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Boyfriend is addicted to Percocet and Hydrocodone please help!!
  1. #1
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    Default Boyfriend is addicted to Percocet and Hydrocodone please help!!

    Okay I am really new to this and don't even know where to start. I've never tried a cigarette, a pill or smoked weed so this is all just overwhelming to me. My boyfriend of one year finally admitted he is addicted to pain pills mostly Percocet and Hydrocodone. He told me he is spending $600- $700 a month on pills and even has started selling them. He said he takes up to 22 or 23 of the 10 mg Percocets in a day. He also said he will take 3 hydrocodone 10 mg at one but he shallows two pills then chops and snorts the other one. He is also spending up to $200.00 a week on weed. I feel like my world has been turned upside down. He has lied to me the entirety of our relationship and acts like this addiction is no big deal. We live like 45 min from each other and it has gotten to where we see each other maybe twice a month. He says it's because he hates the drive but I do not want to drive to him because I know he will just want to stay home and sleep and now I know it's because of drugs. He is so moody and I feel like he doesnt care how I feel and it feels like he doesnt love me. I am so scared he is cheating on me buto he says the pills cause him to have no sex drive but he says he does masturbate which seems odd if he has no sex drive. I did find a condom in his car but he said he has never chrated and he has had the condom in his car for months and found it when he was cleaning his car. We don't use condoms but we did use one ONCE while I was on my period like 6 months ago. Do you think he's lying? He got a new job and has to be clean. He said he can do it on his own without any help. Is this possible? Should I try to stick it out with him? Also, he went to rehab twice when he was younger like 26 or 17 years old and hes 33 now. It's like history is repeating itself and he can't stay clean. I feel like there is no future with him if he can't get clean and I don't know if I can trust him with how much he has lied. I feel so lost because I love him and want him to be okay.

  2. #2
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Welcome ot the forum. Plenty of help and support for you here.

    Ok, I'm an addict in recovery so I'm not judging anyone here. If I were you I would run and never look back. He's going to continue to LIE to you because that's what addicts do. He will lie, manipulate you, cheat, and steal from you if he gsts the chance. All to obtain more pills. And believe me when I tell you things are going to get WORSE, much, much worse. The only way things will ever get better is if HE himself wants to be clean. You can't make him, he has to want it for himself. Right now the pills have a hold on him and he's do anything to keep his habit alive. I lost everything I owned and loved due to my addiction and that got me to quit finally. It's a downward spiral and it isn't pretty.

    Tell him you'll support him if he wants to get clean. And tell him you can be a couple if he has a year clean. If he says he's clean for any length of time purchase a drug test kit from any pharmacy and spring it on him. You'll have your answer. Sorry to be so harsh and blunt, but that's just the way it is. Addiction is a horrible disease and destroys everyone around it. Your relationship is just beginning. I honestly would get out now before you get too much time in.

    That's my opinions based on experience.

    If you continue to post you'll receive many responses. We really do care and will help you through this. He should go to NA or AA meetings if he. wants to be clean. And you could go to meetings of Naranon or Alonon for support. They both really help.

    I'm afraid he loves the pills more than he does you right now. Sad, but true.

    Good luck to you.

    Randy

  3. #3
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you so much for responding Randy. This is literally making me so depressed. We are always arguing and any little thing I try to talk to him about he freaks out and calls me crazy and mental. He curses at me on the phone and through text and makes me feel so insecure because it's like he doesn't have the want to see me. He'did rather stay laid up in the bed sleeping. I cannot communicate with him at all and it breaks my heart. He says he is getting clean for his new job but I cannot really see him doing it himself with as much pills he takes. I just don't know if I can do this anymore and I don't feel like I can trust anything he says. He makes all these promises but I just can't see it happening. He doesn't look like an addict and that's why it's so hard to see him as one. What I mean by looking like an addict I mean he hides it well except for a sudden weight loss.
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  4. #4
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwhocares View Post
    Thank you so much for responding Randy. This is literally making me so depressed. We are always arguing and any little thing I try to talk to him about he freaks out and calls me crazy and mental. He curses at me on the phone and through text and makes me feel so insecure because it's like he doesn't have the want to see me. He'did rather stay laid up in the bed sleeping. I cannot communicate with him at all and it breaks my heart. He says he is getting clean for his new job but I cannot really see him doing it himself with as much pills he takes. I just don't know if I can do this anymore and I don't feel like I can trust anything he says. He makes all these promises but I just can't see it happening. He doesn't look like an addict and that's why it's so hard to see him as one. What I mean by looking like an addict I mean he hides it well except for a sudden weight loss.
    Oh Honey. What does an addict look like? Me? I'll be 63 early in December and usually have my two grandkids in tow. I've been clean for nearly 7 years but up until then, I took anything and everything and did it for nearly 20 years. I have always had a very successful career, never missed work and in fact put in more hours and worked harder than most of my colleagues. No one except my family knew or would have ever guessed I was a junkie.

    Randy's advice is spot on. You have a long distance relationship and it's not even a good one. If he could get clean and stay that way without help, he'd have already done it. At least a part of his animosity toward you is that his secret is out of the bag. When we are abusing drugs, we isolate and do our very best to keep it as secret as possible. He doesn't want your concern, criticism, or anything else you might have to share with him. It's not just you. Anything or anyone who is attempting to interrupt his little world will not be greeted warmly. And it's not just him. That's how we roll when we're using. I have children and grandchildren that I love and would lay my life down for them. Sadly, when I was using they were a distant second to my ability to get my pills.

    Is he lying to you? Are his lips moving? If the answer is that they are, then he is. The very best thing you can do for the BOTH of you is to distance yourself from this as lovingly as you can. Do it without being angry or sad but tell him you can not and will not be a part of this life style. Tell him you love him but you can't participate in a relationship this way but when he chooses to get clean and get firmly into recovery, you can see what's left, if anything, to salvage. Sometimes it only takes someone who cares enough about us to bring our bottom up so that we can hit it. Don't bother begging or crying because it will fall on deaf ears.

    To sum things up. I'll be clean 7 years at the end of the year. I wish I could tell you that I did it for my family. Nope. I'm very lucky to have not lost them all by trading them for a pill bottle. I got clean and stayed this way after countless attempts and ONLY because I wanted it more than I ever wanted anything else. I had to swallow my pride and allow my family to watch me without an ounce of sympathy be sick with I detoxed and struggle through early recovery. They knew why I was sick and exactly like non-addicts just went about their business because I did that to myself. There is truth in that and it's a truth that's hard to face.

    You are not equipped to help him. He needs support from other addicts in recovery. He can seek therapy. He can become involved in meetings. Inpatient treatment or intensive outpatient. The odds of beating this on our own is pretty slim. We have to take ownership of our addiction and do whatever it takes to recover. This is all HIS work. My advice to you is to back off and move on. Maybe there's a future for you with him if he can get clean and stay that way. I agree with Randy...he needs at least one year clean before I'd plan any future with him. In the meantime, get busy moving on and finding happiness without him.

    Peace,

    Cat

  5. #5
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    BRILLIANT response, Cat!!!

    Girl Who Cares....I really hope you take Cat's advice to heart. She knows addiction frontwards, backwards, and sideways as you can see by her response. And I wish you nothing but the best as you certainly deserve it. Please let us know how you're doing.

    BTW Cat - What day in December is your birthday? Mine is December 9th.

    Randy

  6. #6
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Oh Honey. What does an addict look like? Me? I'll be 63 early in December and usually have my two grandkids in tow. I've been clean for nearly 7 years but up until then, I took anything and everything and did it for nearly 20 years. I have always had a very successful career, never missed work and in fact put in more hours and worked harder than most of my colleagues. No one except my family knew or would have ever guessed I was a junkie.

    Randy's advice is spot on. You have a long distance relationship and it's not even a good one. If he could get clean and stay that way without help, he'd have already done it. At least a part of his animosity toward you is that his secret is out of the bag. When we are abusing drugs, we isolate and do our very best to keep it as secret as possible. He doesn't want your concern, criticism, or anything else you might have to share with him. It's not just you. Anything or anyone who is attempting to interrupt his little world will not be greeted warmly. And it's not just him. That's how we roll when we're using. I have children and grandchildren that I love and would lay my life down for them. Sadly, when I was using they were a distant second to my ability to get my pills.

    Is he lying to you? Are his lips moving? If the answer is that they are, then he is. The very best thing you can do for the BOTH of you is to distance yourself from this as lovingly as you can. Do it without being angry or sad but tell him you can not and will not be a part of this life style. Tell him you love him but you can't participate in a relationship this way but when he chooses to get clean and get firmly into recovery, you can see what's left, if anything, to salvage. Sometimes it only takes someone who cares enough about us to bring our bottom up so that we can hit it. Don't bother begging or crying because it will fall on deaf ears.

    To sum things up. I'll be clean 7 years at the end of the year. I wish I could tell you that I did it for my family. Nope. I'm very lucky to have not lost them all by trading them for a pill bottle. I got clean and stayed this way after countless attempts and ONLY because I wanted it more than I ever wanted anything else. I had to swallow my pride and allow my family to watch me without an ounce of sympathy be sick with I detoxed and struggle through early recovery. They knew why I was sick and exactly like non-addicts just went about their business because I did that to myself. There is truth in that and it's a truth that's hard to face.

    You are not equipped to help him. He needs support from other addicts in recovery. He can seek therapy. He can become involved in meetings. Inpatient treatment or intensive outpatient. The odds of beating this on our own is pretty slim. We have to take ownership of our addiction and do whatever it takes to recover. This is all HIS work. My advice to you is to back off and move on. Maybe there's a future for you with him if he can get clean and stay that way. I agree with Randy...he needs at least one year clean before I'd plan any future with him. In the meantime, get busy moving on and finding happiness without him.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Cat thank you so much for replying to this. These responses are helping me a great deal. It's really hard for me to discuss this with friends and family so I just kind of keep it all to myself.

    I wish this could all just be a dream and go away. It's so hard to deal with. I feel like I won't be able to even talk with him about me going my own way and leaving him. I known he'll freak out on me. I think he might suffer from bipolar disease as well because he also takes celexa but he says it's for anxiety. But then again who knows if that's even true.

    I feel like I need to pack the clothes and belongings he has here and just drop them at his mom's house (yes he lives with his mom and so do his kids). He has no money now to be able to afford to pay anything. He constantly is taking out payday loans and can't even pay them back. I think he is also on the verge of having his car repoed as well.

    I know I am way better than this and deserve better. I have a successful job as a paralegal and see this type of drug abuse all the time with clients but I just never thought I'd be in a relationship where I would be on the other end looking in. It makes me sick knowing I've been in a relationship with someone I really never knew. I don't know how I was so stupid to not see it all right in front of me. I guess love is really blind.

    He will never check into a rehab or talk with any doctor about his problem. He says he can handle it on his own and that other addicts aren't as strong willed as he is. And Cat, he is like you and works everyday and functions like there is no problem. Except he has said he has taken Adderall to help him with working nights sometimes and then has to smoke weed to taper down.

    It's so hard to say goodbye to someone you love so much but I know that it'll never get better until he is sober. I don't know if it'll even be any better then because I'm sure there will be some psychological effects after all this. The doctor has already told him his liver count is high. That's what made me really realize he had a problem with some kind of drug.
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  7. #7
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Oh Honey. What does an addict look like? Me? I'll be 63 early in December and usually have my two grandkids in tow. I've been clean for nearly 7 years but up until then, I took anything and everything and did it for nearly 20 years. I have always had a very successful career, never missed work and in fact put in more hours and worked harder than most of my colleagues. No one except my family knew or would have ever guessed I was a junkie.

    Randy's advice is spot on. You have a long distance relationship and it's not even a good one. If he could get clean and stay that way without help, he'd have already done it. At least a part of his animosity toward you is that his secret is out of the bag. When we are abusing drugs, we isolate and do our very best to keep it as secret as possible. He doesn't want your concern, criticism, or anything else you might have to share with him. It's not just you. Anything or anyone who is attempting to interrupt his little world will not be greeted warmly. And it's not just him. That's how we roll when we're using. I have children and grandchildren that I love and would lay my life down for them. Sadly, when I was using they were a distant second to my ability to get my pills.

    Is he lying to you? Are his lips moving? If the answer is that they are, then he is. The very best thing you can do for the BOTH of you is to distance yourself from this as lovingly as you can. Do it without being angry or sad but tell him you can not and will not be a part of this life style. Tell him you love him but you can't participate in a relationship this way but when he chooses to get clean and get firmly into recovery, you can see what's left, if anything, to salvage. Sometimes it only takes someone who cares enough about us to bring our bottom up so that we can hit it. Don't bother begging or crying because it will fall on deaf ears.

    To sum things up. I'll be clean 7 years at the end of the year. I wish I could tell you that I did it for my family. Nope. I'm very lucky to have not lost them all by trading them for a pill bottle. I got clean and stayed this way after countless attempts and ONLY because I wanted it more than I ever wanted anything else. I had to swallow my pride and allow my family to watch me without an ounce of sympathy be sick with I detoxed and struggle through early recovery. They knew why I was sick and exactly like non-addicts just went about their business because I did that to myself. There is truth in that and it's a truth that's hard to face.

    You are not equipped to help him. He needs support from other addicts in recovery. He can seek therapy. He can become involved in meetings. Inpatient treatment or intensive outpatient. The odds of beating this on our own is pretty slim. We have to take ownership of our addiction and do whatever it takes to recover. This is all HIS work. My advice to you is to back off and move on. Maybe there's a future for you with him if he can get clean and stay that way. I agree with Randy...he needs at least one year clean before I'd plan any future with him. In the meantime, get busy moving on and finding happiness without him.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Quote Originally Posted by Randy35 View Post
    BRILLIANT response, Cat!!!

    Girl Who Cares....I really hope you take Cat's advice to heart. She knows addiction frontwards, backwards, and sideways as you can see by her response. And I wish you nothing but the best as you certainly deserve it. Please let us know how you're doing.

    BTW Cat - What day in December is your birthday? Mine is December 9th.

    Randy
    Thank you! I agree so much with you. Cat really seems to know the tricks and the trades of this addiction. It's so comforting knowing you guys don't judge and really seem genuine in helping.
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  8. #8
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randy35 View Post
    BRILLIANT response, Cat!!!

    Girl Who Cares....I really hope you take Cat's advice to heart. She knows addiction frontwards, backwards, and sideways as you can see by her response. And I wish you nothing but the best as you certainly deserve it. Please let us know how you're doing.

    BTW Cat - What day in December is your birthday? Mine is December 9th.

    Randy
    Well. I likely won't forget your birthday, Randy. My birthday is December 9th.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  9. #9
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    He's already been in rehab twice? Spending upwards of $1000 a month on various drugs? He's already got liver damage? He's got kids? He lives with his mom because he has no savings and about to get his car repossessed? He is 33, I assume you are a similar age? Sweetheart..........

    No. I wouldn't even give him a year. For me to trust this man, he would need five years clean, $100,000 in the bank, a history of clean pee tests for those five years, and I would have to have not been able to find another man in the meantime. Then I'd give him a second chance.

    Because the clock is ticking. Your responsibility is to the future you. Not the you today, not the you who loves him right now, but the 50 year old you who will want a comfortable home and no debt, and the 70 year old you who will want happy grandchildren.

    You said you're happy Randy and Cat aren't judging and I'm not sure if you meant judging of you, or judging of him. I might sound judging of him. Morally, I am not. I have deepest sympathy and empathy for him. Being an addict is not a moral failure. People don't go out and deliberately say, "oh, why don't I become an addict". They get trapped by it. Often they have underlying disorders such as depression that cause them to be trapped by drugs. None of that is their fault. So there is no morality judgment. But there is judgment in the context of you and what's best for you, because you are the one coming here for help. So my responsibility is to give it to you straight and real. The reality is he will drag you down, and the odds he will become a sober and stable person are not good. Is there a chance he can be saved? Sure. Randy and Cat here are better than perfect examples. Many years sober and best of all, giving freely of their time and love to help others. Countless thousands of lives are helped by their posts on this forum. The destruction addiction brought to their lives may have meaning now, and purpose. I hope your boyfriend comes to that too some day. As for you, today, you cannot wait to find out.

    For what it's worth, I don't think he's cheating on you. But that's hardly the point. Really, he is cheating on you but his mistress is the pills. The thing he is giving hundreds of dollars a month to, because he loves the drugs more than saving for a future with you.

  10. #10
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    Thisweekforsure:

    Unfortunately yes he's been in rehab twice. He's 33 now (I'm 33 also). He stints at rehab were around 16-18 years old. He told me he had did all sorts of drugs when he was younger such as ecstasy, cocaine and >>>>>>. It's heartbreaking because he was just a child too. He told me rehab doesn't work and that's why he gets can do it on his own because he is "strong willed".

    I just recently found out from his ex girlfriend who is the mother of one of his children (He has 4 kids total...by 3 different women. I know that should have been a warning sign because he obviously couldn't hold out a relationship with any of them) but she told me, just within the last week after I contacted her to see if there were any problems with drugs while they were together because they had just split in June 2015 which was 3 months before we got together, that when she met him in 2011 he was on cocaine and would do lines of it mixed with chopped hydrocodone. She told me a lot of stuff I never knew about him. It's like he's not at all who I thought he was. He had told me he had been clean since 2010 when he got full custody of 2 of his children because of course their mother is a drug addict too and still bad off on meth.

    He is so charming and used to be so sweet so I looked beyond his past at what I thought would be a great future for us. And like Cat said earlier, if his lips are moving he is lying. I believe that now.

    Another thing I just can't get over is he got 2 speeding tickets, didn't pay them and it caused him to get his license suspended. Well he has been driving on a suspended license for almost 6 months. He was working all these side jobs to supposedly be getting the money to pay the almost $800 to get his license back and pay the court fines. Well of course he didn't use the money for that I found out because he said his boss had just given him the money last month to pay all of this because they needed him in the company work truck. He finally admitted last week the he used the $800.00 his boss gave him and went and bought pills. I think that is what made me realize he was way bad off.

    Oh and by judging I was saying that no one is judging me for being so naive to what was going on around me. The few people I have talked to about this can't understand its hard to just let go of someone you love so much even when they are doing the worst of things. It's probably the hardest thing I've ever had to go through mentally and emotionally. It's like I'm leaving him when he needs me the most but I can't sit back and always wonder if he's lying to me or not and with his past history it's hard to believe he will get better without proper help.

    He's already sold all his valuable items such as his dirtbike for money feed his pill habit. I just really thank God I never went and bought a house with him or financed anything for him like he always asks me to do. He has no credit at all and can't get any loans besides the payday advance loans which he doesn't pay so I'm sure he'll have to find another way for money now.

    It really really sickens me. I can't sleep because I'm so stressed over this. I just want the best for him but I can't be dragged down in the process.

  11. #11
    Ilovemtndogs7 is offline Advanced Member
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    Oh Girlwhocares-

    You really have dodged a speeding train. Thank goodness you haven't purchased anything with him. As heartbreaking as this is for you, that would be another layer of pain. A really difficult layer to untangle. You have wonderful advice. A 33 year old who does all these things, while his mother supports and probably takes care of his children is a really bad bet. No wonder he doesn't want to let you go. Just reading your story I can tell you are the whole package. You are smart, successful, empathetic, and want to believe the best in him. I'm rarely this frank. Dump him quick. The odds of him changing are slim, if he was doing all the stuff his ex says (I think he was). Even if you have to change your phone number do it. You don't need to break up with him in person. I know it doesn't feel like it, but him cheating on you is the smallest thing he's done. You are getting very little out of this relationship, just continuing to torture yourself with questions. Everyone who has replied to you is on your side. Please think about what I said. I don't usually ever offer this kind of advice, but all my senses are screaming "get rid of him". Take care of yourself. I am in no way judging you. Not even him. I just want you to save yourself. Hugs. Sheryl/Ms. Dogs

  12. #12
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    ilovemtndogs7:

    Thank you so much for replying to this. All of your replies have meant so much and have helped me deal with this so much. You just don't know how much I appreciate it. I have re-read every response at least ten times and it just reassures me that I need to move on.

    I have not talked to him since yesterday morning when he got mad, cussed me out, said he was busy and then hung the phone up on me. That seems to be his defense mechanism. He takes it out on me and thinks it is okay to just throw the "F" bomb around at me every time he gets mad and . But...I think I am just going to get the stuff he has at my place and drive it to his mom's house, when I know he is not there tomorrow, and drop it off and be done with all this. I feel like it is putting me in a depression of some sort. I feel guilty leaving him but I feel hopeless staying with him. All I want is stability in my life for me and my daughter. She doesn't need to think it's okay for any of this to be going on. I wish he could see that for her as well and also for his own kids.

    He has never gotten physical with me but does have a VERY bad temper. He says he'd never hit a woman, he has always emphasized that to me for some reason, but of course I found out that was a lie. I work at a law office and called the clerk in the county he lives in to see if he had any outstanding warrants but the only thing they pulled up was a domestic assault in 2008 where he busted the mother of his two children's lip, threw her on the ground and hit her in the head. I just found this out today so it really freaks me out. That's why I just want to get his stuff to him without him being around. He's like an onion and I just keep peeling back layers of lies from him. He might not even care when I leave his stuff and not ever try to contact me again. I know how stubborn and domineering he can be. He just told me last week that him and his friend robbed a guy for pills in June 2015 and he hit the guy so hard in the jaw that he felt his bones crush. That just makes me literally sick that he could do that to someone for pills.

    And yes, his mom helps him a LOT with his kids so he can come and go as he pleases. He said she has given him a few hydrocodones as well (she has a prescription due to her back he said). But I am starting to think that maybe he just takes them from her. I would hope she wouldn't just feed his addiction because he said she know all about it. It's just crazy to me.

    He told me last week he hasn't used pills since October 7 . Do you you think that is a lie. It's hard to believe he could just stop using that fast ( October 3 is when he said he had to get clean because of his new job). It's just hard to see how he could stop a 22 pill addiction that fast.

    I just don't know how I could be so blind and so stupid to believe all his lies. I should have been able to see he was no good but I swear I had no idea. I thought he smoked weed every once in a while because that's what he told me. I am sorry to keep venting but I am just so in shock with all this. He was the sweetest most loving guy towards me and I really thought he loved me and was the one for me. I guess it was all an act to keep me hanging around. But why would he go through so much trouble to do that? Why didn't he just find someone who supports what he does? I just don't understand.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 10-17-2016 at 02:06 PM.

  13. #13
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Girl -

    He's going nowhere fast. He has NOTHING going for him. You're intelligent, articulate, and one classy young lady with your entire life ahead of you. You don't need this mess, or him. You have EVERYTHING going for you!

    In your last post you were wondering why he would go to so much trouble to keep you hanging around, and why he wouldn't find someone who supports what he does? Because other addicts are in the same boat as he is. They have nothing, and used up all the cash and resources they have, and need another source of supporting their habit. Who better than some unsuspecting partner that enables their habit without knowing it. And It's NOT your fault. An addict can manipulate ANYONE. I was a master at it too. I could make you believe anything I wanted you to believe. Lips Moving = LYING. I'm sure he loves you, but he loves the pills more I'm afraid.

    I stole from my girlfriend numerous times, and usually without her even knowing it. I was able to obtain her pin # on her ATM card and when she was sleeping (2-3 am) I would get up and head to the nearest ATM and take out a $100 bucks and put her card back where it was. When she would say to herself "I don't remember taking that cash out, I'm gonna call the bank", I would immediately tell her that, "don't you remember sweetheart, you took it out so we could pay cash for a few things" or something like that. I did that MANY times and was always able to convince her it was she who was taking it out. Manipulation at it's best. Sick, and digusts me to this day. I've forgiven myself which is what we need to do to be able to move forward.

    Randy

  14. #14
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    Randy:

    I'm sure I would be sucked right into every thing he had to say if I had not ran across this forum. I really believe I would have gotten a house with this guy but of course I would have to finance it. He had even spoke about getting married and blah blah blah. Something always told me don't get too far in with anything financial with him because I could see how fast his money would be gone and he really had no bills. It was always a story of how he had to help him mom with bills or buy the kids something. I really hope he hasn't stolen from me. That would just be the lowest of the low. I've never thought to look and see if there were any valuables missing. That just makes me sick to think about
    Randy35 likes this.

  15. #15
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    Also, do the pills help with stress or anything like that? I think he has some kind of psychological disorder or may be bipolar or even depressed. He would talk about death and other crazy stuff sometimes. It was sad

  16. #16
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    He started drugs and drinking at a young age at like 12 so maybe that has caused something to go wrong psychologically. He's been so open about his past with me but has just decided to lie about his present life for some reason.

    I just hope ending things doesn't make things worse for him. I've only ever wanted the best for him and have tried to be there whenever he needed me. It might not cause him any grief at all. I know it'll be harder on me than on him because I know I truly love him and hate what he has become. And I hate that I've basically been with a stranger and that's terrifying. I just wish I had not been so blind and so quick to fall for him and his lies.

  17. #17
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwhocares View Post


    Oh and by judging I was saying that no one is judging me for being so naive to what was going on around me. The few people I have talked to about this can't understand its hard to just let go of someone you love so much even when they are doing the worst of things. It's probably the hardest thing I've ever had to go through mentally and emotionally. It's like I'm leaving him when he needs me the most but I can't sit back and always wonder if he's lying to me or not and with his past history it's hard to believe he will get better without proper help.
    .
    Oh no, yeah, I understand that completely. When you're in love, that can trump everything. It's not a matter of being naive, it's that the simple chemistry of being in love makes you blind to anything bad, or makes you not care. I've been there, it just takes a little time sometimes before your eyes are open and you have the strength to leave.

  18. #18
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you Thisweekforsure:

    I guess your have to love yourself a little more at the hardest times in your life to be able to get the strength to do what's best for yourself. I would have never in a million years have thought I'd be in this type of situation having to make this type of decision. I've always kept myself away from anything that I thought would cause me harm or pain. But I guess love blinded me this time.

  19. #19
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwhocares View Post
    Also, do the pills help with stress or anything like that? I think he has some kind of psychological disorder or may be bipolar or even depressed. He would talk about death and other crazy stuff sometimes. It was sad

    Do the pills help with stress? At the time we as addicts think they do. When we're under the spell of the drugs we feel invincible. It's puts us in a fog of sorts and blinds us to what's truly going on around us. If he does have depression issues the pills make HIM feel more secure. Everyone has tough situations that arise in their daily lives, sometimes everyday. Problems pop up. And you usually deal with them head on by taking care of the matter the best you can. Addicts, due to the pills, skirt around the issues and taking a pill seems to make everything just go away, or not matter so much. I let bills go and hardly ever bought groceries. I just didn't care if they got paid or if I ate. Obtaining pills was my primary concern, every single day. Disgusting.

    I now have 2+ years clean and 1 single pill can put me right back to day 1 again. I'm a good person and I know it. But under the influence of drugs I was something else, a not-so -good guy. I had my girlfriend fooled too until I didn't. We were planning on marriage and she finally had enough and left. And I'll never get over that. but I have moved on and dating again.

    Took me nearly 19 years to get out of the trap. But I made it. So it's possible he can too. But HE has to want it more than anything in the world. And right now he's just nowhere near ready. Usually an addict has to hit rock bottom. The consequences of their actions have to be so great that quitting is the only thing left. Theres only 3 possible scenarios - get clean, jails/institutions, or death.

    Randy

  20. #20
    girlwhocares is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randy35 View Post
    Do the pills help with stress? At the time we as addicts think they do. When we're under the spell of the drugs we feel invincible. It's puts us in a fog of sorts and blinds us to what's truly going on around us. If he does have depression issues the pills make HIM feel more secure. Everyone has tough situations that arise in their daily lives, sometimes everyday. Problems pop up. And you usually deal with them head on by taking care of the matter the best you can. Addicts, due to the pills, skirt around the issues and taking a pill seems to make everything just go away, or not matter so much. I let bills go and hardly ever bought groceries. I just didn't care if they got paid or if I ate. Obtaining pills was my primary concern, every single day. Disgusting.

    I now have 2+ years clean and 1 single pill can put me right back to day 1 again. I'm a good person and I know it. But under the influence of drugs I was something else, a not-so -good guy. I had my girlfriend fooled too until I didn't. We were planning on marriage and she finally had enough and left. And I'll never get over that. but I have moved on and dating again.

    Took me nearly 19 years to get out of the trap. But I made it. So it's possible he can too. But HE has to want it more than anything in the world. And right now he's just nowhere near ready. Usually an addict has to hit rock bottom. The consequences of their actions have to be so great that quitting is the only thing left. Theres only 3 possible scenarios - get clean, jails/institutions, or death.

    Randy
    Thank you Randy....

    That all makes sense. I am a worrier and I worry about the littlest things. With him, he was so carefree with no worries in the world. Nothing ever seemed to bother him...even things that most people would be in panic attacks over. I always told him that I wish that I could be as easy going as that but now I see it was all just masked by the euphoria of pills.

    I agree with you that he is nowhere near ready because he has not hit rock bottom yet. He is only trying to get clean because got a job being a project manager at the construction company he works for and he knows he could more than likely be drug tested. I know that job takes some serious focus and concentration and I am afraid that he will be clouded and unfocused without the pills. The sad part is that he never had insurance before and now he will get it through the company and he said "It will be so much easier just getting a prescription now." So I guess with a prescription for the pills if he does get tested for drugs, that will be okay and he won't get in trouble for that....and that terrifies me because he will probably never get clean with a prescription for the pills.

    If he is drug tested and does obtain a prescription, will the test show if he is taking unusually high amounts...like higher amounts than he is prescribed?

    And Randy, he sounds just like you about not paying bills or buying groceries. He let all his bills fall through the cracks and is still getting calls from the company he has his car loan through, his bank has called, the security finance/title max places and furniture stores. I only know this because I would see the numbers call on his phone and he wouldn't answer and I would write them down and google the numbers the next day and it showed the companies. I am sure they wouldn't be calling if it weren't something serious like missed payments.

    And congratulations on all of your guys successful sobriety. It is amazing! All your stories are so inspiring and shows how lucky you all are.
    Randy35 likes this.

  21. #21
    SaysomethingNOW is offline New Member
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    Default Be strong and just get out of the situation

    Girlwhocares

    I am not an addict, but have been married to one for 16 years. I did not know he was one, in fact, It just got progressively worse over the last few years. I knew about his "prescribed" meds for about ten. I think back now, and while we were dating he asked for my meds after like a wisdom tooth pulled. I didn't need them and I was so naive. His addiction has been going on for so long, and it includes other prescribed medications as well.

    I, too have so much pain inside me and I want to do the wifely thing, and reach out and hold him and tell him everything is going to be okay. . I love him so much and tried to help him and support him. I can only do that when he finally realizes that he has problem. I will wait for him, but in the meantime, I am going to make myself happy and do for me.

    He doesn't talk to his children or me about anything that is really important. IN fact, has written the girls off like bad pennies. He will only listen to people who will hear him say I don't have a problem, they were prescribed. Don't end up like me this far into the relationship. He is my soulmate, but I have to let him go. He needs to figure this out on his own. No amount of love or caring from me is going to help. I am still the enemy in his eyes. We brought up three lovely, smart girls, and we have a beautiful home. Please find your strength, do things you like and make you happy. It is amazing the strength that you can find in yourself. Please do for you, and let him do for him. You have it much better than I do, since you don't have things together or children. So, go---You have your whole life ahead of you to go be happy and full of peace. Like Cat says. She knows what she is talking about.

    Good luck and get out there and start being you!.

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