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20 years of using lortab for depression
  1. #1
    SadLady1953 is offline New Member
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    Oct 2014
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    3

    Default 20 years of using lortab for depression

    Hello.

    As stated in my title, I'm a long time user. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I have memories of sitting alone as a child weeping without knowing why I felt so bad. Mom died when I was 2, dad was an alcoholic and so I was separated from my birth family and given to a cruel aunt who terrified me in every way possible. At 12 I learned where my baby sister and my dad were living so I ran away in the night to be with them. It was a case of jumping from the frying pan into the fire. My stepmother was not only cruel, she was sadistic. I got myself pregnant at 17 just to get away from her. He ended up to be a homosexual. We had sex once and I got pregnant. Learned later after he died from AIDS that he was bi polar and so is our daughter. I married quickly 5 more times. Looking back from the ripe old age of 61, I was also bi polar. Changed jobs all the time, moved all the time, but kept it together minimally because I had a child to raise. I have never been happy in my life. At 35 I had surgery and was introduced to lortab. The very first pill caused the depression to just melt away. That's what it felt like...like the depression liquified and drained away. For about 10 years I got them from my doctor. He willingly gave me a script for 30 7.5's with a refill every month for several years. Every job I've had with insurance, I found a way to get them. One a day for decades kept the depression at bay. I was glad to get up, glad to go to work, glad to be pretty, glad to clean my house, glad to interact with other people. Years passed and now I live alone in Florida and am buying them at $7 a pop. I hate them. But the only time in my life I never feel life isn't worth living is when I have one in my system. Been divorced 26 years. Menopause somehow got rid of the manic side of me, but the depression is all that's left. If it didn't mean breaking some hearts, I would have hanged myself 2 years ago.

    Very long intro, I know, but I so need to talk to somebody who never got hooked on these devil pills to get high, but just to function through depression. I have to stop. I want to stop. Wondering if the withdrawals would be different for somebody who crashes back into depression when they stop taking them as opposed to a person who took them just to get high. I now take 40mg a day broken into two 20mg doses morning and early evening. Talk therapy used to help me but there is none in this little town and so I turn to strangers online for guidance.

    Oh, I so want these things out of my life. But that depression, that soul sucking, don't want to live another moment depression is waiting for me in addition to the physical withdrawals. Prozac does not help. Paxil made me a maniac as well as an insomniac.

    How should I begin?

  2. #2
    SadLady1953 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
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    Default One other thought...

    I do not intend to sound as though I am on some kind of different level from people who got trapped in these pills simply because they wanted to experience the high. Nobody ever takes the first one with the intent of not being able to walk away from them. I know wonderful people who became dependent from using lortab for legitimate pain. I've met other great young people who thought it would be safe to take a few to feel good and then became trapped. I just don't know anyone personally who made the deliberate decision to take them in an effort to keep depression away. Looking back, I think it was likely the worst decision I ever made. I also know I would not still be alive had I not found that escape.

  3. #3
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    2,537

    Default

    I want to just support your decision to get off of those pills..

    I really don't see the difference in taking them to ward off depression or taking them to feel high or better..

    My goal in taking them was to feel numb..

    I am 58 and was addicted to them about the same time you started..
    I used them for pain and got addicted then got clean for years then had a car accident start taking lortab for pain went to methadone induced to suboxone and now tapering off of it.

    This is your thread so I don't want this to be about me..
    I just want you to know I have enough experience with Norco, lortab, hydrocodone ect to know what it is like to need them to live..
    I was just talking to a friend about how long it took "society" to realize the addictive qualities of this drug.

    To me and you that is old news! Right?

    You can be through the worst of your detox within 5-7 days because of the 1/2 life is much shorter than say methodone or suboxone..
    That being said : depression is a normal part of opiate detox no matter what you are taking it for ..
    Have you checked out te Thomas Recipe?
    Is has suggestion to help you go through it?
    Vitamins, water, exercise anything that will help increase your own endorphin levels..
    Your body has stopped producing the endorphins that help with pain and the overall sense of well being..

    It does take time to get your brain to recover from years of chemicals being added to it..

    If you can taper that is best..
    I could never do that.. Except with suboxone.

    It takes discipline.
    You could go to 30 mg a day wait till you are stable then reduce another 5 mg..
    Stable meaning little to no detox symptoms..

    With sub we taper 25% every 4 days or till stable..
    I have not been able to taper short acting opiates.

    But I am sure others will come along and help.

    There is a lot of support , experience and more importantly lots of positive outcomes here..
    You will have to be proactive in your decision to treat your depression without drugs..

    But there are lots of suggestions and they empower us..
    I will check back later..
    Welcome again

    Iluv2

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