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an update.
  1. #1
    sweetnessJJ is offline Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    101

    Default an update.

    My husband has been home from rehab now for 8 weeks. We have had ups and downs but for the most part have been getting along. His eyes have remained clear with big pupils (no vicodin! no methadone!) and he has been going to meetings, albeit dragging his behind on getting a sponsor.

    I have been implementing what I am learning at nar-anon and al-anon. I am not mothering him or scheduling things for him. I am asking him questions about his meetings but not lecturing him about the fact that he does not go every day or have a sponsor yet. I am taking care of myself and my baby, taking art classes and applying for a new job. In between, I am doing my best to enjoy my husband's company when I can. When I can't, I detach and don't get wrapped up in his negative attitude. I am doing the best that I can and living JFT.

    Yesterday, I logged onto my bank account to check what bills have been paid this week and see what we have left over after I got paid. I found out that my husband had written himself a check, forged my signature, and cashed it, for $100. I found out that the credit card that I had paid off in it's entirety had been active at gas stations and fantasy sports websites. I checked my other credit card and found the same thing. So, now that he is off drugs and alcohol he has taken up with scratch offs, slots, fantasy sports, and impulsive spending, again. I just can't do this all over again.

    I closed all my accounts and reported the fraud. I am contemplating just filing for divorce and pressing charges for the forged check and stolen credit cards. I am also contemplating a separation for a period of time to give him the chance to get a sponsor and start working the steps and change. I don't know what is holding me back from just leaving. I don't particularly like him anymore, and the love that was there is almost gone. He is a good father to our child, in terms of loving and taking care of the baby (giving baths, changing diapers, playing), but he is certainly not a good role model.

    His parents are no help to me. They tell us how much fun they had getting wasted with friends over the weekend and the bars they go to. His father encourages him to bet money on the golf course and fill out multiple brackets and enter pools, because he can "handle that" but should just stay away from slots and scratch offs. Oh and in the meantime, they are throwing money at the problem yet again by opting to buy him a golf membership this summer because he is "depressed". No repercussions, no boundaries. No attempt to repair the damage on a cellular level. Just keep up appearances. Same miserable co-dependent relationship. I am beginning to wonder if you can stay married to someone with in-laws you can't bear to even look at.

    I am planning on talking to him in the next few days. I was going to speak with him tonight, but I don't even think I can stand to look at him. I need a break. As far as I am concerned, the baby and I need to be apart from him while he sorts this out, because it is just causing damage to us both. He can go to meetings or not, get a sponsor or not, but that is on him. I offered my hand as support over and over but it's been thrown back in my face too many times.

    I am looking forward to babysitting my niece and nephews for the day tomorrow and enjoying the day with them and my baby. That is what is getting me through this day.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-10-2015 at 09:04 AM.

  2. #2
    Godblessmyjourney is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    22

    Default

    So sorry that you are going through all of this. You can only do what is best for you and your child. You may have to leave in order for him to see the damage that he is doing to your family. I can only hope for the best for you and your child. May God bless your journey. We can't change others we can only change ourselves in order to find happiness.

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