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Boyfriend addicted to opiates help!! How to cope
  1. #1
    Anonymous Guest

    Default Boyfriend addicted to opiates help!! How to cope

    I've wrote this message a few times and haven't gotten more than one response, so I figured I would try it on this Forum. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 2 years.. When I first met him he was coming out of a rehab program and had been there for 6+ months. We spoke about if he would ever go back to that lifestyle (it was very IMPT that I felt like he was serious about recovery because I went through this with my brother) and he told me he was so over it and couldn't wait to move on with his life and leave that behind.. When he came out he was also on drug court so it was pretty impossible for him to slip up unless he wanted to be thrown in jail. Everything was amazing- he was such a good guy, always so positive and appreciative and happy! Always laughing and making me feel like the most special person in the world..The second he was released from drug court (which was about 5 months into our relationship), is when my entire life turned upside down. So many lies, being late,telling me he was somewhere that he wasn't,going on suboxine then coming off and going back to drugs..this all escalated more when I started reading messages in his phone about drugs, stealing jewlery from me and his family, he completley depleted his bank account, no job and nothing but manipulation and broken promises... An entire year and 6 months of stress, worry and anger went by until I said I have had it. I still can't believe the guy that came into my life two years ago that I literally was so thankful for and couldn't have asked for a better partner has turned into such a monster. A stranger. Complete stranger.- I finally mustered up the confidence to give him a ulitimatum- drugs or me. I was always so afraid to hear his response because sadly enough I knew he wouldn't choose me... And he didn't. He rather take roxys/oxys and opanas? What the hell is an opana?! He called me a few weeks later and agreed to go.(this was a little over a month ago) I was so happy and couldn't wait to get my boyfriend back. When he checked into detox I was sad but very happy he agreed to this.. I got a call the 3rd day he was in there and was told he was found blue and unresponsive at 6am.(basically dead) Thank god for the narcan shot. He was rushed to the hospital and I stayed with him for the 5 days he was there. After that he went to rehab. He just recently came out and I have been taking him to meetings and dinner and getting him ciggarettes etc since he has no car, money, job or phone. Last week I felt something was off and I confronted him. I made him take a drug test and he was dirty for morphine. He flipped out and said it could be a false positive and he's not lying this time and pleading that I had to believe him.. Dumb me said okay.. but I got another test to give him for the following day. He came up again positive for morphine and cocaine. Tests do not lie..but people do.. And I know he does. I was furious and dropped him home. I invested so much time and faith and energy and love into him for this??? It's been about a week and I haven't spoken to him. I got worried last night and asked his mom how he has been doing and she told me he has been missing since Monday. I started to go crazy again and worry and have that awful heart pounding, anxiety filled feeling in me until I could know he was ok. When I FINALLY reached him I found out he was sleeping in a car in the beginning of the week and now he is home. I couldn't believe it. Im still sick to my stomach. Knowing he's on drugs living in a car is really low.. He refuses to go back to rehab and he thinks he is ok. I know I cannot be with him anymore and I need to accept that he won't be that man I fell in love with for a very long time, if not ever again. Im so stressed I can't eat I can't sleep I can't even take care of myself without wanting to take a xanax to calm down. Im losing myself to his actions and addiction. I just can't seem to let go of the fact that he could maybe be who he once was one day. How do I cope with this? How do I move on? Should I change my number? Please some advice!! He will be the death of me.. I can't take this pain anymore.

  2. #2
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
    He refuses to go back to rehab and he thinks he is ok. I know I cannot be with him anymore and I need to accept that he won't be that man I fell in love with for a very long time, if not ever again.


    . How do I cope with this? How do I move on? Should I change my number? Please some advice!! He will be the death of me.. I can't take this pain anymore..
    You have made your decision and you are now facing the pain of the loss. You are losing him but you are also losing all your dreams of the future with him. You know the facts; you know that he is unlikely to fix himself any time soon and you are wisely choosing to be healthy yourself - to do what is best for you and take your life in another direction, a direction that will not require you to be a partner to an addict, but rather will be a healthier life for you. You know all this intellectually, but that makes no difference to your heart. It is a loss. It is a very great loss and you will grieve. It will be a process but you'll get through it. This person will always be part of you. It's okay for it to be. It's okay for it to be in the past. The present with this person is stressing you and damaging you too much. The future with this person is way, way too uncertain and the strain of wishing for it is draining you. The right place is the past but that love is still real and very much worth mourning. It's okay to mourn. You will get through it.

  3. #3
    Ldrn2001 is offline New Member
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    Default It's time to move on...

    Not sure how old you are but you sound like you're under 25. The stuff we accept to have "my boyfriend back" is pretty unbelievable. This is who he is, if you were your 30yr old you, you would have walked away when you met him and found out he had just gotten out of rehab. There were quite a few red flags, some of them bright red, and that's one of them. Unless of course you're a fellow addict and want to hang around for the drugs. In that case, keep him around! you can look forward to a great life of turmoil, poverty, heartache...but he might be really sweet and loving sometimes and that's worth it, right? I know that most young people don't listen when an older person, someone who's lived and learned says "Build a good life for yourself! Go to school if you need to, don't rush marriage or God forbid, having children." When you find yourself doing well, doing your best, you will be proud of yourself and realize, you are worthy of so much more!!! You are worthy of someone like you, someone kind, smart, successful, and NOT on drugs!! Trust me when I say, you can't change anyone but yourself and you shouldn't even try. There are a lot of good guys out there, maybe you've just been hanging out in the wrong places. One more thing, check out the bookstore or the library for Dr.Laura's book "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives" Read it and learn.

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