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I'm here to come clean... and get clean.
  1. #1
    myreality is offline New Member
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    Default I'm here to come clean... and get clean.

    Hello everyone.

    I'm here because I've slipped into addiction to prescription pain killers. Vicodin and Percocet specifically. And I've got to tell SOMEONE. I've been hiding it, and it's tearing me up inside. I'm completely ashamed, because I've always been a bit of a "goody two shoes" (no drugs, a light drinker) and have a very successful career. I love God, and helping other people, but I need others to help me now. Currently, no one knows. I have lied to the people nearest and dearest to my heart to cover this up... people I would never, ever want to hurt. And I feel like the biggest fool in the world for letting myself get addicted, and lying to my loved ones.

    I have legitimate, documented, chronic health issues which have given me grief for the last few years. Most recently a large kidney stone which still has not passed, and calcifications on my pancreas (which I have an MRI for this week.) But I admittedly enjoy the euphoria that comes with popping a pill or two. It just feels so good. And as you all probably know, it leads to tolerance... and we take more, to chase the high. My "habit" has never gotten worse than taking 6 Vics a day or 4 Percs but I have taken a few ER trips to get additional pain meds, more times than I feel comfortable admitting. And I'm teetering on the edge of a major shame spiral. I'm a fraud, a liar, and pathetic. And I just needed to get that off my chest first. *Deep breath.*

    So the last 3 days I have been doing a taper off 5/325 Percocets. Today I spread out 1.5 pills and now I'm out. I do NOT want to acquire any more pills- I want to be done with this. But the last 2 times I tried to quit, the anxiety and withdrawal symptoms became so uncomfortable that I caved and got more pills. I've been reading the threads that others posted, needing support with their withdrawals- and I'm so inspired/amazed at the generosity and kindness you folks have. And I'm humbly asking if you could please help me, too. Right now I have too much pride and I'm too embarrassed to tell my spouse that I'm having this problem. I've been through SO much in my life and been able to handle it all on my own, that I'm praying I can do this one last thing, keep it quiet, and never look back.

    The symptoms are already starting to kick in- goosebumps, depression, hot flashes. I know the next week of my life is going to be pretty hellish. But only those who have been through it really understand it.

    I'm here to come clean, and get clean. Please help me.
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  2. #2
    myreality is offline New Member
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    To add clarification: I haven't been taking pills for several years straight, only the last 3 months.

    Words of encouragement are greatly appreciated.
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  3. #3
    The Husband is offline Member
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    First off you can do it myreality! second what was your highest daily dose? How fast of a taper? This way I can help you understand the w/d you should experience.

    You need to get the things it the Thomas Detox Recipe go here:

    https://www.drugs.com/forum/featured...wal-35169.html

    If you are already in w/d you can use the COWS scale google it to rate your w/d's and decide if you should ask someone to pick up the supplements for you.

    I would add get some ensure for vitamins and potassium (RLS) and Coconut water for electrolytes and potassium as well.

    Many people before you have gone through it I just c/t off 80mg oxy for close to 7 yrs took 10 days for the acute w/d's to subside 14 days today to get a good night sleep.

    But for someone 3 months on pills as long as the dose wasn't over 100mg oxy per day should be acute w/d for 5-7 days
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-18-2013 at 06:52 PM.

  4. #4
    myreality is offline New Member
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    TheHusband, thank you for responding. To answer your questions:

    My highest daily dose ever was 40mg of Percocet or Vicodin. I didn't dare go any higher. That was rare, though. I kept it around 20 or 30 most days.

    I tried tapering off Vicodin about 2 weeks ago. Gave up on day 5, got Percocet (which I don't care for, so I abused less) and did that over a few days, starting at 20mg and was down to 7.5mg by end of taper. I didn't have enough pills to do a true, gradual taper down to nothing- but I didn't want to go cold turkey after taking a big dose. So over the last few days I stepped it down in increments.

    About a year ago I withdrew from Percs and it was the PITS- anxiety was so intense that I went to the ER with chest pain. This time around I've been on a low dose of Effexor and Buspar (anti-anxiety meds) for awhile, which do help. I've also been taking a super vitamin & supplement powder and Hyland's Restful Legs. I've also read that Immodium is great too. I haven't taken a pill in 12 hours and so far the physical symptoms are not horrible, it's the mental craving and feeling ashamed, like a pathetic junkie. I know the physical nightmare will kick in soon. Off to take a nap so I can get some rest before the insomnia kicks in. Gotta work tomorrow. Thanks again for responding.

  5. #5
    istrvler is offline Member
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    You can do this, my wife and I are doing this together and although the physical effects of w/d have been very tough we came off cold turkey a long term more years than I care to admit, and high dose we both had monthly scripts of 180 10mg/325 Percocet and 120 oxymorphone a month and we were probably running a 25 day cycle when we quit, manipulating our doctor into consistently giving us early scripts. I have 2 threads My Wife and I decided to quit Percocet/Oxymorphone and My Wife and I decided to quit Percocet/Oxymorphone III. We ran out with out doc out of town and when we started to suffer from C/T symptoms I found this site, it has been a god send with people helping out with suggestions as well as letting us have it when we started having pity parties for ourselves. They gave us undeniable facts proving we were addicts, legal scripts, off the streets doesn't matter taking 300 plus pills a month is an addiction, manipulating your doctor to give you scripts early living from appointment to appointment counting pills stretching the prescription, worrying constantly about getting dope sick it being an addict plain and simple. As husband said follow the Thomas Recipe, we didn't have the benzos available to us but it did help as did lots and lots of hot very hot baths and showers (my wife would kid me that I shined I had taken so many showers its amazing I have skin left lol). Plain and simple there is no way out of the w/d symptoms the hit us hard but as I said we jumped to zero from a very high dose long term usage it was not unusual for us to take 100mg of Percocet and chew up 30 mg of oxymorphone er's (which by the way could have killed us another fact that proved we were addicts no regard for our lives and willing to allow on of our two sons or one of each other to find us dead in bed on day with out even thinking the impact that would have had on their lives ashamed is all I can say about that). You can get through this try to stay distracted, exercise force yourself to walk do something it helps a lot as hard as it is to do and post here. People here are great they will answer you the more experienced will provide invaluable advice from their experiences and newbies like us (we are on day 15 of freedom) will cheerlead and provide what little advice we can. Good Luck and stay strong and remember it will only get worse if you don't quit remember what one pill used to do now takes more and it is a downward cycle from there. As my detox buddy Quittingthedemon has said to me more than once 1 pill is to much and 1,000 is not enough, as I said stay strong and we are here to listen vent away ask questions just get clean.

  6. #6
    2Sick2Quit is offline New Member
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    I too am addicted to Opiates. I do about 60-120mg's of Oxycodone daily. I've tried to quit multiple times and have been unsuccessful due to the mental side of the addiction. I hope that you can overcome your addiction as I will also try to overcome mine. I am new to this site and would appreciate any information or replies...

  7. #7
    myreality is offline New Member
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    istrvler, thank you for chiming in. Your story is inspiring... I can't imagine coming off such a high dose. You and your wife are definitely doing the right thing and I'm so happy for you both. Please continue to be strong. I'm glad the people in these forums are helping too.

    2Sick2Quit, welcome from a fellow newbie. I know that there are tons of threads that outline pretty much the same information: use the Thomas recipe, supplement with vitamins and minerals, eat bland food in small amounts often, drink lots and lots of water/Gatorade, take hot showers and baths as often as needed, keep your mind and body occupied with positive and constructive activities. The hardest part for us is the waiting game of trying to get through every moment of misery.

    I'm now 24 hours pill-free. So far I'm not too bad on the COWS scale. Got a somewhat decent night's sleep but woke to goosebumps, anxiety, and restlessness. Thankfully I have a prescription for a non-addictive anti-anxiety medication. I've been taking it for about a year now off and on, as needed. It takes about an hour to kick in but it helps a lot. Already, the mental fog is starting to clear up. I go through periods where I feel anxious/sad/lonely but then it's like the "real me" peeks in and I remember what it's like to feel slightly normal. I don't know if I will continue to get better from here, or if this is just beginner's luck and it'll get worse. I guess only time will tell.
    istrvler and The Husband like this.

  8. #8
    myreality is offline New Member
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    Today's Narcotics Anonymous "Just for Today" thought is:

    Just for Today: I will share my joys and my burdens with other recovering addicts. I will also share in theirs. I am grateful for the strong bonds of fellowship in Narcotics Anonymous.

    I thought it was very fitting.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-19-2013 at 02:42 PM.

  9. #9
    The Husband is offline Member
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    Myreality 40mg of oxy/ hydo and the fact that you tapered down to what you did is great. I would assume you should have mild with drawl which some say is like a bad case of the flu. Got add the mental aspect and RLS is nothing like the flu though.

    I would really make sure you start taking a multi-vitamin, potassium supplement, Imodium (once runs start), l-tyrosine & b-vitamins (wait till 4-5 day and use for energy until not needed)

    You don't need to taper any lower then you did you get off that would just delay the cleansing process and then your brain leveling out.

    It will feel like it takes forever but when you look back at it, you will be stoked you did it.

  10. #10
    myreality is offline New Member
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    The Husband,

    Thank you! I'm definitely having those mild withdrawals and "the flu" is what it feels like for sure! Sweats, chills, goosebumps, some headache, diarrhea, and backache. (Thankfully, no nausea.) But, I've been taking my high dose multivitamins and staying hydrated and I feel like my body WANTS this. I am motivated and proud. Every drop of sweat is my body fighting hard to get itself back to normal. My mental focus, my mood, already seem to be getting back somewhat on track. I'm so thankful that I did not let this issue get any worse.

    All of your words continue to inspire me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  11. #11
    The Husband is offline Member
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    myrealty, when the detox as I like to call it really starts to take place from what your saying its started the best thing to do is take a nice hot bath/shower when the aches get bad helps so much.

    Find a good movie that is a quest or journey I find lord of the rings with smeagol particularly helpful as he very much resembles and opiate addict with the ring being his opiate with a goal of the quest being to rid the "precious". Just find a movie you like that will make your mind focus on the story line.

    As soon the RLS will start in the afternoon evening and you find sitting or laying makes it worse and if you are unlucky it will effect your arms as well exercise helps, rocking chair but it will persist for days in some weeks.

    Just think of it like this your sick and you want to get better and your willing to do whatever it takes to get better not get "this kind of sick" again. So you have a goal and your over this "swine flu" or whatever you want to make your body believe the main thing is you stick it out and have someone to support you with conversation if you have any mental demons your battling.

  12. #12
    myreality is offline New Member
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    Just wanted to check in...

    I'm done withdrawing. Feels good to be back to normal again. Still have a bit of residual anxiety- though I've always struggled with it.

    Thank you, to those who responded and provided encouragement/insights here. I am so appreciative!

  13. #13
    The Husband is offline Member
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    Sweet deal the anxiety will go away with time.

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