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I don't know if I can do this. Please tell me I can.
  1. #1
    Sofkgtrd is offline New Member
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    Default I don't know if I can do this. Please tell me I can.

    Neck injury roughly 15 years ago, back injury 10 years ago. Pretty much been on pain meds since. Never used to get high, BUT having a rough time coming off, finally. They don't even help me anymore, that's the thing. I'm still in pain, so why bother taking them? I live in constant fear of a random drug test at work (medical profession) in which case I WOULD get fired, period. Last year we moved to another state to start a new life but so far that hasn't really happened.

    I feel like >>>>. I'm DAY 6 TODAY and my husband has suboxones I could easily take right here, right now... but I haven't!! Well, not in the last 6 days anyway. But I am legitimately in pain, and it sucks. I called off work all weekend, now I gotta make those days up, that's gonna suck. And in 2 days we are traveling across country, to go see family. 90% of them are on pain meds, too, for various reasons. I can't function. I can't focus. It took me all day to figure out how to post this, and I'm not stupid. Just can't concentrate. My husband, who obviously has his own problems, whIch are also legit, doesn't want to see me suffer and would easily supply. I need some support, please. Please. Thanks in advance. I hope this helps.

  2. #2
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sofkgtrd View Post
    Neck injury roughly 15 years ago, back injury 10 years ago. Pretty much been on pain meds since. Never used to get high, BUT having a rough time coming off, finally. They don't even help me anymore, that's the thing. I'm still in pain, so why bother taking them? I live in constant fear of a random drug test at work (medical profession) in which case I WOULD get fired, period. Last year we moved to another state to start a new life but so far that hasn't really happened.

    I feel like >>>>. I'm DAY 6 TODAY and my husband has suboxones I could easily take right here, right now... but I haven't!! Well, not in the last 6 days anyway. But I am legitimately in pain, and it sucks. I called off work all weekend, now I gotta make those days up, that's gonna suck. And in 2 days we are traveling across country, to go see family. 90% of them are on pain meds, too, for various reasons. I can't function. I can't focus. It took me all day to figure out how to post this, and I'm not stupid. Just can't concentrate. My husband, who obviously has his own problems, whIch are also legit, doesn't want to see me suffer and would easily supply. I need some support, please. Please. Thanks in advance. I hope this helps.

    Welcome to the forums! You're in the right place for help and support.

    Your story is a common one. Drug addiction is one tough disease. I was in it's grip for nearly 18 years. But I made it to the other side and now life is great without ever worrying about pills or other addictive substances again. I sure you that you can do the same. Have to really want it more than anything else in the world to have success. Be prepared for a fight. If you have the willpower you'll win the battle.

    Getting clean with another member of the household using or abusing drugs is a tough task. Temptation is all around you. Traveling to see family members that have pills won't be easy either. Don't let the lure of them get to you. Easier said that done I know.

    Congratulations on day 6 clean!!! A single day clean is a miracle for an addict. You're well on your way to freedom! Now is the time you must not give in and really fight. The physical symptoms should be over by now, maybe tomorrow or the next day at the most. The mental battle is a different story. You know a single pill will make all the symptoms go away. Please don't use the Suboxone now. It's not the right choice or the answer for you at this point. Suboxone is a great tool, but theres a time to use it and a time not to use it. It's not your time.

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with pain. I'll tell you this....opiates can actually be the cause of some of your pain. The brain is signaled and you take some pain meds. The brains ups the pain and you take more, etc. The pain meds no longer work and you're in trouble with them. Many people have found their actual true pain isn't as bad as it seems. How do you find out how severe your pain is.....you stay away from opiates for a few weeks to a month or so. Then you'll know exactly what you're dealing with. Believe it or not OTC pain meds can actually help. I certainly didn't believe it at the time. But a couple Aleve, some Tylenol, or Ibuprofen really does work. Try it and see.

    You need every tool at your disposal in the fight against addiction. Have you considered meetings of NA or AA? Getting clean is only half the battle, and the easier part at that. Staying clean is much tougher. Support meetings of face to face help of other addicts is priceless. I urge you to consider going.

    Keep fighting. You CAN do this!

    Randy
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  3. #3
    Sofkgtrd is offline New Member
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    Thank you so much for your reply. I'very read the same things and I'm really banking on them to be true. My whole body hurts, mostly my back... and I've taken TONS of otcs, so I hope this evens out soon. I am very determined and I feel like reaching out and making this post was a good, although scary, decision. I shared this and everything with my husband, so he can help me. It's hard, though. I think he feels like it's something on or against him when that isn't the case at all. Anyway, no, I am definitely not going to any meetings, but I would like to use this forum for support. My husband goes to meetings weekly as part of his suboxone program. Can you imagine us in there together? How awful that would look? I realize that's vain, but it is what it is. I would not be comfortable with that at all. Plus, nobody other than my husband knows I even take pain meds, let alone have a huge dependency on them. Again, thanks for reaching out. I don't feel so alone anymore.

  4. #4
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sofkgtrd View Post
    Thank you so much for your reply. I'very read the same things and I'm really banking on them to be true. My whole body hurts, mostly my back... and I've taken TONS of otcs, so I hope this evens out soon. I am very determined and I feel like reaching out and making this post was a good, although scary, decision. I shared this and everything with my husband, so he can help me. It's hard, though. I think he feels like it's something on or against him when that isn't the case at all. Anyway, no, I am definitely not going to any meetings, but I would like to use this forum for support. My husband goes to meetings weekly as part of his suboxone program. Can you imagine us in there together? How awful that would look? I realize that's vain, but it is what it is. I would not be comfortable with that at all. Plus, nobody other than my husband knows I even take pain meds, let alone have a huge dependency on them. Again, thanks for reaching out. I don't feel so alone anymore.

    Continue to post and you'll receive more responses soon. The weekends get real slow, but it picks up on the weekdays.

    I think you have the wrong idea about NA/AA meetings. They are for EVERONE, singles and couples. I'm a long time member of both NA and AA. I actually prefer AA over NA myself. They're the same 12 step program. I'm also a sponsor. I've seen couples in attendance many times at both places. But if you feel uncomfortable being there with your husband you could go to a different meeting. Theres also women only meetings that you may like better. I mention all of this to you because it's THAT important you get some face to face support of other addicts. This forum is wonderful, it really is. But it can't take the place of face to face support. Getting clean is only half the battle. Remaining clean takes hard work. I'll have 3 years clean in July and meetings have kept me clean. I hope you reconsider.

    You're not alone here either. You're in the right place.

    Randy
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  5. #5
    Sofkgtrd is offline New Member
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    Thank you again, Randy. HELLO DAY 7. I just wanted to jump on this morning and post about how good I feel today! I only hope this lasts! I got a solid 6 hours sleep last night (I honestly couldn't tell you the last time that happened) and actually got up this morning to see my husband off to work. Couldn't tell you the last time that happened, either. Maybe I'm delusional, please tell me if I am, but if I make it through this, and I WILL make it through this, I really can't see myself ever going back. I don't ever want to feel that way again. My back still hurts, but not as bad as yesterday, so that gives me some hope. Today is going to be extremely busy, I have a ton of cleaning amd packing to do for our trip, since I work tomorrow. So that scares me, but I'll be ok. My poor husband has been picking up my slack for years, so he will finish up whatever I don't get done tomorrow. I'm actually getting excited about the trip. Seeing my sister all spaced out on pain meds is enough to turn anyone away from it. I will absolutely not be tempted by her, I actually feel quite sorry for her, she's screwed up her life so badly, and doesn't seem to want to fix anything yet. It's hard to be around her, although that shouldn't be much of a problem, she's usually in her bedroom asleep. Or nodding off on the toilet seat. She's actually one of the reasons we moved. They all are, really. We want a better life. But family is family and you love them just the same.

    What's kept me going this last WEEK NOW (YAY) is that I keep telling myself "No good will come of it. No good will come from taking pain pills." And it's the truth. I work in a different town than I live, where (we didn't know this before, somehow) there is a really bad drug epidemic. Like, one of the worst in the country. How did I not know that? I have no idea. I guess because I researched the town we actually live in and not so much the one 15 miles away where we would be spending a lot of time. Sorry if I'm rambling now. My whole point here is that there's a huge stigma related to drugs use and abuse. You are literally treated like a criminal if you are in pain. I'm not exaggerating. So, I've not ever told anybody I was in pain. I've downplayed it the best I could. All while secretly, and illegally, if I'm being honest, taking pain medicine because I am legitimately in pain. But they don't help anymore and I'm not going to be dependent on them anymore. It's time to see what I'm made of. Thanks for listening. I wish everyone the best. Day 7. And I'm excited!
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  6. #6
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Welcome!

    Six hours of sleep after only 6 days? That's incredible in itself. A decent night's sleep goes a long way toward making you begin to feel better. During each of my cold turkey detoxes (and there were many, many of them) the ache/pain settled into my back. I have bad problems anyway and the pain was off the charts during those first 5 or 6 days of detox. Then it got better and it wasn't long before I was able to control the day to day discomfort with Aleve.

    I know how unsettling it is to feel like each day you walk into work, you're afraid that today may be the day. When your commitment gets a little shaky, remind yourself how hard you worked and how awful you felt this past week but most especially remember the reward that you are clean! You'll begin to feel yourself holding your head a little higher and feeling just a little better about yourself. And the fear! That fear that's there every single day is gone.

    Enjoy your time away. I'm a little late to this party, but thank goodness you resisted those subs. Draven said it best. Subs are a wonderful tool just not for you. Not now. You've done wonderfully. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and get through today. I'm glad that you're seeing a difference in how you're feeling today. Don't get discouraged if you don't sleep as well tonight or if tomorrow isn't quite as good. That happens. Take it on the chin and know that there will be ups and downs for a bit but the good days will become more frequent and the bad days will pass.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  7. #7
    Sofkgtrd is offline New Member
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    Wow. Weak, weak moment. Tears and all. But I made it through by coming on here and reading your words. I'm even re-reading them all during these moments without necessarily replying. This is helping me immensely. I plan to get through the next week of our trip this same way.

  8. #8
    dsh12345 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sofkgtrd View Post
    Wow. Weak, weak moment. Tears and all. But I made it through by coming on here and reading your words. I'm even re-reading them all during these moments without necessarily replying. This is helping me immensely. I plan to get through the next week of our trip this same way.
    Which opiates were you on and how much were you taking when you stopped if I may ask?

    Hang in there, by day 6 the acute WD should be improving quickly day by day. Getting off any opiate is a 4-8 week process, with the first 1-6 days being very bed, but a quick turnaround after that.

    From then on out, yes there will be a lack of energy (weighted down lead suit feeling), no appetite, poor mood/depression, and likely insomnia that will improve day by day for the next 1-3 weeks. Granted, again, you will feel 90% better on day ~7 than how you felt during acute WD in days 1-6... for example just sitting there on the couch or in the car you will feel fine, but get up and try to do something and there will be a lack of energy. Don't let that get to you. That slowly improves with time too, and after about a total of say 3 weeks your body will be very near back to normal, but again, first 1-6 days much worse than the weeks that come after it.

    Don't let that slow slog after the acute WD's break you. That feeling you will have... is artificial and is as fake as the high from opiates. When you are in the middle of that fatigue and low motivation, you hagve to convince yourself that is not your normal self. Think about what you have been able to achieve before using - graduate HS? college? marriage? mortgage? job? Could you achieve anything past the 1st grade if how you felt now and how you felt in like a week from now is your "normal" when off opiates? No way, you wouldjn't be able to make it out of the house half of the days of the week. So that you you currentl and will feel for a bit longer is an artificial you that will go away and improve as inevitably as the seasons change.

    Hang in there. Day 6 is already a huge victory and a lot of the fight through acute WD is already over.
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  9. #9
    Sofkgtrd is offline New Member
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    Hi, thanks for responding. I was on oxycodone 10-15 MG usually 4 times a day... for the last couple of years. But, to be honest, I did use my husbands suboxone for the last week prior to last Tuesday, when I somehow forgot to bring anything with me and was away all day, with no choice. By the time I got home, I decided to just go to bed. And there was day 1. From there I just decided I was DONE. The suboxone I took one 8 MG strip and split it into thirds, three times a day, so one strip per day, because I didn't have any pain medicine, which is what I felt I really needed. I have zero interest in taking or being on suboxone ever. Surprised I even did that, I've never been a fan. Maybe that was my eye-opener. I won't know, but here I am. Tomorrow is a week. I still have diarrhea and intermittent the chills. And definitely weakness. But I feel good. Mostly. Lol. Tmrw will be another 12+ hr day away from home, (aka: work) then we get on the road for our trip. Wish me luck!

  10. #10
    Sofkgtrd is offline New Member
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    Well... today has been rocky and rough so far. I managed to get some sleep after a bunch of otc sleep meds and a half an Ambien I had kicking around. Woke up feeling groggy and gross. Made it to work where I had episode after episode of diarrhea until they let me leave at 1:00. Usually get done at 7. If I'm lucky. I am not feeling good or near ready for our trip, so now we're not leaving until tmrw, if it all at this point I don't even care. Day 8.

  11. #11
    Sofkgtrd is offline New Member
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    Day 9 amd feeling like my own personal (and solo) cheerleader. I'm tired. So, so tired. Supposed to be leaving for our trip, can't even pack. My poor husband is doing everything which means I'll probably be wearing turtlenecks all week, lol. I'm mostly afraid of not sleeping. I'm so tired, I'm in tears. Still have diarrhea and intermittent chills. Luckily the pain is not too terrible, but I'm very emotional and feeling very alone.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sofkgtrd View Post
    Day 9 amd feeling like my own personal (and solo) cheerleader. I'm tired. So, so tired. Supposed to be leaving for our trip, can't even pack. My poor husband is doing everything which means I'll probably be wearing turtlenecks all week, lol. I'm mostly afraid of not sleeping. I'm so tired, I'm in tears. Still have diarrhea and intermittent chills. Luckily the pain is not too terrible, but I'm very emotional and feeling very alone.
    I know exactly how u feel! I went cold turkey like 37 days ago! I was alone thru it my hubby had no idea! He just thought I had the "flu" so this forum helped me get thru it! I read so much and was scared but I made it thru! I took ambien for about two weeks and it worked for me then I stopped it cuz I didn't want to depend on something else. But my sleep was back to complete normal about 3 weeks after withdrawal! Have u been taking Imodium? That helps a lot! Remember ur not alone u have a ton of support in here! Good luck!
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  13. #13
    Sofkgtrd is offline New Member
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    I finally started immodium yesterday, and its definitely slowing down. I almost threw in the towel earlier but I didn't. How do you feel now?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sofkgtrd View Post
    I finally started immodium yesterday, and its definitely slowing down. I almost threw in the towel earlier but I didn't. How do you feel now?
    I feel great now! There's definitely a light at the end of the tunnel! I am only 37 days clean tho!
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  15. #15
    Sofkgtrd is offline New Member
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    Just wanted to share an update. Trip back home went well. Offered & declined. A couple times, actually. 21 days now! Going well other than hurting my back at work a couple days ago, but I'm toughing it out. I wish that hadn't happened but there's not much I can do about it now. I might call my chiropractor tomorrow and get in early.
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