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Oxy is Hell
  1. #1
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    Unhappy Oxy is Hell

    Day 13 clean from oxy. Was on up to and sometimes more then 200mgs daily.
    Having trouble finding hppinesss the depression is killing me and ruining my relationship.
    I sometimes feel like I was a better person while I was doped up.
    I know this isn't true but u just want to feel normal again.
    I'm mostly over the physical withdrawl I just can't see my self beating the mental battle for happiness.
    This site has helped me threw a lot I'm just terrified of a relapse.
    I'd ask for tips but I've read it all tryed every sub and still wanna die.
    I fear the worst is coming.
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  2. #2
    ChiefChe is offline Member
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    Hi Living-

    Congratulations on Day 13 & Welcome to the forum. I know how you're feeling right now & it's all part of the process. Dig in deep & power thru. Your just around the corner with this mental stuff. As the days go by it should lessen enough for you to find some warm & fuzzy feelings.

    It does take time but just how much I can not say. It's different for everyone. The good news is that you are in control over it. This is definitely a mind over matter thang.

    Once that junk leaves our bodies we are empty. It is up to us how & with what we fill ourselves up with. Fear attracts fear & will set you back. Get excited for what is to come. Going thru the h3ll of detox comes with big REWARDS (just like you envisioned- I promise).

    There's still plenty of recovering to do once your physically free. You've had the strength to get this far so don't sell yourself short just yet.

    Keep up the Fight,

    Che

  3. #3
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    CC is right. Get excited!! This is almost over and your new life off those little devils is one day closer. CC covered most of it but I'd tell you to keep a positive outlook and don't just sit there waiting for something that may not come. You'll drive yourself bananas. Get outside, enjoy life. Get some sunshine, move around and exercise as much as your body will allow. I know it seems impossible now but getting those endorphins moving helps a lot. Take it slow. One day at a time. You can do this. Keep your head up!!!! It gets so much better. You're almost there!!!!

    Stay strong
    Beef

  4. #4
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    @Che & Beef. Thank you guys so much for response!
    Day 14! I'm finding brief moments of happiness but they don't seem to last.
    I know it's very possible I've read so many wonderful success story's!
    I can't even express how helpful these threads have been.
    You guys are absolutely right everyone has to find their own way.
    The first week is always the hardest for anybody who's just starting their fight.
    "The Thomas Recipe" is what got me threw the physical stages.
    Now I'm just trying to figure out how to be "Normal" again.
    Cheers mates!
    Beefaroni7272 and DravenDomnq like this.

  5. #5
    Forceout is offline Member
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    Hello Living!! Welcome!!! Glad you are here! Reading the threads while lurking doesn't come close to having direct interaction......Am I right?? Yeah, I know. Feels good to talk to someone. I just found this wonderful place not long ago. It really made a difference so keep posting as often as you want or can.

    Whine, cry, scream.....we know all about those feelings and are here to help!!!! Hang in there and know it's getting better all the time.

    Those dark clouds are gonna zoom away and bright sunshine is coming. I promise.

    This is day 6 for me off Norco after 5 yrs on, but I tapered for a long 5 weeks. No fun that.

    Again, so glad you are here!!!!!

    Forceout

  6. #6
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    Congratulations Day 6! That's great I'm very happy for you!
    I wish you the best of luck it's a hard path to walk but there's a light at the end of the tunnel!!
    I've lurked this site for years debating on kicking the monster.
    Best choice I've ever made in my life. Your all amazing people keep up the hard work!!
    We can do it!

  7. #7
    Forceout is offline Member
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    Hello Living!!

    Just checking in on you. How is your day going? Hope you are great!! Did you you get out and around today?

    I just got through with a walk. It's always great.......when it's over!!! Lol

    Seriously, smile check here!!!!!!

    Forceout
    LivingOxyHell likes this.

  8. #8
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    Hey Forceout! My day was terribly long had so many errands to run, work was rough but I pushed threw!
    Just got home now have my chores haha. Saw my doctor today he changed up my Meds a bit.
    Time to tapper down the Xanax. I still have a long way to go but I remain CLEAN from opiates and feeling optimistic!!
    I hope all is well with you! Clean living is the way to go I truly believe this. Best of luck my friend.

  9. #9
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    Started taking 8mg Codeine 30mg Tylonels. Many of them at once servral times a day. Feeling the WD's coming in.
    Did I just set my self back? And how far.
    I'm day 18 off Oxy I thought I would be feeling much better by now.
    Almost seems to be getting worse again. Somebody save me!

  10. #10
    Iamashamed is offline Member
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    I’m not too sure but I think you did start over. Oxy is definitely worse then codiene but sober wise I think it did reset. No worries friend! We’ve all been there. Just stop and start again. I’m 7 days off Oxy myself and it’s been a struggle to say the least.

  11. #11
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    Well, it's sad to say but I believe I did set my self back with those codeines.
    WD's are back just not as intense. I just wanted to take the edge off not reset.
    I feel like a total noob. I'm supposed to go back to work full time today.
    I feel broke and useless. None of the meds my doc has prescribed are working.
    (Seroquel, Celexa, Xanax)
    I just want the pain to stop and get my motivation back.
    Sometimes I feel like my life quality was better on Oxy.
    I got a lot more done with my days that's for sure.
    Migraines are back and I'm foggy I don't being like this.
    I had 18 days under my belt and I didn't feel any better just sick all the time.
    It being winter, dark and cold all the time does not help either.
    I guess officially this is day one for me. Gunna flush the codeines and try again!
    I didn't realize such a small dose of ops could set me back this far.
    God have mercy on me.

  12. #12
    Anonymous Guest

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    Hi Living... I too went through withdrawals, overdoses, and many relapses to get clean. I learned that if I had drugs around, I’d use them. It got that simple. I had to distance myself from it all. I went through lots of thoughts justifying things like doctor shopping or buying on the street - thoughts I never entertained before. It showed me how hooked I’d become, and there was not any easy way through those thoughts, fantasies and ache for more drugs. It just took time. I still believe though, that if I’m alone with drugs, I’ll pop them like candy. I hope to overcome that desire, but in the meantime I just talked it over with my doctor, who stopped prescribing, and I distanced myself from my friends who still use/sell them. It’s the best I can do for now. I’ve had to get through the pain of withdrawal, the crushing depression, increased anxiety, insomnia and feeling totally lost, but I’ve not used. Things are slowly getting better. Keep at it! I relapsed many times to find a true sense of commitment to staying clean. So don’t give up!
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  13. #13
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    Thank you Nexus! I find sanctuary in this place.
    There's something comforting in knowing you're not alone in the battle for against addiction.
    I'm looking for local NA meetings but my town is full of junkies I either used with or sold to.
    I feel like I'm fighting for my life everyday. I had no idea how destructive substances could be.
    I'm not giving up just yet I have more fight left in me!
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  14. #14
    Iamashamed is offline Member
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    I feel your pain. I’m having a tea bad day and using sounds great. I will not bc I want to stay sober but I do realize now how I doped to numb the pain. I need therapy bad. Can’t wait for Thanksgiving to be over.

  15. #15
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    I'm ashamed to admit but I relapsed. Not on Oxy still 24 days no Opiates (except for a minor codeine slip up)
    Thursday night I indulged in some massive binge drinking and did a mountain of cacaine.
    Luckily I had enough Benzo to come down. I feel like sobriety wise I'm back at day 1.
    Very disappointed in my self I allowed my self to be influenced by an old friend.
    I'm glad I managed to stay away from opiates but I can't help but feel my 24 days was a complete waste.
    I feel weird today. Depressed mostly. Just not like my self I'm back to making questionable decisions.
    To be completely honest that night of being piss drunk felt better then the 24 days of suffering so I'm conflicted.
    It's the aftermath I can't handle. I'm sorry I failed you all especially my self.
    -livingHell

  16. #16
    GoodDaysAhead is offline Member
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    Living, sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. Don't beat yourself up too much, okay? Addiction is an incredibly difficult thing but you just have to get back on the horse and keep going. You can do this!

    Remember...the only way you fail is to quit trying.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 11-25-2017 at 11:03 AM.
    DravenDomnq and Lvg nghtmare like this.

  17. #17
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    Hey GoodDays! What a struggle! I'm loosing it 22 days of insanity and aggony from the WDs I couldn't even function towards the end.
    After that first shot of booze I was right back to my normal lively self. Ready to party my ass off.
    Little over a 30 hour bender snorting lines bigger then my coffee table feeling like a new man.
    Today I want to die. I woke up this morning screaming In pain I feel like I'm right back where I started.
    Alcohol can't set you back on opiate detox can it? I haven't found any useful info yet. Much appreciated! Cheers!

  18. #18
    GoodDaysAhead is offline Member
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    Living, you really can't be taking anything but vitamins and amino acids while detoxing. It is very difficult, yes, but it is so worth it in the end. Alcohol is only going to make things worse. Alcohol stimulates parts of the brain that you're trying to heal from drug abuse. Alcohol, after crossing the blood-brain barrier affects several neurotransmitter systems. Besides GABA, two main ones are dopamine and endogenous opiates----the body's naturally occurring painkillers, also known as endorphins. Painkillers have a major affect on these neurotransmitters as well, so your brain really doesn't know the difference between alcohol and opioids....it just knows that it's getting, in part what it craves. This is why you get set back after drinking. There are also addictive behaviours you want to start really looking out for during this time. Withdrawal can be such a hellish experience that it's only logical to want to do or take anything just to relieve feeling so terrible. But you have to really press in and fight the urge to go back to those destructive behaviours.

    It's difficult, I know. I went through Methadone withdrawal after being on for 10years and it was such a terrible experience. It was also eye opening though as well. Staying the course and fighting it head on made me realize I don't ever what to touch anything again. I'm 16 months now and it pains me to even look back at my life prior to getting clean. I've learned to just keep looking forward. It's the hard times, the pain, the discomfort that we learn from. You didn't fail...you're still asking for help and willing to keep trying. This is commendable. Just remember, turning to other things....even alcohol will make you feel worse in the end. Once you give your brain some time to heal, I promise you, you'll feel so much better. And clear headed! lol I haven't been this clear headed in a very, very long time. It's truly a great thing.

  19. #19
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello living, I believe GoodDaysAhead said pretty much all I could say to you he has given you some awesome suggestions. the only thing I can share with you is have you looked into getting face to face support Na,Aa, Counseling, Thearpy? This will help you with your addictve behaviors and give you the tools to deal with life.

    Yes the easy part is getting clean the hard part is dealing with the aftermath,the wreckage we caused in active addiction.. this is why Getting Face to Face support will help you cope. trading one Addiction for the other is just the cycle we need to break. Whatever path you choose moving forward we are all here to support you.. keep us posted..be well..
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  20. #20
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    As guilty as I feel about drinking, at the same time it's mildly helping threw the WDs.
    The edge is off as long as I take a few shots every couple hours.
    I see the risk of developing a dependence on alcohol im no fool.
    I just CANT stand the crushing WD of Oxy anymore.
    The Xanax was not working for me anymore my Doctor lowered my dose too much.
    I'd rather not buy "Black Market" Xanax seeing as 99% or the stuff you find has fyntenal packed in it.
    Sober just isn't working for me I'm loosing my mind.
    As long as I'm Oxy free I still se it as a win!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 11-25-2017 at 05:38 PM.

  21. #21
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Ohhh living I'm not sure what else I can suggest for you. I get the withdrawals suk but your trading one Addiction for another my friend. I do believe you would benefit from face to face support. Be well in whatever path you choose...
    DravenDomnq likes this.
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  22. #22
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    Triggers and Old Habbits.
    Life is a constant loop of triggers that set you off into old habbits.
    Old habbits die Hard As F##k.
    I'm starting to realize what, and WHO more specifically my triggers are.
    It's time for some life leasons.
    My question today is how can I possibly escape triggers embedded so deeply in my core.
    My gf of 6 years can drive me up the way wall and straight to the bottle/straw/needle.
    I can't and WONT leave her no matter how hard I've tryed. She might be my worst addiction.
    As I type the we've been arguing non stop for days I just want to swallow a bunch of 20mg Oxy ir with a wiskey chaser.
    I'm starting to hate my job witch I once loved so much. The days are too long and close together.
    YES I'm seeing my doctor regularly and managing my tappers aside from the occasional drink.
    My problem was Ops and Benzos never really WD from liquor.
    On a possative note I'm 27 days off those Opiate Devil pills.
    God bless.

  23. #23
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    Completely clean from ops. Thought I would never get here but almost all symptoms of PAWS are over with. Feeling healthy and energy levels back up. It was a long rocky road but I made it. Goodbye Oxycodone ✌️46 days and counting!!!!

  24. #24
    GoodDaysAhead is offline Member
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    Living, it’s good to hear you’re feeling so much better. Keep your guard up though...those feelings of “just one won’t hurt” can creep up fairly easily around this time. Keep up the good work!
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  25. #25
    LivingOxyHell is offline New Member
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    GoodDays thanks!!! It feels great to have the monster off my back especially around this time of year things can be quite stressful. Oxy was always my go to when things got rough but I'm learning to cope with out. I know how easy it is to fall off the wagon. "One is to many, a thousand is never enough!" Clean living over here. Merry Christmas to all fighting the same demons. -Good days ARE ahead believe me!

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