About a year ago I was on here, down to 1mg of sub's and on my way to freedom. Then times got tough and we almost became homeless so I had to find work. I had to work nights since I don't have help with mu son and husband works during the day. About nine months ago I woke up and couldn't move my hands or fingers. I couldn't open a bottle of water or grip anything and would take an hour or two to be able to. Slowly other joints, like my knees and back and hips followed suite, making my mornings hell. I have to be up two hours before if I have to do anything or go anywhere just so I can move. I'd been self medicating with opiates before I saw the evil in them and turned naively to subs. Didn't take long yo see my mistake. And as of my last post onhere last year, I was close to freedom. But now I am ashamed to say I'm further than before. Because of my new symptoms, lack of medical interest from my Dr since my "blood work was good", and the fact that I had a night job and now my days last 18hours....I started doing more. I was up to 8mg a day which I never even took that much when I started originally. I am down to 4mg a day now. I was diagnosed about four months ago with an extremely rare parasite that isn't even found in the US. I have never travelled where it is found and cannot be transmitted through people. So how I got this idk but I was actually excited because it explained my symptoms! Unfortunately, after my one day dose of super meds and the parasite gone, the symptoms remain as they are damage from the parasite. I have CT scans scheduled to check my lungs and pelvic area as it was found in my bladder and chronic cases can cause organ damage or bladder cancer. So here I am. I have pain every day of my life, can't move for two hours every morning, weigh 89lbs soaking wet, have bladder and bowel issues, and have to work essentially 18hr days. Not to mention I haven't had a period in over a year. Which even when my weight would fluctuate in the past like this (though I never got this low before) I never had an issue with my period. But I also want to make sure the sub's aren't playing a role in any of thus. So I know I need to get off them, if only just to make sure they aren't causing any problems. But I am scared. The pain I have is real. Antiinflammatory meds just don't work. I also can't be feeling like a bag of poo while trying to feel OK, raise my autistic toddler during the day, and then clean offices and commercial buildings for six hours a night. I know Randy's taper plan is the best one out there. And I know it can be done because I've watched and read so many of you doing it....I just need the encouragement that I can....or if I should right now or wait until all the tests come back about mu organ damage. I wish my doctor was someone I could confess this secret addiction to, but I am already on the verge of looking for a new doctor since both him and the infectious disease doctor LAUGHED at me while I was in tears explaining to them the lack of quality of my life and how I just want to give up. The infectious disease dr didn't even believe me about the parasite (because I would travel to a third world country just to get it to be able to see you) and then called me after I left acknowledging the pathology report and that it had been confirmed. Then my own Dr laughed at me when I broke down, with my no-napped autistic son having a meltdown, talking to him about my fatigue and how my schedule is very hard on me....really just venting and showing him how hard I'm trying but the quality of my life sucks! He laughs and says "well there's nothing I can do about that". Call me oversensitive but that was the last straw. I'd been seeing him for years and it was an ER doc who found the parasite not even him. After all my tests and scans... Didn't once test me for a parasite. So here I am.....what do I do? Slowly taper...like so slowly I hardly can tell so I can still function through my 18hr days? What should I do for the pain in the meantime?

Thanks for reading and hope to hear some advice or support!