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Getting ready to detox from opioid addiction again
  1. #1
    Reddead is offline New Member
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    Default Getting ready to detox from opioid addiction again

    Hi all. I'm here to seek support as I begin to detox myself again. A little background to my story is I was on 80 mg of methadone for 17 years which I came off of over 2 years ago. That in itself is quiet a story as I came off it very quickly. I chose to go the rapid detox method with the aid of naltrexone as I live somewhere where we have a doctor that does naltrexone implants. It was a brutal detox. Cold turkey, rapid detox from the nastiest substance on the earth. Alas, I got through it went to rehab and remained completely substance free for more than 2 years. However I ended up relapsing a few months ago and find myself once again at the mercy of a painkiller addiction. I am here to document my detox and hopefully find some support. You see all my family and friends believe I am still substance free. I put them through so much whilst in active addiction last time and they all rode my detox and recovery with me. They were there by side when I ended up in hospital, visited me in rehab and financially supported my wife and kids while I took 5 months off my life to go to rehab. I don't have the heart to tell them my addiction is active again. I really feel all alone this time but this is a hole I dug myself. I've had my last dose today so I'm fine right now but know I'm in for hell tomorrow. I shall check in tomorrow and report on how day 1 is going. I shall also share on here once I am better an in detail account of my rapid methadone detox. It is one hell of a story I'm sure many will be intrigued by. Thank the Lord I'm not coming off that this time. Anyway to tomorrow. Peace
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  2. #2
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello Red and thank God your not Dead. Glad you made it to this forum welcome.
    I see you were active Addiction for a few months now hopefully not the same beast. I to coldturkey from long term methadone abuse you say brutal that's a nice way of putting it.ughh.. I m coming up on 14 months Clean off that garbage. Just pure hell demon drug. Have you gotten face to face support Na Aa counseling thearpy? For this addict I find it holds me accountable also has given me a support group. As far as suggestions not to sure of what to say as I'm typing I'm thinking of family and friends who have been by my side through this tourturous horrific traumatic experience...what would I say if I relapsed? Your post made me stop and take a look at myself wow I tell everyone don't beat yourself up it's only a failure if you stop trying. So with that said I feel you. Shame guilt embarrassment..
    Addiction is awful I guess you know the drill you know what to expect. You have come off years of Methadone abuse so I know just how strong of a person you are you can do this. Getting honest putting it out here on this forum great first step. Looking forward to day one congratulations...we are all here to support you.
    again welcome to the fourm.

  3. #3
    Reddead is offline New Member
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    Gday Lvg nghtmare. Thanks for the reply, nice to know there is support out there. I was attending NA and doing counciling for the first 6 or so months of my 2 years clean. I don't know what happened, I guess I got complacent and figured i no longer needed to attend either.
    What's really getting to me right now is my state of mind. Whilst clean my frame of mind was great. I was so strong, so positive. Taking on each day and breezing thru it. Life was great, work was going well, I was a great father. Giving my all to my kids every day. I loved the simple things in life like just waking up in the morning and going to work. Now its a totally different frame of mind all together. I hate waking up and not just if I'm sick, I just hate the fact I have to face another day. I'm not enjoying working I have no motivation for it. I hate the parent I am right now. I hate the lying to my loved ones again. Most of all I HATE getting high. Yeah it takes away the sickness but then I'm just full of self loathing. I never felt like that when I was getting high 2 years ago. I guess I know better now. Its the one thing really breaking me right now is where my head is at. Its funny, when I was abusing before I just thought withdrawal was physical. I guess I didn't see the mental thing back then as it had been many many years since my head had been clear that I just didn't know any better. I can't believe I am here in this situation again. 2 years clean, completely clean, months away from my family, countless dollars spent on rehab and such and all my loved ones doing tough while I got better and now I'm right back again. Sometimes it feels like maybe this is who I am, this is my life. Some of have to be addicts right, the world needs statistics?? I don't know. At least this time I'm not coming off methadone. And I know now what life can be like. Just gotta push thru this and get my head space back where it was.

  4. #4
    GoodDaysAhead is offline Member
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    Welcome Reddead. As Lvg said, you only truly fail if you stop trying. You seem to know the type of positive life you want and have taken the hard first step to changing your life again for be better. I too was on long term Methadone and had, and still am having trouble getting myself back to normal. I hid that program from everyone I knew...for close to 10yrs, so I can relate to not wanting to let those around you know what’s going on. Every time walking into the clinic, being constantly reminded that this is how far I’ve fallen....the constant batting over the head of “this is what I am now? This is the path I allowed myself to go down?” The fallout from going to that medication and living life that way for so long fills me with such shame. I’m still working on that though and hopefully soon I can remove these negative feelings. Just have to push on...there really is no other choice. Be proud that you are getting back on the horse and trying again. That’s commendable. You got this!
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  5. #5
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Red, get out of that stinking thinking...yes we are addicts we do recover. You know complacent I hear it alot the biggest reason for relapse is they just stop going to meetings. I keep it simple today if that one hour keeps me clean why would I stop going. Oh the mental part is hard just have to keep at it. Sometimes life just suks but it's just a feeling than it passes. Pick yourself up dust yourself off you can do this. Your right at least it's not meth this should be a cake walk. Here to support you my friend...
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  6. #6
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    Hi Red. Wow. I appreciate your honesty. I had around 20 years clean before getting entangled in medical problems and ultimately, active addiction again. I’m not sure how to face my old friends and family. Nobody is judging me for what I went through, but I still feel I failed. I just know I want to stay clean. Through my acute withdrawals I just kept thinking I can make it, one more moment. It seemed to go on forever, but it passed. God bless and hang on!

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