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Third time's the charm
  1. #1
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Default Third time's the charm

    Here I am again. Just about done with day one and the rls is about to kick in.
    Was doing fine for a while I think for about two months but here I am.
    My usage is all over the place, on two days off four. On four days off one day. The most I've taken is about 200 mg of oxy in a day
    What am I doing ?
    My back is still making my legs numb yet I have to walk at least 3 miles a day. stenosis arthritic and pinched nerve in my back
    The good news is I have a doctor's appointment on the 12th of this month to arrange an MRI.
    Then if it takes surgery I'm diving in. Also applying for short term disability
    I guess I take the oxy to relieve the pain and feel normal what ever that is.
    And I've been buying off the streets to avoid doctor's offices..
    How pathetic !
    I have mentally decided to get off this stuff for good. It's hard and I'm going cold turkey again !
    If anyone is reading this please write on my thread ...need encouragement and support

  2. #2
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Glad your back..
    We are here to support you..
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  3. #3
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Thank nightmare it's good to hear from you again ......Thanx forward your support !
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  4. #4
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    Hey thecib! I’m only a couple days ahead of you. The weren’t the best or easiest days I’m not gonna lie but you can do it. You obviously know what to expect since you said “third times a charm”. Well my friend this is my “fifth times a charm”. Get it over with this time. Don’t keep coming back like I did. We both know how much this sucks but we also know that it does get so much better. The freedom from pills is so much better than the high they give us. You know this as well as I do. Keep your head up. Do whatever you have to do to stay positive. Slam down the water or gator aid. Read, watch tv, do laundry, just do SOMETHING instead of lying in bed feeling sorry for yourself. Take back your life! Keep posting on here. I check this thing almost every hour if you need someone to vent to or just visit with. I’m right where you are.

    I know you can do it..
    davepeerson and Longroadback like this.

  5. #5
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Did you ever get to a meeting? Face to face support.
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  6. #6
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Thank you OKC
    Your support means a lot to me
    I'm trying to stay positive as I can right now.
    Oxy is a lie because first of all they work on pain extremely well. Second they steal everything else in your life.
    Ya right now it sucks. RLS is in full swing. Running nose watering eyes sweats ect....
    I'm going to work in the morning and I know if I get a couple hours of sleep I will be lucky

  7. #7
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Hey nightmare

    I was going every day then just quit going once about three weeks clean went by. I know they really helped me because that is the one place you are never judged..?

    Just for today !
    davepeerson likes this.

  8. #8
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    Sleep or no sleep you’ll still do it! Take a shower. Take a hot bath. They always help me. Another thing that seems to help a lot of people is a heating pad. I’m not sure if it works for me or not but I’ve been doing it. Can’t hurt right? Relax man. You’ve done this before. You’re gonna be a little sick for a few days. By the end of the week you’ll be fine! Hang in there
    davepeerson likes this.

  9. #9
    TheCib is offline Member
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    I'm still here OKC

    Your right been here b4. Have a hot tub close by if all else fails
    Thank man

  10. #10
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Hey Cib!

    I'm sorry for the reason that you're back but I'm sure glad that you did come back. I'm short on time right now. Early mornings in my household are crazy but once I get everyone out the door, I'll check back and leave you a proper post.

    Peace,

    Cat

  11. #11
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Good morning,

    Starting day two at work this morning. Low energy, runny nose ect. Was able to sleep for a couple of hours which helps. Already thinking about calling my connections. Have to stay strong.
    It's only 10 days b4 my doctors appointment and my mind keeps racing to keep using until then. I just don't know !!!!
    Hoping work goes well and keeps my mind off of using oxy !
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  12. #12
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    I’m glad you got some sleep man! That’s great. I’ve had a ton of trouble sleeping over the past couple days but who cares?? I’m at work also and let me tell ya it’s been a Monday from you know where already and it’s just getting to lunch time. What’s your plan with the doctor appointment? I saw you say mri and knee problems I think. I hope you have a plan. Anyways keep on pushing through the day! I’d rather spend mine working instead of laying in bed feeling sorry for myself. You’re doing great.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-02-2018 at 12:28 PM.

  13. #13
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    Hey thecib! How’d your day go man?? You hangin in there? Send us an update when you can. We’re all pullin for you bud!

  14. #14
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Hey all...
    Nearing the 48 hour mark I slipped. I was'nt craving or needing the oxy but just gave in. It's the continuation of my usage.
    I will not beat myself up for this mistake but I was'nt committed mentally.
    Back pain played a small role but deep down I just felt like it was the right thing to do.What an idiot...ugh
    Have the day off 2morrow and have to set a new course for this sinking ship. In the back of my mind I know my doctor's appointment is 10 days away and am conflicted weather to come clean with him or not.
    I know I will need back surgery within the next three weeks which is scary to me. Is'nt that a crazy thought. The one thing to finally get well physically and off oxy and I'm having second thoughts. I hope this is making sense to some one out there.
    Wide awake and pain free for now !
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  15. #15
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheCib View Post
    Hey all...
    Nearing the 48 hour mark I slipped. I was'nt craving or needing the oxy but just gave in. It's the continuation of my usage.
    I will not beat myself up for this mistake but I was'nt committed mentally.
    Back pain played a small role but deep down I just felt like it was the right thing to do.What an idiot...ugh
    Have the day off 2morrow and have to set a new course for this sinking ship. In the back of my mind I know my doctor's appointment is 10 days away and am conflicted weather to come clean with him or not.
    I know I will need back surgery within the next three weeks which is scary to me. Is'nt that a crazy thought. The one thing to finally get well physically and off oxy and I'm having second thoughts. I hope this is making sense to some one out there.
    Wide awake and pain free for now !
    You have absolutely no idea just how much sense this does make to me!! I've had back troubles for years and years and I will admit to you right here that there was a time that I didn't want it fixed!! My back was my ticket to those endless scripts. How sick is that??

    If you are truly ready to get on with your life you have got to have the conversation with your doctor. Now is the time to lay it all out there. Yes, you have back problems and you are now ready to do something about it. Yes you have issues with your pain medication. Once he/she knows the whole story your doctor will be your best ally is dealing with the big picture. Fix the root of the issue (your back) and then your doctor and surgeon will be there to help you get off your pain medication. I promise you are not the first nor will you be the last patient they have who are or were in the same spot as you. How much better and easier will it be when you're ready to get off everything to have them on your side to keep you accountable and to help you however they can. You can then be completely honest so they know how to best help you. Chew on that for a bit and hopefully it will encourage you. The result is that you will be shutting the door and the source. That's scary but can only be considered a downside if your real intent is to keep everything the way it is now. I don't think you want that or you wouldn't be here.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  16. #16
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Hello Cat
    Appreciate your input more than you'll ever know. Feeling like I've lost the battle but the war is still going on. Used oxy again today.
    I know I have to come clean at the doctor's office even though the oxy isn't prescription. In addition, I have to be put to sleep for my MRI and I do not want anything to go wrong there.
    I feel this ct is more mental. Yes the typical physical symptoms are there,but feels like I'm fighting within myself. Nobody said this is easy.
    Pain relief is the excuse for me to use oxy or should I say the lie. My usage is all over the place. Again it's the battle within myself. Last, your right Cat, I want this merry go round to stop for good. No more. Yes that is why I am back at this forum. I need the support from people like you. It's the best release there is for me.
    Try again 2morrow ...
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  17. #17
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheCib View Post
    Hello Cat
    Appreciate your input more than you'll ever know. Feeling like I've lost the battle but the war is still going on. Used oxy again today.
    I know I have to come clean at the doctor's office even though the oxy isn't prescription. In addition, I have to be put to sleep for my MRI and I do not want anything to go wrong there.
    I feel this ct is more mental. Yes the typical physical symptoms are there,but feels like I'm fighting within myself. Nobody said this is easy.
    Pain relief is the excuse for me to use oxy or should I say the lie. My usage is all over the place. Again it's the battle within myself. Last, your right Cat, I want this merry go round to stop for good. No more. Yes that is why I am back at this forum. I need the support from people like you. It's the best release there is for me.
    Try again 2morrow ...
    Yep. I understand because I had it all tangled up too. I didn't want the pain from my back but I didn't want to fix it either. Who knows? Maybe once your get things untangled you'll find something that will treat your pain other than narcotics. I did. At least for almost 7 years I did. I got clean in January of 2008 and for a few weeks my pain was ever present. Everyone kept telling me that with a little time, the over the counter stuff would work. I didn't believe them mostly because I didn't want to believe them. Then something magical happened; I managed to get enough clean time behind me that I wasn't willing to give it up. Lo and behold a couple of Aleve did the trick because I allowed them to work. Who knew? When I got to the point that nothing would relieve my pain it was easy to make the choice to have the surgery and not allow a doctor to dole out more pain pill prescriptions. I knew that if I went thru that door I'd be lost. I've had 3 surgeries in not quite 2 years and except for one oral dose of pain meds immediately after surgery, I have managed to avoid them. The post op pain was manageable with some Ibuprofen or Aleve because I gave them a chance and didn't fantasize about a big ole bottle of percs.

    Tomorrow is another day,Cib. I think that even though we both knew our pain was a tool to use, admitting it is a big first step.

    Peace,

    Cat
    OKC-26 and Lvg nghtmare like this.

  18. #18
    ForMe30 is offline Member
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    Just want to say you're not alone. I'm ending yet another day 2 (hopefully my last). Cat had said that with each relapse we find something (a tool) that will help us stay sober. I kinda think of it as collecting points, (crazy thinking) and I hope I got all mine this time and I hope the same for you.
    Lvg nghtmare and Catrina like this.

  19. #19
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Good morning all...

    Starting on day one again at work. Usual symptoms and no energy. I am hoping to get through this day without having to take an oxy for my back pain. Right now it is moderate but is starting to creep up. I just wanted to check in with everyone. Here we go !

  20. #20
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheCib View Post
    Good morning all...

    Starting on day one again at work. Usual symptoms and no energy. I am hoping to get through this day without having to take an oxy for my back pain. Right now it is moderate but is starting to creep up. I just wanted to check in with everyone. Here we go !
    Hi Cib,

    This may not help but I have to say it. Whenever I was detoxing, the ache/pain settled right into my bad back. Once I was thru detoxing, both the pain in my back and the RLS stopped abruptly on Day 5. Now my back wasn't healed and I still had a bad back but the pain in it relented x100. Just a thought that if you can just get through these 5 days, maybe your back will feel better too. If you have to, take the time off from work so that you can baby yourself to just get thru it. Do you feeling the flu coming on?

    Peace,

    Cat

  21. #21
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Hey Cat,

    Yes...runny nose, watery eyes, and sneezing. It started this morning when I woke up !

  22. #22
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Good morning all,

    Re-Starting day one. It's been a struggle up until this point but hoping to get over the hill today. I need to get clean from these pills so here we go with day !
    Lvg nghtmare and ForMe30 like this.

  23. #23
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Good morning,

    I have a doctors appointment for my back on Thursday morning and have decided this will be my jump. Intend to disclose to my doctor about this habit of mine and ask for his help. Yes I am in pain but I have to kick this habit. I will continue to use thru Wednesday then jump Thursday morning at the doctors office. I will be scheduling an MRI for my entire spine which will take a good hour and a half. My first attempt with the MRI failed due to the pain in my lower back and neck., My insurance has approved for me to be put to sleep for this next session....ugh ! From there not sure if surgery will be needed but will find out.Need to address the primary problem (back pain) then kick the habit of oxy. That is a lot to put on my plate. I am nervous about back surgery and the out come. I will keep posting because it helps. I hope this makes sense. I mean my plan of attack !

  24. #24
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey it makes more sense than you know I'm an addict I could justify using like no other. First step getting honest with your doctor about your addiction congratulations we are all here to support you...
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  25. #25
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Hello all !
    Have decided to make my jump a few days early. Just took my last oxy and have been fighting with myself and came up with the firm conclusion...I am done with these pills. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and will come clean with him although my doctor never prescribed the drug I am now addicted too, I will need his help.
    I am hoping after the doctor's appointment and an MRI they will have a solution to my back pain and my back problems.
    Am going to need support from you once again. The words spoken from complete strangers here on this site have helped me hold the line once before and will be watching for your support once again. Hope I don't sound needy !
    Well here we go again with my new journey into sobriety.

  26. #26
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    You can do this! Don’t worry about the withdrawal, you should be excited! Every day you check off the calendar you should be excited. You never have to have another “day 1” or day 2 and so on!! Get the show started and get your life back!! The grass is greener over there man. I promise you. I’ve been there before and like you, I’m working on getting over to that green grass now. Close this chapter of your life and start living again. No more worrying about pills. Just a free sober life. Why postpone it? Let’s rip this bandaid off and get some fresh air on the wound and let it heal!!

    We’re here for you cib. And we’re cheering loud for you. You’ve got this.

  27. #27
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Hey OKC,

    I do appreciate your support. Started day 1 at work which will be a full 10 hour day. Not much energy but have to grind thru this. I know what awaits me at the end and that is sobriety. Trying to keep steady !

  28. #28
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Went to the doctors office and have to get a series of blood work and a ekg b4 the MRI. Which means at least two more weeks of chronic pain in my neck and lower back. Gave me 800mg of a non narcotic pain reliver and a small supply ( 5 tabs) of valium to help with the anxiety of withdrawl. The ibuprofen has not kicked in yet but has knock off the edge a little. I guess the oxy is still in my system.
    My arms are on fire due to a pinched nerve in my neck and my lower back is like a tooth ache with a constant pain. Both of my legs are numb and is difficult to walk which is part of my job. I am at work today.
    Its bad enough with low energy and the some of the symptoms of withdrawl then throw in the burning and pain. I am not a religious man but this has brought me to wonder what have I done in my life to deserve such discomfort. This will go on for another 10 days to two weeks. I hope I can hold on until the MRI reveals the problem. Wondering if I should just check myself in to the hospital and get the MRI and surgery done.
    There is my update !
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  29. #29
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheCib View Post
    Went to the doctors office and have to get a series of blood work and a ekg b4 the MRI. Which means at least two more weeks of chronic pain in my neck and lower back. Gave me 800mg of a non narcotic pain reliver and a small supply ( 5 tabs) of valium to help with the anxiety of withdrawl. The ibuprofen has not kicked in yet but has knock off the edge a little. I guess the oxy is still in my system.
    My arms are on fire due to a pinched nerve in my neck and my lower back is like a tooth ache with a constant pain. Both of my legs are numb and is difficult to walk which is part of my job. I am at work today.
    Its bad enough with low energy and the some of the symptoms of withdrawl then throw in the burning and pain. I am not a religious man but this has brought me to wonder what have I done in my life to deserve such discomfort. This will go on for another 10 days to two weeks. I hope I can hold on until the MRI reveals the problem. Wondering if I should just check myself in to the hospital and get the MRI and surgery done.
    There is my update !
    Hi Cib,

    Ouch, ouch, ouch!!! I know exactly what you're going thru because I did too. The only difference, and it's a huge difference, is that I never attempted to detox until my back pain was somewhat under control. In spite of having the pain mostly under control, during those five days of cold turkey detox, everything hurt more. The usual aches settled into my back and was not an ache but rather persistent almost unbearable pain. A heating pad helped tremendously.

    It's too bad that you have to wait so long to get your MRI done and then the wait for the radiologist and your surgeon to review it adding a few more days. I don't know but I think that if I were you, I'd do exactly what you're considering and that's to get to the ER so that you won't have to wait for an appointment. May as well let them admit you and treat your pain and hopefully if surgery is necessary get it done now. After you've recovered from the surgery you can tackle a detox or with the help of your surgeon taper.

    You may or may not have read or perhaps I mentioned it here on your thread but after fighting my bad back for seven years after I got clean back in January of 2010, I threw the towel in and had surgery. Well, that surgery ended up being three of them in less than 2 years. I swear that the post op pain was minor compared to what it felt like before the surgery and I was able to handle it with over the counter stuff. There is, however a big difference between going into this with a good many years of clean time and newly detoxed. You may not have as easy a time as I did. This is why I'm thinking that because you are apt to need narcotics after surgery that there isn't much sense in suffering from now until then. I give you monster credit for trying and it goes against every fiber of my being to suggest or even encourage that you wait to detox until you're back issues are under control. If it turns out that surgery isn't going to be the answer, then disregard all of this advice because I'd rethink everything.

    Keep us posted.

    Peace,

    Cat

  30. #30
    TheCib is offline Member
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    Thank you for the sound advice Cat. I was not sure that they would let me check myself in to the hospital due to extreme pain in my back. I will have to make some phone calls to find out. I can't go another 30 days in the pain I'm in.
    I thank you for the sound advice. Am going to make a few calls today to see what I can and cannot do at emergency. Keeping my fingers crossed.
    Catrina likes this.

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