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I need to talk to someone.
  1. #1
    kissi_74940 is offline New Member
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    Default I need to talk to someone.

    This is not spam! Me and my boyfriend have been together off and on for 5 years. We have broke up and gotten back together twice. Every time we break up he is strung out. And then when he get better he comes back. This time he actually admitted and used the words "I'm strung out". He says he just needs to get off the >>>> and get his head straight, figure things out. He is on hydro 10's, 23rd and what ever other pills he can get his hands on. He stresses the fact that he DOES love me, that it kills him not to be with me. The night we broke up when we hugged he acted like he didn't want to let go and neither did I. We also layed on the bed and cuddled for about 2 hours. I could feel the love coming from him. I just need opinions from people who have been where he is.

  2. #2
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey kissi. I know you're looking for someone to talk to. Sorry its taken me so long to get back to you. First off I do believe he loves you. Although I believe he loves his drugs just as much. Addicts are master manipulators, con artists and they can't be trusted. I know because when I was on drugs I was all of those things. I did not care who I would hurt, or what bridges I would burn to get my drugs. It was just how I lived, and I hurt a lot of good people and lost friends because of it.

    You don't deserve to have this happen whenever he gets "strung out" it's not a healthy relationship. I know you guys have been together five years but it can't keep going like this. He says he loves you. Great!!! Back it up, you need to put your foot down and make a stand if you want this to work. I know I had to hit rock bottom before I was ready to be done. He needs to be sick and tired of being sick and tired.

    I really hope this works out for you. 5 years is a long time to be with someone and I know you genuinely care for him. But he needs to understand that this kind of behavior is not acceptable.

    Please keep posting and let us know how it goes. I wish you nothing but the best!!!

    Keep your head up

    Beef
    InsaneJane likes this.

  3. #3
    kissi_74940 is offline New Member
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    We cuddled the other night for like 2 hours. I could feel the love coming from him. He says that he needs time to be by himself and get his head straight.

  4. #4
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    I'm gonna have to let you go for a bit kissi. I gotta finish up work. I'll get back to you when I get home.

  5. #5
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey Kissi, I don't know what I can add to what Beef told you, but I can share what it was like for me being another addict. There was nothing that could have made me stop using until I had hit rock bottom. Years ago I lost a great job, wife and 2 kids because of my addiction, but nothing else mattered to me. I love my kids dearly, but just couldn't place them above my use. We had our good times, but lots of "strung out times" as well, which wasn't fair to them in any way, shape or form.

    Fast forward over a decade and many years of being caught up in the trap of pain pills. First legitimate use after an accident, but once again letting them get out of control. It got to a point where I was falling into the same trap as years before, and subjecting my fiance to lots of "strung out time" here as well. She didn't give me an ultimatum, but it wasn't fair to her and was something I had to realize. I had to hit rock bottom again before I realized I needed to stop. Nothing she could have said to me would have gotten me to get off the pills.

    Knowing I had her support allowed me to finally be done with them, and now rack up over a year of time completely clean. I can assure you though, that even though she knows I love her more than anything, if I would have continued my pattern she would have done what's right for her...which wouldn't have been to continue to stay with me.

    Nobody can tell you what to do, but your boyfriend will only stop using when he's ready to. I have no doubt that he loves you, but you have to look at what's most healthy for you. Like Beef said, don't be afraid to put your foot down and let him know the pain he's causing you.

  6. #6
    ChiefChe is offline Member
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    Hi Kissi,

    Glad you found your way here! I'm gonna have to back up Beef here in everything he said about us addicts. Sad but true the drugs come first b4 anything. When I say anything I mean any and everything. It is our first thought when we wake & the last at nite. The party is short lived thou & it becomes a necessity to even function as a human and it is at that point we become a slave to the puppet master.

    The one thing that struck me from your story is that you could feel the love coming from him. I'm an abstract thinker so please forgive me if this sounds weird. I'm a firm believer that we are all capable of interpreting others energy. With that said, if you can feel it then it's there.

    This can be a double edge sword when addiction is involved. He is sick & needs to get himself well. You are well & you don't need to get yourself sick. Does that make sense?

    If you want a future with him, and it sounds like you do, then the only way is the sober way. He needs to learn how to live life on life's terms without any help from a pill. All you really can do for now is to give him his space & see what he does with it. Remember that actions speak louder than words so you should see a difference if he is or is not using. Check out some threads on here & you'll get a glimpse into the process of getting off opiates.

    I mentioned a double edge sword so here's' the other side. If he continues to use & you continue a relationship then it can become an endless roller coaster of ups & downs. It will be the same ole wash, rinse, repeat cycle that can wear out your mental stability & risk your solid standing.

    Sorry to drop a novel but just wanted to let you know that your not alone. We got your back- whatever you choose. You got questions? -There is someone here that certainly have words of wisdom. You need support?- More than enough for You & Him. You just need to vent? -Got you covered there to. You just want to Heal? -You're in the right spot

    Much Luv & Respect,

    ❤️
    Che

  7. #7
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey kissi. Good morning! I hope this finds you well. You've gotten some great insight into the mind of an active addict from Draven and CC. I know you love your boyfriend. A lot!! And that's amazing. And I couldn't be happier for you. But I will tell you that if he continues down this road it will spiral out of control and he will take you down with him. Like Draven said he will hit rock bottom. It's a very very sad and lonely place to be. And I really hope he figures it out before he gets there.

    Like they said nobody can tell you the path to take. But I would suggest you bring this up to him. The fact that he "needs some time to work this out" to me sounds like a bunch of c.rap. sorry but that's the way I feel. When I was truly ready to get off opiates I did it for my fiancee and our kid. I was tired of my addiction coming in between what we needed. It was no way to live. And they gave me all the support i could have asked for and we are closer as a family because of it. An addict alone is bad company!!

    Please don't take this the wrong way. Like I said earlier I really hope this works out for you, and I wish you both nothing but the best. I know you both love each other but if he is serious about this he will need help. And I know you'll be there for him. Trust me he will need your strength. Withdrawals are absolutely brutal!! Like CC suggested read some threads to see what he is in for if he is serious. You should be able to tell. He will feel terrible. That I can promise you!! But he will come out the other side a better more loving caring man!!

    Keep posting and please keep us updated
    I hope you have an amazing day!!
    Beef
    Catrina likes this.

  8. #8
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Welcome!

    I'm a bit late to the party here but see that you have among the best on these Boards giving you wonderful, helpful information. I'm a recovering addict (just made it 8 years earlier this month) and my adult son is a very active H addict. Most addicts start innocently with a script and then it's Russian Roulette where it will go from there but it always, always escalates. It's the nature of opiates. We build a tolerance for them and the doses have to keep going higher and higher and/or we begin to hunt for something stronger and in no time at all we find ourselves in a deep hole. Bleh. Enough about that.
    .
    So. I have tons of experience loving an active addict and I know exactly what it feels like to be one. I'm glad that Beef said that your boyfriend says he needs time to pull himself together is a sack of c*ap. Oh he's feeling the fall out from abusing those pills that's true enough. I bet too that he's trying to figure out how to get clean. That is the easy part. We almost always lie to ourselves and convince ourselves that we can stop whenever we want. It's a lie! The tough part is recognizing what his use is doing to his life. When we're using any mind altering drug we live in the moment. When I was using and my script ran out early (every single month by the way) I'd go to the streets. I'd only score what I needed to get thru that day promising myself that it would be the last. By night time, I'd be counting to be sure I had enough for morning just to be able to function. By morning, I was already putting calls out to be sure I was covered for that day. It would be my last, after all. Until the next day. I was confronted by family over and over again and when that would happen, I'd cry and plead and promise I'd get my sh*t together. I was terrified and in that moment I really thought I'd do it and get clean. I put them through nearly 20 years of that. I'm so fortunate that I didn't lose more. My point is that active addicts truly do live in the moment and even though I'm absolutely certain that he loves you and it's probably his intent to clean up his act but it won't happen until he's ready. Clearly he's willing to make the gamble that you'll be waiting for him when he does. For me, that first day of abuse turned into 20 years of the same. I can't even tell you how many times I detoxed and relapsed over the course of those years. Even now, 8 years later, all I can promise is that I won't use today.

    Do you know what may have scared me right into recovery? If any of my family had reached out for help themselves. THAT would have scared me to death. As long as I was able to keep them ignorant of just how devious and manipulative I had become, it allowed me to keep my addiction alive and well. Don't take that wrong--in no way do I blame them for any of this, just sharing what may have made a difference. Who knows for sure if it would have.

    I hope you continue to post here. We can try to give you insight into how our sick minds work and I hope that helps. In the meantime, you have your own recovery work to do whether he does or not. You need to recover from HIS addiction because it has become your's. Whether or not things work out for the two of you (and I really hope they do!) the only thing you can be sure about is that your life will always be yours and it's a life that deserves to be happy and peaceful. That's your goal. To learn how to be happy without him and if and when he does get into recovery, you'll be a healthier happier person better equipped to support him. The best way to get your own recovery tools is to get them from someone who has or is going through the same thing. It's uncanny that the progression of addiction is very predictable and changes little from person to person. I would strongly encourage you to find a support group such as ALANON. You have already gotten a snippet of what it feels like to get support by coming here. Face to face time is even better!

    Hope you continue to be a part of this Forum.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  9. #9
    Stryker2018 is offline New Member
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    Here's my input I agree with most of what was said I also am an addict of many years as well as my wife we've been together for 15 years married for two sounds about right I'm sure the other addicts can identify because all those years of using we can never get it together one of us would get clean in the other wouldn't and then vice versa and it wasn't until she went to jail I kept ripping and running she got out and stayed clean and look me in the eye and said she was done and that very moment I knew I was done I hit bottom went to rehab and we stay broke up for a year like literally didn't even talk and now we have kids and own a house cars and more important peace all the things I swear I can never have or deserved and now I know the good man above his just getting started as long as I keep doing the right thing you have to do what's right for you and put your foot down no I don't think being cold to him is good either nor do I think you have to break all ties if he goes gets help your gut will let you know when he looks at you and says I'm done if it was like the other times or if it's different trust me a person Spirit cannot lie and if you love him you can read his Spirit really easy now that's just me and my experience I believe your experience will be different from every last one of us as we are all unique. And Hey listen people getting meetings or wherever else they get clean from and they try to cram it down someone's throat and say you have to do it this or that way because it works for them yes it worked for them and I believe that but what work for them might not work for you guys that's why I say you have to follow your gut and your spirit which I know is scary because we all want reassurance. But hey keep your head up it will all work out.
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  10. #10
    kissi_74940 is offline New Member
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    I can tell that this time is different by the things that he said about it. He has never said before that he needs time by himself to get his head straight.

    Thank you everyone for all the advice. Keep it coming I need it. And I will keep you all posted.

  11. #11
    kissi_74940 is offline New Member
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    He has texted me everyday, he came by my house today. I asked him how he was doing, he said he was gonna lock himself in his house for the next 4 days and start detoxing.

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