Results 1 to 5 of 5
Like Tree3Likes
  • 1 Post By The Husband
  • 1 Post By iloerose
  • 1 Post By iloerose
I don't know what to do.
  1. #1
    cookiereads23 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    1

    Default I don't know what to do.

    My husband has a problem. He's addicted to Vicodin and occasionally takes Xanax. Before we even met he'd had a drug problem for at least 5 years. A few months before we met the woman he was with kicked him out of her house. He was homeless and somehow ended up in a halfway house rehab program. He was clean when we met. We have one of those EPIC love stories. Love at first sight. Everything was going wonderful then his brother died of an overdose from the same pills he takes.

    Our year together after that was bad. Really bad. His family asked us to come stay with them in the house he grew up in. I thought it would be a good thing but then I started meeting his old friends. Almost everyone he knew did some kind of drugs for an extended period of time. He actually began associating with the kid who gave his brother the pills that killed him. (They'd known each other since their middle school days.) It was just smoking weed for the first month or so. Then this kid got involved with some girl who has access to all sorts of pills and other things. He started taking the pills again. It would be the week of his brothers death every month. It would last the whole week. He would be distant, lethargic, irritable, just mean and then would come the fight. If I wasn't going to let him do this I just needed to leave. Every time we fought his mom would get involved. She'd say she was tired of this and couldn't live like this anymore. That if he did it again he was going to be kicked out. These fights were getting worse. Violent even. Throwing things. Not little things either. Tv trays, the scentsy, lamps, ect.

    Two different times I don't remember when he'd said he'd took enough to end his life. The first time was just pills. It didn't work. I stayed up with him all night. Listening to him crying and apologizing for hurting me and not being able to be there to start our family.

    The second. This girl (the same shady girl mentioned above) gave him the same kind of pills that killed his brother and on top of it shot him up with >>>>>>. He'd never done that before. He said he just wanted to be with his brother that he missed him. Again we stayed up talking and crying. At some point during the night while I was begging to call a paramedic he realized it wasn't going to work. He said it hadn't been enough. Stated he needed to use the restroom and left. Next thing I know I'm popping the lock on the bathroom door and giving him CPR. He tried to hang himself. It had worked too he had no pulse, no breathing, nothing. I sat there crying giving the man I love CPR for an hour it seemed though I'm sure it was only 5.

    We lived like that for months. Then I began to notice he wasn't wanting to be around some of these people anymore. We enrolled him in college after 6 months. His monthly problem began getting further and further apart. He actually went almost 4 months with no pills.

    Then he needed dental surgery. A lot of dental work needed to be done. Almost every month we were at the dentist for root canals, crowns, you name it. He'd ruined his teeth doing drugs for so long. The dentist gave him vicodin. I managed it. I didn't want him to take it irresponsibly. I'd give him the one pill every 6 hours. Then his insurance was up. No longer covered. We'd finished his dental stuff and everything seemed fine. Time passed like it always does. He started his 3rd quarter at school and I started my last year.

    Then what do you know; there was someone in a class he had who sold pills.

    About 3 weeks ago he came home from school and I could just tell he was on something. He went outside to talk to him mom and I snuck out to his car. I found them I wasn't hard. A bottle of vicodin in the center console. I stole them. He never knew it was me either. I flushed the pills and disposed of the bottle when I took out the trash that night. The next day he freaked. He thinks he was just too messed up and hid them in a good spot so his mom and I wouldn't find them. I sat him down and tried to get him to understand that I wasn't going to tolerate this behavior. That I deserved better and needed him to be the good man he is. That I needed him to love me and show it everyday not just when he was sober.

    Then last night I found some again. I threw all my stuff on the floor. I was over it and said I was going to leave. He started crying, apologizing, saying he loved me. I told him it was either me or this addiction that he claims he wants to end. He gave me the pills. He's been asleep all day its 6pm and he's still sleeping.

    I don't know how much more I can take. When will my head and heart say enough is enough. I love this man more than anything. We have a fun, adventurous life together and we love each other so deeply. My head says to leave, that I don't have to deal with this but my heart no matter how broken it feels, says he's mine and I need to be there for him.

  2. #2
    The Husband is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    299

    Default

    First off he has to want to get clean more then anything in life... He could also get on sub's (wouldn't recommend this just another crutch but some need it because they have a very high perch) so that if he tried to take vic's or other opiates he would go into immediate w/d and that is what is keeping him taking the pills most likely... But Sub's are much much stronger then vic's unless he is taking 150mg+ daily use the best best would be c/t detox, NA and support from Family. Obviously all those slime ball looser friends need to beat it as well.

    Best wishes hope he gets better
    Last edited by Anonymous; 10-18-2013 at 06:31 PM.
    Iwantoff2013 likes this.

  3. #3
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    3,926

    Default

    He has to want to be clean more than he wants anything in his life, including you. He has to want this for himself. He needs counseling: demand that he see a therapist, go to NA, whatever: he needs counseling because he's using the drugs as a crutch to deal with life. He's an addict and he will lie, deflect, promise and cry, say what you want him to say, until he can get his drugs again. When I say make demands, I mean make them: either he quits and goes to counseling, NA, whatever or you're done with him. You need to follow through on the threat that if he doesn't quit, it's over. You've already given him too many chances. Do not enable him anymore, PERIOD. If it means leaving, leave and get on with your life. I know this is hard, hard, hard. But addiction is a ruthless disease and he will take you down with him, he already is. You can also educate yourself on this disease: I highly recommend you find a Nar-anon group in your area and go, you will find many people in your situation. However, you cannot keep enabling him: HE must want to be clean and YOU must follow through.
    Best Wishes!

    Peace,

    Iloerose

  4. #4
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    3,926

    Default

    Now, I'm going to say something about subs: SUBS ARE NOT A CRUTCH. Suboxone is a tool. Many doctors prescribe these for long term maintenance, which is a bad idea as subs are a potent medicine and addicting in the same way other opiates are. Suboxone is best used in the short term: around 6-8 weeks. Suboxone therapy helps many to stabilize lives and relationships and help addicts get their heads wrapped around being clean. Other forms of support should be used as well such as therapy from an addiction counselor or other therapist, NA, CR, or whatever support your community offers to deal with addiction. Suboxone is not a "miracle cure". There is no miracle cure for addiction except for a lot of "want to" and hard work. I do not normally recommend suboxone for vicodin w/d as by the time a person gets to the point where you can safely begin suboxone therapy (moderate to severe w/d), the physical symptoms are nearly over and then the hard work of learning to STAY clean begins. Whether using suboxone or going c/t, it is relatively easy to GET clean, staying clean is hard, hard work.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    Iwantoff2013 likes this.

  5. #5
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    3,926

    Default

    I am reposting this from jcjoe's thread on the "need to talk" forum. You can also read around and find many who are in your situation this is a post to an addict by ARTIST658 (look up her posts as well)

    Dear Joe,

    I am your disease and I want you dead.

    I want you to feel guilt and shame for relapsing, and I want you to give up and come back to me. I want you to feel like you're a terrible person for allowing this to happen. I want you to flog yourself endlessly, so that a pill sounds like a welcome escape. Don't listen to those who tell you that you can do it. I want you to think you are different - and recovery won't happen for you. I want your anger to overwhelm you, so that you can't resist returning to me. Don't believe those who say this is a "disease" - when I tell you that you can't resist me.

    Feel guilty. Feel shame. Hate yourself. I want you to lose every ounce of self-esteem or self-respect. Then you'll come back to my way of thinking. And I'll own you again.

    I hope you're listening - because I'm going to keep whispering in your ear.

    Your disease of addiction



    Hi Joe,

    Welcome back. I relapsed more times than I can begin to count - and thrashed myself endlessly over it. I hated myself each time, and felt like a fraud and a loser. I wasn't, but I couldn't see it at the time.

    You have a disease, period. You are not weak, you are not bad; you are sick. And relapse means we got sick again. This disease alters every aspect of who we are - our minds, our bodies, our emotions. It wreaks havoc on our lives and the lives of those we care most about. It is powerful, it is menacing. And it is far more insidious than we can comprehend. It will find our weakest spot - and strike there the hardest.

    To overcome this disease takes a whole lot more than "just stopping." I've often said it takes "heroic efforts" - and I believe that to be true. We have to untangle a lot of convoluted thinking and clear up a lot of damage we've done in lost trust, and deal with all those feelings without a crutch. It's hard as hell, but it's worth so much more. You can do this, Joe, and we're here to help in any way we can.

    You are no different than anyone else here, myself included. Anyone with any comprehension of this disease will not judge you. And to hell with those who try to, as they don't know what they're talking about.

    Allow this relapse to teach you its lesson - and there is always a lesson from one. I relapsed after 11 years clean - can you imagine how big the bat was that I throttled myself with?!? BUT - I learned soooo much from it. I learned I can not sit back and rest on my laurels, and assume that I'm safely in recovery. Complacency kills us. That relapsed sent me head-first into a 12-step recovery program, which sent me head-first into a more comprehensive, determined mindset. It's been 10 years since then, and the enthusiasm for my recovery that I gained in that last relapse has never waivered.

    If you have an NA book, read the chapter about relapse and recovery - it's powerful.

    And welcome, welcome, welcome. You've made the first step. It took courage and honesty - and that's key.

    God bless, Joe,
    Ruth
    Iwantoff2013 likes this.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22