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Round 2
  1. #1
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Hi. I am currently coming off of about 1-.5 mg dose of suboxene. My last dose was Saturday at 2 p.m. A little about myself is in 2012 I cold turkey'd sub's, methadone and opiates all at once. I can't believe I went through that, for a solid month I didn't sleep and at about 3 months the paws kicked in and lasted for another 9 or so months. Anyways I was clean for 18 months than November 2013 I began using adderall, ecstacy and cocaine. I pretty just became an amphetamine freak. I don't know how I stayed away from downers during that time, especially after being up for 4/5 days.

    Anyways in May of last year I went down to the Island of Curacao that is next to Aruba and life became the same with the ex and coke. Down their however, I was able to bribe the doctors for tramadol, which was great for a speedball. Anyways in September I get arrested with about ten others for cocaine trafficking and spent 3 months in jail down their (makes American jails look like daycare). Anyways I had no withdrawals from Tramadol in their but in December I got deported back to Florida after 92 days in jail and went to using percocet almost immediately, than in January I switched to sub, about 2 mg a day. I remember last month when I ran out how hard that was, I felt like after all that I went through in 2012 here I was again.

    Anyways, my dose really wasn't that high and I know that this is the time to just tough it out for a week or so. Thing is, I was supposed to go back to Curacao in February but I can't since my arrest and all my plans were turned upside down. I am in a weired place in life right now, last month my girl, the girl of my dreams went to Germany for a 3 month work stay and I know she is much better off without me, especially putting up with me leaving for seven months. And I think it is more mental of just trying to numb myself from the fact that the life I left here in Florida in May is >>>> now and I don't see it getting better. I know I can tough it out for a few more days but just everything that has happened since last month I.E. can't go back to the island, my girl deciding to leave, having to get a new place which I'm not happy at etc. just really has me wanting to self-medicate, and oh yeah, the general discomfort, yawning, tearing of the eyes, cramping, aching etc. doesn't help either. Remember this isn't my first time around and I know this will be a cake walk compared to 2012 in relative terms, any support, advice, encouragement and such would be appreciated. Sorry about the long post.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-10-2015 at 12:09 AM.

  2. #2
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Update:


    Am now at about 72 hours. Slept from 4 a.m. till 11ish, woke up twice and slept again from 11:30-12:30. Just ate some fast food which I puked up some almost immediately. Overall, minor anxiety and occasional chills and extreme fatigue. Although, if this is how its going to be for the next few days I can manage, I just know that days 4 and 5 are brutal and do not want it to get worse. Im only 24, and am in a good position to quit again lol but I just dont know if I have the will power.

  3. #3
    Melina123 is offline Senior Member
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    Dude thats some story! Got my own war stories too tho. Glad u lived thru all that CT, and the jail. Im thinking ur amazingly strong. I totally get not wanti.g to be alone, and needing to talk. The good news is, we got u! A lot of good people on this forum. Even good people who are not still here, left good threads. What i did during the first part, was find long threads and read them. Kept my mind off the dopesickness and general effed up situation, yanno? My story is on this page (Mels Story) so wont take up ur thread now with it. Lots of.good stories here. One thread i can recommend is titled ASK RUTH. Shes gone now, (no not dead lol) but the info is.really good. Just dig around. Helps alot.
    Oh... Im Mel, resident talkaholic, nice to meet u. I have a son ur.age. im used to talkin to alot of his friends. Always have. So hit me up anytime.
    Welcome and keep coming back.
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  4. #4
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Thanks Mel, I was surprised, and happy that someone replied to my thread. I was supposed to go to the beach with a buddy of mine today but plans fell through, so I went by myself and the sheer amount of people there freaked me out so I just left. I came home and took one of those hour knockouts where youre exhausted but you feel like you slept but not really. Good thing about all of this is I have experienced this all before so at least I know somewhat to expect.

    Anyways for me now I am involved with an online company out of Costa Rica, I won't tell the nature of it just as to not make it seem like I am soliciting, so I am home most of the day while the real world is at work lol. So it is a plus to not have to function highly at all ever. I guess whenever I got home in December I figured >>>> it I'll party than go back to the island, where I have a house and an apartment as well. But in February I nearly get arrested just trying to get on the plane, so it has been a hard month.

    I appreciate you responding to my thread once again I didn't know if I scared anyone off lol but I'll be sure to post updates and what not. Their is nothing in this world that can keep me down only if I don't let it. So I just hope I choose to push through.

  5. #5
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Update: feel pretty good took my dog to the park and about to eat some steak. Was able to talk to a couple women walking their dogs. Now that Im home I feel exhausted and hope that I can get some decent sleep tonight. Im anticapting tomarrow and the nextday being rough before I can think about resuming normal social activities.

  6. #6
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    Hello Wellbri. You're in the right place if you wasn't too get clean. There's lots of knowledgeable people here to help without judgment. I'm not knowledgeable, but I can tell you sobriety will brighten your future. You sound like an intelligent guy. Don't learn life's lessons the hard way. Get clean and stay clean. Your future self will thank you for it.
    You've done this before, so you know you're going to get through the wds. Start planning how you're going to stay clean. Don't wait until you're 50, wondering how the hell you spent 2/3 of your life getting high. Now's your time! Stay strong my friend. I'll be around to check on you.

  7. #7
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Hey Willie, thanks for the reply. Surprisingly I am a high school drop out so thank you for the kind words. It feels good to open up about myself since my family would never probably even believe me with this. Hell they thought I got into a bar fight down in the Caribbean. What got me clean in 2012 was really just another court case. At the risk of sounding like a bad guy because I'm not was another cocaine trafficking case and while out on bail my name came up in another investigation from a neighboring county. Be as it may, I was served with a notice that they intended to revoke my bail since I had been proven to of left the country without permission. Anyways I had 26 days from the time I got the notice and I knew if I had to do it in jail I wouldn't last, also the fact I was looking at a few years in prison. I beat the case mostly and only spent 2 months in jail and got 18 months probation which ended in you guessed in November of 2013.

    Despite my shortcomings I was able to obtain at least some of the finer things in life, had a house and an apartment, rented, here in Fl, and was able to acquire a house and apartment in Curacao, along with an interest in a few food trucks, the other thing that got me arrested their is whatever I beat the case. Anyways. last year I had the girl of my dreams and was doing a lot for a 23 year old. Now I get home and I have lost a lot, personally and financially.

    Bare with me for all the personal >>>> it just feels good to let this out because believe me if you knew me in real life you wouldnt get a peep out of me. Anyways I am feeling fine for the most part right now, just having to bear a potential sleepless night. I will check back in later or tomarrow.

  8. #8
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    Wellbri, it sounds like you've been through it for only 23. What I wouldn't do to be able to go back where you are. You doing like an enterprising young man. You should consider channeling that drive it took to get you where you are into first getting yourself through cold turkey, then a plan to stay clean. It'll be tough to stay clean without that plan. Especially for a young single guy with a social life. You would be wise to seek counsel. Whether through NA,AA, our whatever. A good church might be a great place to start.
    Day 18 for me-at work right now, so I gotta run. Check back later.
    Willie
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  9. #9
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Update: Once again thank you all for the replies.

    I went the Immodium route last night and I slept from 5 a.m. until 1. It really is a charm, this will pull me through until tomarrow I will use my remaining 12 than, I just hope I can get to bed at a decent hour tonight. I dont really like the immodium feeling but I was able to get a few things done today. Will post back later kind of busy today and feel out of it from sleeping late and the immodium.

  10. #10
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Update: over 100 hours! I am not taking immodium tonight to see how I feel tomarrow. Had a pretty good night tonight I went to the park again and am trying to keep positive energy going on. BTW congrats on your time Willie have a good day tomarrow.

  11. #11
    Soul1441 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey man how are you feeling? I'm about a day behind you and coming off a similar sub dose, .25 mg for me, my last regular dose was Sunday at 5 am and my last dose overall was .15-.20 Monday morning at 5 am so I'm like a day behind you. I've been feeling okay during the days, not great but take my dog out for a walk in the am/pm so I'm not doing too bad, just the nights that's been a little rough. Have you been sleeping okay? Everyone seems to be saying days 3-5 are the worst but sounds to me like you made it that far okay, so just wondering how you were doing now so I can compare to myself. Congrats! Keep going!! You can do this!!!

  12. #12
    justbeingme is offline Member
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    Wellbri,
    I had a crazy youth but didn't get into it like you did. Great you're getting clean. Avoid caffeine and exercise if you can, it will help. Sounds like you're doing well. Hopefully you'll look back at this someday and just laugh under your breath. The girl part sucks but who knows, maybe getting clean will have some effect on it.
    Way-out-willie, go back to 23? I don't know man ! I should talk. I'm 50 with a 6 month-old daughter.Her 26 year old mom is so incredible. Intelligent and beautiful. Not sure how I got here. I feel 35. I left my soul mate of 27 years and started life over with a 23 year old, 3 years ago. Stuff just happens(does for me) still love my ex and talk to her. She's one he!! of woman to actually be willing to be a friend. She's successful and beautiful too ! ( For 9 months I dated both. Was awesome but had to make a choice.Dam) I'm a first time Dad now and making the best of life.
    Never give up. Make better decisions and life could be exciting in a good way.When I die, I plan on doing that with a smile on my face too. Both of you are where you should be with the WD's. It takes time but gets better. Stay focused and succeed.

  13. #13
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Hey bro, I slept alright last night went to sleep around 2:30 a.m. feeling genuinely exhausted and got about 7-8 hours in. Wasn't a deep sleep and I have a headache but overall I am fine. You say your last dose was .15-.20 was that a taper as well? If so than you should experience only minor symptoms which should be manageable. Since early Feb, I haven't been able to get past day 4, which seemed ten times worse than day 3. But for I didn't have the ability to stock up on subs when I had the chance so my doses got smaller and smaller out of necessity. For me, and I feel like a cheat is the Imodium which I took at about 84 hours clean, and yesterday was a breeze, I didn't take any last night and generally feel alright today, and I am 3 hours short of 5 full days. But you are right, the nights are the worse, especially when you have to face the fact that you are just going to lay their all night and it's going to suck.But you are almost over the hump of the dreaded first five as well so keep strong my friend!

  14. #14
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by justbeingme View Post
    Wellbri,
    I had a crazy youth but didn't get into it like you did. Great you're getting clean. Avoid caffeine and exercise if you can, it will help. Sounds like you're doing well. Hopefully you'll look back at this someday and just laugh under your breath. The girl part sucks but who knows, maybe getting clean will have some effect on it.
    Way-out-willie, go back to 23? I don't know man ! I should talk. I'm 50 with a 6 month-old daughter.Her 26 year old mom is so incredible. Intelligent and beautiful. Not sure how I got here. I feel 35. I left my soul mate of 27 years and started life over with a 23 year old, 3 years ago. Stuff just happens(does for me) still love my ex and talk to her. She's one he!! of woman to actually be willing to be a friend. She's successful and beautiful too ! ( For 9 months I dated both. Was awesome but had to make a choice.Dam) I'm a first time Dad now and making the best of life.
    Never give up. Make better decisions and life could be exciting in a good way.When I die, I plan on doing that with a smile on my face too. Both of you are where you should be with the WD's. It takes time but gets better. Stay focused and succeed.
    Yeah man, I've known her for years and we've been on an off since 2011. Thing was is she went to school in a different city so our flings would only flare up when she was in town. And last January she moved back to town and everything was great. Bad part was I had already planned to leave for the Caribbean literally a month prior and I was arrested 11 before I was going to come home. Anyways, maybe this will give me some clairvoyance on how I want to go about life. Anyways best to you and yours.

  15. #15
    Soul1441 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey man glad to hear you had a good nights sleep. Mine was pretty restless but that's okay. I wound up sleeping off and on until like 630 am (I have to get up early for work, I'm on vacation this week but I'm used to getting up early so I still do it) and then taking 4 mg of loperamide, .1 mg clonodine and took a hot shower and by like 8 am I was back on my couch feeling pretty damn good and able to easily sleep for like another hour. I started at 6 mg/day dosing 3 times through the day and over a year got myself down to where i was doing .35 mg ( rough estimate) for like 2 months, then .25 mg ( exactly) for a month, then on my last day of using subs I took a tiny leftover piece that I had which was probably .15-.20 mgs at 5 am Monday just to take the edge off and so its now almost 1 pm Thursday and I've done no sub since then. I know the nights may be rough still but I'm starting to see how I might make it through this! Stay strong bro!!

  16. #16
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    The Imodium is a god send isn't it? I had no idea about that until the other night. I am almost glad I waited until my third night to take it and it has seemed to carry me all the way through today. I am going to wait until later tonight or tomarrow to take some more, I just want to see how I feel without it because I don't want to develop another crutch. Good thing you have the week off man, I don't know if it was planned or not but good time to utilize it to get clean. No way in hell I could of done that, like I said earlier in the thread I am currently an agent for an online site based out of Costa Rica so I have been spending a lot of time on the computer and don't have to put on the good face for nobody, so for that I give you props.

    I tell you from experience of getting clean once before is that even after you are over the hump but not yet 100%, you will have no inclination to use considering the hell you just went through and seeing as going backwards not an option. In 2012 when I was at 4-5 months clean and I wanted to off myself the only thing that kept me from not using was the fact that I accepted that this was life now and no way in hell could I go back to that and get out again. And to be honest man, I know you don't me but if you ever doubt yourself just know that if I can do it not once but twice (even though the second time was 100 times less painful) than anybody can.

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    What's happening Wellbri? Looks like your gaining friends in better man that's cool! Hang in there man, the girl thing will work itself out. It always seems like the end of the world when stuff happens, but if you guys are real deal, it'll work out. If not, the real deal will present herself when the time is right. Believe me, it takes the right stuff to ride out ct and come out the other side whole.
    Just
    Just being me: holy freaking cow dude, I thought I was craziest man alive. I do believe you whooped me!
    My wife is alit younger than I am, but she's not 23, and we've been together alot of years. I think I'd suffer from culture shock dating a 23yr old, especially since I have a soon older than that. No judgment brother - great to hear that you and the ex remain friends. That's frequently not so. Those situations can get ugly. Been on the outside looking into a few over the years.
    Stay strong my friends.... We can do this! Day 19 here.

  18. #18
    justbeingme is offline Member
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    ALMOST used to the social stigma. She's now 26 and I don't hear the dad/daughter thing to often. Now it's the grandpa and baby bs. Whatever! Always had many haters. Keep it up guys. It's not a race. Prize is worth it though.

  19. #19
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Hey Willie congrats on the 19 days. How are you feeling? I know those days and weeks after the acute withdrawal can be challenging physically and mentally esp. having to go to work. I just got done walking the dog at the park for the third day in a row. I am feeling relaxed but am a little nervous about tomarrow being Friday, knowing that temptation will be out their. I am not a drinker at all really and I just also don't want to spend the night doing nothing and want to find something to do sober. Any suggestions?

    The situation with the girl, I told her the day she left that she can do way better than me. She has ambition and I don't want to hold her back. I'd be lying if I said their weren't other girls in my life. But even another one, who happens to be the best friend of the girl I like, doesn't like being seen with me because she works for a government contractor and is afraid that being associated with me will get her in trouble. But I just got to take it one day at a time right now. Hope all of you have a good day and I'll check back in later.

  20. #20
    Melina123 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey so glad u r still fighting and posting. Way to go! I totally understand the idea "now that Im clean, what fun will i ever have?" The good news is, there r peeps just like us out there. They DO have fun! The big differences r they dont go to jail, they dont freak out if they get pulled by the cops, they dont fight, steal from each other, or wake up sick. They r people who used to be active addicts, but are now in recovery. One guy in my home group rides his harley to meetings in jeans and a leather bombet jacket. I said at the first meeting, heu Jim u make me comfortable, u remind me of my old dealer. He said yeah baby Im a dealer..of recovery. Ha! Thete is about a dozen 20-30 yr old regs in the "grateful heads" meeting. They all pal around together and smile and joke alot. In recovery u can find real friends. Not people who only want to hang with u if u are holding. Try NA dot org (spelled out so that hopefully mods wont yank my post) I was so shocked that the people werent boooooring. Its US dude. The same peeps we were used to, only they are not there for the score and good time only. Try it, u have nada to lose. Its free. As the oldtimets say "give it a try. If u hate it, misery refunded at the door".

  21. #21
    Soul1441 is offline Junior Member
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    Bri,

    Lucky you don't have to deal with ppl at work, that must really help. Just wondering, how far in did you find the worst symptoms hit you and then when did you finally start to feel a little better? This morning was great for me but I stryggled a little this afternoon. Been about 84 hours for me now, tryna get an idea of where I'm at overall. Don't worry about this weekend, just keep walking that dog and you'll find something to do to distract yourself. Just remember how much it'd suck to be stuck going through this whole process again..I am 29 now and I'd give anything to go back to 23 and do it again with no opiates. Not saying I'm old, just saying you're lucky to be doing this now when you've literally got your whole life ahead of you. Plus you live in the caribbean, so that's awesome. Much be much nicer than here in cold as hell boston.

    Willie,

    Congrats man, I am so jealous but am inspired by you! Do you mind telling me about your w/d? How did the first few days go, etc.

    It's great having you guys to talk to so thanks a lot!!

  22. #22
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    @Melina, I have gave that serious thought. Their is in fact a meeting down the street tonight. I have had huge social anxiety ever since I got booted back to Florida. Too many people around and I can't focus. I guess jail and life as a criminal have played a part. But I will be sure to let you know how I spent tonight through Saturday!

    @soul, I actually live in Florida I was deported in December from Curacao after 3 months in jail down their. I have tried going back last month I nearly got arrested trying to get on the plane. I have a house and apartment their too so >>>>. To answer your question though at around 84 hours is when I got the worst. This is from experience last month when I went 4 days and at 3 1\2 days I was having a rough time. I thank imodium this time for pushing me through days 3 and 4. Took it when I was just at 82 hours as well and haven't taken is since. I'm over 120 hours now and I think I will take some tonight or tomorrow morning. In my opinion, the next day and a half could be rough but after day 5 the physical effects should subside dramatically. So push on through man you're almost their, and by this time next week your biggest problem will be what to do with all your free time now!

  23. #23
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Update: I made it through day 5! I am over the hump for the most part. I am exhausted but a natural feeling tired. The last part of my day has been a little rough mentally I dont know why. Mild anxiety but more of a fog over my brain. A person I know texted me asking if I wanted any peecs and I turned him down. I guess I passed the first test. I even talked to my ex in Germany, she has no idea what goes on with me in this regard but I felt like I was in middle the school the way I was flirting with her lol. When I was in jail when >> talk to her on the phone would give me an ear to ear grin, just like today lol. I guess now it is time to now begin my readjustment, just like getting out of jail. Ill check back in later have a good night everyone.

  24. #24
    Soul1441 is offline Junior Member
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    Glad to hear it dude! Congrats!! You just need to keep away from ppl who are still using, but great job saying no! It's aweome for me to hear that it really does get better, just need to hang on for a few more days. That said, I feel better tonight than last night at this point so I am feeling positive about that. Take that dog of yours out for another walk tonight and before you know it you'll be on to day 6. Please let me/us know how your sleep goes tonight.

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    Hey Wellbri,
    Great job man - resisting that temptation! I'm not sure I could've done that on day 5. Definitely on the right path brother.
    Hope you're able to get that good sleep tonight.
    Stay strong man.

  26. #26
    Soul1441 is offline Junior Member
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    You're the man bri! Keep up the good work! I've now made it 97 hours sub-free and slept actually pretty well last night. How was your night? Keep going man, honestly you're an inspiration to me so keep posting and keep staying strong!

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    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Thanks soul that means a lot but really Im just the same as everyone else here. Anyways unfortunately I didnt get to sleep until 8 in the morning and just now woke up. Physically I am fine I just feel like how I would when I was 11 and >> decide to pull an all nighter lol. So on the flip I have made it 6 days so thats awsome. How is everyone else doing today?

  28. #28
    Soul1441 is offline Junior Member
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    Good to hear from you dude, hope you're doing well. Honestly today has been up and down for me, def peaks and valleys but still took my dog for his am walk and then I just took myself for like a 2 mile walk and drove around for like an hour and am feeling better now. Getting up and moving definitely helps a lot. I am now 107 hours clean so I figure any lingering sub in my system must be pretty much gone by now but who knows. How come you couldn't sleep last night? How are you feeling today?

  29. #29
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Update:

    23 hours shy of a week! My stomach is killing me but other than I am fine. I am a little discouraged that I didn't get to sleep last night. That could of been a lot of factors, one thing I forgot to mention is I am a type 2 diabetic and if my blood sugar is too high or too low I can't sleep. Next week is a big week for the online company I am an agent for so I guess it doesn't hurt to be lazy and sit around today. Tomarrow their is a big event downtown, as well a big country music concert next weekend, and I don't want any part of it. Even if I was using I wouldn't be so keen to go so why start now? I know if I go out I'll drink to excess to compensate and me and drinking don't go well, especially drinking around hundreds if not thousands of people. I might try some night fishing. Anyways I am very happy I made it this far, I know last week at this time I was in a bad spot and now I feel almost free. Ill check back in later.

  30. #30
    wellbri is offline Banned
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    Hey soul, I just had a post typed out but I'm going to edit it to respond to you since it looks like we posted at the same time lol. It's good to go for that walk or that drive for sure. The amount of gas I use when I am going through withdrawal is crazy. I don't know why I couldn't sleep last night, I think I really need to get myself on a normal sleeping pattern and when certain times come around I can just close my eyes and sleep. That'll take some work though. The online company I am an agent for has a big week next week so I guess it doesn't hurt to relax for the time being. Congrats on the 107 hours, at this time a month from now it will seem like the W/D's flew by considering how small of a price it is for a much longer time of not having proverbial handcuffs on.

    Today I feel fine, a little tired from getting to sleep so late and groggy, minor stomach pain but overall I feel fine, I took the dog for a walk in the woods across the street as soon as I woke up =, at first I didn't feel like walking out so deep but than I thought to myself that their is nothing stopping me now. So that was a good feeling. I hope you have a good day my friend, I will check back in here later

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