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Finaly time to quit!
  1. #1
    Hrichardson1541 is offline New Member
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    Default Finaly time to quit!

    I have been using paint medication for about 10 years now. It all started when I was 22, I was injured in Iraq and hospitalized for about a month and than out patient for several years. When I was in the hospital it was the normal dose of Morphine, Demerol, and anything else the doctors thought necessary to control my pain. Starting out as a out patient I think the does was 5mg Percocet every 4 hours as needed not surprising for having open wounds. This was more than enough to control my pain on a daily basis considering that I was an alcoholic at the time (little side effect of war and PTSD). I was comfortable with what I was taking and was not abusing it in any way, in fact I tried to take as little as possible even going days with out any. This went on for years and didn't start to effect me until I got married and had a child. With out any pressure from anyone I decided that it was time for me to grow up and stop drinking. I was good for a wile until my past war problems started caching up to me. It took a toll on my marriage and ended up getting a divorce but thank good I got full custody of my son. I never seeked counselling for my PTSD because it was not a problem when I was drinking and when the drinking stopped I used the pills to cover up the depression. And the pills did just that, at first it was fun to take them I didn't think any thing was wrong as long as I didn't run out. As the years went on I started dating again and met a women that had an appetite for sex every night. Now nothing is wrong with that it just required me to take the pills every time due to the physical pain, and once I started taking them every day that's when the addiction set in. I was taking more in a day than I was prescribed and I kept saying that if I take one more today than I can just take one less tomorrow but I never did. About 4 years ago I stared running out every month and ever sense then I have never had a month that I did not do some kind of withdraw. I would make up some excuse as to why I was feeling so down and sick. I would visit the hospital every month to try and convince them that it was something other than withdraw. The hospital would give me anti anxiety pills and I would instantly down them trying to get some kind of relief. I don't know how I did it but my girlfriend never caught on but eventual left me due to all the trips to the hospital and just plane not making the relationship fun. Its such a love hate thing with me because I need the meds for pain but I have no self control when it come to taking them as my doctor prescribes them to me.

    I just recently got married to a wonderful women that thinks I go through withdraw because of some BS story that I make up. I don't think I need to explain to any one on here how crafty and convincing you can be when it comes to addiction. Recently my first doctor from the VA stopped prescribing me med because he eventually caught on and I found a new doc to up my does on the grounds of I have built up a tolerance. Thinking that this would solve all my problem and I could go back to the old days of taking them when I wanted and how I wanted because I would have a surplus. That lasted for about a month and I am back to withdraw every time now. I think I just hit a brick wall and can not continue like this. I don't even take them to get high I just want to feel normal when I wake up. I hate my life and I hate being awake, noting to me is as good a the opiate of sleep. I have talked to my wife about how depressed I am and how I think I'm using the pills to cover up my depression. Because of all my lies she thinks I want to quit because of the depression and not because I just cant take it any more. She thinks its best if I start anti depressants and after I get that under control to reevaluate my desire to quit pain meds. I cant do the anti depressants for 2-3 months and them tapper off the pills all the withdraw will mess with any progress that I might be making in dealing with my past. I know 100% why I am taking the pills is to deal with my war past and I know if I am ready to do that but I know that I can not do withdraw any more.

    I took the last of my meds today that was supposed to last me until Fed 17th. I go cold turkey every month so I know what to expect with coming off of 10mg Perc x6 and 10mg Morph x6 but the thing that I will have the most problem with is not going to my next appointment and getting a new script. Most people have 5-7 days of hard symptoms but mine last a lot longer I am usually vomiting for at least 2 weeks and my cramps and insomnia have lasted more at times.

    I am beyond scared

  2. #2
    Ricky71 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hrichardson1541 View Post
    I have been using paint medication for about 10 years now. It all started when I was 22, I was injured in Iraq and hospitalized for about a month and than out patient for several years. When I was in the hospital it was the normal dose of Morphine, Demerol, and anything else the doctors thought necessary to control my pain. Starting out as a out patient I think the does was 5mg Percocet every 4 hours as needed not surprising for having open wounds. This was more than enough to control my pain on a daily basis considering that I was an alcoholic at the time (little side effect of war and PTSD). I was comfortable with what I was taking and was not abusing it in any way, in fact I tried to take as little as possible even going days with out any. This went on for years and didn't start to effect me until I got married and had a child. With out any pressure from anyone I decided that it was time for me to grow up and stop drinking. I was good for a wile until my past war problems started caching up to me. It took a toll on my marriage and ended up getting a divorce but thank good I got full custody of my son. I never seeked counselling for my PTSD because it was not a problem when I was drinking and when the drinking stopped I used the pills to cover up the depression. And the pills did just that, at first it was fun to take them I didn't think any thing was wrong as long as I didn't run out. As the years went on I started dating again and met a women that had an appetite for sex every night. Now nothing is wrong with that it just required me to take the pills every time due to the physical pain, and once I started taking them every day that's when the addiction set in. I was taking more in a day than I was prescribed and I kept saying that if I take one more today than I can just take one less tomorrow but I never did. About 4 years ago I stared running out every month and ever sense then I have never had a month that I did not do some kind of withdraw. I would make up some excuse as to why I was feeling so down and sick. I would visit the hospital every month to try and convince them that it was something other than withdraw. The hospital would give me anti anxiety pills and I would instantly down them trying to get some kind of relief. I don't know how I did it but my girlfriend never caught on but eventual left me due to all the trips to the hospital and just plane not making the relationship fun. Its such a love hate thing with me because I need the meds for pain but I have no self control when it come to taking them as my doctor prescribes them to me.

    I just recently got married to a wonderful women that thinks I go through withdraw because of some BS story that I make up. I don't think I need to explain to any one on here how crafty and convincing you can be when it comes to addiction. Recently my first doctor from the VA stopped prescribing me med because he eventually caught on and I found a new doc to up my does on the grounds of I have built up a tolerance. Thinking that this would solve all my problem and I could go back to the old days of taking them when I wanted and how I wanted because I would have a surplus. That lasted for about a month and I am back to withdraw every time now. I think I just hit a brick wall and can not continue like this. I don't even take them to get high I just want to feel normal when I wake up. I hate my life and I hate being awake, noting to me is as good a the opiate of sleep. I have talked to my wife about how depressed I am and how I think I'm using the pills to cover up my depression. Because of all my lies she thinks I want to quit because of the depression and not because I just cant take it any more. She thinks its best if I start anti depressants and after I get that under control to reevaluate my desire to quit pain meds. I cant do the anti depressants for 2-3 months and them tapper off the pills all the withdraw will mess with any progress that I might be making in dealing with my past. I know 100% why I am taking the pills is to deal with my war past and I know if I am ready to do that but I know that I can not do withdraw any more.

    I took the last of my meds today that was supposed to last me until Fed 17th. I go cold turkey every month so I know what to expect with coming off of 10mg Perc x6 and 10mg Morph x6 but the thing that I will have the most problem with is not going to my next appointment and getting a new script. Most people have 5-7 days of hard symptoms but mine last a lot longer I am usually vomiting for at least 2 weeks and my cramps and insomnia have lasted more at times.

    I am beyond scared
    Sorry you haven't had any replies yet. This is one of the slower forums here, I would recommend that you start a thread in the "Need To Talk" forum, there is a lot more traffic in that forum! You can just copy and paste your post over to a new thread in the "Need To Talk" forum, you'll get lots of great advice over there I'm sure. Take care... God bless us all!

  3. #3
    grandma -bk is offline Member
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    Oct 2016
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    if you were my husband id demand a low dose antideppression and therepy either short or long term...and if you go now until the 17th cold turkey,do not refill... push thru it...I also been on opiods over 15 yrs....im starting my 5th month and still have bouts of anxiety during the day. and muscle tension and spasms....once in a while ill go a day or 2 just fine...but it creeps back in....it will come and go.....but you gotta really want it bad enough and endure the suffering...and know it gets better....every body detoxes differently...my worse day is still better than chained to the pill bottle and the demon of taking them.....good luck my fellow brother...

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