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Need help
  1. #1
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    Default Need help

    Been reading all the great info here and it has provided me with what I need to know. After 2 hysterectomys and a recent lumpectomy, I never got off the oxy and started buying elsewhere (was still being prescribed too). It's been a year and I have tried twice to get off - had no idea this would cause me to be so sick. So I went back. I've read a ton and realize I am fully hooked and so upset at myself. I want, no I HAVE to get off the oxy. Last time I made it 8 days (last month) and still felt so bad that I went back. I want this out if my life - even if that means living with pain. I need help.

    I don't know how to get Valium or whatever may help and I am hitting the store tomorrow for all the items listed in the link to Thomas's recipe. Can anyone help me with what stores to get the rest?

    What else would work for a benzo? I don't even know what and where I could get that.

    Nobody knows, as I already have to take a tons of meds, it's my shameful secret. I have changed jobs to take better care of myself and I have a whole new routine starting next week and I want to do it drug free.

    I have the type of job where I primarily work from home and I'm ready for next week to be the week, no matter what!

    I am open to any ideas or suggestions. I'm embarrassed to say I take about 40mgs of perc 3-4 times a day. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    melindau is offline Member
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    I guess they dont want me to talk to you... I have posted to you 2 times now and it keeps getting deleted and I dont know why!
    Melinda

  3. #3
    melindau is offline Member
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    Mods can you tell me what im doing wrong so I wont do it.. thank you!!

  4. #4
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks.....I haven't received any replies except this one. Should I be doing something?

  5. #5
    melindau is offline Member
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    no I think im they dont want me to tell you where to get the stuff you need..might be a breach of the rules...so I have to tell ya to the Valium from your doctor?????!!!!!!! and the other stuff from the store... they wont let me say anything else! sorry...how are you doing...Im trying but they keep deleting my post to you..I dont know why!!! Im sorry...keep posting to us and tell us how your doing!
    Melinda

  6. #6
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey, Dawn....

    For the L-Tyrosine you will have to go to a health food store....most groceries don't carry it.....while there, ask them what would be good for restless legs and sleep.....you don't have to tell them why.

    Hope this helps.

  7. #7
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    That helps a lot thank you. How much do I take and how will it help? What about vitamins?

  8. #8
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Just google the 'Thomas Recipe'......It details what amounts, etc. I tried to post a link, but am computer challenged tonight. And keep us posted!!!!

  9. #9
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Dawn,

    Best wishes for the beginning of your journey to a new, clean life. It will be soooo worth it! Now is as good a time as other to see your doctor and explain to him what you're doing and why. It is extremely scary but really liberating. In order to stay clean, you really have to break those ties that bind you. I remember sheepishly having the discussion with my doctor. I was astounded to see just how understanding he was and PROUD of me! Gave me the kick in the pants to get this right this time (lots of previous failures, I'm afraid). I'm sure he'll give you a few valium for the first few days of detox. Just be careful with them and only use them as an absolute last resort. Melatonin, over the counter at any grocery store or pharmacy helps with sleep. The directions say 1 tablet. I have to admit that I took two. Didn't kill me. Gave me a bit more sleep and did relax me some at night.

    I used heating pads, 2 of them, one for each leg to help with the restless leg. That was without question the most annoying symptom. Lots of detox even though it only lasts for around five days at least for me was mind games. Every discomfort was magnified. Probably because I knew that if only...if only 1 pill I'd be as good as new. We probably have all dealt with things that were a lot more uncomfortable or even painful but knowing there wasn't anything we could do about it made us accept it for what it was. Detox is different. We could "fix" the craziness way too easily and we have to stand strong.

    Anticipating Day 1 is a killer!!! Get excited as you get ready. Look forward to your Day 1. That attitude really helped me more than I can ever hope to have you understand. Look forward to detox????? YEP! Once I made up my mind I was a couple of days away from my final Day 1 and I couldn't wait. I even turned away my "source" at my front door at around Day 3. That's how determined I was. Of course, I went back to bed and cried. I don't know if it was because I was so angry with my visitor, relieved that I found the strength to send him packing, or if I was so miserable I really didn't want him to leave me empty handed. In any event after the tears, I was so damn proud of myself for the first time in many years.

    Keep posting. We're here.

    Peace,

    Cat

  10. #10
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you so much...I'm feeling better already just from hearing from you. Im a bit scared to tell my doctor - mostly I'm embarrassed but I am also worried about people finding out. My source is someone who is supportive and I have told them once I say no more - don't give it to me. Just an acquaintance.

    And a question about the Valium, when is the best time to take it?
    I should have called my dr today....I will try see them ASAP if I can just suck it up.
    Thanks!

  11. #11
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Just letting you know that you are not alone in this; I am on Day 3.

    As for the L-Tyrosine, Whole Foods has it and I read somewhere on these boards that you could take up to 4000mgs (I have been taking 1000-it upsets my stomach.

    B-6 is also recommended (I don't have any idea what quantity).

    Also at whole Foods, look for "Country Life" Calcium, Magnesium, Potassium (together they are the "electrolytes")
    You need electrolytes to balance the liquids you should be drinking. I have had absolutely NO "restless leg". One pill a day should do it.

    The other big recommendation is EXERCISE. Although it feels like the last thing you want to do, it helps.

    Hot baths and showers also help.

    You have lots of company here.

    Catherine (my thread is in the "Need to talk" forum: "How bad is this going to be"
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  12. #12
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    How you doing Dawn?

    I can't imagine wanting some relief more than at bedtime so that's what I did. Knowing I only had a few (3 maybe?) they were too precious to use during the day. It also helped knowing that I had so few so that I wasn't tempted during the day. Obviously, I didn't use them every night either but I sure wish I had had enough of them to do so in order to catch a few hours of sleep. I used one on two different nights and then the last perhaps a week or so after my detox. As I mentioned, my mind was set and NOTHING was turning me back and it didn't. Once I gave up making myself more miserable than I already was, I took that first step of acceptance. I'd watch old movies that I'd seen many times before so that I wouldn't have to pay that close attention. I'd hop on this Forum and read half the night away. It whiled away the overnight hours and I met so many absolutely extraordinary people that I still call my friends--even though I've never met any of them face to face. There are still a few that I communicate with either by email or phone periodically. Amazing, right?

    Get your head in the right place. For all the advice I freely dole out, for me that is the one piece that is the most important and nearly five years later, I continue to keep my mind set the same. From a broken down individual without self esteem I have begun to evolve into someone even I consider worthy. I am forever grateful for the lessons that addiction and my addict friends have taught me. I wouldn't be me without this experience.

    As for your doctor. Yeah. I get it--we all do but that's exactly what's so liberating about talking to your doctor. Finally, FINALLY, it's out there. I'm sure he/she has seen worse than you, trust me. He/she will move on through their day and telling stories about you is not only illegal but the furthest thing from his mind. I live in a very, very small town and work here too! And, yes my doctor is in Town as well. I didn't even make the weekly newspaper! Seriously, the anticipation for this talk is worse than the event, just like detox. Funny thing, about us addicts we tend to internalize and "figure things out" for ourselves. Ut Oh--how'd that work out for us? For me--not so good.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-29-2014 at 05:46 PM.

  13. #13
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    How are you doing Dawngirl? Hanging in there with you.

  14. #14
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks all...I started reading more threads to help keep my courage up. I was offered more today and for the first time I said NO MORE. I made a drs appt for Thursday which will be my first day of w/d. I am sooooo scarred of the pain and am hopeful with the recommendations here and hopefully with Valium from my dr, after I confess this hundred pound elephant that has been hanging from my neck, I will be ready to get through a week of hell. Right now I just feel terrible...heartbroken and depressed that this happened. My last breast biopsy came back negative last week so I'm cancer free - no excuses anymore. I'm done with this way of life. I took the following week off and plan to stay home and get through this. I'm making a list of movies and I want to watch and how bright my future will be with my kiddos, husband and a healthy life.

    Every waking moment I think about what is coming. I wish I could just start now - but I can't get out of Tuesday and weds meetings. Right now high anxiety but also excitement - this is soon going to be over once and for all. I've deleted all the numbers in my phone, threw away all the extras except for the tapering amounts.

    I feel like I should start praying for strength.

    I cannot thank you enough. If I hadn't logged on here I would never have the courage to plan this, I felt like I was doomed. I have no idea what the strips or other treatments are, but I'm going to stick to the recipe. Thank you so much. I'll keep checking in.

  15. #15
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    Day 3 well done! In one week that will be me! Can't wait. Thanks for your message.

  16. #16
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    I can't seem to figure out how to reply to each message - so please take this as a thanks to each and every message. Clearly you all know how much courage you are giving me. Thank you.

  17. #17
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi Dawn,

    Don't get too anxious......and I think you can go ahead and start on the supplements from the Thomas Recipe and they will be getting in your system, if you haven't already. Just think of it as the flu.......you will do great.

    To reply to someone individually.....hit 'Reply with quote' directly under what that person said......and it will show you are replying to their post to you. It will fall into order.

  18. #18
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    I'm just about to see my doctor and lay it all out on the table, so nervous - hoping I feel the weight lugged of not being alone in this. Here I go!

  19. #19
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Dawn,

    So....how'd it go? I hope your doctor's visit did remove that elephant. Geez they're heavy, right?

    Peace,

    Cat
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  20. #20
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    Hi all, met with my doctor last week and it went ok...of course I was embarrassed but she has become a huge help. I'm on 24 hours clean and really starting to feel badly. Using the recipe items and have Valium. God help me that I have 4 more days of this. Will it get worse before it gets better? I really need help now to do this.

  21. #21
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Hey Dawn,

    Glad you had the talk with your doctor. 24 hrs in--good for you, even if it doesn't feel good right now. I'm suspecting that the anxiety is probably what has you right now. Deep breaths and try to occupy yourself. The next 24 hrs, at least for me, will bring the worst of it and remain fairly steady for a couple more days. By Day 5, some of the worst of it will be entirely over and you'll be left flat, deflated, and tired.

    How many valium did doc give to you? Be careful with those. I had only a few and saved them to escape by catching a bit of sleep at night. Keep in touch so we can pull you off the ledge. This is doable, I promise.

    Peace,

    Cat

  22. #22
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks..only gave me 10 Valium and I've already taken 2, 12 hrs apart. Anxious, in pain and sick. Trying the items from the recioe and extra melatonin. Nothing is actually a eking me sleepy and I want to sleep all day.

  23. #23
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    You are doing fine, Dawn......24 hours is epic right now. Most likely you'll be able to sleep with the help of the valium.....but, if not, just post your thoughts. Congrats on sticking to your plan. And thanks for letting us share the journey with you. Looking forward to all your posts. God bless.
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  24. #24
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Dawn,

    I'm kinda glad you only got 10 valium. Try to save them for night because I think you will need them and will kicking your own azz in a couple of days if you run short. Sleep is most often the last thing to return and I gotta tell yah, once all the ugly symptoms were gone I was really, really glad that I had one left to get a full honest to goodness night's sleep. During the first few days I found that the bit of sleep they did give to me really wasn't worth it once I accepted the fact that most of the night was going to be spent awake anyway. So, I decided I was only wasting them. Glad I figured that out!!

    Keep posting. We'll be checking in. Read other threads. Hook up with Gracie. She's about half way (maybe a day more) thru this. The support you'll get really does help and when you don't know what to do with yourself, catch up on threads and post. It passes the time and detox is all about making the time pass.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  25. #25
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks all...today I used the vitamins and b complex, leg cramp pills and melatonin. Slept pretty much the whole day to save to Valium. My doc also gave me heavy sleeping pills so those will hopefully get me thru the nights. At this moment I have passed day 2 and just feel like I have the flu. Holding food some but literally feel like I can't move. I'm staying strong and just want to get healthy!

  26. #26
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Dawn....you seem to be one of the lucky ones that can sleep. Good for you....if you can, just sleep through it, but remember you have to get up as soon as you feel clearer and move around. Thinking of you, tonight.

  27. #27
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    Today I just feel sad....no energy and still body sore. Pain is less but last night was terrible. I'm exhausted and don't know what to do with myself. Day 3 on the way...OMG!

  28. #28
    Dawngirl is offline Junior Member
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    Any help with lethargy and sadness?

  29. #29
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Oh, Dawn.....those were the 2 biggies with me, also. I have worked sick from colds, flu, etc......but NOT having the energy and then the depression.....Yikes.

    I watched movies I could escape into......even like action-packed and suspenseful....it helped me. You might be feeling better tomorrow, though.....day 4? Are you eating?

  30. #30
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Dawn, so sorry you are feeling this way, but just know it is par for the course. The sadness was almost unbearable and I am sure if I had had any access to pills I would have taken them. BTW Valium is a depressant too. I never could take those things. I would sleep alright, but then I would wake up with unexplainable depression.

    The ONLY thing that really helped at all was the thing I least wanted to do: exercise. ...and to a lessor degree, hot showers. You will probably feel a little better tomorrow, at least I did. Day 5 was when I could really see that I was coming out the other side. At Day 3 you are almost out of the woods. Keep going...

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