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Quit painkillers October 2015: the last six months journey...
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    Toronto416 is offline New Member
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    Default Quit painkillers October 2015: the last six months journey...

    So six months ago (actually it was more like last summer) with the new rules from Health Canada and with my doctor retiring, it was more or less decided for me that I wasn't going to be able to get painkillers anymore as well as klonopin (I'm not sure about the US but here not only are they getting everyone off pain medication but they're getting everyone off of benzons as well). My last prescription was in early September, and in a panic, I actually went out into the streets downtown here and bought them - which were fake - which made me so angry that I spent two weeks' pay on junk - that I'd had enough of this. Oh just to correct some people - you can get tylenol with codeine here at the drug store (they're called 222's) but they're so loaded with caffeine that you won't feel any effect as you would with say, Tylenol 3. It's NOT the same thing at all.

    First I became motivated to get into the root of the physical pain for which I was prescribed painkillers in the first place (13 years ago for severe achilles tendonitis) and start looking towards more practical ways of dealing with it. Part of the problem, for me, had a lot to do with social isolation from never having found a relationship of any kind for 20 years; these painkillers as well as the klonopin made me forget I was lonely and not really miss the fact that I was and still am very much alone. That part I have still not done any work on, but it's a work in progress. The hardest part was getting past the idea that I need these pills to live, and that without them I am missing something huge in life. This didn't go away in a month or two months. It's something I have to work at every day.

    One of the biggest issues I had was I over-researched before I was to run out of my refills. I'd been taking rx painkillers/klonopin since 2003! I searched and searched online and read over what to expect. It was terrifying because all I saw were horror stories of feeling sick and depressed and in despair. I had some noticeable aches and restless leg issues for a week but most of it was in my mind. I had read so much about other people's experiences that I lost focus of what was really happening to me. Physically I was okay. I actually realized after a few days - and admitted to myself - that I didn't need these meds in the first place. No more klonopin was tough because I panic so easily and I had a really hard time getting to sleep for the first month. Honestly I think my issues mentally were that of anger - I depended on these medications and now someone else decided for me that I couldn't have them anymore!? How dare these entities get in between my doctor and myself! So it's my choice/my body if I was to terminate a pregnancy but certainly not my choice/my body when it comes to how my doctor and I decide a course of treatment for pain and anxiety? I needed a LOT of time to process and not be angry about that. To be honest I still am a bit unhappy about that.

    The reason why I am writing this is because, six months ago when I discovered that I had to either live life without these prescriptions or basically die, I couldn't see life at all. And THAT made me see what happened over the course of the past 13 years. This was not an easy thing to do - as I did it all myself without my parents knowing, without my coworkers or anyone knowing. I had to do a lot of work within myself and my thinking in order to be okay with where things are now. I had to be a lot easier on myself and stop criticize myself for not moving as fast or feeling lazier now because I don't have a crutch anymore. I'm healing and recovering to live a life without crutches or aid - this is me, awake and living aware every second of every day. I don't yet love it, but it's not as bad as I thought. The cravings that say I need these drugs are gone.

    So my advice is...it may not seem like it now, but this too shall pass. I was one of the first people (that I knew) affected by these new laws to get everyone off pain meds/anti-anxiety meds. And while I know of people who jumped over to the scary stuff, if you just sit in your truth a while and get over the fact that this isn't fair, and don't take it personally, I guarantee you that your mind will heal as well as your body. Find a NEW ROUTINE other than going to the pharmacy and having a life revolving around getting your prescriptions. Honestly that's a big part of it too; the whole routine of how you get your meds, where you go after you take them, the whole social side of your prescriptions.

    You'll survive this. I did.
    ItsPossible likes this.

  2. #2
    ItsPossible is offline Member
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    Hi Toronto,
    Thanks for that motivational post. Looks like you took what happened TO YOU and made it happen FOR YOU!
    I am sure it was an uphill battle but you did it and are doing it, and hopefully living life each day without the crutch of a mind numbing substance.
    I really appreciate you sharing your story. It sure helps to hear success stories that aren't doom and gloom. This doesn't have to be a life sentence but a life lesson. Now you are sharing your experience with others and helping. Good does come from pain.
    Thanks again... TORONTO rocks... I live in the GTA. The struggle is real but real amazing once you gain control of losing control.
    Love and light,
    Kim xxoo

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