Thanks again for taking the time to reply. Keep in touch... God bless us all!

    PS
    I don't know if I mentioned it but you need to start your very own thread asap! Take care...

  21. #21
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Hey there Ricky!!!

    You've been missed. I just wish that you had returned to give us all sparkling, wonderful news and to say "Hi! I'm back, I'm great, I've missed you all, and I won't leave again". Well that would be my wish but this is life...the real deal. Eh?

    If you can get some Gaba, it is absolutely worth a try but only for the RLS in my opinion. If you aren't bothered with RLS then I'm not convinced it helps much with any other symptoms. I've had many relapses and I can tell you that there were times when Gaba really helped and others, well not so much. The trick for me was to take enough of it and only during my cold turkey detox. By "enough" I don't mean a handful at a time. I have had scripts for 100mg per pill/capsule and 300mg. 100 was not enough but the 300mg usually did help. No. It doesn't make it perfect but we all know that anything that helps is most appreciated.

    The only other supplement I ever tried was the Hylands products. Again, for the RLS. Can you tell my most dreaded symptom? lol Makes me shiver just to think about it.

    Here's my experience about the anxiety and depression. It was always horrible leading up to my Day 1 and with each new Day 1, it got worse and worse and we all know where that leads. We procrastinate because we just want one more day of feeling "normal". The one more day for me would often be years. I can't say that anxiety was ever an issue for me. I felt something I suppose is similar to anxiety but I analyzed it enough for myself that it was a mixture of cravings and that inner turmoil created by everything that is left once we get clean. We're bored and we aren't sleeping making days absolutely endless without escape. We know that just a couple little demons would make things so much better...just this once (right!). The depression. Oh now that I can relate to. "This is it? And I want to do this for the rest of my life? Why would I want to do that?" Ha! It can be debilitating. I will admit (just this once and I won't ever again) that very early on I did have thoughts that if I have to feel this way for the rest of my life or be an active addict, then maybe my time on earth needs to be done because this royally sucks! HOWEVER, I by the Grace of God was able to hold on until it passed. For me, the depression was most prevalent for the better part of the first month after completing a cold turkey detox. It was around the time I was finally able to begin to get at least an acceptable level of sleep that it began to lift so I assumed they were related.

    I have to throw this in here, Ricky and I'm sorry. Is there anyway that you are up to attempting a cold turkey detox? You said what you have to taper is limited so I have to guess that when they are gone you're going to be up against it anyway. In the meantime while you are tapering, you are going to experience some symptoms. Then when you are out of pills you'll face the "what comes next". This is a personal preference and I absolutely respect yours but I just see so much more logic to putting yourself down and miserable for the five days it will take and then get on with the healing. Please consider it.

    Staying clean is hard work in the very best of circumstances and every single member on this Forum will agree with that. Those of us who live with chronic pain have it just a little worse because we're reminded day in and day out that relief is available if we choose it. And that's the operative word...choose. I, nor anyone else, can tell you what is best for you and I don't need to remind you just how quickly our tolerance increases and we're right back in the same horrific boat.

    I don't need to lecture you. You can lecture me! I'll wrap this up by just saying that I'm glad to hear from you because I've missed you. More importantly, I am so proud of you for coming back to seek the support that is offered here at DDC.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  22. #22
    davepeerson is online now Platinum Member
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    How you doing Ricky? I am about 14 days away from taking that leap.....Plan to do a few skip a days before the 19th arrives!/!?..Either way.....I've gott'em all counted out.....If IO end up with a few doses left over....I will Toss them out immediately!! I WILL NOT have any crumbs laying around after 11:59 pm on the 18th!! Stay in touch....My NEW day One is coming soon.....I'm ready to deal with it, and move forward to being Clean Once again!! I am getting More excited now...than the fear I was feeling before!! I pray it won't be too bad.....I'm sure it will be some discomfort....but don't think it will last too long....I REFUSE to let it!! Stay Strong Just For Today!!

  23. #23
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Hey there Ricky!!!

    You've been missed. I just wish that you had returned to give us all sparkling, wonderful news and to say "Hi! I'm back, I'm great, I've missed you all, and I won't leave again". Well that would be my wish but this is life...the real deal. Eh?

    If you can get some Gaba, it is absolutely worth a try but only for the RLS in my opinion. If you aren't bothered with RLS then I'm not convinced it helps much with any other symptoms. I've had many relapses and I can tell you that there were times when Gaba really helped and others, well not so much. The trick for me was to take enough of it and only during my cold turkey detox. By "enough" I don't mean a handful at a time. I have had scripts for 100mg per pill/capsule and 300mg. 100 was not enough but the 300mg usually did help. No. It doesn't make it perfect but we all know that anything that helps is most appreciated.

    The only other supplement I ever tried was the Hylands products. Again, for the RLS. Can you tell my most dreaded symptom? lol Makes me shiver just to think about it.

    Here's my experience about the anxiety and depression. It was always horrible leading up to my Day 1 and with each new Day 1, it got worse and worse and we all know where that leads. We procrastinate because we just want one more day of feeling "normal". The one more day for me would often be years. I can't say that anxiety was ever an issue for me. I felt something I suppose is similar to anxiety but I analyzed it enough for myself that it was a mixture of cravings and that inner turmoil created by everything that is left once we get clean. We're bored and we aren't sleeping making days absolutely endless without escape. We know that just a couple little demons would make things so much better...just this once (right!). The depression. Oh now that I can relate to. "This is it? And I want to do this for the rest of my life? Why would I want to do that?" Ha! It can be debilitating. I will admit (just this once and I won't ever again) that very early on I did have thoughts that if I have to feel this way for the rest of my life or be an active addict, then maybe my time on earth needs to be done because this royally sucks! HOWEVER, I by the Grace of God was able to hold on until it passed. For me, the depression was most prevalent for the better part of the first month after completing a cold turkey detox. It was around the time I was finally able to begin to get at least an acceptable level of sleep that it began to lift so I assumed they were related.

    I have to throw this in here, Ricky and I'm sorry. Is there anyway that you are up to attempting a cold turkey detox? You said what you have to taper is limited so I have to guess that when they are gone you're going to be up against it anyway. In the meantime while you are tapering, you are going to experience some symptoms. Then when you are out of pills you'll face the "what comes next". This is a personal preference and I absolutely respect yours but I just see so much more logic to putting yourself down and miserable for the five days it will take and then get on with the healing. Please consider it.

    Staying clean is hard work in the very best of circumstances and every single member on this Forum will agree with that. Those of us who live with chronic pain have it just a little worse because we're reminded day in and day out that relief is available if we choose it. And that's the operative word...choose. I, nor anyone else, can tell you what is best for you and I don't need to remind you just how quickly our tolerance increases and we're right back in the same horrific boat.

    I don't need to lecture you. You can lecture me! I'll wrap this up by just saying that I'm glad to hear from you because I've missed you. More importantly, I am so proud of you for coming back to seek the support that is offered here at DDC.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Thanks so much for the reply Cat. You probably do not remember much if anything from my original thread but I just can't do a cold turkey detox, the anxiety, depression and panic attacks are way too intense, they literally scare the >>>> out of me!

    I was able to get more meds so I have enough to taper if I do this right. As long as I can stick with the taper then I should be okay?

    As for the Gaba, I think you are referring to Gabapentin while I'm referring to Gaba, the amino acid supplement?

    I can't wait to get through this and start racking up clean time again! I have wasted so much money on the meds it makes me sick to my stomach, this garbage has turned my whole life upside down! I hope and pray I can get through this with minimal problems!

    Thanks again Cat for taking the time to leave a post, it means a lot... Wish me luck? God bless us all!
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  24. #24
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by davepeerson View Post
    How you doing Ricky? I am about 14 days away from taking that leap.....Plan to do a few skip a days before the 19th arrives!/!?..Either way.....I've gott'em all counted out.....If IO end up with a few doses left over....I will Toss them out immediately!! I WILL NOT have any crumbs laying around after 11:59 pm on the 18th!! Stay in touch....My NEW day One is coming soon.....I'm ready to deal with it, and move forward to being Clean Once again!! I am getting More excited now...than the fear I was feeling before!! I pray it won't be too bad.....I'm sure it will be some discomfort....but don't think it will last too long....I REFUSE to let it!! Stay Strong Just For Today!!
    Thanks for the post. I'm hanging in there dave, I'm trying to get this taper under control, it's been hard to say the least!

    I believe you'll be just fine when you make the final jump off the subs! You've done it before, you know what to expect? I would imagine that the skip days will only help so why not!

    You got this dave, I have no doubt! Best of luck to you! God bless us all!
    davepeerson likes this.

  25. #25
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky71 View Post
    Thanks so much for the reply Cat. You probably do not remember much if anything from my original thread but I just can't do a cold turkey detox, the anxiety, depression and panic attacks are way too intense, they literally scare the >>>> out of me!

    I was able to get more meds so I have enough to taper if I do this right. As long as I can stick with the taper then I should be okay?

    As for the Gaba, I think you are referring to Gabapentin while I'm referring to Gaba, the amino acid supplement?

    I can't wait to get through this and start racking up clean time again! I have wasted so much money on the meds it makes me sick to my stomach, this garbage has turned my whole life upside down! I hope and pray I can get through this with minimal problems!

    Thanks again Cat for taking the time to leave a post, it means a lot... Wish me luck? God bless us all!
    You're right. I was referring to Gabapentin. Sorry. I do remember that you couldn't do a cold turkey. You know me--had to see if I could change your mind. It's OK. I understand. I had to do it my way no matter what anyone had to say. We know ourselves the best.

    Goes without saying....Good luck!! Keep posting. It's been incredibly slow beginning during the summer so please be patient. There's still a few who are checking in.

    Peace,

    Cat

  26. #26
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Why would any of us do this to ourselves more than once is beyond me? You would figure, lessons learned, never again! God give me the strength, willpower and courage to get through this one last time! And please, God bless us all!
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  27. #27
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky71 View Post
    Why would any of us do this to ourselves more than once is beyond me? You would figure, lessons learned, never again! God give me the strength, willpower and courage to get through this one last time! And please, God bless us all!
    This is why I'm grateful to you and everyone else on this forum...
    Having the courage and strength to share that you have relapsed to reach out and ask for help sharing your journey with us...
    Everyone here and face to face support for me keeps it real that I am an addict I am not so far removed... That's why for this addict Just for Today I don't have to use no matter what... Today for me it's not about the drugs anymore its the addict thinking the Obsession and Compulsion, the need to be in control, self centered, addiction is a disease insidious cunning baffling....
    My prayers are with Ricky you can do this... 24 hrs at a time....
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  28. #28
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lvg nghtmare View Post
    This is why I'm grateful to you and everyone else on this forum...
    Having the courage and strength to share that you have relapsed to reach out and ask for help sharing your journey with us...
    Everyone here and face to face support for me keeps it real that I am an addict I am not so far removed... That's why for this addict Just for Today I don't have to use no matter what... Today for me it's not about the drugs anymore its the addict thinking the Obsession and Compulsion, the need to be in control, self centered, addiction is a disease insidious cunning baffling....
    My prayers are with Ricky you can do this... 24 hrs at a time....
    Thank you Lvg, for everything. How could I be so stupid and naive, I effing knew better! I preached to so many that "One pill is too many and a thousand pills will never be enough" and look at me now! If I don't get this taper under control I don't know what I will do? It's almost like it was heaven sent, literally, in the way I got this last batch of pain meds! I can't afford to eff this up, I actually have enough meds now to do a more proper taper, that is if I stick to the plan and not take more than I need! I give props to everyone who is able to do a cold turkey detox. I might be able to handle the physical part of the detox but there is just no way I can handle the deep depression, anxiety and panic attacks that a cold turkey detox brings to me, it is the most awful and scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life! I don't know how I'll deal with the pain without the meds but I do know I can't keep taking the opiates!

    I really appreciate all the support I have received thus far especially seeing just how slow the forums are these days! I remember when I first joined the DDC community back in late 2015, it was so busy that it made it difficult and sometimes almost impossible to keep up with all the members and everything that was going on, what a huge difference between then and now!

    Please keep the prayers and support coming, I really need all the help and strength I can get! Thanks again to everyone and I wish you all the very best. Take care... God bless us all!

  29. #29
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky71 View Post
    Why would any of us do this to ourselves more than once is beyond me? You would figure, lessons learned, never again! God give me the strength, willpower and courage to get through this one last time! And please, God bless us all!
    Hi Ricky,

    I had to peek in and check to see how you're doing. I simply can't believe how slow these boards have been for the last few months. It began to slow down significantly over the winter but still there was enough activity that you could almost always count on someone checking in. Gosh. I remember when I first joined. I could spend hours upon hours reading and posting. By the time I finished catching up with one thread, there were a few new posts. I'm sure you remember too that any evening/night of the week you could log on here and there were at least two or three people posting back and forth. Sometimes it was just nonsense but it passed the time and provided some laughs. I do miss that!! I sure hope that it picks back up again. I don't understand what happened. It most certainly isn't because there are fewer addicts out there.

    I can hear and feel your frustration and anger at yourself for having stepped into the trap again. You know that there is no good reason for you to rehash that and continue to beat yourself up. It's counter productive. The best thing is to acknowledge the situation and give some thought as to why you picked back up. Not to punish yourself but rather to see if there is a lesson there that you needed to learn. Skip the obvious stuff such as you needed some pain relief. While I'm certain that that's true, it's more important to think about other possible triggers so that you can recognize them.

    It's an unfortunate fact that relapse is a part of recovery. It just is. I read somewhere about 100 years ago that the typical addict will relapse between five to seven times before they get it right. Of course there are others (like me) who eventually lost count and still others who manage to get it right the first time. There's no shame in relapsing. It's just more proof of how powerful addiction is. We as human beings and addicts have met our match and it's not a fair one. Strength and character have little to nothing to do with a successful recovery. There are and will be bumps in the road and there are battles that we will lose. That's OK!! So long as we give it our very best, then we're doing what we need to do. I'm a firm believer that as long as you are working toward the goal of getting clean and staying that way, then we are working our recovery. This by no means is an excuse. It's a reality. Give yourself monster kudos for acknowledging your misstep and forging ahead in spite of it. This is the true test of strength, courage, and character. Give yourself some credit.

    Keep on posting!!

    Peace,

    Cat
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  30. #30
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Hi Ricky,

    I had to peek in and check to see how you're doing. I simply can't believe how slow these boards have been for the last few months. It began to slow down significantly over the winter but still there was enough activity that you could almost always count on someone checking in. Gosh. I remember when I first joined. I could spend hours upon hours reading and posting. By the time I finished catching up with one thread, there were a few new posts. I'm sure you remember too that any evening/night of the week you could log on here and there were at least two or three people posting back and forth. Sometimes it was just nonsense but it passed the time and provided some laughs. I do miss that!! I sure hope that it picks back up again. I don't understand what happened. It most certainly isn't because there are fewer addicts out there.

    I can hear and feel your frustration and anger at yourself for having stepped into the trap again. You know that there is no good reason for you to rehash that and continue to beat yourself up. It's counter productive. The best thing is to acknowledge the situation and give some thought as to why you picked back up. Not to punish yourself but rather to see if there is a lesson there that you needed to learn. Skip the obvious stuff such as you needed some pain relief. While I'm certain that that's true, it's more important to think about other possible triggers so that you can recognize them.

    It's an unfortunate fact that relapse is a part of recovery. It just is. I read somewhere about 100 years ago that the typical addict will relapse between five to seven times before they get it right. Of course there are others (like me) who eventually lost count and still others who manage to get it right the first time. There's no shame in relapsing. It's just more proof of how powerful addiction is. We as human beings and addicts have met our match and it's not a fair one. Strength and character have little to nothing to do with a successful recovery. There are and will be bumps in the road and there are battles that we will lose. That's OK!! So long as we give it our very best, then we're doing what we need to do. I'm a firm believer that as long as you are working toward the goal of getting clean and staying that way, then we are working our recovery. This by no means is an excuse. It's a reality. Give yourself monster kudos for acknowledging your misstep and forging ahead in spite of it. This is the true test of strength, courage, and character. Give yourself some credit.

    Keep on posting!!

    Peace,

    Cat
    Thanks for the insight, advice and encouragement Cat, it's very much appreciated!

    It's much harder this time around that's for sure! I think because I know what I went through last time that I'm more scared of what's to come, if that makes sense? I've used for a longer period this time around and I've also been using more as well. I know tapers are very hard and almost impossible for a lot of people but I was able to do it last time even though that taper was too fast and my reductions were by too much. This time the taper is a 100 times harder? I'm taking too much and not following the taper, I keep telling myself that I'll try again tomorrow but then tomorrow will come and go! I have to get this under control or I'm going to run out of meds and then I'll really be in big trouble! I can't afford to fail at this, I feel trapped and I'm scared! I hate that I'm in this situation again and I can't wait to get out! I pray and pray, please God help me get through this?

    Thanks again for your post Cat. And you're right, these forums are awfully slow, it sux not to get the advice and support that people are so desperately needing! Take care Cat... God bless us all!
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