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Husband is 33 days clean of Vicodin and I'm scared....
  1. #1
    Anonymous917 is offline New Member
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    Apr 2015
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    4

    Default Husband is 33 days clean of Vicodin and I'm scared....

    Forgive me as I know this post will be long. April 1, 2015 would have been 6 years that my husband was clean. He’s a Vicodin addict and relapsed some time last year (without me knowing). He is now 33 days clean again – well, he did have emergency gall bladder surgery a couple weeks ago and they did have to give him some narcotics for pain while in the hospital so I’m not sure how I count that (more on all of that later). I hope you don’t mind me posting here. I’m not an addict and I will never understand all that goes with it but I’m married to one and I’m struggling to cope with it. I need a place to talk/vent where others may understand. To the beginning – he had been abusing Vicodin for probably about 2 – 2 ½ years before I even knew about it! I honestly can’t tell when he’s high on it – is that normal?? Should I be able to tell? I found out, confronted him and he agreed to get help. He ended up going to a rehab center, stayed for about a week, detoxed (with suboxone) and was put on a program. He only went to meetings/classes in order to get the refill for the suboxone – he hated going, “meetings/classes aren’t his thing”. On Suboxone for 18 months and after that, no more classes or meetings, no nothing. He’s an awful communicator, doesn’t talk well about his feelings at all and it’s very hard to get him to open up. So I thought things were going ok for him – we’d bring it up from time to time and he always said he was doing good. Fast forward to the end of March this year. I found out that he was using again, started sometime last year. Again, had no idea. Well, actually there were a few questionable moments (far apart though) and I did question him on using last October to which he denied up and down that he wasn’t. I believed him. He denied it at first this time as well and in fact told me it was another woman when I questioned the almost 400 text messages being sent to one number over a 90 day period (as far back as I could go). Turned out it was a dealer. Confronted him again with his parents and brothers. He finally admitted it was drugs again and ended up having an emotional breakdown. We are Christians and his younger brother prayed with him. My husband gave his heart to Jesus again. He said he wanted to be done with the Vicodin for good this time. He started a cold turkey detox the very next day. Did not want to go anywhere, do a program or use Suboxone again. This was Easter weekend and it was hard for him – I was supportive and followed most of the Thomas recipe for him. 2 weeks into his detox he had to have emergency surgery to remove his gall bladder. It was so infected that it required him staying in the hospital for 3 days to be on IV antibiotics. Hospital was aware of this addiction and tried to go another pain route other than narcotics (Tramadol, Toradol). Nothing was really working for him so they had used Dilaudid a few times and some Norco – but on a limited basis. They needed him up and moving around after surgery but his pain was too high. He was only sent home with Motrin 800. BTW, the surgeon said he should have been in pain for months with how bad his gallbladder was. The Vicodin was obviously masking the pain and had I not discovered he was using, he would be DEAD!! His gallbladder would have ruptured and the infection would’ve killed him. God really gave my husband a second chance at life here. So all of that had me worried that he would relapse again quickly since getting a taste of it again so soon into detox. I’m trying to watch and keep tabs as best I can but I’m still scared.

    Where I’m at today – I’m scared and nervous. I don’t know how I will ever trust him again – he put his hand on the Bible, looked me in the eye and lied right to my face! Maybe an addict should never be fully trusted again?? If he came as far as he did and then relapsed, it tells me that he can’t do this on his own. I’m worried that because he doesn’t want to do a program that he will fall again. We have 3 children together too. We haven’t talked much about all of this either. I was trying to give him some space and be supportive while he went through the first few weeks of detox. But I have questions and concerns. I don’t really know what to do at this point. I truly believe if he wanted to start using again he would and would lie, lie, lie all over again. And this time would try to better cover his tracks (even though it was pretty good this time). If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I appreciate any support or comments. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
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    123

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    > I honestly can’t tell when he’s high on it – is that normal?? Should I be able to tell?

    As an addict who has kept this thing a secret from my family for 2+ years, I sometimes wondered how nobody could tell. One easy way to tell is by looking at his pupils -- constricted pupils are a dead giveaway. Frequent "sickness" (with chills, diarrhea, sweating) can also be related if he doesn't have a steady supply and goes into w/d occasionally. Emotionally, it's harder to tell and probably differs person to person.

    The gallbladder thing i would bet is connected to the drug use, as opiate users seem to end up having gallbladder issues.

    > Tramadol, Toradol

    By the way, those two both are opiates. Not quite the same as morphine/hydrocodone/etc, but they are definitely bad for someone with a narcotics addiction.

    Regarding trust, I am not sure what to tell ya. I'm an addict, but if I found out my wife was one?? I would have an incredibly hard time trusting her at all. That's incredibly hypocritical I realize. But the addiction can make you do things you never thought you'd do, and more than anything else it'll make a person lie in the face of the people they love. I know I've done that. It has nothing to do with not loving the person, it's just a nasty part of this disease where you'll do whatever to keep it rolling.

    I hope your husband can make it work this time!

    Also I'd suggest al-anon. Probably going to get a lot better advice there.

  3. #3
    Anonymous917 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
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    4

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    Thank you finallydoingthis for the response, I do appreciate it. I mentioned the pupil thing to him and he says his don't do that. He tested it out - watched his eyes in the mirror after taking it, etc. He wanted to make sure his eyes didn't give it away. We've been talking more about things lately - I'm curious, have questions etc. and he has opened up a little.

    Thanks for addressing the lying - he said the same thing. He told me he doesn't really remember what hurtful things he said to me because he just kept saying things/making things up to hide what was going on. I've read that a lot on here - the drugs are #1 and the addict will do anything/everything to keep them coming in and it doesn't matter who gets hurt in their path or what hurtful things are said.

    I may look into the Al-anon meetings too. Having a loved one who is an addict is very hard to deal with - it's definitely a road I didn't see myself standing on!!

    Thanks again.

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