Page 1 of 32 12311 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 951
Like Tree1429Likes
Sharing my story and looking for support to finally get off the Oxy
  1. #1
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default Sharing my story and looking for support to finally get off the Oxy

    I've been watching the Thomas Recipe thread for a long time, but only recently actually joined this site because I have finally come to a point in my life where I'm ready to get completely off the oxycontin/oxycodone I've been on for well over a decade now. Over the years I've tapered down quite a bit as I was put on a ridiculously high dose after an accident messed up my back, and have also been off and on other pain medications and done a lot of self-medicating over the years because of a pain condition I was born with and a knee that's been injured several times on top of that. I know a lot of my pain is valid, the doctors I've worked with and tests/scans I've gone through verify that, but I also know I'm an addict, and this is going to be the hardest thing I've gotten myself off of. I'm just so tired of running out early every month, going through a period of withdrawal until I can see the doctors again, then getting myself right back into the position. It's a merry-go-round that isn't any fun, and I'm just ready to be done with it completely.

    I'm down to between 140mg to 170mg of Oxy a day and am just ready to have this monkey off my back forever even with the injuries and condition I will have to deal with. The support I've seen of others on the recipe thread has been heart warming, and after I just posted there, saw a link to here so decided to start a thread here as well. I understand pain and addiction and how hard it is to deal with it. The longest I've gone through withdrawal is 9 days (was a while back and was on about 260mg of Oxy at that time), and I was still in pretty horrible shape after that run, but was starting to see some light on the other side. I just can't let it control my life anymore, so have gathered everything on the Thomas Recipe and have a good supply of Clonidine as well, which is what the doctors have been using to taper me most recently. I was recently accepted into a 5 week pain management program which would start at the beginning of December, but am finding out it wasn't what I thought it was, and will basically be trading one drug for others, and that's not what I want to do. It's also not providing the support, especially for the mental aspects that I'm going to face, that was promised me when I was accepted into it.

    I'm still going through a lot of turmoil right now about what will be best option for me, but am really thinking I need to just bite the bullet and do this myself and be done with it forever. Just wanted to finally post here since the time has come for me to get off of it one way or another, and I'm sure I will be continuing to frequent these threads often no matter how I go through this. Don't really know what else to say right now, just so incredibly stressed about everything, but wanted to at least post and say hello, because I know I will need all the support I can get to do this! Also to help be here for others as I do have some experience with what I'm about to face. Thank you for listening!

    Draven

  2. #2
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default Update 1

    Since it seems to help me to write out my thoughts, I thought I'd share that today an unforeseen personal situation arose with us that will make it impossible for me to go through the pain management program even if I wanted to. I have to find the strength to do this on my own because there is just no other option now, even looking into some other kind of rehab program isn't an option. While I'm sure that I could get one more Oxy refill from the doctor before the program would have started, I've made the decision not to do so and have already cancelled the appointment so I don't have the temptation. I have to be serious about this, and I HAVE to get my life back and stop letting the meds control me. I'm just going to bite the bullet and end this horrible cycle I've lived with for so many years. So tomorrow will be the start of a new chapter in my life and I'm scared as hell about it. I know I have to find the strength to do this though, and hopefully by sharing what I'm going through, reading other's experiences and talking to others that have been in my position that I can finally do this. I have some amazing support from my girlfriend, and family, but nobody to talk to who has actually experienced what I'll be facing. I'm thinking that once the worst of the withdrawal symptoms have passed I will look into some kind of NA meetings, or something to help me keep my control so I don't relapse and go back to the pills, or self-medicate in any way because I know how bad that would be for me. I know I have a lot to live for, and for the future I want, for my health and for those I love I know I have to do this. The reality is beginning to set in though and I won't lie, I'm freaking out big time, but I know I just have to take it one day at a time and just look towards the future and how better my life will hopefully be.

  3. #3
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DravenDomnq View Post
    Since it seems to help me to write out my thoughts, I thought I'd share that today an unforeseen personal situation arose with us that will make it impossible for me to go through the pain management program even if I wanted to. I have to find the strength to do this on my own because there is just no other option now, even looking into some other kind of rehab program isn't an option. While I'm sure that I could get one more Oxy refill from the doctor before the program would have started, I've made the decision not to do so and have already cancelled the appointment so I don't have the temptation. I have to be serious about this, and I HAVE to get my life back and stop letting the meds control me. I'm just going to bite the bullet and end this horrible cycle I've lived with for so many years. So tomorrow will be the start of a new chapter in my life and I'm scared as hell about it. I know I have to find the strength to do this though, and hopefully by sharing what I'm going through, reading other's experiences and talking to others that have been in my position that I can finally do this. I have some amazing support from my girlfriend, and family, but nobody to talk to who has actually experienced what I'll be facing. I'm thinking that once the worst of the withdrawal symptoms have passed I will look into some kind of NA meetings, or something to help me keep my control so I don't relapse and go back to the pills, or self-medicate in any way because I know how bad that would be for me. I know I have a lot to live for, and for the future I want, for my health and for those I love I know I have to do this. The reality is beginning to set in though and I won't lie, I'm freaking out big time, but I know I just have to take it one day at a time and just look towards the future and how better my life will hopefully be.
    Draven - welcome to the forum. I was wondering what you meant by "pain management program", what were the details of the program? I'll be back a little later to check for your reply and to give you some info and advice that will hopefully help you through this? Hang tight... God bless us all!
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  4. #4
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky71 View Post
    Draven - welcome to the forum. I was wondering what you meant by "pain management program", what were the details of the program? I'll be back a little later to check for your reply and to give you some info and advice that will hopefully help you through this? Hang tight... God bless us all!
    Thank you! Also thank you so much for your reply, and for any advice and information you can give me. Originally from the evaluation and what I was told, it was going to be a combination of physical therapy for my knee and back, psychological help to control the urges and to give me coping skills to not relapse and a taper of the rest of my meds over a 5 week period (Monday through Friday from 7am to 5pm). I was meeting with one of the doctors who was going to be working with me since last month, and on the first visit she tapered my meds quite a bit and supposedly set up a visit with the psychiatrist I'd be working with through this program. When I went to confirm the appointment with the psychiatrist however, they told me she wasn't taking any patients right now because of something going on with her paperwork. So on top of a much bigger cut than any previous doctor had done, the support I was told I would have from the start wasn't given.

    My understanding of this program is that everything would be working in conjunction; that as she made the cuts both before the program started and during the program I'd have support for the mental aspects of the withdrawal symptoms as well as gain coping skills not to relapse. Also that I'd have daily physical therapy to help rebuild my knee and back, and meeting with other professionals who would help make the final tapering process easier. Not only did that not happen during the pre-visits and cuts, but on my second visit I was introduced to another doctor I'd be working with who brought up the fact that I'd be put on a lot of the heavy psych meds that I used to be on which pretty much made me a "walking zombie". I brought up the fact about how those meds affected me when I had been on them in years past, and how hard I had to work to get off of them because of how they affected me. He bluntly told me that he didn't believe me, and that they knew what was best for me because of how they run this program, even though I had never met him before and the only medical record of such was from years and years ago. Also there have been plenty of records since that period showing how well I function without the heavy psych meds which he seemed to ignore. I thought I was going into this program to get off the pain meds and that any psychiatric care was going to be primarily behavioral therapy, not getting me off one type of meds only to get put onto all kinds of other >>>>. So since the last visit I've been really questioning whether the program was really right for me.

    Since the program was M-F from 7am to 5pm for 5 weeks, I had to make a lot of arrangements to be able to do it in the first place, and now since several of those arrangements are just are no longer possible, and because our financial situation changed drastically overnight, there just isn't any way I can do so even if I wanted to try that program. I was already leaning towards doing this myself after the last visit and trying to find others who have been through it to help me, or at least offer some guidance and support, and now that's the only option I have. Like I said, I cancelled the last doctors appointment I would have had this coming Monday before the program started because I knew if I got more Oxy I'd just be right back to where I started, so if I'm going to start withdrawing tomorrow anyway I just want it to be the last time I do so and finally find a way to move forward being in control of my own life, not letting the meds control me.

    I apologize if I'm a bit long winded and if I am not making as much sense as I should be. I just have so much on my mind right now and am so incredibly stressed, not just because of facing the withdrawal, but also because of personal changes that literally just happened today with us and were completely unexpected. Thank you again for your reply, and any information you can share. I really do appreciate it more than you could possibly imagine!

  5. #5
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DravenDomnq View Post
    Thank you! Also thank you so much for your reply, and for any advice and information you can give me. Originally from the evaluation and what I was told, it was going to be a combination of physical therapy for my knee and back, psychological help to control the urges and to give me coping skills to not relapse and a taper of the rest of my meds over a 5 week period (Monday through Friday from 7am to 5pm). I was meeting with one of the doctors who was going to be working with me since last month, and on the first visit she tapered my meds quite a bit and supposedly set up a visit with the psychiatrist I'd be working with through this program. When I went to confirm the appointment with the psychiatrist however, they told me she wasn't taking any patients right now because of something going on with her paperwork. So on top of a much bigger cut than any previous doctor had done, the support I was told I would have from the start wasn't given.

    My understanding of this program is that everything would be working in conjunction; that as she made the cuts both before the program started and during the program I'd have support for the mental aspects of the withdrawal symptoms as well as gain coping skills not to relapse. Also that I'd have daily physical therapy to help rebuild my knee and back, and meeting with other professionals who would help make the final tapering process easier. Not only did that not happen during the pre-visits and cuts, but on my second visit I was introduced to another doctor I'd be working with who brought up the fact that I'd be put on a lot of the heavy psych meds that I used to be on which pretty much made me a "walking zombie". I brought up the fact about how those meds affected me when I had been on them in years past, and how hard I had to work to get off of them because of how they affected me. He bluntly told me that he didn't believe me, and that they knew what was best for me because of how they run this program, even though I had never met him before and the only medical record of such was from years and years ago. Also there have been plenty of records since that period showing how well I function without the heavy psych meds which he seemed to ignore. I thought I was going into this program to get off the pain meds and that any psychiatric care was going to be primarily behavioral therapy, not getting me off one type of meds only to get put onto all kinds of other >>>>. So since the last visit I've been really questioning whether the program was really right for me.

    Since the program was M-F from 7am to 5pm for 5 weeks, I had to make a lot of arrangements to be able to do it in the first place, and now since several of those arrangements are just are no longer possible, and because our financial situation changed drastically overnight, there just isn't any way I can do so even if I wanted to try that program. I was already leaning towards doing this myself after the last visit and trying to find others who have been through it to help me, or at least offer some guidance and support, and now that's the only option I have. Like I said, I cancelled the last doctors appointment I would have had this coming Monday before the program started because I knew if I got more Oxy I'd just be right back to where I started, so if I'm going to start withdrawing tomorrow anyway I just want it to be the last time I do so and finally find a way to move forward being in control of my own life, not letting the meds control me.

    I apologize if I'm a bit long winded and if I am not making as much sense as I should be. I just have so much on my mind right now and am so incredibly stressed, not just because of facing the withdrawal, but also because of personal changes that literally just happened today with us and were completely unexpected. Thank you again for your reply, and any information you can share. I really do appreciate it more than you could possibly imagine!
    Draven - so sorry I didn't get back to sooner. So from what I read in your last post you started your cold turkey detox yesterday?

    Typically the detox usually lasts about a week, you will.experience flu-like symptoms, possibly some anxiety and/or depression as well? The worst of the withdrawals should pass by day 5? Energy and sleep are generally the last things that return to normal, be patient because with more clean time the more you'll continue to improve and feel better! Stay very hydrated with water and Gatorade, avoid caffeine and alcohol!

    You can use the items in the Thomas Recipe for opiate withdrawal, I'll leave you a link to the recipe and the end of this post. Do not use the benzos unless you are already prescribed them, they are extremely addictive so it's best to avoid that part of the recipe! It's also very important to get involved with some sort of therapy, drug counseling, AA/NA, Sober Recovery, etc...

    Give us an update when you can?

    Link to the Thomas Recipe - https://www.drugs.com/forum/featured...wal-35169.html

  6. #6
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky71 View Post
    Draven - so sorry I didn't get back to sooner. So from what I read in your last post you started your cold turkey detox yesterday?

    Typically the detox usually lasts about a week, you will.experience flu-like symptoms, possibly some anxiety and/or depression as well? The worst of the withdrawals should pass by day 5? Energy and sleep are generally the last things that return to normal, be patient because with more clean time the more you'll continue to improve and feel better! Stay very hydrated with water and Gatorade, avoid caffeine and alcohol!

    You can use the items in the Thomas Recipe for opiate withdrawal, I'll leave you a link to the recipe and the end of this post. Do not use the benzos unless you are already prescribed them, they are extremely addictive so it's best to avoid that part of the recipe! It's also very important to get involved with some sort of therapy, drug counseling, AA/NA, Sober Recovery, etc...

    Give us an update when you can?

    Link to the Thomas Recipe - https://www.drugs.com/forum/featured...wal-35169.html

    Am on day 2, and have already been on benzos for a while by prescription, just bumping up my dose a bit to help get some sleep.. Also following everything else on the Thomas Recipe. Lots of water, but can't do anything with flavor yet like Gatorade. Cramps starting in bad today, but have been though this before so am just taking things as they come. My biggest fear is once I'm off them to be able to stay off them. Thank you again so much for your input, it really is so appreciated!
    UncleLeo and nverrett like this.

  7. #7
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default Update Day 3

    Have been taking far more Clonidine, Trazadone and Xanax than I know I should be and have also had a few drinks which I know I shouldn't,, but am keeping myself out of it instead of dealing with they symptoms I'd normally have by now. Usually by day 3 I'd be crawling out my my skin and instead am just kind of existing...not going through the withdrawal symptoms like I normally would, just pretty buzzed on the high amount of Xanax and alcohol especially. I know what I'm doing isn't the best way to be dealing with everything, but it's taking everything I have right now to not call the doctor and tell her I need that last appointment to get the Oxy one more time. I know that's not what I need to do, that I need to stick this out and be done with it forever, but every fiber in my being is saying that I need at least one more time on it, even though I know that's the addict in me speaking, and that I just have to keep doing as I am. Just giving an update that only 3 days in and I'm having major second thoughts that I'm doing the right thing by just getting off this on m own. I'm not handling it well at all because it's not like the other withdrawals I've gone through that I know I'll be getting a refill after so long, I know this is it, and that this is all the beginning of a very long, very un-fun path I've decided to go. So please give me strength to hang in there...wherever it may come from!.
    allycat23 likes this.

  8. #8
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    799

    Default

    Draven,

    Please realize the high amount of Xanax and alcohol are not a good mix. I am not a doctor, but I would advise you back that down. Stop the booze. And take your Xanax as directed. If you are on day 3, you are well on your way. You need to focus on your health, if ever you desire to rebuild your body. I know it is hard, but self-medicating is going to make things worse.

    Perhaps, you can focus on tomorrow. Waking up alive, and tackling this problem. You really are, most likely, past the worst. Sounds like you've done it before, so you know what to expect.....believe me, just keep focused on not waking up worrying about those dang pills. Freedom, my friend, freedom.
    ReadytoBHappy and DravenDomnq like this.

  9. #9
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by silverlining1 View Post
    Draven,

    Please realize the high amount of Xanax and alcohol are not a good mix. I am not a doctor, but I would advise you back that down. Stop the booze. And take your Xanax as directed. If you are on day 3, you are well on your way. You need to focus on your health, if ever you desire to rebuild your body. I know it is hard, but self-medicating is going to make things worse.

    Perhaps, you can focus on tomorrow. Waking up alive, and tackling this problem. You really are, most likely, past the worst. Sounds like you've done it before, so you know what to expect.....believe me, just keep focused on not waking up worrying about those dang pills. Freedom, my friend, freedom.
    You're so right, and that is what I needed to hear and to keep my focus on, The freedom from being so addicted to something that controls me and that I seem to have no control over. Waking up not thinking of the pills first thing in the morning, but of all I have to live for, our babies, my incredibly supportive partner, my family...just everything that is good in my life.

    I know I shouldn't be drinking with the Xanax, and that I shouldn't be taking more than I'm regularly prescribed..I know this and yet today I broke down...was all I could do to not call the doctor and tell her I've made a mistake and I needed to get into the appointment I cancelled for tomorrow to get one last refill. I KNOW that's that addict in me talking, as it was the addict that caused me to reach for the booze. Yes, as I said initially I have done a 9 day withdrawal a long time ago, but I knew at the end of those 9 days I was getting a refill on the Oxy. Those 9 days were horrible too, if this is anything like that time it's going to be a lot longer than 3-5 days before I'm feeling better, but I've also been on an incredibly high dosage of the Oxy for over a decade. This time, there is no refill, this is the beginning of a new life for me. I've been on an EXTREMELY high dose of Oxy for over a decade (when I started was on literally 800mg to 1000mg a day, often times shooting them up, so I know I've taken a huge hurdle in getting myself down to between 140mg to 170mg, and now will be rid of them for good when I get through all of this.

    Thank you again for your words of encouragement, they were far more needed than you possibly could have imagined!
    ReadytoBHappy likes this.

  10. #10
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    799

    Default

    Well, that you weaned down to the smaller amount, you should be proud!

    You will be fine, honestly, yes, you will have a few more days of discomfort, but just baby yourself like you had the flu. I know that may not be the best analogy, but the real sickness is during the first 5 days, then it's the malaise and sluggish, leaden feeling. But, do you know that just 10 minutes of walking can produce endorphins in your brain, and that begins to take over.

    Don't give up, Draven, you have a wonderful, beautiful free life just waiting for you. It will take longer to overcome, as you have been on the oxy's for a long time....BUT, it is NOT impossible!

    Keep fighting and trying. You will catch little things at first, a smell, a taste....real feelings that you have not felt for a very long time. Treasure those moments, and BUILD on them.

    God bless!
    ReadytoBHappy and DravenDomnq like this.

  11. #11
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    799

    Default

    Oh, and just a little note about myself. After 4 tries....I am over 15 months clean. Again. I think last time it was almost 18 months. You just gotta keep on trucking! And.....never let your guard down!

  12. #12
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default To; silverlining1

    Thank you, SO much! I know I can do this, and by continuing to share my story with others who understand what I'm going through, I know that will help me too. I am trying my hardest to see the sliver lining in all of this, and I know that lining will be a life without being controlled by the Oxy that has caused me so much pain and hardship in the over a decade I've been on them. That affected my previous marriage and kids to the point I lost them forever, and could easily happen to the woman I've found now who has stood by my side for over 4 years and has been supporting me in this current endeavor more than I could ever ask for.. I know I need to celebrate the fact I have tapered them over the years to the 170mg I took on Thursday which was my last day on them, and that in time they will be a distant memory of a time that wasn't me being who I really am. When I'm physically able, I'm planning on using our fur babies to motivate me to take walks and be active. We have 3 beautiful dogs, and board/sit many others on a regular basis. I do appreciate your sentiments, and everyone else who has replied with encouragement. I'm doing this, no matter how hard it is, and appreciate all the other's on this forum who have shared their stories as well as those that have directly replied to me...more than anybody could ever know!
    silverlining1 and nverrett like this.

  13. #13
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by silverlining1 View Post
    Oh, and just a little note about myself. After 4 tries....I am over 15 months clean. Again. I think last time it was almost 18 months. You just gotta keep on trucking! And.....never let your guard down!
    That's amazing, and I look forward to when I can tell of such an accomplishment! You're exactly right, just have to keep on trucking, and keep eyes of the world so i don't focus on what's going on now, but what the future will bring for me being off this junk!

  14. #14
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default Update: Day 4

    So, while taking the amount of Xanax, Clonidine and Trazadone I was, they masked ALL the withdrawal symptoms really well for the first 3.5 days.. However, I ended up scaring my amazing girlfriend because I was so out of it. Was just a "walking zombie" if you will, and definitely not myself..to the point she thought I might do myself harm. I couldn't talk straight, balance while I walked etc. It scared her, and that's the last thing i want to do., because she's the one person that is supporting me completely through all of this..so I stopped all those meds around 2pm today, and definitely already feeling the worse of the withdrawal symptoms that those other drugs were masking. Sleeplessness, restless leg, just spend over an hour walking around Walgreens at 3am, crawling out of my skin, super hot then super cold flashes etc.. Tomorrow will be the first day I use nothing but the vitamin supplements on the Thomas Recipe and none of the other prescription drugs that were masking the withdrawal symptom almost completely because I was so out of it. I won't lie, I'm SCARED AS HELL to face this without the crutch of the mind numbing meds...just have to remember who I'm doing i for!!!
    Chessgirl likes this.

  15. #15
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DravenDomnq View Post
    So, while taking the amount of Xanax, Clonidine and Trazadone I was, they masked ALL the withdrawal symptoms really well for the first 3.5 days.. However, I ended up scaring my amazing girlfriend because I was so out of it. Was just a "walking zombie" if you will, and definitely not myself..to the point she thought I might do myself harm. I couldn't talk straight, balance while I walked etc. It scared her, and that's the last thing i want to do., because she's the one person that is supporting me completely through all of this..so I stopped all those meds around 2pm today, and definitely already feeling the worse of the withdrawal symptoms that those other drugs were masking. Sleeplessness, restless leg, just spend over an hour walking around Walgreens at 3am, crawling out of my skin, super hot then super cold flashes etc.. Tomorrow will be the first day I use nothing but the vitamin supplements on the Thomas Recipe and none of the other prescription drugs that were masking the withdrawal symptom almost completely because I was so out of it. I won't lie, I'm SCARED AS HELL to face this without the crutch of the mind numbing meds...just have to remember who I'm doing i for!!!
    Draven - you said in a earlier post "already been on benzos for a while by prescription"

    You cannot stop the Xanax cold turkey! Benzo detox is no joke, it makes opiate detox seem like a walk in the park. I advise you to continue to take the Xanax as prescribed.

    You should have a good amount of clean time off the opiates before you try to get off the Xanax and at that point you are going to want to taper that very slowly (around 5-10% a week), you can come back here when you're ready and we can help you through that!

    Not sure about stopping the clonidine cold turkey? Hopefully someone can stop by and advise you about that? Hang in there, you'll get through this! Take care... God bless us all'
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  16. #16
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    799

    Default

    I agree with Ricky, I would continue taking meds you were prescribed and at the doses recommended.

    One thing at a time......one day at a time.
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  17. #17
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default To: Ricky71 & sliverlining1

    I should have made myself clearer regarding the Xanax, Trazadone and Clonidine. The first few days I was taking around 5-8 times the amount I was prescribed, just putting myself into a walking coma so I wouldn't have to feel any of the withdrawal symptoms. I know I'm an addict and can't stand the pain I live in daily, and I know I do stupid things. The wake up call came last night when my girlfriend told me she was scared...scared I'd hurt myself, scared she had never seen me like that in all the years we've been together etc. The Trazadone I'm supposed to take 2 pills a day, one in the morning and one at night...for those 3.5 days I was taking 3 in he morning and 4-6 at night. The Clonidine I am supposed to take 2-4 pills a day, and was taking probably 12+ and the Xanax I'm supposed to take 1.5mg a day, but was taking at least 10+ a day. I know I have a problem, but like I said I'm admitting that and have made sure she knows where I keep all my meds so that she can make sure I don't take more than I should. I hate being an addict, I hate having to have help, but at least I can admit when I need help, I'm sure that's some kind of first step or something.
    nverrett likes this.

  18. #18
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    3,100

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DravenDomnq View Post
    I should have made myself clearer regarding the Xanax, Trazadone and Clonidine. The first few days I was taking around 5-8 times the amount I was prescribed, just putting myself into a walking coma so I wouldn't have to feel any of the withdrawal symptoms. I know I'm an addict and can't stand the pain I live in daily, and I know I do stupid things. The wake up call came last night when my girlfriend told me she was scared...scared I'd hurt myself, scared she had never seen me like that in all the years we've been together etc. The Trazadone I'm supposed to take 2 pills a day, one in the morning and one at night...for those 3.5 days I was taking 3 in he morning and 4-6 at night. The Clonidine I am supposed to take 2-4 pills a day, and was taking probably 12+ and the Xanax I'm supposed to take 1.5mg a day, but was taking at least 10+ a day. I know I have a problem, but like I said I'm admitting that and have made sure she knows where I keep all my meds so that she can make sure I don't take more than I should. I hate being an addict, I hate having to have help, but at least I can admit when I need help, I'm sure that's some kind of first step or something.


    Draven -

    I can't believe you lived through the amount of drugs you were taking on a daily basis? The Trazodone is used off-label by many doctors as a sleep aid. The Clonidine is a fast acting blood pressure med that of course lowers pressure. The Xanax speaks for itself. Combine them all and the amount of each you were taking should have put you in a coma. I know you were out of it and your GF was scared. She had a right to be. You were very, very lucky my friend.

    Ricky is absolutely correct - you CAN NOT abruptly stop the Xanax. That needs to be tapered very slow and steady. It's many times worse than an opiate detox. Please take care of yourself. Work on getting off one med at a time to limit the stress on your system, You really need the help of a good doctor that may want to prescribe an anti-seizure med at some point.

    Hope you get better real soon.

    Randy
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  19. #19
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Randy35 View Post
    Draven -

    I can't believe you lived through the amount of drugs you were taking on a daily basis? The Trazodone is used off-label by many doctors as a sleep aid. The Clonidine is a fast acting blood pressure med that of course lowers pressure. The Xanax speaks for itself. Combine them all and the amount of each you were taking should have put you in a coma. I know you were out of it and your GF was scared. She had a right to be. You were very, very lucky my friend.

    Ricky is absolutely correct - you CAN NOT abruptly stop the Xanax. That needs to be tapered very slow and steady. It's many times worse than an opiate detox. Please take care of yourself. Work on getting off one med at a time to limit the stress on your system, You really need the help of a good doctor that may want to prescribe an anti-seizure med at some point.

    Hope you get better real soon.

    Randy
    I know how lucky I was, and know that even though I've been a very heavy drug user for most of my life, as were my birth parents before me, that having a very high tolerance isn't a good thing, it's a curse and something I'm trying VERY hard to end because my life has been nothing but ups and downs. I've shot up, snorted and swallowed about everything under the sun, but the last decade or so has only been the Oxy, and now I want that gone too. I want EVERYTHING gone. I hate myself for being so weak in having a drink the other day when I know I'm an alcoholic, for putting myself into a walking coma the past 3 days because I didn't want to deal with the pain. Because it seems like no matter how many pills I take I make it through it somehow. I can't tell you how tired of living this life I am, especially now that I have so much to live for and such an amazing future that could be possible.

    My girlfriend has taken and hidden all my pills, and will give them to me one day at a time and the proper dose. It sucks that I can't trust myself, but I'm willing to do whatever I have to in order to kick this. Once again thank you for your input! just knowing that somebody is paying attention to my struggle means more to me than you could possibly imagine!
    UncleLeo and Beefaroni7272 like this.

  20. #20
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    799

    Default

    Sounds like you have a good plan, now, Draven. You are lucky to have that girlfriend.

    Keep up the good work, you CAN put all of this behind you. The longer time away from the opiates, you may find your pain level decreases, at least, a lot of people on here have found that.
    DravenDomnq and nverrett like this.

  21. #21
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by silverlining1 View Post
    Sounds like you have a good plan, now, Draven. You are lucky to have that girlfriend.

    Keep up the good work, you CAN put all of this behind you. The longer time away from the opiates, you may find your pain level decreases, at least, a lot of people on here have found that.
    I am extremely lucky, and she is a huge motivator for me to turn my life around. I'm on day 6, and while I'm still in a lot of pain, I took a shower for the first time in days (have taken several hot baths the other days), and while I'm sluggish am feeling more in control than I have for a long time. Started the vitamin/supplement portion of the Thomas Recipe today as well. Took the trash to the curb, have taken our dogs out and done some other cleaning. Have done more today already than the past 5 days combined. Still dealing with some of the withdrawal symptoms but not as bad as they were. There may be hope for me yet

  22. #22
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default Update: Day 8

    Since I'm using this thread partially as my own journal and reminder of what I'm trying to accomplish, thought I'd update it. Am on day 8 and have started noticing some small things like better visual clarity (things just stand out more), life isn't so dulled etc. Still having a hard mental struggle...that "want" for something, but am keeping myself busier and busier as I can which seems to help. Physically now it's my body fighting against me, the knee, back etc. but each day I do a little more and more. Sticking with the vitamins/supplements in the Thomas Recipe, have cut the other meds (Xanax, Trazadone & Clonidine) down to a minimum dose and am seeing hope for the first time in a long time. I know I have a long ways to go, especially with the mental struggle and chance of relapse, but I'm doing everything I can to stay strong and just building some new routines for myself. The responses I got on this thread helped me more than they probably realized, but just kept reading them over and over so do appreciate them greatly!
    UncleLeo and Beefaroni7272 like this.

  23. #23
    August328 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    3

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DravenDomnq View Post
    Since I'm using this thread partially as my own journal and reminder of what I'm trying to accomplish, thought I'd update it. Am on day 8 and have started noticing some small things like better visual clarity (things just stand out more), life isn't so dulled etc. Still having a hard mental struggle...that "want" for something, but am keeping myself busier and busier as I can which seems to help. Physically now it's my body fighting against me, the knee, back etc. but each day I do a little more and more. Sticking with the vitamins/supplements in the Thomas Recipe, have cut the other meds (Xanax, Trazadone & Clonidine) down to a minimum dose and am seeing hope for the first time in a long time. I know I have a long ways to go, especially with the mental struggle and chance of relapse, but I'm doing everything I can to stay strong and just building some new routines for myself. The responses I got on this thread helped me more than they probably realized, but just kept reading them over and over so do appreciate them greatly!
    I just made an account to comment on this. Great job on the 8 days! One day at a time and it'll just be a memory. Keep it up! I can relate to you a lot, gf that loves me unconditionally, put up with a lot of stupid stuff I've done and family support still. We got lucky they all didn't give up on us! I am on the middle of day 4 from a 2-4 mg sub (you know-how it goes depending on how much I was able to get at times). You're a little a head of me and yours probably has been worse, so it's an inspiration to me! It is all not worth it, we can have even better lives with out chemicals!
    DravenDomnq, Ford44 and nverrett like this.

  24. #24
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by August328 View Post
    I just made an account to comment on this. Great job on the 8 days! One day at a time and it'll just be a memory. Keep it up! I can relate to you a lot, gf that loves me unconditionally, put up with a lot of stupid stuff I've done and family support still. We got lucky they all didn't give up on us! I am on the middle of day 4 from a 2-4 mg sub (you know-how it goes depending on how much I was able to get at times). You're a little a head of me and yours probably has been worse, so it's an inspiration to me! It is all not worth it, we can have even better lives with out chemicals!
    Thank you, so much, and good for you too! You're right, just one day at a time and each day gets a little better and a little easier. You're also so right about the support, I know I couldn't be doing this without the support I have, including the support I've gotten on here. I wish you nothing but the best, and hope things continue well for you also!!
    nverrett likes this.

  25. #25
    August328 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    3

    Default

    Thank you, and you to. It's getting pretty difficult right now. Idk if it's just my mental state making it seem worse or what. I just keep trying to tell myself I'll feel better tomorrow and I would have to do this all over again if I took a piece of sub. Just not good right now.
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  26. #26
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default

    It gets super hard, I know, just try to hang in there. I went through years and years of 3-5 day regular withdrawals because I always ran out before I got my script filled. The longest I ever went was 9 days, but every time I knew I was getting more at the end of that stretch so I would just count down the hours. This is the first time I'm facing the mental struggle of knowing I WANT this to be the end. I cancelled all appointments so I couldn't even have the temptation of getting more. If an emergency happens my gf knows to tell them to give me no narcotics of any kind. I know the struggle, and how incredibly hard it is, but if you can just get through a little longer it starts to get easier. Have you looked at the Thomas Recipe thread and seen the suggestions there? For me lots and lots of really hot baths/showers helped a lot too.

  27. #27
    August328 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    3

    Default

    Thanks for the words of encouragement. I haven't taken anything. Yes I've read it, I haven't bought what it says to buy, I'll have to go tomorrow to get everything. my gf is working and took our car. So can't do anything right now. And I'm babysitting a toddler till about midnight. So can't take a bath but they usually help. O well just like 5 more hours before I can try to take a hot bath lol. Learning to think in baby steps and focus on the good.
    nverrett likes this.

  28. #28
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default

    Of course, and I'll be around off and on if you need to talk through this. Can check this board whenever I'm able. I didn't start the vitamins/mineral supplements until day 5 I think, and had never tried them before, but I think they're helping. We don't have kids, but have 5 fur babies (3 dogs and 2 cats) and have been boarding 2 other dogs as well, so can understand having to wait to do certain things, but I've found that anything that can be a distraction from what your mind is telling you that you want can be good, like the babysitting you're doing. Just hang in there, and like I said, if you need to talk I'll keep an eye on this!

  29. #29
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DravenDomnq View Post
    Since I'm using this thread partially as my own journal and reminder of what I'm trying to accomplish, thought I'd update it. Am on day 8 and have started noticing some small things like better visual clarity (things just stand out more), life isn't so dulled etc. Still having a hard mental struggle...that "want" for something, but am keeping myself busier and busier as I can which seems to help. Physically now it's my body fighting against me, the knee, back etc. but each day I do a little more and more. Sticking with the vitamins/supplements in the Thomas Recipe, have cut the other meds (Xanax, Trazadone & Clonidine) down to a minimum dose and am seeing hope for the first time in a long time. I know I have a long ways to go, especially with the mental struggle and chance of relapse, but I'm doing everything I can to stay strong and just building some new routines for myself. The responses I got on this thread helped me more than they probably realized, but just kept reading them over and over so do appreciate them greatly!
    Great job, keep it up! Get some one on one and/or group support, addiction counseling, AA/NA meetings, etc... You got this, it will get easier and things will continue to improve as more clean time passes! Even your pain level will go down, Google search "opiate induced pain"?

    Always remember "One pill is too many and a thousand pills will never be enough"...

    PS
    I also replied to your post on the Thomas Recipe thread...
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  30. #30
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky71 View Post
    Great job, keep it up! Get some one on one and/or group support, addiction counseling, AA/NA meetings, etc... You got this, it will get easier and things will continue to improve as more clean time passes! Even your pain level will go down, Google search "opiate induced pain"?

    Always remember "One pill is too many and a thousand pills will never be enough"...

    PS
    I also replied to your post on the Thomas Recipe thread...
    Thank you so much (and I read both replies before I replied). Like I said, have been reading these threads over and over (and was watching the Thomas Recipe thread for probably a year and a half before I decided to join and do this). Have never heard that quote (or if I had then had forgotten it), but absolutely love it and sounds like a good mantra to remember! A LOT of my inspiration came from seeing the success in others on here and finally believing I have the strength to do it myself, plus the support of those close to me and support I saw on here. The one doctor I trust the most talked to me a lot about "cold turkey" withdrawing, and the opiate induced pain so I know I just have to keep working through this. She's there for me if I need her, and we have a follow up in a couple months (she fills my blood pressure/thyroid etc. meds) but also promised if I did make another appointment with her before the follow up to not give me the pills no matter how much I begged.

    I do plan on mental support as well like N.A. etc. once I'm strong enough to do it. Tried going to the store the other day (when I wasn't in a walking coma) and I'm still on so many pins and needles that I'm just not ready to be around other people in a group setting, but as soon as I am plan on doing so. Maybe also seeing somebody on a one to one basis again as well. Either way, I couldn't be doing this without you guys, so I appreciate the support so, so much!!
    Rachelle1stbb likes this.

Page 1 of 32 12311 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Finally ready please support me too!
    By Iluv2smile in forum Suboxone Treatment
    Replies: 655
    Last Post: 08-19-2018, 12:48 AM
  2. Finally getting off, any help/support appreciated
    By Surfordie in forum Suboxone Treatment
    Replies: 85
    Last Post: 01-19-2016, 09:53 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22