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Long Time Addict, ready to have my normal life back
  1. #1
    Whyzerman is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
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    1

    Default Long Time Addict, ready to have my normal life back

    Always enjoyed vicodin with beer in high school, college and in my 20's. But it stayed at that. Whenever it was around.

    Started in December 2009. Oxy 10's. By spring 2010, was onto 80mg OC's (remember those)
    Up to 3-5 a day, maybe more sometimes, sometimes less, was making good money.
    30mg percs in between, especially when they switched to the OP pill.(first time I got one I thought it was fake)
    Always maintained a 50-75/month hydro prescription got me through dry periods.
    Left that city to get away. Get clean. Didn't happen.

    Spent the next two years basically on 7-8 hydro 10's/day.
    Doc gave me 180 norcos/month, lost that doc, then 90/month.
    Purchased in between.

    For the last few months, mix between hydro 5 'n 10's, and Oxy 10's. Today I took 14. That's a high day as of recent.

    My story is like many others (I did get beat up and had surgery and initially kicked this whole thing off, but I love opiates anyway, so it was inevitable). The energy they give me. The happiness they bring. But the point is, I want off. But when i'm off, will I feel any better? Will I just wish to go back on the pills and be a slave because it's a happier existence?

    I have maintained a successful career since starting the habit, and do not want to lose my momentum. But I won't make it far at this point. Crazy to think, legitimately have spent 60-80,000 dollars in the last 5 years on pills.

    So, and I know this may not be possible, how can I get clean without affecting work? Isn't suboxone stronger than what I am currently doing? Weaning down doesn't work because I will take what I have. Especially when working, and I work most of my life.

    I have quit a few times in that span, but never felt "quite right." Like anxiety or depression, which I dealt with in my early 20's.

    Just looking for some solid advice.

  2. #2
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    1,175

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    Whyzerman it sounds like you know the drill as you have been down this road before. How long did you stop for in the past? Did you try a life style change something to help combat the anxiety and depression? I have put my faith in what others are telling me as I have the same questions. I see post after post that it gets better and we will be happy again. Many people go to work and get thru this so it is something you can do.

    Maybe the sub is right for you if you are considering that. I have not used them so I can't comment on that. I am sure someone else will chime in on that. From what I have read at the end of the day we all have to give the brain time to adjust regardless if it's subs or pills.

  3. #3
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
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    924

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    Hi whyzerman. From what I have learned on this board, you may be better off without the subs, if all you are doing is the hydro. I also considered going that route, but was led to believe it would be harder one day for me to get off of the subs than the hydros I was currently taking. Although I have also read where the subs worked miracles for some users, and probably saved their lives.I think it depends on how long you've been using and how strong. I friend of mine who is a nurse, started taking subs to quit her pill habit (10 o so hydros a day). She's been on subs for over a year now, and while she does say they helped, she now wishes she had never gotten them. Now she is still facing the tapering down and wds from the subs, which she feels is going to be harder on her than if she had just stopped taking the hydros on her own.

    I was a lot like you in that I had a little script for norco, but it didn't last me long so I also bought whatever I could find. Oxy, fent patches when I could find them, always bought extra pills, but never anything harder. I also have a huge work and home load on my plate, and would take up to 10 norco some days just to make it through work. But what I found is that, it wasn't helping anything but my mind anymore, and barely even helping that. Taking 1 I would feel nothing, so then I'd take more until I did, then would be so pissed at myself for taking that many that I wouldn't enjoy the "warm, fuzzy, happy" feelings anymore. I spent SO much money also, buying the extra. It was a cycle that wasn't going to stop on its own.

    I also was terrible at tapering, so I actually did the opposite. I binged the week before I quit, because deep down I wanted to remember what the wds felt like so I wouldn't want to go through that ever again. Given, in those first few days, I regretted that decision many, many times. But now heading into 23 days with nothing. Still don't feel "right", anxious some days, good some days. It is a series of ups and downs. But there are lots of experienced surviors on this forum that have great advice and their support helped me through those hardest days of wds. I won't say I'm "happy" yet, but I'm sure happier than I was on pills on broke. Whatever method you choose to stop taking them, it will be life changing and you will be happier. I trust the advice of the clean people posting on this forum.

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