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Need to get sister away from mom doing drugs
  1. #1
    arinney is offline New Member
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    Default Need to get sister away from mom doing drugs

    Contains child neglect, drug use

    Two years ago my mom abandoned me & my older brother at my stepdad's house, and took my sister to live at her boyfriend's. My stepdad evicted my brother (18) for smoking pot, and was asking me (16) when I was going to leave. So I moved to my grandmother's 2 hours away. Long story short I barely saw any of them, my brother got heavily into drugs for a bit, and my little sister hardly spoke to me.
    The last time I visited my mom, about a month ago, I walked into her house without knocking because I was in a hurry to get out of the cold. When I opened the door she and her before quickly threw a blanket over the table and didn't leave the room the entire time I was there, but they did act high. My mom repeatedly told me they would leave to get my sister so I could see her for the short time I was down there. I only had a few hours before I had to go home. But she didn't leave and he and her just fell asleep on the couch. I was upset, and hadn't slept before, so after an hour or so I fell asleep too. When I woke up they had finally left to get her (I had 20 minutes until I needed to leave) and the coffee table was uncovered and the spot they'd covered was empty. So I went into my mom's room and started going through her >>>>, terrified she was going to walk in any second. I'm an adult now but god did that bring back horrible memories.
    I found something. A glass pipe. An obvious crack pipe. It had been used. It was in her dresser, third drawer down.
    I left because I was scared and honestly I'm still pissed at myself for not calling the cops then. BUT I have been through this multiple times as a child and know that if DHR came, and my sister didn't say "hey my mom's on drugs" and the cops didn't find anything my mother would take my sister and move away, and probably cut off any way I would have of contacting her.
    I'm going down for the holidays this week and one way or another I am calling because I can't leave my sister there. I'm going to try to look through my mom's stuff again while she isn't there, to see if I can find anything I could call the cops over (again: I'm still calling even if I can't find anything, because I'm hoping the cops showing up will at least scare my mom into. idk. doing less drugs? I'll just do it anonymously so she won't keep my sister from me).
    My question is, if anyone can help is:
    What should I look for? Where should I look for it?
    DHR has been very lax on my mother in the past after being called around for suspected drug use. Is there anything I can do to make them work harder to help my sister?
    Is there any way I can ask my sister if our mom is doing drugs without it sounding like that's what I'm asking?
    If anyone has any better ideas I'm all ears but: my mom will run or turn it around on me if I try to talk to her. If I try to ask my sister about it she'll probably tell my mom I asked.
    I don't have any reliable friends or family to talk to this about and I just really need some support. I tried to talk to my therapist about it but she just said she'd call if I needed her too.
    It hurts yeah, but I have no qualms with calling the police on my mother. I just want to try to keep it from becoming a situation where my mom runs off with her like she did with me & my brother countless times before. Idk. Any support helps. I'm desperate at this point. I won't wait any longer because the idea that I'm just leaving my sister in a place I know she suffers everyday? Is worse than going through it myself.

  2. #2
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Default

    Welcome to the forum!

    What a mess. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You didn"t mention, but how old is your sister? Is she old enough to make decisions on her own? Or does she depend on your her mother for care?

    You'll never make your mother stop the drugs until SHE'S ready to stop. An addict will continue to abuse drugs until the consequences of their actions gets so severe that they have no choice but to stop. For me that meant losing everything I owned and loved. Lost it all because all I cared about was finding, buying and taking my drugs. Every single day, for nearly 18 years. I'm in recovery now over 3 years, but when I was using drugs it's all that mattered. Same with your mother it seems.

    There's very little you can do that she'll listen to as I'm sure you've found out. What should you look for? And where should you look for it? Good luck with that one. I could hide drugs right under your nose and you wouldn't find it. Addicts are some of the cleverest people around. Thay are also the very best manipulators and liars too. I was all of that and more. Stealing drugs from friends and family was not a problem and I could care less if I hurt anyone. Just giving you a dlimpose into the mind of an active addict.

    For you I highly recommend you search for some meetings of Naranon or Alanon. There's plenty around these days. Do a google search and hopefully you can find one close to you. There you'll meet many others that share the same concerns you do. You learn what makes an addicy tick and how not to enable them. You'll have face-to-face support of many others in your shoes. You'll have other to call and talk over the situation with. It's really priceless help and I hope you'll go. It will help you so much.

    Wish I could be of more help. Hopefully others will respond with some different suggestions and input. Take care of yourself. Just let your sister know you love her very much and would do anything for her. That's a start. Take care of yourself.

    Randy
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  3. #3
    arinney is offline New Member
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    Default

    Thank you for your detailed response. My sister is 13, so she can make some decisions herself but still needs a lot of guidance. I'll look into the meetings & ask my therapist if she can recommend any next time I see her.

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