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Day one and I'm scared
  1. #1
    wendy dee is offline New Member
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    Default Day one and I'm scared

    Hi I'm 53 and a single mom of 3 boys who are all grown up. I still work very hard and hurt my back at work. I was prescribed hydromorphone for my back pain. Since then almost 7 months ago it's been a down hill ride. Now I'm up to 16 mg a day from the original 4mg prescribed and it's not helping the pain all that much it's only maintaining my mood swings and even that is iffy. Iv had points where I was buying Oxys to suffice until my next script came in because Iv used more than prescribed so I ran out. Well Iv had enough but to be honest I'm terrified. I took my last dose yesterday at about 6 pm and I woke up this morning not feeing too bad but now at 1:30pm next day the anxiety and feeling of dread is already started and my eyes are burning and soar. My body aches and I feel awful. I'm going through menopause so I am used to hot flashes but now I'm not sure if their hot flashes or withdraw sweats. Isn't life full of surprises can someone please tell me I'm going to wake up one day soon and feel happy naturally again. I really need to hear that right now. To everyone who musters up the courage to kick their addiction I am here with you and I have the greatest respect for you. Your strong and awesome
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  2. #2
    Beans1983 is offline Member
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    Hi Wendy. I am new here too. But am 3 weeks clean. You CAN do this. It's just like a bad flu. Did you read about the Thomas method? Can you get a doc to call in Valium for you today? It makes a HUGE difference.
    Tears in Texas and wendy dee like this.

  3. #3
    Anonymous Guest

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    Wendy
    Welcome to the forum. You have came to the right place for encouragement and support. Many here that would love to help, but sad to say wkends are very slow. Just keep posting.
    To better understand what your starting point was when you jumped. You said you were on 16mg a day of hydro's? But you were getting oxy's too? what mg?
    NO judgement whatsoever!! We all have been where your at. It sounds like your having the common withdrawls, but if you were on or around 16mg's per day. You probably won't have to bad of a time. Just guessing but maybe around 1wk. Although take into account everyone is different. We metablize at a different rate.
    Give us a little more back ground and we can go from there. You are doing the right thing and you will learn to be come stronger than you think you are. We are here to cheer you on and try to help you through. Just stick with it. Sometimes it's hard, I know, but one second, one minute, one hour. Move around, try and do things, exercise if you can, but keep your mind occupied. Lots of water too!
    Will check in on you later.
    Blessings,
    Michelle
    Tears in Texas and wendy dee like this.

  4. #4
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    Michelle - I just wanted to say thanks for being such a positive voice for people looking for guidance. I see your post and you really help people who are so lost and scared to death Aby give a little bit of reassurance and help them know what they have coming their way. I hope you keep it up I know how much a few encouraging words can give you that push to get through that moment and on to the next. This site is wonderful and some people have NO other support I can't imagine that. So thanks for getting people to the next sober moment. There are several people that really do help people at literally their very worst moments in life. I'm 19 days in on 9 years Suboxone withdrawal c/t and there has been a few great people on this ride with me. I probably would not (no, I know I would not) be clean today if not for support There is something oddly reassuring know someone else is going through chaos too (that sounds bad - wish no one had to EVER) but it got me here. Thanks again and keep up the positive support
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  5. #5
    wendy dee is offline New Member
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    Hi today is Sunday no doctor. But I probably wouldn't go to my Dr. Anyways as she is clueless about this problem. I am eating bananas and drinking lots of water and Gatorade I take my quetiapine at night to help my sleep but I'm up most of the night any ways. Nights are the worst it's so quiet and lonely 43 hours in and I'm not going to give up. Mostly everyone I know thinks I have the flu except for my boys they know everything. I love them so much. Thank you for the kind words the people on this site are truly life saving

  6. #6
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Hang in there.
    It is well worth the fight!
    I just celebrated my year!
    Life is better than you can imagine!
    Not perfect but definitely better!
    Rockin
    It
    Clean
    In 2015 and 2016!
    Bette

  7. #7
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    Wendy - night are hard for me too. My bed became torture chamber. I don't know if you have the restless leg but wearing panty hose helped so much and kept me from going crazy. You can do it - your boys will be so proud to have their Momma back. I know the dr routine all too well. The second you say anything about addiction they almost just give up and won't help anyway. They have no idea. My Suboxone dr swears my withdrawals should be over in 3-4 days. Whacko - I wish. Keep me posted I will be checking in with you - Kim
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  8. #8
    wendy dee is offline New Member
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    Thank Kim your an angel. Love you much.

  9. #9
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    Wendy,

    If I am reading this right you are 2 days clean at this point!!!! AWESOME NEWS, almost there, you got this! END THE CYCLE, WIN THE BATTLE! I just finished day 10 at 5 today and well into day 11 cold turkey off the oxys! We are here for you all the way!

    Turn the page, walk away!

    RJ
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  10. #10
    wendy dee is offline New Member
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    Yes RJ. 2 days and just entering my third. It feels like a lifetime. Thank you so much for the uplifting words. I just wish night time wasn't so lonely. It's too quiet and I hurt all over. My brain is still racing I wish I could shut it up for a while. Definitely the hardest thing Iv ever done. Even harder than quitting smoking. My sons sat at the edge of my bed today and actually made me laugh. We cried and laughed together. My eyes are burning. Talk soon. Love you all strength to all of us

  11. #11
    wendy dee is offline New Member
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    Thank you Bette I'm so happy for you

  12. #12
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    Wendy - if you don't mind me asking how old are you sweet boys?

  13. #13
    wendy dee is offline New Member
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    My boys are 25' 21 and 19. My youngest is autistic and is severely disabled. He is such an innocent beautiful kid. I love them so much. Day three for me. I can't sleep. We had a rough day yesterday. Lots of issues to deal with besides the withdraw. Very hard to get through. No one much understands that while you are going through this awful withdraw period you still have life to get through too. Its so quiet that I can hardly stand it. Wish I could sleep

  14. #14
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    Wendy - oh sleep why do this to us. Right here with you at 2:51.am wishing I could sleep. You are one lucky momma to such sweet boys. You can do this for them - for you. The first several days can test every inch of your strength. It's exhausting to get thru a day but you are doing it sweet girl. You should cut yourself so slack I wish we could just freeze the world. It's the hardest thing I have ever done but I just think about my boys and I get a little push to keep going. I can't imagine being a single Mom trying to deal with so much at once. I shows how strong you really are and what an amazing mom they have. I know exactly how badly you want to do this. Being an addict is a pretty exhausting experience by itself. Please stay positive and know that I'm here for you and I'm so proud of you!! You should be proud of you too
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  15. #15
    wendy dee is offline New Member
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    What a total rock you are. Every person in your life is so lucky to have and know you. I feel blessed knowing you are there for me. Keep strong beautiful woman. I love you

  16. #16
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    Wendy - so sweet this has been a struggle for me most of adult life so I know how bumpy the road can get. I also know how much worse when sleep deprivation adds to this crazy process and it can make you go crazy. Keep up the pisitive attitude. I'm will be here when you need me
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  17. #17
    wendy dee is offline New Member
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    3 half days almost 60 hours of torture. For the first time I think it's going to get better. Starting to level out a bit, even thinking about actually getting out of my pjs and in to clothes. Tears(Kim) you have no idea how much you have helped me. Your words and resolve are helping me through this. I can never thank you enough!
    Some your great, maybe family guy can do an episode on withdraw and forums, I'm sure they would nail it as they are usually right on the money for every topic. I can't believe Iv come this far, it's amazing and now I have to keep fighting and hopefully never relapse. Talk son live yous

  18. #18
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    Wendy - Amazing job!! It feels weird when you are proud of yourself isn't it
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  19. #19
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    Wendy - I have typed a message to twice now and it only post first few words gosh darn it. Let me figure it out and I will send it again so proud of you sweet girl - you should be too - Kim
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-15-2016 at 11:24 AM.
    wendy dee likes this.

  20. #20
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    Wendy - how are sweet girl?? Just thinking about you it's 6:30 pm here in Texas and this time of day seems to be hardest for me. I'm exhausted - kids are acting like wild Indians and have no energy. So proud of how amazing you are doing - Kim

  21. #21
    wendy dee is offline New Member
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    Hi Kim . Just seen your message now.i have times that are the hardest for me too. It's usually at around 4am when I can't sleep and it's too early really to start the day. I have went to the library and picked up some good books on emotions and controlling the. So I read in the morning now. I feel for you when your energy is zapped and you still have so much to deal with. But Kim no matter how hard it is just tell your beautiful kids how much you love them even when you feel like knocking them out, lol. Their your babies and man they love you!!! Just as much as I know you love them. Just stop and breath and concentrate on your breath only for a few minutes. It helps with anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Dear sweet woman. Thank you for everything. You are amazing

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