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Bad depression
  1. #1
    Upswing710 is offline New Member
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    Nov 2017
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    Default Bad depression

    A lot has gone down hill for me in the last 6 months. To make a long story short I lost my house, gf, and business in April. It was a huge hit financially. I was forced to move back to my hometown to get back on my feet. I recently decided to also quit all opiates and just focus on improving myself. If I could go back I would not have come off yet. I feel the depression I feel is amplified so much because of what I have been going through. I have a constant urge to numb all the emotional pain I’m feeling and it’s been hard to not use anything. I quit all pills 9/9 and have been up and down but lately for some reason I have been in such a mental funk. I wake up and instantly feel sad and want to stay asleep. I was using norco with tramadol for 3 years. Used it for legit pain but would also take high amounts to get high. I started to abuse the pills after a break up I had and my parents were divorcing at the same time. I used pills to cope with any negative feelings I would have. I feel like I’m having to deal with everything now. I’ve been forcing myself to workout and I’ve been eating good. I’m trying my best to stay positive and to take it day by day. It’s been 2 months tho I thought I would be feeling happy and proud to be sober. Life’s been miserable and everyday has been a mental battle for me. My last break up still bothers me a lot. We just recently went no contact and I’m sure that is adding to the depression. I have a lot of regrets of decisions I made while high and being sober I can’t stop focusing on all my mistakes. The gym helps a bit and I feel some happiness after but it fades away after a few hours. I was never depressed before in my life and would not wish this type of sadness upon anyone. I miss being motivated and having energy. I want to be productive again and get my life back on track. This mental fog is holding me back. I have been thinking of trying Kratom for temporarily to see how it effects me. I guess I’m looking for others who can relate and have felt depression after opiates even being sober for 2 months. It’s a hard uphill battle and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it that understands. I’m working on getting new health insurance so I can talk to someone. Any encouraging words would be appreciated
    Catrina likes this.

  2. #2
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Default

    Welcome,

    This will get better. You've had some hard stuff that happened all around the same time so it's a natural thing for you to feel the way you're feeling. That's what's supposed to happen but when we are using opiates, we don't feel anything and for many of us, that's the reason we started to abuse those devils in the first place.


    Early on in recovery (and yes, you are still early on) we all feel some level of depression and it's worse for some than others. All of our sins catch up with us at the same time and it's overwhelming. I'm quite sure that it's for both of these reasons that you're having a hard time. It will get better!! It will, I promise but it won't happen without you doing the work to get there. I know you're in between health insurance, but as soon as you can you should get yourself in to see a therapist. Find a meeting and go. No one wants to do that for the first time but it's going to be the best thing you could do for yourself. If you've never been, you don't even have to talk until you're ready. I also recommend that new people arrive a little early and offer to set up the room. It helps to break the ice and you'll find people who know exactly how you're feeling. There are plenty of options, NA, AA, Celebrate Recovery and more. They all are the same premise. Look online and find one and then GO!

    Keep your journal here too. You'll get support and people will send you words of encouragement. This recovery stuff ain't for sissies!! The good news, though is that it is more than possible. You sound young. You've got plenty of time to get your life back in order and find your happy life. It won't arrive unannounced at your doorstep. Get out and get it. Sitting around is the worst thing you can do. Get up in the morning, get showered and get going.

    Congratulations on your 2 months +!!! Post soon.

    Peace,

    Cat

    PS Don't get involved with Kratom!! I've seen those come onto this site trying to detox from it and it's every bit as hard, if not harder than opiates. Oh please listen to me and don't go there.

  3. #3
    ChiefChe is offline Senior Member
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    Apr 2017
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    Default

    Hi Ups-

    Welcome my friend. I can definitely relate as do many others here. So glad you started a thread & congratulations on your clean time. Getting through the physical stuff is only half the battle & mad props for making it this far.

    I'm not an expert by any means but I know the Tramodol is a mix of an opiate & antidepressant & could be playing into the lows your in. Please hold tight on that & someone with more knowledge will be by with some real talk on the subject.

    As far as Kratom- NO!! Again, I no experience but I've read that you can get hooked to that stuff easy & w/d from it are like opiate w/d. X that one out my friend.

    I definitely recommend counseling thou. Thumbs up! Until you can get insurance & a Dr. you can use your thread as warm up. Nothing but ears in here & the support is life changing (at least 4 me it is- & I know others will back me).

    I know things my appear dark at this time but we have to crawl our way out into the light. Out of all you have been through you are here & you are sober!! Did you ever think you would get this far???

    The feelings you are feeling (as cruddy as they are) are real feelings!!! The feelings might not be what you want but they are real & not faked. With time & work you will be able to get them back under control.

    Keep working out & eating right- you can't go wrong there. Work on forgiving yourself for the past. Forgiving will lift one more of those chains still weighing you down.

    Please post more & let us know how long & how much you were on & whatever else is on your heart.

    Here with ears open,

    Che

  4. #4
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Georgia
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    Hey upswing. Welcome to the forum!!! Everything that these fine ladies have shared with you is spot on!! And I can't stress enough to stay away from the kratom. That stuff is bad news. Had a friend who got hooked on it in a similar situation and it got out of control real fast. Drink lots of water and gatorade. Get out as much as you can. Have you looked into any supplements?? I know they helped me get back to whatever sense of "normal" I could muster. I do know that I'm not as grouchy, and people don't seem like such a-holes anymore. (Well for the last two days they have been . I just quit smoking..... grrrrrrr!!!!!!!) But anyways. Keep your head up. It gets so much better. It just takes time. Post as much as you want. It's therapeutic to get it all out!!! We're here for you.


    Keep doing the next right thing
    Stay strong
    Beef
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  5. #5
    Upswing710 is offline New Member
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    Nov 2017
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    Default

    Thank you for the all replies it really does mean a lot. Today is not a good day. I’m fighting off tears as i write this. I have an overwhelming urge to just numb myself. I think what’s bothering me the most is the break up with my and going no contact recently. I’m sure all these feelings i feel are amplified from coming off opiates. I’ve never felt like this after a break up . I have always been strong and never look back. I just can’t shake this sad depressed feeling. Constantly think about her and it’s the first thing on my mind when i wake up. I want to just be how i was and be happy and content single. I try and tell myself things to look forward to the future or to distract myself. I’ve had the opportunity to go out with different women but i have 0 interest in meeting anyone else right now. Our relationship was unhealthy but i loved and cared about her so much. She was my best friend and it just feels like I’m dealing with a death. I want to text/call her so bad. I’m doing my best to not make contact and get through all these feelings . I feel hopeless. I have such an empty feeling inside.
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  6. #6
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Nov 2016
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    USA
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    Aww upswing, Sorry you are having such a rough time. Yes as we gain clean time all those emotions we have numbed come flooding back. We feel so much more now the Happy,the sad,mad it's all normal I promise... Are you getting any face to face support. Na,Aa, Counseling,thearpy. Don't isolate we don't have to go through this alone. Keep reading and posting we are all here to support you..

    Stay Strong for Today.
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

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