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Need a cheerleader
  1. #1
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Default Need a cheerleader

    Pretty much the same story as most, prescribed pain meds for legitimate reasons (that I’m still dealing with) and we all know where that leads. Running out a week “or so” early and either finding more or suffering. I’ve decided no more, I’m done. I’m on about day 4-5 and holy cow...have I hit a wall. I’m struggling. I’ve had a little help by taking pregabalin and Xanax - (neither of which I’ve ever had an issue with so when this is over I can gladly walk away from those) - to soften the blow but tonight it’s like they both stopped working and every symptom is hitting me ten fold, feels like because I’ve had a relatively easy last couple of days I’m getting paid back. My resolve is strong (or so I thought lol) and I won’t touch another pill. I know what’s coming after the acute withdrawals and am prepared to deal with that. I’m doing this for myself first and my family second. My kids deserve a present mom and my husband deserves to have the woman he fell in love with back. No one in my life knows what I’m struggling thru so it’s not like I can call on anyone in real life for help. And no, I’m not ready, if ever, on planning on letting our family and friends know about this. I know I got myself in this position and going to succeed on getting myself out. I’m just tired and need some support. On the bright side my music collection has grown exponentially in the last few days!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-20-2018 at 07:22 AM. Reason: Spelling/Grammar
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  2. #2
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Welcome to the forums JFD. Here you'll find a bunch of amazing cheerleaders to help you on your way. Your story is similar to many on here I'm certain. Congratulations on what you have accomplished thus far. Physical symptoms should last about a week or so with symptoms peaking around days 2-4 and slowly getting better after that. The mental part of this journey is quite formidable, keeping a positive mindset is key!! Keep your guard up and don't let the beast have a chance!! You've got the right mindset to get this done.

    Have you seen the Thomas recipe for opiate withdrawal? I still haven't figured out how to drop a link but I know you can Google it. All the stuff in there will help you get to where you need to be. I know you said you've been taking xanax. Just be careful with that. Benzos are highly addictive and the w/d associated with them are worse than opiates, and can be dangerous if you stop them c/t.

    I'm sure that other members will be by to help out and shake their pom poms for you!!! This is a great place with amazing people who want nothing more than to help.

    Ask as many questions as you want, let it out. We're really good listeners. Read others threads. It helped me so much during my detox. And I came away with more determination to beat this with each thread. You CAN do this!!

    Keep posting and let us know how its going.

    The weekend's can be a little slow around here so don't get discouraged, it usually picks back up on Sunday night. So hang in there. You're already 4-5 days clean. How awesome is that!!!

    Take it slow and one day at a time!!

    Beef

    Oh yeah, I know you feel like death right now but honestly the best thing that helped me was staying active!!! I know a trip to the mailbox feels like a marathon, but it helps so much to get up and get moving. Get those endorphins moving!! Drink tons of water/Gatorade. It helps to flush out the garbage!!

    Again welcome and Congratulations!!!
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  3. #3
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Thanks Beef for the support. I’ve actually been reading this forum for a while now and familiar with most everyone’s story and that’s mostly the reason I’ve had the strength to try and defeat this monster. All of the success stories are super inspiring.

    I did actually go run some errands yesterday after being snowed in for a few days.. We, Georgians, can’t handle snow. We aren’t used to that!! I’m trying to talk myself into going to the gym, if for nothing more than walking on the treadmill but my couch is winning!

    Thanks again Beef for stopping by and your kind words and advice. Have a great weekend!!
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  4. #4
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Yeah I feel you on the snow. I'm up in the mountains, hour and a half ish N of ATL. People lose their minds when it snows. Keep posting. We're all here for you!!

    Beef

  5. #5
    blondie50ish is offline Member
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    Got my pom poms and ready to cheer!

    Your story could be mine, or like beef said, any of ours. We've all been there. My suggestion - distract yourself best you can. We all have something that worked better than anything else - for me it was anything funny - whether it be a funny movie, a funny book - I tried to concentrate on finding the humor in life when I was going through withdrawal. I also listened to a lot of music. I tried the Thomas Recipe but there was something in that recipe that did not agree with me and made me super hyper, so I did not continue for long. Others feel it's a miracle recipe though so give it a try and see where you land. For me, my recipe was rest even if I couldn't sleep, take as many long walks as my body would allow, take hot showers or baths as often as I could, drink lots of water during the day and hot tea at night to calm myself for rest and/or sleep. Avoided anything too heavy or emotional - did not watch the news for several weeks after I quit pills. I avoided locking myself up in my room and isolating, even though the temptation was great to do so. Immersed myself in my family as often as I could and saw the goodness of having people around who loved me, even if they didn't have a clue as to what I was experiencing.

    Good luck to you! Keep us posted on how you are doing.

  6. #6
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Thank you Blondie for your cheers!! I’ve managed to get in a couple of naps today, thankfully. I’ve never been an emotional woman but I *may* have just cried at a Subaru commercial, lol. (Fine, I’ll admit I’ve become more emotional since my oldest son left for college last year, but a car commercial C’mon man!!!!) I’ve definitely been staying with the funny stuff and DEFIANTLY avoiding the news. I’m trying to stay in a positive mindset especially around my kids and husband. I bought some sleepy time tea to try tonight to see if I can rest a bit better which couldn’t work out better because I’m coming down with a cold too. Thank you wacky weather and the first week of school after Christmas break!! However, I’m afraid to take any cold medicine because I’m worried it’ll worsen the RLS so for now I’ll deal with one thing at a time.

    Have a great night everyone!
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  7. #7
    blondie50ish is offline Member
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    Sounds like you are doing pretty well, all things considered JFD! The first time I detoxed (sadly I had one left in me!), my son had just left for college too. I spent the first couple of weeks crying over commercials too, until I finally figured out it probably was a combo of my baby flying the nest and the feelings coming back after being numbed for so long.

    Sleepy time tea is the best! I would always make a ritual around having it every night, pull out the good china and sit and have it while I meditated on the day. It does give some wacky dreams, at least the type that has the valerian in it. Technicolor dreams, which wasn't an all together bad thing lol. Made nighttime interesting for me if nothing else!!

    Good going, you made it through another day. Congratulations!

  8. #8
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    I would’ve thought after almost 7 days some of the symptoms would lighten up, but nope. Really struggling today and just feeling defeated all around. Thanks for the virtual high five Blondie, I really need it.

  9. #9
    hopes1211 is offline Senior Member
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    Just - it's a roller coaster for awhile, but don't let that deter you. 7 days and you have all of that stuff out of your system. The mental part is the hardest, but I can tell by your writing, you really want this. Post, post and post. It helps immensely, and excercise. Just a walk, and then tomorrow a longer walk. The natural endorphines the brain produces from this is a Godsend. I have finally chose to go to a private counselor. I, like you, am private. My husband knows. I know I cannot continue. I am on the very edge. You don't want that so take the time you have behind you and run like the wind.

  10. #10
    shipper is offline Junior Member
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    Default love and acceptance

    i am so moved by the compassion found here.only a recovering opiate addict could know how we feel im 21 days clean and struggling,fatigue,anxious,hard to leave house.im just gonna tough it out.love this site but im not too computer literate so i just scroll around.i greatly appreciate you people,wow what a blessing!
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  11. #11
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Thanks Hopes for the encouragement and kind words. I want to beat this so badly and get back to actually living my life instead of simply existing day to day.

    I’ve never considered myself to be a weak person, I’ve been thru IT in life, a lot of really terrible stuff (I’m sure as some of us have) and never once did I ever turn to drugs to try and numb any of it. You guys I’ve never even smoked a cigarette. Never experienced that college phase of “everyone’s doing it, just try it” or peer pressure of any sort. I’ve never really had a vice so to speak other than allowing people to walk on me because I’m so passive and hate confrontation, but this.... I am embarrassed because I have a sister who had a drug problem when we were younger and even as I got into my 20’s I would think why can’t she just leave it alone and walk away from it? Doesn’t she love me, her sister more than drugs? I still loved the heck outta her even when she couldn’t love herself, but even after her passing due to taking her own life I still couldn’t wrap my head around why she continued to use. Now I know it’s bigger than that. If ONLY it is as easy as wanting to I’d have been on the other side of this years ago. I think that’s a large part of why I won’t confide in my mom about what I’m dealing with because I don’t want her to worry about me the way she did with my sister and somehow think she failed both of her daughters.

    Tomorrow will be a week without any opiates for me and despite how awful I’m feeling (and currently counting down the hours/minutes before I have to wake my kiddos for school and get myself together for work....boo) I’m so proud of myself.

  12. #12
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Shipper - congrats on 21 days clean. I can’t wait until I get to say that!!

  13. #13
    hopes1211 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Just

    So alike. My sister did the same thing. I had no idea when it was happening. Naive. Gone way too early. You would have thought I would have learned from that too. I obviously did not. It's hard when you know you feel better when you take. The problem is, you really don't. It's all an illusion. We know that. It's really hard to stick with it. That's why after 3 years I finally decided to talk to a counselor. It took a lot for me to go. Underlying problems that I tucked away. I am a hypersensitive person. Problem 1. I care too much, Problem 2. I like being turned off. Problem 3. If I can figure out how to deal with the problems, I think I can lick this. I'm trying. I do not nothing illegal. Never have. I do have pain, but I am going to do my best to treat with Advil. Anxiety is also a real problem. Am going to do my best to do to the gy tomorrow.

    Good luck, and write again.
    Hope

  14. #14
    Leah987 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Just-Freaking-Done View Post
    Pretty much the same story as most, prescribed pain meds for legitimate reasons (that I’m still dealing with) and we all know where that leads. Running out a week “or so” early and either finding more or suffering. I’ve decided no more, I’m done. I’m on about day 4-5 and holy cow...have I hit a wall. I’m struggling. I’ve had a little help by taking pregabalin and Xanax - (neither of which I’ve ever had an issue with so when this is over I can gladly walk away from those) - to soften the blow but tonight it’s like they both stopped working and every symptom is hitting me ten fold, feels like because I’ve had a relatively easy last couple of days I’m getting paid back. My resolve is strong (or so I thought lol) and I won’t touch another pill. I know what’s coming after the acute withdrawals and am prepared to deal with that. I’m doing this for myself first and my family second. My kids deserve a present mom and my husband deserves to have the woman he fell in love with back. No one in my life knows what I’m struggling thru so it’s not like I can call on anyone in real life for help. And no, I’m not ready, if ever, on planning on letting our family and friends know about this. I know I got myself in this position and going to succeed on getting myself out. I’m just tired and need some support. On the bright side my music collection has grown exponentially in the last few days!
    Hi, JFD, welcome to the forum! So glad you decided to do this. I mean, it gets to the point, after you've been on pain meds a while, that they just do waaaaay more harm than good. I don't know what you're coming off of, but I came off ultram and hydros (one at a time) I've been off all pain pills for about 8 months now. I too hit a wall.at day 5 when most are beginning to turn a corner and feel a little better, I was definitely NOT. My only guess is that it was because I had been on the things for 30 years or so. GEEZE, that's a long time! Anywho, just don't be discouraged if it takes you a lil' longer to feel better. You WILL turn that corner and begin to see daylight at the end of the tunnel, and you will be so relieved and proud that you stuck with it. I think I read that you even got in a couple naps? WOW....you are doing GREAT! I didn't sleep a wink for a week. Not.....a......wink. When I began to get a little sleep, is when I began to feel a lil' bit better. Hang in there. You've got this!
    blondie50ish likes this.
    .....Ryka-Leah

  15. #15
    Leah987 is offline Senior Member
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    Oh, I forgot......GIMME A J....GIMME A F......GIMME A D!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOO! (shakin' my pom-poms!)
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.
    .....Ryka-Leah

  16. #16
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Couldn't have a better cheerleader in your corner...
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  17. #17
    ChiefChe is online now Senior Member
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    J 2 the F 2 the D!!!!

    Heidi Ho & Welcome! If you're not familiar with Me than I'll let you know now- I'm always a Day Late & a PomPom short. I still have a thing with Time but I made it. Also, I can't do a cartwheel to save my life & forget about a split. I know you asked for Cheerleaders but do you have any Mascot positions open??

    I'm so excited you started the journey!!! Congrats on 7 Days!!! At any moment now you're gonna feel those chains break. I'm been thru countless detoxes & they all varied. The sweet spot for me came anywhere from 5-10 days. You'll know when it hits you when you feel the metal jacket lift off & you open your eyes & can see clearly. Oh, that for sure, is my favorite part! Please pinky promise me that you document that day for us all to read?!?! Take it all in- sights, smells, feelings & whatever other warm & fuzzies that come to play.

    It's a feeling I will never forget. It was the first moment I realized I was truly was Alive!!! Until then get yourself outside in that Sun girlfriend!! Let it recharge you as you take deep breathes of that good azz Prana (good energy vibes).

    Keep us posted- it will be any minute (remember my timing issue) now & you'll really start to feel it.

    Healing Energy,

    ❤️
    Che
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  18. #18
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    I won't forget that feeling to Che..

    *So alive googoo Dolls*
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  19. #19
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey JFD. Just poking my head in to see how its going for you today??? Post whenever you can.

    We are here for you!!
    Beef

  20. #20
    shipper is offline Junior Member
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    Default roller coaster ride for me too

    the best thing i heard is your serious about it.hear a lot of success stories on here,keeps me going.23 days for me,feels like 23 years.ojust to hear there is light at the end of th e tunnel helps.they say every day gets better.all i can do is endure 1 day at a time and hope tommorrow is better.i guess time is the only cure.

  21. #21
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Hi Hope,

    I’m so sorry that you also lost your sister and are apart of this very unfortunate “club”. We are very alike in our personalities and I wish you much success in rerouting your future into something a whole lot brighter than either of our sisters could see. xx

  22. #22
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    It has been a rough couple of days. I talked to my husband and let him know just how badly I’ve been struggling and asked him to help me stop taking the medication. Honestly, I don’t know why I didn’t let him know just how badly it’s gotten and what was going on and my plan to get away from this junk once and for all because that man is amazing.

    I hate even typing out this next sentence, but having to stop cold turkey was killing me. Instead of trusting myself to just not take the rest of my prescription that’s left (because that’s worked out so well in the past....HA!) I gave everything to Will and asked him to help me taper and then stop. I am prescribed 20 mg of oxy four times a day, but I have been taking ONE 20 mg tablet and cutting it in four pieces and that’s all I’ve been taking the last two days. I’m stopped taking Xanax and Lyrica because even tho I’ve never had an issue stopping those two before (and are legitimately prescribed) I’m afraid that would be the universes sick plot twist for me once I am finally free from the oxy. A part of me is disappointed in myself for not having the strength to quit without tapering, but I couldn’t risk losing my job and I was starting to suck as a mom and wife. There’s only so many days I could pass off “mom has the flu”.

    I’ve been reading some of the taper stories on a few threads and I think someone mentioned starting a new taper on a Friday so your body will have the weekend to adjust to the harshest symptoms of the drop while I’m off and hopefully by Monday I’ll be back on the rise until I make the next step down.

    If you’ve made it this far reading my novel - I really appreciate your help and guidance and I hope all of my new buddies don’t write me off since I altered my story a tiny bit because I can still use you in my corner!

  23. #23
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Hi Leah, 8 month’s clean!!!! - Girlfriend YOU deserve a cheer!! I’m glad to know it isn’t just me that didn’t follow the guidelines! Normal is overrated ;-) And my naps are seriously only 15-20 minutes tops, but I have had the times where I went a week without being able to catch any sleep at all until I was able to refill my medication.

  24. #24
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Lvg Nghtmare-thank you for stopping by also. I love your encouragement and straight forwardness for everyone throughout the forum.

  25. #25
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Che - consider the mascot position yours! I’m excited that you’ve decided to join my team and I’m honored to have you. (Fun fact about myself - I really was a cheerleader ever since I was a little girl and eventually cheered for a professional NFL team for two years.)

    I love reading your posts and I too am “a day late and a dollar short!” My momma tells me that to this very day!! I am trying very hard to stay positive and not get down in the dumps about this entire experience. I already struggle with depression during the winter, but have been making an effort to spend some time outside the last few days. Instead of driving to pick up my daughter from the bus stop (her bus only makes one stop in our subdivision and it drops all the children off at the entrance and our house is in the back) I’ve walked to meet her. I know it’s not a marathon, but the one common suggestion everyone has made in trying to beat this was exercise. My hubby is a personal trainer and since I’ve confided in him and asked for his help he’s tried to talk me into going to the gym before we both start our workday but I’m just not there yet.

    Idk if you saw my other post about my not being able to stop cold turkey and instead having to taper, but I can tell a huge difference in my senses already. I know I have a LONG way to go, but I will most definitely share it with y’all!

  26. #26
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Hi Beef, thanks again for popping in to check on me. I really do appreciate you all!

  27. #27
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello JFD, I'm sorry I haven't been by sooner but flu has me down for the count.
    I'm still here quietly cheering you on. How are things going. Have you looked into getting face to face support Na Aa counseling thearpy it will give you the tools you need to deal with all your going through. One Addict helping another. I'll try to catch up when I can. Be well my friend..
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  28. #28
    Just-Freaking-Done is offline New Member
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    Hi Lvg, please take good care of yourself. The flu this year is no joke. I hope you get to feeling better soon!

    I have thought about NA, but I’m not sure if it’s the right place for me. I’m actually looking into Smart Recovery, I think that may be a better fit as far as a program for me. I just know that whatever I’ve been doing just isn’t working anymore and it’s time to move on and be healthy again.

    I’m glad you stopped by again and I hope you start feeling better ASAP!
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  29. #29
    ChiefChe is online now Senior Member
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    Hey Girl heyyy-

    I'm so stinkin PROUD of YOU! This is your journey to write & as that you are. We're all the same here but our journey is as unique as we are. We know ourselves best & when we hit that sweet spot we know & then it's off to the races.

    So glad you reached out to your husband. Did you get a sense of relief? Just knowing your not alone gives this a whole new meaning. Don't even fret over going back on the meds & doing a taper. This is all a mental thing so you have to do what feels right to you (forward steps only thou- wink). My brain would only accept c/t b/c it is that savagely greedy. Tapering with the support of your man might be your way. Never know til you try right??

    So glad you're getting outside. It is amazing what fresh air & sunlight can do. You're getting nice walks in so keep that up. One step at a time & pretty soon you'll look back in amazement. I still get excited thinking about it.

    Keep posting so you can prove to yourself later that you truly are stronger than what you thought you were. Insert more excitement here!!! Again, I still get warm & fuzzies thinking about where I was & where I am know. It might look like I've traveled far but it feels like light years.

    You'll see what I mean soon enough. You made your plan not just stick to it. Onward & upwards, one step at a time, doing the next right thing & staying strong.

    ❤️
    Che
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  30. #30
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello JFD, so how's it going? What's your plan are you tapering? Update when you can. For this addict face to face support was crucial crucial in my recovery. Other addicts that understand all I was going through. An addict alone is bad company.. it has given me the tools too handle life on life's terms. Believe me just because I'm clean life still shows up. It will also hold you accountable for your actions. Today I have choice's and those choices have consequences. Today not all my choices have negative consequences. You have to want this more than anything for yourself. I knew I was done.. Today it's a new way of life I don't ever have to use again. Keep posting we are all here to support you...
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

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