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tired of trying, feeling quilty for wanting to leave
  1. #1
    6145jodic is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012

    Default tired of trying, feeling quilty for wanting to leave

    I have been married for 23 years. In this time the first 8 years were spent arguing about his alcohol problem. I left him back then and he quit drinking cold turkey and never turned back. He has always had mood swings and likes taking medicine more often than I think is necessary but I hate to take anything so I never really thought much about it. About 10 years ago he had surgery that resulted in permanent nerve damage to his right shoulder (he is right handed). The pain wasn't too bad at first and didn't really effect much, he said he had learned to adjust heavy lifting to his left side. As time went on he began to complain more and more about how much his shoulder hurt. 6 or 7 years ago he went to his Dr. and asked for pain meds. so he could work more comfortably, he has always had heavy lifting jobs. From there it was all down hill. They refered him to a pain clinic and after 6 months he was so doped up all the time I don't know how he functioned at work. He started taking oxycodone, ocycontin when he took too many and ran out before his script was due he would buy them from "friends". He stared taking ridalin to stay awake, then would sleep for days when he ran out. I finally said enough and told him get clean or get out! He got clean, for a while. But he said he needed them to get thru work because his shoulder hurt so bad and started taking them again. He was only clean for about a year. Of course once he started taking pain meds again it didn't take long for things to get out of control so he asked me to take charge of his pills and only give him what he was supposed to have. That didn't last long, he kept searching til he found them then would tell me it was my fault because I didn't hide them well enough. So I said fine you do it then and just quit doing it, I said I wasn't his mother I wasn't mothering him. So he actually got his mother to hold them for him, but he would talk extras out of her too. Eventually I couldn't take anymore sleeping for days, falling asleep sitting up or the horrible mood swings. So I said get clean or get out, so he quit, cold turkey, again. It took him 3 months to get out of bed and he hasn't been right since. The depression is terrible. About 6 months ago he hurt his other shoulder and got vicodin from the hospital. Well guess what! Here we go again! 3 months ago I said, no way. So he is on Suboxone, because I got him in a clinic. He is going to therapy, because I found him a therapist. I truly do not believe he is doing this for himself, I think he's only doing it because I told him he has to. 3 weeks ago when we were at the beach 10 of my sons focalin (for ADHD) came up missing. Well when it was missing before that he convinced me it was my 16 year old friends taking it so I had to start hiding it. But something wasn't quite right, he never got mad that it was missing. Any way, at the beach there was no one but him, busted! This week he has been so energetic and doing stuff with the kids, helping around the house, its been great. My first thought: what's he taking? Guess what, I was right! He was buying Adderall from his "friend". I went to his therapy session with him and ratted him out! He was not happy! Too bad. If I hadn't gone she wouldn't have known about any of it, but because I was there he finally admitted to her and me that he had been taking them. He needs them to get moving. He doesn't see the big deal, our son takes too many pills anyway. OMG! I have talked to an attorney, I am so close to walking. I'm not sure why I keep tormenting myself, but now he's stealing his son's meds.!!! I am so appalled I can't even tell you. Is this a normal part of the healing process? How much longer do I put up with this. His therapist said he has psychological addiction, what does that mean? Is that harder to treat? I am so frustrated I want him to leave and not come back. I can't do this for the rest of my life and I am not putting my kids through any more. Why do I feel so quilty, like I'm giving up when he's just getting started?


  2. #2
    Anonymous Guest


    i'm so sorry.
    i'd probably take the kids and go,
    let him get clean or not,
    then make a decision if you'd go back
    based on his actions...........
    but ....... easier said than done.
    anyways, feeling for you.
    addicts are master's at making other's feeling guilty.
    Best of luck whatever you decide!
    notime and LovesAnimals like this.

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