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My Drug Story, Suboxone Taper Now!
  1. #1
    Stopthistrain is offline New Member
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    Default My Drug Story, Suboxone Taper Now!

    Quick note: I read the forum rules. I won't break them intentionally. If this isn't in the right place I thank any moderator for moving it to the correct subforum.

    Hello. I'm using a unique forum name here, but let's get introduced. I'm Stopthistrain, but you can call me anything. I'm a 30 something woman married to the most wonderful man in the entire world. He works for a company he hates in order to provide me with insurance for my suboxone, in spite of having no chance of upward mobility. Any name used in this account is fake, for anonymity.

    My husband Dave and I just celebrated our 13th anniversary. I decided the best gift I could give would be quitting so he's free to find a better place to work. Besides that, I want to be the woman he fell in love with instead of this sad sack I've become.

    Drug history: experimented with anything I could get my hands on as a teen, then settled down and took "only" opiates. While pills were best (because I knew what was in them) I used any opiate I could get my hands on, in every way possible. Yep, my Method Of Administration had no boundaries whatsoever. Please know I'm not proud of this at all. I just want to give a clear and honest view of the situation.

    Got married and after five years of active addiction my husband couldn't take it anymore. He bore the financial strain and mood swings. He said he didn't want to control me; he said he isn't my parent and shouldn't have to try to control my actions.

    I was happy and relieved when a family friend told me about suboxone. Unlike others, I was able to locate a clinic and got in within a single week. That's because the place has roughly 20 psyche docs on staff and they all prescribe suboxone. It's like a weird pill mill type thing.

    It's been over three years. My daily dose went from 4mg all the way up to 24mg, because I would adapt to the dose and start getting sick. Oh, how many of us fear the sickness? Raise your hand if you've been terrified of the dope sick experience!

    Unfortunately, one of the people (Bill) I told about the miracle of suboxone lost their job and their insurance. Having known me for over 10 years this person has "dirt" on me. This dirt could and would ruin my marriage. I'm not being dramatic when I say my husband is, by far, the only light I've ever had in my life. My life was hard, even by psychiatric standards, yet I stupidly have done things in the past my husband doesn't know about. It's not cheating or anything like that but it would change how he views me.

    Bill decided he would take my medication away from me via blackmail. A life of constant terror doesn't appeal to me, so I'm going from 24 down to 16, as of last night. If anyone reads this far, please tell me if I should expect to get sick. The only way I can stop Bill is by having nothing he wants and honestly I am sick of this crutch, the appointments going wrong, the pharmacy hassles, the health issues associated with this medication. It doesn't make me high or happy and I am quitting.

    Dave ♥ doesn't know all the reasons I'm quitting but he's sick of that job and sick of the hassles, too. He wants me to be me, instead of the automaton he's dealt with these last three years or so. Dave is a truly wonderful and compassionate spouse but everyone has limits. It's time.

    If anyone reads this, thank you. Re: Bill, I know if I'd been completely honest with Dave about my past, Bill would have nothing on me, so I share the blame here, and my main motivator is to eliminate the treat to our marriage and happiness. I can live without drugs but I can't live happily without Dave.

  2. #2
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Welcome!

    Yep. It's been long enough on the subs. It's very odd that you needed to escalate your dose of subs and the amount you're taking is crazy high. I really think that much, if not all of your need to increase you dose to that amount was head games. No matter now. You are where you are and you're ready to do something about it.

    The drop you made to 16mg/day should barely be felt, if at all. In fact, the next several drops should go without a glitch so long as you can stay out of your head. You have so much sub built up in your system that it's going to take some time. If you haven't yet, find Robert's Sub Taper Plan and read it until you totally understand it. Ask questions and someone will help. The Plan calls for 25% reductions every four days or so. Because you're dose is so high, you can be aggressive right now but will need to slow down when you get lower. You obviously can skip the induction process of the plan because you've already been taking the subs.

    Be sure to drink plenty of water. If you aren't already, find and review the Thomas Recipe. It's a list of vitamins and supplements that will help you. They're all over the counter and can be found at most any grocery store, pharmacy, Walmart, etc.

    Keep posting and updating.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  3. #3
    Autumnhopes is offline Member
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    Wow! I feel for you!! I know the feeling of keeping things hidden from your husband I've done that to over the years my husband didn't even know that I was taking my drugs inappropriately for years he never saw any change in me he never even noticed but I kept a lot of things hidden from him little by little I told him the truth he was very angry but he ended up being somewhat supportive even now there's some things I keep hidden from him because our marriage is kind of up and down.... it's difficult when you don't have a lot of support but you can totally do this I've done it & many other people on this forum have gotten off Suboxone gradually and I've been OK there's a little transition time but you can definitely do it and you're going to feel so much better in your life!!! #getyourlifeback. That's what's happening for me and it feels wonderful... follow the advice of Cat she definitely knows what she's talking about & can give you great advice on exactly what to do so that it can be as comfortable as possible stepping down the suboxone!!
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  4. #4
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello Stopthistrain -

    I would tell "Bill" that you're tired of his blackmailing you and you're getting the police involved. That may give him something to think about?

    Cat's right, the amount of sub you're on is crazy high and way, way, way too much. Subxone has a ceiling effect and once you reach that ceiling anymore sub won't so a thing. So you're wasting sub and wasting money. The ceiling varies in each of us, but is around 8mg. And that's the TOTAL amount in your system at any given time. With a half life between 24 - 72 hours you have had much more than 8mg in your system for a long, long time.

    To be perfectly honest you could easily drop to 8mg per day and not feel a thing. A scary thought I'm sure, but I promise you I'm right about that. 8mg is still a whopper of a dose of sub. Cat mentioned Robert's sub plan and here's the link to that plan below....

    https://www.drugs.com/forum/suboxone...apy-66109.html

    Skip down to the taper section and read through it carefully. This plan works!

    So some reading aroind here in both the Need to Talk and Sboxone sections of the forums. Lots of info you can rely on as you begin this process. The more research you do the better you'll be informed.

    Randy
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-13-2017 at 07:32 PM.

  5. #5
    Stopthistrain is offline New Member
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    Thanks for all the responses. I feel understood, here, and can tell there are experts taking an interest in my recovery. So far, so good, on the jump down (wouldn't be sick yet anyhow but it's lovely to not be sick isn't it?).

    Having read the Robert plan many times through these years I am familiar with it and have seen it literally save lives. I know it's good. It's not good for me due to my heart defect and fairly severe epilepsy. Withdrawals aren't uh... they aren't just scary like "I don't want to feel bad", it's "I don't want to smash my head on the pavement again" and "I don't want to have a heart attack", so with all the stuff from the Thomas recipe here I hope forum members will understand if I take it more slowly, and not wash their hands of this thread.

    My husband is supportive of my plan so far, but he feels I am jumping too far, too fast and wishes I would drop only 4mg at a time. I told him this shouldn't cause me to lose sleep or have anxiety so please let's try this.

    Lastly, there's Bill, who knows the police will be involved because I have proof of this felonious behavior. More than that, Bill feels like the worst person in the world for doing this to me, because I have always been nice to him. Generally speaking I'm that person others come to, to talk about their problems, because I won't tell. Stopthistrain is the kind of friend who helps when she can, but is sort of a doormat.

    Thanks again, and I will check in periodically to let y'all know of any changes, or just to let you know I'm still trying. If I fail, I will tell you I failed and explain how and why, even if it's entirely my fault.
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  6. #6
    Stopthistrain is offline New Member
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    Oh, I was also wondering if this could be moved to the discussion forum where addicts talk about their tapers and/or recovery journeys. "I need to talk" seemed like a nice, neutral spot but another person (a 23 year old who went CT on my dose!) posted elsewhere. If it can't be moved, that's okay. I just want people to see this in the future, mainly so they'll see anything I may learn and anything experts may say. This stuff could help countless people who aren't free to register or post at all; some unfortunates live with this in absolute secrecy.

  7. #7
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stopthistrain View Post
    Thanks for all the responses. I feel understood, here, and can tell there are experts taking an interest in my recovery. So far, so good, on the jump down (wouldn't be sick yet anyhow but it's lovely to not be sick isn't it?).

    Having read the Robert plan many times through these years I am familiar with it and have seen it literally save lives. I know it's good. It's not good for me due to my heart defect and fairly severe epilepsy. Withdrawals aren't uh... they aren't just scary like "I don't want to feel bad", it's "I don't want to smash my head on the pavement again" and "I don't want to have a heart attack", so with all the stuff from the Thomas recipe here I hope forum members will understand if I take it more slowly, and not wash their hands of this thread.

    My husband is supportive of my plan so far, but he feels I am jumping too far, too fast and wishes I would drop only 4mg at a time. I told him this shouldn't cause me to lose sleep or have anxiety so please let's try this.

    Lastly, there's Bill, who knows the police will be involved because I have proof of this felonious behavior. More than that, Bill feels like the worst person in the world for doing this to me, because I have always been nice to him. Generally speaking I'm that person others come to, to talk about their problems, because I won't tell. Stopthistrain is the kind of friend who helps when she can, but is sort of a doormat.

    Thanks again, and I will check in periodically to let y'all know of any changes, or just to let you know I'm still trying. If I fail, I will tell you I failed and explain how and why, even if it's entirely my fault.


    Hello S.T.T. -

    I think you and perhaps your husband may have the wrong idea about Suboxone? It's a LESS is more drug and not one where increasing the amount is going to pay off (other than at the induction). The LOWER the dose of Suboxone you're taking the better you'll feel. In your opening post you said you went from 4mg up to 24mg because...."I would adapt to the dose and start getting sick". Knowing Suboxone as well as I do, I can assure you with 100% confidence that absolutely no one ever requires a dose of Suboxone that reaches 16mg or more. I don't say this to judge you because of your highest dose or put you down, only to let you know how this drug is intended to work. As I've said many times to others on very high amounts of Suboxone, you'll discover once your dose is down to the 1-2mg range that it will do exactly the same as a dose of 8mg or higher will do. You'll feel the same on the lower dose, and I'll bet you'll even feel better. It's one of those wait and see things.

    As for taking this slow, that's perfectly fine so long as you don't become too complacent. As Cat said in her earlier post, you can be agressive with the taper right now because of the high amount you're on. You have quite a build up of Suboxone in your system right now. As you continue to take your daily dose it builds faster than the half life dissipates. So right now the 25% reductions every 4-5 days should not have any effect on you. Now your head may tell you different, but if you give it a day ot two on a lower dose your body will comply and you'll feel fine.

    Once your dose is down to around 4mg - 8mg you can and should take this a little slower due to the time you've been on the subs. It may take you 4-7 days on each reduction dose before going lower.

    Lastly, I think you should leave your thread in this forum because it receives much more traffic than any other forum. I was on subs and I started my thread here because I knew more people would see it. And I was right. It's totally up to you, but give it some time and you'll begin to receive more replies from the other members.

    Take care and have a great day!

    Randy
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  8. #8
    Stopthistrain is offline New Member
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    Thumbs down

    Randy,

    Thanks for the advice. I'm going to go, now, and not return here.

    For others seeking help, please know the Robert 325 plan has helped countless people and is a great one if you don't have messed up brain waves or a heart that sends part of each beat of blood backward, or some other serious health issues which may be enhanced by insomnia/stress.

    The list of stuff for the recipe mentioned (google The Thomas Recipe) is somewhat expensive but it's easy to discover what to prioritize, at the very least, by asking questions. I firmly believe almost every single person who posts on these boards is well meaning and experienced, including Randy. My pride simply won't allow me to justify my belief that I won't become complacent and am not using health issues as a reason to continue to use this medication, which I don't want and don't abuse and has messed up my guts and teeth.

    Can someone please lock this thread when you're ready?

    Wishing you all the very best,
    Stopthistrain

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