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Back to day 7 after relapse, what a waste.
  1. #1
    blueopiate is offline Member
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    Oct 2011
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    109

    Default Back to day 7 after relapse, what a waste.

    Well after hitting about 10 days clean from any opiates, I relapsed for about a week-week 1/2. Got some bad news that I may be getting medically retired from work and it was just to much too handle. The circumstances are not fair surrounding it. I would love to blame someone else for my relapse, it's so much easier then blaming myself. But it was my own downfall, no one else to blame.

    So now I'm back to day 7 clean. This time around it wasn't as bad as the first 7 that's for sure. Cholodine protocol, some xanax, and I added one other thing in that is for sure to cause some discussion. For the blues, or when I'm feeling just like I want to scream, I smoke 1-2 hits of good grade weed. I am not recommending this to everyone because I know their is much debate. But when I do, I think, I think a lot. My though process while in that state of mind actually talks me out of going back to it. It's like my angel is talking without the devil weighing in. Now I have slowly reduced the frequency of using it from partially all day to doing it final time last night. I have to deal with life on life's terms. Life is not fair and that is just that.

    I was ashamed to come back here and tell this but I know so many of you have struggled through this horrible hole we have dug. I really don't feel all that bad. Have a hard time sitting in one place too long. But I have no motivation at the same time. I did do my taxes today which even shocked me. I think I'm just going to stick to worrying about just today. Just get through today no matter what life throws at me. And if I have to take it even at 5-10 minutes at a time, so be it.

  2. #2
    tom27 is offline Member
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    Jan 2014
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    blue,its Tom hey man don't beat yourself up,relapse is all part of the process sometimes , I know it must have been hard ti post again,but you have ti remember something ,we are all addicts,and sometimes this is going to happen,and remember ain't no one gonna judge you or treat you any different here,we are here to help,you have to remember something man it we were on these things for a long time its going to take some time to kick this thing, the main thing and the thing I'm most proud of you are you came back here!! as for the weed hey if thats whats help then so be it,I'm also guilty of periodically doing it my self,only a hit or two at night sometimes to help with the sleep,but please man don't feel ashamed ,ill check back in later,its good to here from you

    your friend Tom

  3. #3
    tom27 is offline Member
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    Jan 2014
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    and hey its not a waste! you just keep trying man.no one ever said it was gonna be easy. this is hard,don't feel bad,look at it like this,since I've been on this site theres been a few that were doing good then just like that you know what happened and they never came back,You came back,that says a lot about you, the temptation will always be there we have to fight through it, well man I'm on day 34 right now and never in my wildest dreams did I think I would make it this far,and hey if I slip up its my fault and ill deal with it,this will take time my friend,I have faith in you.

    Tom

  4. #4
    tom27 is offline Member
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    Jan 2014
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    Blue!!! jump back on man,don't feel bad,hey even if your not clean get back to posting so we can help you,its time man,I don't care if you used 10 minutes ago get your a$$ back on here,its time to start to figure things out,your probably lurking around the site seeing if anyone is saying bad things,well guess what there not man.you owe this to yourself,even if it takes 100 times to quit then so be it,look at yourself Do you really need these stupid things ? No you don't ,if you have any get rid of them and get yourself clean. sorry to be so harsh on you man just figured you needed a kick in the a$$ to het yourself motivated .lets enjoy life being sober not a zimbie.

    lets go man!!
    your friend

    Tom

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    90

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    Hey man, don't feel bad. I've relapsed so many times at this point...

    I love ur quote above though. I think I'm going to try that myself:
    "Just getting through today no matter what life throws at me"
    cause man...
    my life throws a lot. a lot.
    if we could just focus on the now... I think we can all make it.

  6. #6
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
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    3,926

    Default

    Hey, blue, you can only beat yourself up so much, you know. Get back on that horse and ride! One thing though, we think we can do this on our own and we often can't. Think about hitting some meetings. You will find people not only to help you through the addiction, but those who have been in exactly your place and will be able to empathize with you. One of the toughest things we do when we are new-born clean is to worry about how we will cope being clean. It's not been our natural state for a long time. I mean it's scary wondering what we will do being clean again. Your "one day at a time" IS NA. Get back on here and let us know how you are doing. You can cry, whine, spit it all out here.

    Peace,

    Iloerose

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