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Need help!
  1. #1
    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Default Need help!

    Hi -
    I can't believe I am actually writing this thread. I have not admitted this to anyone, except my therapist (and even then not the total amt.) Somehow over the past 6 years, I have become so dependent on opiates that i can't get out of bed without them. i take anywhere from 90-120 a day.
    I am mother of two small children and work full time. I have tried to stop before and couldn't care for my kids. Not sure if I should do a SHORT sub program. My therapist is pushing this, but i don't want to trade one addiction for another and but i need to function. I just want to feel again. please anyone with advice.. if you can help me. I have enough for the next two weeks + then I am done. thanks for your help and support. i need it

  2. #2
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Idk about the subs maybe others can comment on it. If you are able to have self control tapering your meds then it will be done quicker. You said you have enough for two weeks is that at the current amount? If you could taper you will be able to get your body adjusted slowly to not having them. Not a walk in the park but you can still function. Then when going off wd may not be as severe.

    Start taking vitamins, bananas, eating right, and find 20 mins during the day to excercise. The excercise helps the most. Many have said posting here helps. Stay on the sight, read, post, it helped me keep my eye on the prize. There are so many inspirational stories it truly helps give you courage to be able to do it.

  3. #3
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    I'm assuming you meant 90-120 MG per day and not 90-120 PILLS? I've taken that many before in a single day (stupid, stupid, stupid of me) and that is a LOT. Please clarify.

    Yes, you can taper down, but it takes an enourmous amount of self-control to accomplish successfully. Reason being is you always have those pills at your disposal that when the going gets rough it's so easy to take a "few more" than the taper calls for and you're right back where you began. You have to be 100% committed to a taper and have someone else hand out the pills to you each day, and only the dose required for that day no matter how much you may beg them for more. I've been there, done that and could never taper successfully any opiate.

    Subs should be your last choice, or last chance to get free. And a short taper is not recommended with subs. Neither is a long period of time on them either. We use a sub plan here thay would have you on and off in around 6-8 weeks and in my opinion that's just about the right time frame for success.

    You want to remain on subs long enough to get your addiction under control. Most short tapers won't accomplish that.

    If you do decide to taper your meds there will be symptoms at the end for about a week. So why not just get it over with NOW by going cold turkey. You'll still have that week of symptoms, with days 3-4 being the worst of it. Every day gets better after that. Tapering only drags things out. I would be inclined to just get it over with myself.

    If you will check into an NA or AA meeting for support it will give you a much better chance at success. Meetings saved my life, and the friends I've made are true, clean friends that understand how it really is.

    Let us know what you decide. And posting really does help as Sunshine mentioned. Good luck!

    -Randy

  4. #4
    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Thanks sunshine and randy! Sorry I didn't give the whole story or background. Yes, I was up to 115MG not pills. Wow! I can't imagine taking that many in a day. So, yes I really want to stop but am terrified of the withdrawals. A couple of factors come into play here.... 1. My husband has no idea, 2. I have two small children to care for (4 and 9 months) and my husband usually works on the weekends. 3. I have a high stress job (VP of major fashion company) So how am I supposed to just go CT? I have tried one other time... Well not really tried but ran out so had to go through some withdrawals for a few days. It was he'll. the guilt I felt for not playing with my son. And I could barely lift my daughter! Then the depression I'm already feeling for being in this position is magnified that much more. How do u stop??? I just want to be free. I can't even remember what it's like to not be on these. Urgh! I have slowly reduced my dose (at 95 mg now) but think it's going to be quite the struggle to go down more. I always make up some excuse. That's why I was considering subs. But I am nervous that in the end I'll have withdrawl anyway?! Do Subs help with the depression aspect? If it takes 8 weeks on them - technically I'll be off for a really long time before I'm really off so hopefully that helps? Haven't been to any NA meetings but am finally seeing a therapist who has said that this has been inevitable for me. I just wish I didn't choose this route in my life. I'm so angry and mad at myself.

  5. #5
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    If you just can't handle the CT withdrawals then subs may be a good choice for you. Whatever you do make certain you perform the sub induction correctly. You have to completely stop taking the opiates and go into moderate to severe withdrawals anyway before taking any sub. If you take the sub too soon you could pay a stiff price and go into PWD's which I assure you want no part of. We highly recommend using a COWS to safely induct to subs.

    A Cows (clinical opiate withdrawal scale) assigns a number to a variety of symptoms. You need to get to a score of 26 or higher to take the first dose of subs. Doesn't matter if it takes 24 hours, 36 hours, or how much "time" it takes, use the Cows to be certain it's ok to dose. I can give you a Cows link if you decide on the subs.

    Many doctors will tell you it's ok to stop the opiates and take the subs 24 hours later. It may be ok one time, but it also may not. Why take any chance. It's not THEM that go into PWD's, it's YOU that will. They could care less most of the time. Please use the Cows to safely induct and you'll be glad you did!

    Here's the link to the sub plan we use here =

    https://www.drugs.com/forum/featured...apy-50887.html

    And here's the link to the Cows -

    http://www.naabt.org/documents/cows_...flow_sheet.pdf

    Please take a look at both.

    -Randy

  6. #6
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    I tapered so I can tell you about that and give you hints on that but not the subs. It will take a few weeks at your dose to taper without being too uncomfortable but you can still function. There is another sunshine (sunshine1974) and she successfully tapered as well working and with two kids she was on 10 hydros a day. Check her post out as she would also have advice if you decide to taper. Tapering is all mental. You just can't give innto the temptation. If you are strong enough to only take x amount per day then you can taper but if you know you will just eat them up then it's not for you.

    I personally did not have any one hand me my doses and my husband knew. He would not wamt me to suffer and would have gave in. I was so much harder on myself then he was as he told me so many times I tapered too fast and to increase my dose. In my mind I made a decision and that was it. Be honest with yourself if you can't ct, or don't think you are mentally strong enough for a taper, then sub may be your best bet. I would imagine you need to be committed to that as well because I have read about many people on them for years.

    Whatever you do you are so much closer than before and you should be proud of that. I am cheering for you all the way!!
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    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Thank you for all of the support Randy and Sunshine. I have such a long road ahead. I really don't remember what life was like before opiates. I think the hardest part will be the depression that will surely follow after the withdrawal physical symptoms are over. I am going to do a count today... I have been slowly moving dow (lowest was 90MG, but screwed up yesterday and took 100mg). I am going to try and go for 90 mg today, then 80 the next three days, then count to see how to work the rest. My appt with sub doctor is on 1/15. Hopefully, I will be at a much lower dose and can just discuss my depression with her and NOT go on subs. I don't think I am that bad to have to do subs, but then I think - why am i in this position then.... i should have stopped already! I will continue to advise on my progress each day. I did check out the other sunshines post and have commented there. I plan to buy vitamins tomorrow and start that regime with my reduction. Also, hope to start some yoga (if time permits) my husband works a lot on weekends and I have two kids, so never seems like there is time to get out and exercise, but I know its so important to get my life back. Any one have depression after? or and underlying depression that caused the opiate use to begin with? my therapist seems to think i have been depressed my whole life (dramatic) which is why i always dabbled in alcohol and drugs and since have become dependent on opiates... not sure if i agree....
    ok, happy sunday and thanks again to all for the support and guidance in this journey...
    xo

  8. #8
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    When I tapered I put my daily pills in a spot and that's all I got for the day. I also had another location for the next few days. END of story. Going into the pill bottle was tempting. This way you see what you get for the day and that's it. It also got me out of the habit of my normal routine which was to take from the pill bottle. I made a list of each time I took and amount....it was so good to see the progress. Days turns into a week and you see in writing the progress. On that same list write down all the reasons for quitting everytime you take a pill you write it down and remind yourself why it is you wamt to be here. Remember tapering is all mental. If it helps I am on 8 days and was on them for 11 years. So far no depression. I really don't feel any different other than huge lack of motivation. Almost feel like a shell, no passion. But to me that is better than being depressed and I think it really was that I did not shock the body. To me I got used to having less and less. I have really tried hard to excercise and give my brain back what pills gave it and it helps. It was no picnic my any means and I had my bad days but I came out on top and so can you.

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    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Thanks sunshine. It is inspiring to hear your story. I also read your whole thread and WOW you are truly amazing. I hope I can be half as diligent as you. Today I started a spreadsheet and tracked when I took them and the dose. I thought I was doing great until I just added up and already at 80!!! Which was supposed to be my limit today. Urgh Looks like I'll be at 90 again as I'm just eating home and have to function for my kids . Maybe tmr I'll try and take a little less each dose to get me down. It's hard bc then I feel like it's not working and I have no motivation. I keep on fighting in my head to just do a sub program bc it will be easier and I can do my normal stuff from now till the start of it. But I know deep down that's not the answer either. So confused right now. Anyway. Thanks for the note. I'll keep u posted on my progress.

  10. #10
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mom thank you so much for reading my post and your words they meant so much. You have this taper!!! Remember on your list to add all the reasons for stopping and all the good will come out of it. It really helps if you have to look at it each time you record you will remind yourself of why you want it. Making a time and amount for each dose helps. Yes you are correct just cut down each dose don't start taking doses away to early. It really sucks I would have preferred all my doses at one time.,.... Truth be known....lol....I would take a half pill and sit back on the bed and try so hard to feel something.... I figured if I got up and did stuff given it was so low I might miss something......lol...I swear I tried so hard I was feeling good..... Keep me posted and I will keep cheering you on!!!!!!!! Remember you are doing this.... You are already lower than you were a month ago. Keep an eye on your progress you will be so proud of yourself!!!!!

  11. #11
    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Sunshines! You are both doing so well. I'm jealous you are already off and on the road to recovery. Sounds like the taper way is great as you both seemed to have little withdrawl symptoms and only lasted a few days. I'm sure it's still a daily struggle but at least that scary part is over. I'm yet to get there!!!

    I told my husband everything last night and he was super supportive. I didn't actually admit the amount I was taking but the fact that I needed these to function and not sure how this all got away from me. He is up for the help in my taper and told me he'd help with kids and understand my snaps and cranky feelings as I slowly reduce my amount. I can't tell you how much weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Having him in my corner is massive! And also shows my seriousness to get clean. I think I never admitted this to myself or anyone bc deep down I wanted to still use. But I'm Done and done now. Too much to be thankful and live for. I don't want to hurt my body anymore or numb my feelings. So..... My therapist is still pushing suboxone. I see a doctor for this next Thursday. My hope is I will be down to 60 mg per day by then and hopefully just get some clonidime (spelling) to help and not put more opiates in my body. But we will see. My therPsists biggest concern of my taper and not long term sub use is the chance for relapse. He said I've been self medicating and stop being a doctor and let the doctors help u. Do what we say. Not sure I agree but this is now my daily struggle. I messed up Monday and went bk to 100 mg. but was good yesterday and went back to 90. Some days are harder then others. But I'm trying. And that's what's important.
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  12. #12
    RecklessOne is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Mom! I read through all of the posts from both Sunshines as well as yours. Wow. I also posted yesterday under Pain Killer Addiction/Norco - Titled: "Day 3... Surviving", but the thread hasn't received much traction - I think I needed to complain more. Ha.

    FWIW: My situation was similar to yours: 120mg/day for the past 4.5 years, some days (weekends mostly) up to 250/mg; all started when I got cancer and lost my left lung to a 5.5" grapefruit size tumor. That was fun (they nearly slice you in half to get at it). Then another surgery a year ago last October to remove a golf ball tumor from my neck. I wasn't expected to survive that one... surprise, here I am! The rest of the boring details are in my original post from yesterday.

    When you have 'termina;' cancer... they hand out pain killers like candy and actually encourage their use (maybe because you're easier for them o deal with... Ha). I justified my addiction because I was considered 'terminal' with a 1-in-20 chance of surviving 5 years (from 2010). I figured what do I care about addiction if it calms my pain and I'll soon be dead from cancer anyway? Well I guess I never considered that a miracle would have me still alive today.... able to write this to you.

    Over the past couple of years I tried tapering and going CT. Tapering just didn't work for me... I'd just sit and wait counting the minutes until I could take my next dose. In reality (and I speak only for me) tapering was more about waiting for the next time to get 'that warm fuzzy feeling' than actually quitting. It stretched out my misery and I just didn't find the willpower to finally stick to my plan to the end.

    But then again I tried CT at least 2-3 times and managed to fail at that also. I did learn however that my mental fear and preconceived idea of what WD would do to me was worse than the actual physical symptoms... although it took until this time going CT to realize this - again I speak only for myself. I believe my mind made me feel sicker than I actually was.

    I am on day four CT. My symptions are no worse than a stinking flu. They may get worse, I don't know, but it's been bearable up to this point. I can honestly say that I have not thought about giving in... I think I made up my mind this time. I do have a luxury that you don't - I can stay home from work as long as I need and my child is grown and out of the house. I do have the full support of my wife. For strength and comfort I keep repeating the Scripture, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". I find power in that verse/promise.

    I do wish you the very very best and hope to read about your positive progress as the days pass!

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    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Reckless one - wow!!! You do have a story to tell. I'm so sorry to hear about the cancer but so happy to know that you beat it!! If u beat that you truly can beat this!!! Just stay strong and know it will pass. I'm going to read your thread now and I'll be sure to comment. So one question. How much were u taking when u went ct? I can't seem to lower my dose. I keep going up ten mg then down ten mg. and I agree it's torture!!! Maybe I'm not strong enough. But I do know I'm not taking any more. This last batch is it for me and if I don't taper then I only have about 9 days left. But petrified of going off 90 mg ct. Help!!

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by RecklessOne View Post
    Hi Mom! I read through all of the posts from both Sunshines as well as yours. Wow. I also posted yesterday under Pain Killer Addiction/Norco - Titled: "Day 3... Surviving", but the thread hasn't received much traction - I think I needed to complain more. Ha.

    FWIW: My situation was similar to yours: 120mg/day for the past 4.5 years, some days (weekends mostly) up to 250/mg; all started when I got cancer and lost my left lung to a 5.5" grapefruit size tumor. That was fun (they nearly slice you in half to get at it). Then another surgery a year ago last October to remove a golf ball tumor from my neck. I wasn't expected to survive that one... surprise, here I am! The rest of the boring details are in my original post from yesterday.

    When you have 'termina;' cancer... they hand out pain killers like candy and actually encourage their use (maybe because you're easier for them o deal with... Ha). I justified my addiction because I was considered 'terminal' with a 1-in-20 chance of surviving 5 years (from 2010). I figured what do I care about addiction if it calms my pain and I'll soon be dead from cancer anyway? Well I guess I never considered that a miracle would have me still alive today.... able to write this to you.

    Over the past couple of years I tried tapering and going CT. Tapering just didn't work for me... I'd just sit and wait counting the minutes until I could take my next dose. In reality (and I speak only for me) tapering was more about waiting for the next time to get 'that warm fuzzy feeling' than actually quitting. It stretched out my misery and I just didn't find the willpower to finally stick to my plan to the end.

    But then again I tried CT at least 2-3 times and managed to fail at that also. I did learn however that my mental fear and preconceived idea of what WD would do to me was worse than the actual physical symptoms... although it took until this time going CT to realize this - again I speak only for myself. I believe my mind made me feel sicker than I actually was.

    I am on day four CT. My symptions are no worse than a stinking flu. They may get worse, I don't know, but it's been bearable up to this point. I can honestly say that I have not thought about giving in... I think I made up my mind this time. I do have a luxury that you don't - I can stay home from work as long as I need and my child is grown and out of the house. I do have the full support of my wife. For strength and comfort I keep repeating the Scripture, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". I find power in that verse/promise.

    I do wish you the very very best and hope to read about your positive progress as the days pass!
    Wow. What a powerful post.
    I am 59 days clean from opiates and haven't been on much but this site saved my.life. it just goes to show that once the mind is addicted it doesn't matter what got you to that point it's what will get you through it.
    Such a courageous journey you've been given. I'm so honored to have come across such string individuals. If you have the courage to change and believe in yourself nothing is impossible.
    Don't ever give up. No matter how many times you fall down. Always get back up. Your story is proof we were meant to keep going no matter what.
    ThanK u!
    And mom... you're going to do it I can tell. I've read enough threads to get that feeling that if you want it bad enough it's yours. I haven't read all of this thread but I will. I can very much relate to you. 2 children and young professional. Had to go back to work in 3rd day and it sulked but it might have just got me over that hump. I jumped from 60 mg because I couldn't take it anymore. It was torture. Tapering prolonged the inevitable for me and once I ripped that bandaid off the real work began but only when I was ready. You've got this . I'm praying for you both
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    RecklessOne is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Mom - I'm glad to hear from you. Thank you for writing.

    How much was I taking.... why as much as possible silly! Hahahaha. My script is for 12/day, 10/325, so basically 120/mg daily. Although I'd often stick to 7 or 8 during the workweek so I could 'splurge' on the weekends; smart, eh?

    As far as keeping the daily M-F dose in check, it happened one of two ways: I'd portion out one day's worth and take to work, then limit myself to one or two every couple of hours - being sure to save 3-4 for when I got home that night.

    Other times it was by necessity because I'd blow it on a weekend and cut myself short for the following week. I seemed to be able to jump from 16 on a weekend day to 7 or 8 on the following M-F work days without much trouble.

    One thing I did learn to do some time ago was to wait 2-3 hours after rising (@7:30) before taking my first dose around 10-10:30 (because it 'hit' harder,not because I was being smart about it).

    It helps that I am busy at work (a big time distraction) and too, I have a recliner in my office that I retire to around 2pm because my post-cancer-treatment-surgery just hurts too much.... so a couple more hours kinda disappear while I basically take a light nap until closing @5:30. I own my own business and the staff takes care of daily duties. By golly, I guess I'm not really needed! Hummm. Time to retire.

    I wish and pray for the very best for you in your journey and that success is yours this time.

    God bless, Les

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    RecklessOne is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by butteflylove View Post
    Wow. What a powerful post.
    I am 59 days clean from opiates and haven't been on much but this site saved my.life. it just goes to show that once the mind is addicted it doesn't matter what got you to that point it's what will get you through it.
    Such a courageous journey you've been given. I'm so honored to have come across such string individuals. If you have the courage to change and believe in yourself nothing is impossible.
    Don't ever give up. No matter how many times you fall down. Always get back up. Your story is proof we were meant to keep going no matter what.
    ThanK u!
    Hi Butterfly. Thank you for your post of encouragement to me. But mostly CONGRATULATIONS for 59 clean days... YaHoo! It's actually a bit funny.... I hadn't pre-planned a 'quit day'; Monday (Day 1) just kind of slipped by and kept deciding along the way that I could go another 15 minutes, or 30, or an hour. By the end of the day I was at zero.... so it only made sense to give it a real try on Tuesday. Glad I did. This IS my time, I feel it deeply.

    And 'Mom', I too think you have this in the bag, and soon zip-tied and off to the dump for good. Prayers for both of you. God bless, Les

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by momneedshelp7 View Post
    Thank you for all of the support Randy and Sunshine. I have such a long road ahead. I really don't remember what life was like before opiates. I think the hardest part will be the depression that will surely follow after the withdrawal physical symptoms are over. I am going to do a count today... I have been slowly moving dow (lowest was 90MG, but screwed up yesterday and took 100mg). I am going to try and go for 90 mg today, then 80 the next three days, then count to see how to work the rest. My appt with sub doctor is on 1/15. Hopefully, I will be at a much lower dose and can just discuss my depression with her and NOT go on subs. I don't think I am that bad to have to do subs, but then I think - why am i in this position then.... i should have stopped already! I will continue to advise on my progress each day. I did check out the other sunshines post and have commented there. I plan to buy vitamins tomorrow and start that regime with my reduction. Also, hope to start some yoga (if time permits) my husband works a lot on weekends and I have two kids, so never seems like there is time to get out and exercise, but I know its so important to get my life back. Any one have depression after? or and underlying depression that caused the opiate use to begin with? my therapist seems to think i have been depressed my whole life (dramatic) which is why i always dabbled in alcohol and drugs and since have become dependent on opiates... not sure if i agree....
    ok, happy sunday and thanks again to all for the support and guidance in this journey...
    xo
    I have never been as relieved as I am now after 58 days clean to realize that mentail health was the missing piece. It such a relief to finally get help for the depression and not just the addictions. You raise an extremely important point. Whether it be seasonal or manic or anything in between. It's extremely difficult to stay clean when we don't address the underlying concerns. You've got this.
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    RecklessOne is offline Junior Member
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    momneedshelp7:

    Yes, I dealt with anxiety/depression for at least three decades before my opiate addiction. It was easily controlled with an SSRI drug (Paxil) once I figured out what it was (started at 13 or 14). It (Paxil) literally changed my life in a matter of weeks. I quit voluntarily a few years before I got cancer and was fine without it.... the brain kind of rewired itself, plus I became a high-level mountain bike rider - the physical activity helped a lot.

    I did not experience any sort of depression again until the cancer hit and I found myself in a very dark place (opiates notwithstanding) while home alone during the day sick from chemo and hurting from surgery. I mentioned it to my oncologist who said (I love this...) "I'm surprised it took you this long." I've been taking Wellbutrin ever since early 2011.

    Every depression is different, and each person reacts differently to various anti-depression drugs, but I believe it's safe to say that if depression is a big concern of yours there is an established, accepted, and effectual way for it to be addressed. BTW: My mom was bi-polar, did electroshock therapy in the late 60's... one flew over the cuckoo's nest kind of stuff. We've come a very long way since then. No shame in correcting a chemical imbalance in the body, including the brain.

    God bless you. -Les

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    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi Momneedshelp,

    You posted on my thread yesterday. Just wanted to let you know I replied.

    How's it going? Hope to hear from you soon.

    Kat

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    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Hi kat! Thank you for your advice! It has taken me some time to navigate this site and couldn't find where I posted yesterday. So it was tough but finally found your response just as u sent this . They should have a system that buzzes our phone whenever someone responds or references them in a post! Would make this amazing forum even better!!! So thank you for all of the info. In still torn on what in going to do no guess at this point it's sub or very fast taper at the end (I see the therapist on Thursday) want to feel her out etc I think I can do a 4-8 week taper and be happy and not readdicted to something else. Will the mental depression still be there? Just not the physical?

    How are you doing? Really thank you for taking the time to read through my post and give me advice. You and everyone else who has responded have helped so much. I promise to document what I go through when I start the process in hopes to help someone else. Xo

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    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    And thank you Les. I am going to respond to you tomorrow. Busy day with both kids and hubby working. Xo

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    RecklessOne is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by momneedshelp7 View Post
    And thank you Les. I am going to respond to you tomorrow. Busy day with both kids and hubby working. Xo
    Feel no pressure MOM! I expect nothing except for you to get through this relatively unscathed, successful, clean, and ALIVE!!!

    Enjoy your family day - they go by so quickly. After fighting in both Iraq and Afghanistan, my little girl now runs a nuclear missile facility in the States for the air force. Seems just yesterday she was shooting off missiles of her own. Ha.

    ~Les

  23. #23
    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't posted in a while but have been struggling with what I am going to do to get off these devil pills. I really thought I had the strength to taper, but here I am three weeks later and still at 100 mg . Plus I feel like >>>> even on this dose. I constantly want more. I really hate these things!!!
    I did tell my husband all about my addiction and he is supportive (thank goodness). He is mad at those who have me pills but wants me to be better so plans on supporting me in the next couple of days. I see the sub doctor on Thursday and have enough meds to et me through Friday and potentially the weekend. I am trying the vitamins as sunshine suggested, but I just don't seem to be as diligent on taking them. Also went to my first yoga class on Sunday (haven't been in four years!!) and it felt amazing. Like wow! I can actually start doing these things and get a healthy life back? But then of course after class I popped two pills in my mouth. Gross! I honestly hate my self some (actually most) days.

    Anyway, RANDY - I have a question for you.... When u went on subs, was your energy level ok? Clearly I'm scared of withdrawals which is why I'm considering sub, BUT I also don't want to take something that will numb me to a point of no energy (like can't work etc). Just wanted to hear your (or anyone's) opinion on their experience with subs. I really need to make the decision in two days and stick to it. OMG in so scared right now. Thanks all

    And LES - thanks for your understanding and support. Yes time does go by way too fast. And before I know it my two sweet angels will be all grown up and not needing mommy anymore. I really want to be PRESENT in their lives and hoping I have the strength and will power to do so. Xxoo

  24. #24
    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Also wanted to share that my addiction got worse in the past two years because I have been dealing with a lot emotionally..... My father passed unexpectedly 2 years ago and it crushed me !!! I needed the pills to numb this pain. Don't know how I am going to deal with if when I'm off. In addition, I found out my husband has been dealing with mental issues his whole life. And actually cheated on me once. That crushed me as well. We are in a much better place now but again I never dealt with these things emotionally. Just took a pill or rather several to forget. I'm in for the battle of my life!!!

  25. #25
    Bridgette Leigh is offline New Member
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    Normally I just lurk this forum but I saw this thread and thought I could give a detailed answer to the OP's question being this is exactly what I myself went through.

    Around March, 2011 I started using Percocet, Oxycodone, Vicodin (pretty much whatever I could get my hands on). I started taking 4 pills or so a day and at my worst which was right around Christmas, 2011 I was up to 200MG of 10/325 Percocets. I wanted to quit but the withdrawal was unbearable. It was the worst pain I have ever been through in my life. The worst part of the withdrawal was the constant need to move my arms and legs. My legs ached so bad that I spent the entire time in the bathtub crying. It always got to be too much for me so I got more pills. I had no idea how I was ever going to overcome this addiction.

    Then a friend of mine told me about Suboxone. I bought 3 strips. I believe they were 8MG's each. I took the last of my pills and then I was told to wait until I was in full blown withdrawal and then to cut the film into 4 pieces and put a piece under my tongue and let it dissolve. If it didn't work, I was to add another piece until it started working. It only took one piece and all my withdrawals symptoms disappeared. It doesn't get you high but it does give you relief. You can eat, sleep and function normally. I started taking Suboxone around the 2nd or 3rd week of December and took my very last piece on Christmas day. Once I had no more, I was not physically addicted to the pills or the Suboxone. What happened next is what I was not ready for.

    Shortly after my last dose of Suboxone I was thrown into worst depression I have ever had in my life. I am not even going to sugar coat it. It was terrible. I was suicidal. I slept nearly all day everyday and cried when I woke up. I literally wanted to die, it was so scary. I had absolutely no energy. It was too much just to stand in the shower and wash my hair. I cried all of the time and did nothing but wish I was dead. I even ended up in a mental hospital overnight when a friend of mine seen how depressed I was. I wouldn't eat anything; I ended up losing 40 pounds in 3 months and thought that this depression would last forever. At the worst of it I would not even leave my room.

    This depression last nearly 6 months. It was until June that I started to feel happy about things again and not depressed and sad all of the time.

    Just because this is what happened to me doesn't mean it will happen to you. But I thought you might like to hear from someone who has actually gone through it. I will never let myself get addicted like that ever again to have to go through that. It was the worst time of my life and I never want to relive it. I hope that this isn't what happens to you. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but I just thought I'd share my story with you.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-13-2015 at 09:06 PM.

  26. #26
    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Thanks for sharing your story. You are such a strong woman going through that and coming out where you are today. U must be so proud. So a couple of questions. Do u think that if u stayed on subs longer the depression wouldn't have come or been as severe? Or do u think the sun caused depression? My therapist wants me to gk on an antidepressant with the sub but I am not sure. This whole thing scares me and I just pray I can get off this weekend.
    Thanks again for posting Xo

  27. #27
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by momneedshelp7 View Post
    Anyway, RANDY - I have a question for you.... When u went on subs, was your energy level ok? Clearly I'm scared of withdrawals which is why I'm considering sub, BUT I also don't want to take something that will numb me to a point of no energy (like can't work etc). Just wanted to hear your (or anyone's) opinion on their experience with subs. I really need to make the decision in two days and stick to it. OMG in so scared right now. Thanks all

    Sorry but I didn't see your question until now.

    The entire time I was on subs (around 9 months) I had all the energy I ever needed. And that's the honest truth. I NEVER missed a single day of work (or anything else) while on subs, and I didn't miss a single day of work when tapering off either. If you induct the right way you only have to do it once, and if you taper the right way using the plan suggested here it's basically painless.

    It was scary at first to even consider the subs, but I was at the end of the rope. I abused nerly every drug out there and for over 17 years. I ended up on methadone for years and that stuff was destroying me inside and out. I WAS numb to the world and knew I had to get off one way or the other.

    I did all the research I could on subs. Read anything I could find. Read this forum for a looong time because I knew the people that have been on and off subs were the best source of information. This site has a wealth of info concerning subs. Most doctors don't know much about it except how to prescribe huge daily doses and want you on it for years, or even the rest of your life. Not many, if ANY doctors have ever been on subs so how can they REALLY know? All that's required of a doctor to be able to prescribe subs is for them to take an 8 hour online course and they can begin handing it out. Not very educational for them huh? I could pass that test I bet.

    On subs you feel "normal" or as normal as you can possibly be. At least for ME that's the way it was. And subs did NOT numb me out to the world. Nor did they EVER make me high. For the first time in a loooong time I felt good, felt clear-headed. Actually I felt GREAT. I felt like a brand new person. I could do ANYTHING I wanted without ever worrying about abusing drugs again. Subs without a doubt SAVED MY LIFE!!!

    If I ever did happen to relapse again theres ZERO DOUBT that I would get right back on them!!! Immediately!!

    But subs are an opiate too, and a very strong one at that. They are approximately 30 times more powerful than Morphine to give you an idea just how strong. But they are a partial-agonist and worked differently which basically means they won't get you high like other opiates. They NEVER, EVER once got me high. Some might say they felt them high, but I really believe it's more of an "energy boost" SOMETIMES that makes them feel they're high from subs. Hard to say really. POSITIVELY no high for ME!

    Being on subs gives you time to hopefully get your addiction under control. Your addictive behavior needs to change. The plan we use here will have you on and off in around 6-8 weeks. In my opinion that's about the perfect time frame to be on the subs. It allows you to get through daily life with no symptoms and no cravings from other drugs. Once you begin to feel that way your thinking usually changes. Mine certainly did. I no longer cared about using again. In fact drugs made me sick for all the harm they caused in my life. Being on subs was the very best decision I ever made....FOR ME!!!

    If you do decide to make subs your choice PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE follow the sub plan used here. You'll be glad you did. I would be more than happy to help you all the way. Thers plenty of others here with lots of experience that will also be helping you. I would trust the members of this forum before I would EVER trust ANY sub doctor!!!

    I hope this helps. If you have additional questions just let me know. Do your research as I did. Make an informed decision. Subs are just a TOOL, but if used correctly they can be a GREAT tool in the fight against this disease! All the best to you! Take care.

    -Randy

  28. #28
    RecklessOne is offline Junior Member
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    MNH7: I posted a few words for you on my thread, "Day Three.... Surviving!"
    You CAN do this. God bless, ~Les

  29. #29
    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Randy
    Thank you! I meet with the doc tomorrow so I'll keep u posted after.
    Les- thanks for keeping in your prayers. Lord knows I need then right now.
    Xo

  30. #30
    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    One more question for randy. Based on my current dose if 100-110 mg per day what do u think a good induction dose is?

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