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Starting taper to get my sanity back
  1. #1
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    Default Starting taper to get my sanity back

    Hi
    I've been here before...2015. I came to this sight to get off subs. I was terrified. I had never kicked subs before and was shocked as to how strong they were. This forum saved my butt! The support and advice I received was amazing. I followed the sub taper plan and it worked! I cannot thank the forum members enough. Sadly, not too long after I got off subs I went back to my drug of choice, H. Ran into an old friend and we all know the rest of the story. I will do my best to not go off in a tangent and not get into the nitty gritty bc we all know the story. It's just been a few years and my mind feels fried and yet I have a million things going on in my brain but still feel blank, or confused, like I can't get my mind together.... so please, bear with me. I'm doing my best. When I relapsed, I used for about 6 months and developed a daily habit of H, which I had never had before in my drug experience, bc I had subs. Finally, I was a wreck. An absolute mess and went to sub dr and got back on subs. It was very difficult. I was really having a tough time and went thru some emotionally & physically scary things. I stayed on subs for awhile, was doing ok and relapsed again. At this point, my habit was ridiculous and I was worse than ever. I lost sub script due to too many dirty urines, ultimately lost my health insurance bc I couldn't afford it bc of my drug use. Continued to use daily for over a year. Again, I was a complete mess, no need to go into detail. This past May I decided to quit. I did it. It wasn't as bad as I thought, it was tough especially mentally and emotionally for a few weeks but I did it. I did it with the help of subs. Again, I relapsed. I started to use sporadically in July. Now, October 5, I have a daily habit yet again. I have a few subs. September 5th I tried to quit again. I waited 24 hours, definitely like I was in WD yet still went into precip WD. I freaked out and used to stop the panic and anxiety. I honestly cannot believe its been a month already and makes me feel horrible. My last day of drug use will be 10/15. I have a few days off work and need to take this opportunity to stop this. Again, I have a few subs, but don't wanna get hooked on those again, but I need to focus on here and now. Day by day.
    I have to do this, I want to do this, but I am very scared. My anxiety scares me to death. I'm really struggling. I'm an idiot. I've increased my dose, it's sky high and I am freaking out. Obviously, I need to start weaning PRONTO. But I'm telling you, the depression and anxiety have me. And it makes me mad. I'll take all those other symptoms. I'm here support. Please, guys. I gotta do this, I know I can but I need help. I feel like such a loser. Only 2 of my friends know and that's it. I live a lie. I hope my drug of choice doesn't deter any forum members from reaching out to me. I just feel awful. Honestly, unless I am working, I don't even know what to do with myself? Ok, I'm rambling now and feeling a little crazy and all over the place but feels good to finally get this out. Any support, advice would be greatly appreciated. Even hello is nice TY all. Be well.
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  2. #2
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey there you are sorry I didn't see you started a new thread.
    Well congratulations coming back asking for help especially after many relapses is truly inspiring. I know you really want this I can feel it in your posts. Being in the grips of the disease is awful I know I'm an addict. You can do this... So whats the plan moving forward? What are you going to do differently this time? Are you going to Na, Aa any twelve step program? We do not have to do this alone... Addiction is a disease you are not a loser we can and do recover and live productive lives. You are worth it my friend. I am here to support you keep posting...
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  3. #3
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    hello
    its tough.... it really is. I was sober almost 10 years. but that was 6 years ago.. was very active in AA but that's another story for another time. Honestly, feels like a life time ago. I got sober at 24 and almost made it to 10 years!
    Anyway, I'll be honest, I am not interested in AA, maybe NA but I have been checking out SMART recovery and there's a few meetings in my area. But, that's too far out for me right now. I can't think that far.... I get overwhelmed. Yet, I agree 100% what will I do different this time? At this moment, I need to focus on my taper and get off this stuff. Once, I'm making positive moves on that, I can plan. But too much right now freaks me out. Baby steps. Just being able to focus is number one on my list right now! The anxiety is very tough for me. I'm just really really nervous.
    I'm so happy you replied! You made my night!! I tried to find your thread but I can't. Where and how can I find it? My old thread name was it's over. If you can find it, read on.....if not no problem. That was then and this is now. Anyway, very siked to meet you. And TY so very much for reaching out to me! Have to go for the moment, but I'll b back tomorrow.

  4. #4
    ChiefChe is online now Senior Member
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    Hi G-

    You’re not new to recovery so you know it’s all mind over matter. If you set your mind to it, & you have, then you Can Do It!! I know this all seems crazy but your your right where you need to be so stay in the moment, keep baby steppin & don’t look back. There is a time for everything & everything has its time. Keep doing the next right thing & you’ll get there when you get there. Stay accountable for your actions as you prepare for 10/15. Read up on the taper plan & the Thomas Recipe. You’re not alone in this battle, I’m here 4 you to.

    ❤️
    Che
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  5. #5
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by geez_again View Post
    Hi
    I've been here before...2015. I came to this sight to get off subs. I was terrified. I had never kicked subs before and was shocked as to how strong they were. This forum saved my butt! The support and advice I received was amazing. I followed the sub taper plan and it worked! I cannot thank the forum members enough. Sadly, not too long after I got off subs I went back to my drug of choice, H. Ran into an old friend and we all know the rest of the story. I will do my best to not go off in a tangent and not get into the nitty gritty bc we all know the story. It's just been a few years and my mind feels fried and yet I have a million things going on in my brain but still feel blank, or confused, like I can't get my mind together.... so please, bear with me. I'm doing my best. When I relapsed, I used for about 6 months and developed a daily habit of H, which I had never had before in my drug experience, bc I had subs. Finally, I was a wreck. An absolute mess and went to sub dr and got back on subs. It was very difficult. I was really having a tough time and went thru some emotionally & physically scary things. I stayed on subs for awhile, was doing ok and relapsed again. At this point, my habit was ridiculous and I was worse than ever. I lost sub script due to too many dirty urines, ultimately lost my health insurance bc I couldn't afford it bc of my drug use. Continued to use daily for over a year. Again, I was a complete mess, no need to go into detail. This past May I decided to quit. I did it. It wasn't as bad as I thought, it was tough especially mentally and emotionally for a few weeks but I did it. I did it with the help of subs. Again, I relapsed. I started to use sporadically in July. Now, October 5, I have a daily habit yet again. I have a few subs. September 5th I tried to quit again. I waited 24 hours, definitely like I was in WD yet still went into precip WD. I freaked out and used to stop the panic and anxiety. I honestly cannot believe its been a month already and makes me feel horrible. My last day of drug use will be 10/15. I have a few days off work and need to take this opportunity to stop this. Again, I have a few subs, but don't wanna get hooked on those again, but I need to focus on here and now. Day by day.
    I have to do this, I want to do this, but I am very scared. My anxiety scares me to death. I'm really struggling. I'm an idiot. I've increased my dose, it's sky high and I am freaking out. Obviously, I need to start weaning PRONTO. But I'm telling you, the depression and anxiety have me. And it makes me mad. I'll take all those other symptoms. I'm here support. Please, guys. I gotta do this, I know I can but I need help. I feel like such a loser. Only 2 of my friends know and that's it. I live a lie. I hope my drug of choice doesn't deter any forum members from reaching out to me. I just feel awful. Honestly, unless I am working, I don't even know what to do with myself? Ok, I'm rambling now and feeling a little crazy and all over the place but feels good to finally get this out. Any support, advice would be greatly appreciated. Even hello is nice TY all. Be well.

    I'm glad that you finally got your thread started. I'm unclear on your exact plan for the taper? Are you planning on just using the few subs you have then jumping cold turkey on the 15th? Please let us know what your exact plan is?

    My recommendation would be for you to get your hands on enough subs to properly taper using Robert's sub therapy/taper plan! A short taper like you are planning is not going to give you enough time away from you DOC therefore will put in a high percentage for relapse!

    Using Robert's plan which will take roughly 6-8 weeks to complete will give you enough time away from the junk to work on your recovery plan and most importantly, time to break your addictive behaviors/actions!

    Remember to use the COWS worksheet before you start the induction on the subs! Make sure you honestly score yourself a 26 or higher so you can avoid those dreadful precipitated withdrawals!

    If I were you that's exactly what I would do! Short sub tapers very seldom work and in your case history has proven that! Get some more subs and do this right! Take care... God bless us all!

    PS
    Here's a direct link to Robert's sub therapy/taper plan - https://forum.drugs.com/suboxone-tre...apy-66109.html

    There's also a link to the COWS worksheet in Robert's thread?

  6. #6
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    I could cry, thank you so much guys! So happy to have your support. So happy, it's a relief to not be alone. I'm going to reply to each of you so I can get all questions answered. TY guys
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  7. #7
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lvg nghtmare View Post
    Hey there you are sorry I didn't see you started a new thread.
    Well congratulations coming back asking for help especially after many relapses is truly inspiring. I know you really want this I can feel it in your posts. Being in the grips of the disease is awful I know I'm an addict. You can do this... So whats the plan moving forward? What are you going to do differently this time? Are you going to Na, Aa any twelve step program? We do not have to do this alone... Addiction is a disease you are not a loser we can and do recover and live productive lives. You are worth it my friend. I am here to support you keep posting...
    I do want this. I do, and I know I can do it. My plan moving forward is to wean down as low as possible from my drug of choice. I don't even like to call it by it's name bc it disgusts me. But anyway, in my experience, weaning and tapering IS KEY. its a tremendous tool. Especially, I have a general anxious disposition to begin with and I'm very sensitive to energy and how my body is feeling.... I can walk into a room and feel tension between people sometimes, its crazy. Same thing with any substance I put in my body, very sensitive to the effects. So again, weaning and tapering has worked for me in the past and it allows my body and mind to kind of adjust. For me, I could never jump from sub without taper, too much of a mental and physical shock for this gal! Now, that being said, I WAS weaning and tapering but did a 360 (I think that's correct? or 180? lol) and started to actually increase my dose (DOC not sub yet) which is downright foolish, irresponsible and flat out dumb. I've used so much the last few days, that it stopped "working." No relief. No high. No nothing but waste of time, energy and money. I'm done now. I'm weaning as of tonight and will continue to do so. Last month, same intentions, waited 24 hours to take sub. I should have waited longer. I'm familiar with the cows scale and was not honest with myself. Last may I waited 24 hours and was successful. The sub worked. Therefore, I though this time (last month) I would be ok waiting 24 hours to induct on sub. NOPE. Precip WD kicked in and the panic attacks were awful, crippling and unbearable. So my mind starts thinking, what the heck am I putting in my body that lasts longer than 24 hours? Cannot be H. Not a long enough half life. Not fentanyl, not a long enough half life. I did some research and don't like what I found but hey, it is what it is. My mind just keeps racing though, like what is this awful >>>> im using? I just think of all these nasty, gross and harmful synthetic chemicals. yuck!! Get me off this! I'm getting over that fiasco and accepting that I need to be honest, follow the cows scale and do what I gotta do and wait as long as I need to before taking sub so that I can be successful. I know what to expect so I just need to do it. And I shall. I just really get into my head at times and freak myself out. I need to check myself at those precise moments and tell myself to relax, that it's WORTH the wait and if I've made it 24 hours, what's a few more to get my dam sanity and life back. Rambling.... but my plan is wean, taper DOC, follow cows scale and successfully get on sub. That's all I got so far. Once I gain momentum, I'm ok. Well, less anxiety anyway. I gain confidence, it's just a major struggle at times to make those first few steps. And as far as meetings go, as I said, I'm not too interested in AA but will go if it helps me... which we all know it will LOL. But there's a smart recovery meeting less than a mile from my house that I think I'm going to check out. Anyone have experience with that? I have also looked into anxiety/depression support groups but not many around here and I don't have medical insurance but will keep checking. Reading recovery books, inspirational and self help books work for me as well. Reading Refuge Recovery right now, it's great. It's a buddist path to recovery. I'm not super religious but I am spiritual no doubt. I'm def an old soul and have much respect and admire many different faiths. Buddhism works great for me bc it teaches to stay in those hard moments and to not run from them. To stay with myself and basically accept wth is going on! Many many things in that faith help me. Oh man, I hope this posts, not sure if I can write names of books and stuff, I am not an endorser LOL. Ok, getting late. Just wanted to reply and TY again for your advice and support. Means much more than you know! Have a great night, it's 4am, have a great day I mean. Be well.

  8. #8
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChiefChe View Post
    Hi G-

    You’re not new to recovery so you know it’s all mind over matter. If you set your mind to it, & you have, then you Can Do It!! I know this all seems crazy but your your right where you need to be so stay in the moment, keep baby steppin & don’t look back. There is a time for everything & everything has its time. Keep doing the next right thing & you’ll get there when you get there. Stay accountable for your actions as you prepare for 10/15. Read up on the taper plan & the Thomas Recipe. You’re not alone in this battle, I’m here 4 you to.

    ❤️
    Che
    Oh thank u SO much. Nice to meet you. Yes, I can do this. Ur support and encouragement mean the world to me. Youre 100% correct......accountable. Start and continue the wean. I need to be accountable. It's pretty late, getting tired but wanted to respond. Thanks again, so much. Have agreat day. I'll be back. Be well.

  9. #9
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky71 View Post
    I'm glad that you finally got your thread started. I'm unclear on your exact plan for the taper? Are you planning on just using the few subs you have then jumping cold turkey on the 15th? Please let us know what your exact plan is?

    My recommendation would be for you to get your hands on enough subs to properly taper using Robert's sub therapy/taper plan! A short taper like you are planning is not going to give you enough time away from you DOC therefore will put in a high percentage for relapse!

    Using Robert's plan which will take roughly 6-8 weeks to complete will give you enough time away from the junk to work on your recovery plan and most importantly, time to break your addictive behaviors/actions!

    Remember to use the COWS worksheet before you start the induction on the subs! Make sure you honestly score yourself a 26 or higher so you can avoid those dreadful precipitated withdrawals!

    If I were you that's exactly what I would do! Short sub tapers very seldom work and in your case history has proven that! Get some more subs and do this right! Take care... God bless us all!

    PS
    Here's a direct link to Robert's sub therapy/taper plan - https://forum.drugs.com/suboxone-tre...apy-66109.html

    There's also a link to the COWS worksheet in Robert's thread?
    Ricky! thanks so much. You're on the money with the cows scale. Gotta be honest and do it right this time. I freaked out last time and it wont happen again! Not gonna let those lies win. Glad to hear from you. hitting the sak but will return tomorrow. Hope ur ok. Be well.

  10. #10
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Welcome Geez....Yoiu've got some Great advice and Support from those above!! I will be here to cheer you on as well!! I hope you do what Ricky said....and try to slowly taper off those Nasty Subs.....Much better success rate!! I have jumped from higher doses.....and this last time....Much Lower dose...….125 to .15mg x 1 day!! Getting that Low is not easy....But makes the jump much easier.....still not fun.....but worth it!! Your journey though....whatever you decide, I will support!! Stay Strong Just For TODAY!!

  11. #11
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Dave!
    Thanks for stopping by. TY for ur support. Means a lot. Congrats on ur jump from subs. Oh I know that feeling. I think ur on day 19 or 20 and that's fantastic. Keep up the hard work! Just wanted to stop in and say hello....
    Too late for an update from me but I'll check in tomorrow... Hope everyone had a good weekend. Be well everyone

  12. #12
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi geez...
    Im still waiting on an update... You can do this... I know just how hard this is. Are you tapering? Have you looked into face to face support? Did you make it to that recovery meeting near you? Lets go girl give me an update...

  13. #13
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    geez, I did find your original thread from 2015! I can post a link to that 2015 thread on to this thread here if you would like, just let me know?

  14. #14
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey geeze. I just wanted to stop by and say welcome. I see you have already received some amazing advice and suggestions from Ricky, Dave, Che, lvg, and others. You won't go wrong following their suggestions. Keep us updated on how things are going. We are here to support you through this!!

    Welcome again!!!
    Beef

  15. #15
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    Hi guys
    I haven't been around, I've been working a lot. And I've been struggling with a little depression and anxiety. I just want this over with. I cannot stand it any longer. I hate the way I feel. This really does stink. It does. A few more days and I'll kick. I'm working today and Sunday but I'm off Monday but have to work Tuesday. So Wednesday will be my day one. I'm getting nervous but just can't wait for this to be over. I hate drugs so much. I truly do. I wish I didn't have to work Tuesday so tomorrow would be my last day but I can't miss work. Oh well a few more days and I'll begin my journey to get well again. I'm scared though. I'm at work now but I'll try to pop in later.
    Ty everyone SO much. Ur support is needed.

  16. #16
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    Just a quick update. Just finished my day at work. Stalked up on some essential supplies: Imodium, soup, juice and cat food. Man that cat will drive me nuts if I run outta her food!! I'm off work tomorrow so I think I may prepare a few of my fav foods to have for the next few days. I don't eat much. In fact I've lost 30 pounds this past year prob just from stress and using and working so much. I typically work 6 days a week but my hours have been cut so this is the perfect time to get clean. Anyway I figured if I make some of my fav foods to have on hand for the week it should help. Trying to eat thru WD is tough but maybe if it's my fav stuff I can at least eat a lil bit, which will help. Luckily I love soup so that great and easy to make and freeze for later. I'll start some house work tonight n get some more done tomorrow so I'll have a few days to just get thru the first part of WD. the weaning hasn't gone as I would have liked but it's ok I still hv tonight n tomorrow. I am working Tuesday, just a 6 hour shift so I'm thinking of when my last dose should be. The 1st time I did this I waited 24 hours before taking a quarter of a sub n I was just fine. The second time (last month) I waited 24 hours and went into precipitated WD. SCARY. it literally scares the >>>> out of me and feels like it lasts forever. I freaked out around 36 hours n gave in and used. Not this time. Not gonna happen. I have a choice and my choice is NO CHOICE. I am not backing down. But I am going to honestly follow the COWS scale and then I should be ok. We'll see..... oh yikes, I'm nervous but excited. I'm ready to do this. I can't wait to get off this >>>>. I can't wait. All it is is a big lie. It's a taker....it takes n takes. Takes my money, time, energy and leaves me feeling empty and alone. Who wants that? Not me. It's time. I'm not gonna allow this drug to take anything from me anymore. I miss spending time with my family and I miss me. I'm not me on this substance and I can't wait to slowly get myself back. I had a very tough day/night yesterday but feeling ok today. I obviously feel motivated and I'll pray that continues. Regardless I'm moving forward. I am done dancing with the devil. Done. It's over
    That's all for now, have a few chores to take care of while I have the energy. I'll check back later tonight. I'm ready guys!! Let's do it! I need your support if there's anyone out there!!!

  17. #17
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by geez_again View Post
    Just a quick update. Just finished my day at work. Stalked up on some essential supplies: Imodium, soup, juice and cat food. Man that cat will drive me nuts if I run outta her food!! I'm off work tomorrow so I think I may prepare a few of my fav foods to have for the next few days. I don't eat much. In fact I've lost 30 pounds this past year prob just from stress and using and working so much. I typically work 6 days a week but my hours have been cut so this is the perfect time to get clean. Anyway I figured if I make some of my fav foods to have on hand for the week it should help. Trying to eat thru WD is tough but maybe if it's my fav stuff I can at least eat a lil bit, which will help. Luckily I love soup so that great and easy to make and freeze for later. I'll start some house work tonight n get some more done tomorrow so I'll have a few days to just get thru the first part of WD. the weaning hasn't gone as I would have liked but it's ok I still hv tonight n tomorrow. I am working Tuesday, just a 6 hour shift so I'm thinking of when my last dose should be. The 1st time I did this I waited 24 hours before taking a quarter of a sub n I was just fine. The second time (last month) I waited 24 hours and went into precipitated WD. SCARY. it literally scares the >>>> out of me and feels like it lasts forever. I freaked out around 36 hours n gave in and used. Not this time. Not gonna happen. I have a choice and my choice is NO CHOICE. I am not backing down. But I am going to honestly follow the COWS scale and then I should be ok. We'll see..... oh yikes, I'm nervous but excited. I'm ready to do this. I can't wait to get off this >>>>. I can't wait. All it is is a big lie. It's a taker....it takes n takes. Takes my money, time, energy and leaves me feeling empty and alone. Who wants that? Not me. It's time. I'm not gonna allow this drug to take anything from me anymore. I miss spending time with my family and I miss me. I'm not me on this substance and I can't wait to slowly get myself back. I had a very tough day/night yesterday but feeling ok today. I obviously feel motivated and I'll pray that continues. Regardless I'm moving forward. I am done dancing with the devil. Done. It's over
    That's all for now, have a few chores to take care of while I have the energy. I'll check back later tonight. I'm ready guys!! Let's do it! I need your support if there's anyone out there!!!

    Follow Robert's sub therapy/taper plan exactly as outlined! After you reach 26 on the COWS worksheet start your induction with 1mg, wait two hours then add .25mg (one quarter of one milligram) every 90 minutes until you are stabilized and out of withdrawals?

    I see you mentioned that you started your induction the 1st time with a quarter of a sub (2mg), as I mentioned above, start your induction this time with just 1mg! This will allow you to become stable on the lowest effective dose possible! Be patient with the COWS, do not induct yourself on the subs too soon or you know what will happen! Do this right the first time and you will never have to do it again!

    Here's a link to Robert's sub therapy/taper plan again -
    https://forum.drugs.com/suboxone-tre...apy-66109.html

    What time are you working on Tuesday? That would determine when you should take your last dose? Best of luck to you! God bless us all!

  18. #18
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Good luck Geez!! Post often when your going through the discomfort of this...……..I will be praying for You!! You Can DO this......So Wednesday it is!! If I can do it.....You can TOO!! It's not fun......if it was......We wouldn't get So freaked about going through it.....But you've weened down......and Hopefully the Most Acute Symptoms won't last too long!! For Me....I think I was doing pretty good after 5 ...6 ...days!! Much better at Day 26.....But I've kept busy with exercise and Meetings.....along with the Support and Advice of Many on this Forum.....it's not what it used to be.....But.....You WILL get support!! Let's gett'er done!! Break Free from the "BEAST"!!..Stay Strong Just For TODAY!!

  19. #19
    ChiefChe is online now Senior Member
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    Happy Wednesday My Friend!!!

    Just keep telling yourself that the feelings you are feeling are not anxiety but EXCITEMENT!!! It’s your body’s way of telling you that You are coming back to Life....Breaking Free of the chains!! Post an update when you can.

    Keep Belly Breathing,

    ❤️
    Che
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  20. #20
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    Guys I gave up. I'm so distraught. The past few days I've made myself sick with worry n depression. I gave up 20 hours in. It's like all my tools just went out the window. A few more hours n I could've tried the sub. Who can't do or in this case not do something for 24 hours? What the heck???? I'm so upset. Now I gotta wait until I get a few more days off. This or should I say I am just unbelievable. Absolutely ridiculous. I can't live my life this. I refuse. I do not understand why I gave up. I really can't. I'm so hurt that my heart feels broken. It feels broken. Idk y I did this to myself? Plz don't give up on me guys, I cannot do this alone. Plz don't give up on me. Ty all very much for ur support. I truly need it.

  21. #21
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    I just can't even believe it. I know I can do this. I gotta get my head straight n get er done. I refuse to live my life like this. I can't even come up with words and hatred I have for drugs. It disgusts me. Sorry, just venting, and will continue to do so, so that I can get well.

  22. #22
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by geez_again View Post
    Guys I gave up. I'm so distraught. The past few days I've made myself sick with worry n depression. I gave up 20 hours in. It's like all my tools just went out the window. A few more hours n I could've tried the sub. Who can't do or in this case not do something for 24 hours? What the heck???? I'm so upset. Now I gotta wait until I get a few more days off. This or should I say I am just unbelievable. Absolutely ridiculous. I can't live my life this. I refuse. I do not understand why I gave up. I really can't. I'm so hurt that my heart feels broken. It feels broken. Idk y I did this to myself? Plz don't give up on me guys, I cannot do this alone. Plz don't give up on me. Ty all very much for ur support. I truly need it.

    Hey geez...
    So ok I didn't give up on you so you gotta put in 50% here... Jump out the window pick up the tools lets start over eh... Us Addicts can come up with all kinds of excuses to keep using. What are you waiting for take a few sick days off I heard the flu is going around lets gets the taper going. Chase your recovery like you chase the drugs... I'm here to support you...
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  23. #23
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by geez_again View Post
    Guys I gave up. I'm so distraught. The past few days I've made myself sick with worry n depression. I gave up 20 hours in. It's like all my tools just went out the window. A few more hours n I could've tried the sub. Who can't do or in this case not do something for 24 hours? What the heck???? I'm so upset. Now I gotta wait until I get a few more days off. This or should I say I am just unbelievable. Absolutely ridiculous. I can't live my life this. I refuse. I do not understand why I gave up. I really can't. I'm so hurt that my heart feels broken. It feels broken. Idk y I did this to myself? Plz don't give up on me guys, I cannot do this alone. Plz don't give up on me. Ty all very much for ur support. I truly need it.
    Nobody's giving up on you here. It's really tough what you're going to do. It'll be the battle of your life for your life. Just like lvg said that dam flu is going around. Take advantage of it. Keep posting. Well get you squared away and moving in the right direction. You need to want this, more than anything in the world. A few days of discomfort and you'll be on your way. Keep us updated we're here for you.

    Let us know what we can do moving forward. We got you
    Have a great night
    Beef

  24. #24
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Geez.....Like they said above...Nobody is gonna give up on You!! I know how hard it is....believe me.....I've done it Way To Many Times!!..I Love what Nghtmare said..."Chase Your Recovery Like You Chase The Drugs"...That is So Perfect.....You Gotta Want it More Than Anything....Cause it is Hard.....We all know that!! But......You Can Do It.....I will say a Prayer for U....And I Won't Give Up On You......Never!! Stay Strong Just For TODAY!!

  25. #25
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by geez_again View Post
    Guys I gave up. I'm so distraught. The past few days I've made myself sick with worry n depression. I gave up 20 hours in. It's like all my tools just went out the window. A few more hours n I could've tried the sub. Who can't do or in this case not do something for 24 hours? What the heck???? I'm so upset. Now I gotta wait until I get a few more days off. This or should I say I am just unbelievable. Absolutely ridiculous. I can't live my life this. I refuse. I do not understand why I gave up. I really can't. I'm so hurt that my heart feels broken. It feels broken. Idk y I did this to myself? Plz don't give up on me guys, I cannot do this alone. Plz don't give up on me. Ty all very much for ur support. I truly need it.

    Geez, you made it 20 hours, what was your COWS score after 20 hours?

    Don't beat yourself up, I've relapsed a few times now and it definitely sux but I won't give up, I can't give up and neither will you!

    Like other's have already mentioned, if you need to call out of work for a couple of days because you came down with the "flu" then so be it? If you can't afford the time off or if there is some other reason that you can't call out then wait until you have at least one day off? You can take your last dose a couple of hours before work so by the time you get off work you'll be that much closer to that magic number "26" on the COWS scale?

    Let us know what your plan is going forward from here? We are here to help and support you in any way we can! You CAN do this, you WILL do this! Take care... God bless us all!

  26. #26
    geez_again is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you so much guys. Ya, this is a tough one. I have been extremely down. Scary down. But I am tapering and so far have been successful but need to continue and do better. I honestly cannot believe the fear, anxiety and depression. This is def a new level of feelings for me. I almost can't even put it into words. The work thing I can explain later, I'm actually at work as we speak. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted. Very busy at work so that's actually very helpful for me even tho I feel lazy and would much rather be doing nothing!! Funny though, when I have nothing to do or not working I don't know what to do with myself. The grass is always greener on the other side. Someday, soon my grass is gonna be the best green in town! Lil humor there....trying. I cannot thank u all enough for ur support. It is saving my life. Truly. I hope u all are having a good night. Ty again. I'll be back, prob tomorrow bc after work I'm gonna eat some din din n hit the sack. Didn't sleep well last night but tonight will be better. Be well guys.
    davepeerson likes this.

  27. #27
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by geez_again View Post
    Thank you so much guys. Ya, this is a tough one. I have been extremely down. Scary down. But I am tapering and so far have been successful but need to continue and do better. I honestly cannot believe the fear, anxiety and depression. This is def a new level of feelings for me. I almost can't even put it into words. The work thing I can explain later, I'm actually at work as we speak. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted. Very busy at work so that's actually very helpful for me even tho I feel lazy and would much rather be doing nothing!! Funny though, when I have nothing to do or not working I don't know what to do with myself. The grass is always greener on the other side. Someday, soon my grass is gonna be the best green in town! Lil humor there....trying. I cannot thank u all enough for ur support. It is saving my life. Truly. I hope u all are having a good night. Ty again. I'll be back, prob tomorrow bc after work I'm gonna eat some din din n hit the sack. Didn't sleep well last night but tonight will be better. Be well guys.
    Geez, I had some specific questions for you in my last post but you didn't answer them? When you get a chance please address those questions so I am better able to advise you on some things that hopefully will help you along?

    You'll always have my support regardless! We can and will beat this addiction! God bless us all!

    PS
    I know this is extremely difficult but I'm right there with you, you're not alone!
    Last edited by Ricky71; Yesterday at 10:38 PM.

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