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  1. #1
    Howdoesthestoryend is offline New Member
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    I have been up all night thinking about the coming days. I ran out of hydrocodone well before my refill date once again. I am tired of this. So, I am quitting. I work a high-paid full-time job, and I am terrified on how to function in the coming days. I have been on pain meds for about 4 years due to a disc herniation which led to a disc replacement surgery that has left me with lasting nerve damage. I am prescribed 5/10mg hydrocodone, but I usually surpass that. This month, I was taking about 10/day, which is why I ran out. I had a Butrans patch left from a failed attempt of getting a long-lasting pain med option, so I put that on today.
    I don't want to tell anyone what I am going through due to my embarrassment. I also don't want to lose my job. I need to refill again to replace the ones I used from my boyfriend, so I can't request any help from my doc.
    I am glad I found this forum so I will finally have someone to talk to about this and know that I am not alone. I am so scared.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Howdoesthestoryend View Post
    I have been up all night thinking about the coming days. I ran out of hydrocodone well before my refill date once again. I am tired of this. So, I am quitting. I work a high-paid full-time job, and I am terrified on how to function in the coming days. I have been on pain meds for about 4 years due to a disc herniation which led to a disc replacement surgery that has left me with lasting nerve damage. I am prescribed 5/10mg hydrocodone, but I usually surpass that. This month, I was taking about 10/day, which is why I ran out. I had a Butrans patch left from a failed attempt of getting a long-lasting pain med option, so I put that on today.
    I don't want to tell anyone what I am going through due to my embarrassment. I also don't want to lose my job. I need to refill again to replace the ones I used from my boyfriend, so I can't request any help from my doc.
    I am glad I found this forum so I will finally have someone to talk to about this and know that I am not alone. I am so scared.
    There is a ton of support here! I also was alone cuz I didn't want to tell my husband! All u have to do is put ur mind to it and be done! I am only 29 days clean right now but I'm feeling good! U just have to make it thru the first week of horrible withdrawals (I acted like I had the flu) then it gets easier from there aside from the restless legs and no sleeping! But trust me it WILL get better! I'm sure a lot more people will be here for support! This forum got me thru this and I believe it can get anyone thru their situation! Good luck you CAN do this!

  3. #3
    dsh12345 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Howdoesthestoryend View Post
    I have been up all night thinking about the coming days. I ran out of hydrocodone well before my refill date once again. I am tired of this. So, I am quitting. I work a high-paid full-time job, and I am terrified on how to function in the coming days. I have been on pain meds for about 4 years due to a disc herniation which led to a disc replacement surgery that has left me with lasting nerve damage. I am prescribed 5/10mg hydrocodone, but I usually surpass that. This month, I was taking about 10/day, which is why I ran out. I had a Butrans patch left from a failed attempt of getting a long-lasting pain med option, so I put that on today.
    I don't want to tell anyone what I am going through due to my embarrassment. I also don't want to lose my job. I need to refill again to replace the ones I used from my boyfriend, so I can't request any help from my doc.
    I am glad I found this forum so I will finally have someone to talk to about this and know that I am not alone. I am so scared.
    Hey sorry to hear that things aren't going well, I hope the butrans patch is enough to hold you.


    At the end you mentioned that you were going to refill again after using up your boyfriend's, and just need to hold out until that date. It sounds like the classic story of things coming to a head.... constant panic with supply, needing extras, running out early, waiting desperately for things to pass and that you can hold over until the next refill date, hoping you can hold it together at work during that time, etc. We always tell ourselves we will ration the pill supply so that it lasts until we can get more, but it of course never works that way - even if we normally take 6-8 a day and look at the bottle and see 15 left to last us a week, we still can't get ourselves to ration to last the week and we will continue to use 6-8/day despite attempt at self control and end up running out in 2 days and gotta make it thru the 5........ the opiates are too addictive and too powerful, and we end up running out early again, panicking over supply, etc etc.

    Have you considered stopping the pills? I know you probably want to, but are scared of the WD's (we all are) and how it might affect your work. Eventually, this cycle is nonsustainable, and I think you are realizing this. This will keep happening, usage will go up, you will run out earlier and earlier, etc. If you do ever make the decision you want to break this cycle, and get off the opiates forever, we are always here to help and lend support.

    Rooting for you!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-25-2017 at 02:57 PM.
    Norcuser likes this.

  4. #4
    Sofkgtrd is offline New Member
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    I am with you. Stay strong. Every day is a victory!!!

  5. #5
    Norcuser is offline New Member
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    Scared,
    Have you tried tramadol? They really suck, but are extremely helpful in tapering off and keeping withdrawal away. If you have legit pain, which it sounds like you actually do, the easiest for me was Norco, tramadol, and kept switching until neither one was a big deal to me. I trained my brain to think they were the same. At least I could go to work(tramadol) and when my knee and body aches were worse,Norco. It also helped in regulating the use of to much Norco and me getting so use to it that it did nothing. I know I'll never be free, the pain is real for me and those scripts are very necessary for me. My doctor felt it would also be logical to not build up such a tolerance to the Norco. So, for the last 2 years, I switch between them. It helps me not to become so extremely tolerant to Norco. When I do take them they work, and they work GREAT. Not that I'm promoting either one. I just feel like you shouldn't be scared or worried about being sick, losing your job etc. Since I don't think you're really willing to let them go, a different approach without pain or withdrawal might work. Trams are VERY dangerous if you take more than 4 a day. This entire thing sounds crazy to many, but it has worked well for me. I work everyday and I don't think about running out or think about them anymore at all. It's a complete mind set! I dose them all out for the whole month. When I look at ALL of them I wondered how I did it before...not dosing them and leaving them in the bottle! I always ran out. When you see them all in their little boxes with the day of the week on it, I swear you'll be MORE scared to take more because you know when it gets to Day 26 you'll be sorry. The first step was the day of the week pill boxes that has helped me tremendously. The switching of the 2 drugs has also allowed me to not HAVE to take more to get the same effect. If you are stopping completely I wish you all the best!! If you can't or don't want to, try to organize them, manage them and you'll feel better. Plus there's the added benefit of not overdosing!! You'll know exactly what you're taking and doing, you may even cut back! I did. Seeing all those lined up seemed bizarre, and I don't take as many either. Hope you will find a way that's good for you, if you don't need them for pain I hope you can kick it all! I wish wellness for you and hope you will quit if that's the choice. It's all just a choice anyway isn't it?

  6. #6
    dsh12345 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Norcuser View Post
    Scared,
    Have you tried tramadol? They really suck, but are extremely helpful in tapering off and keeping withdrawal away. If you have legit pain, which it sounds like you actually do, the easiest for me was Norco, tramadol, and kept switching until neither one was a big deal to me. I trained my brain to think they were the same. At least I could go to work(tramadol) and when my knee and body aches were worse,Norco. It also helped in regulating the use of to much Norco and me getting so use to it that it did nothing. I know I'll never be free, the pain is real for me and those scripts are very necessary for me. My doctor felt it would also be logical to not build up such a tolerance to the Norco. So, for the last 2 years, I switch between them. It helps me not to become so extremely tolerant to Norco. When I do take them they work, and they work GREAT. Not that I'm promoting either one. I just feel like you shouldn't be scared or worried about being sick, losing your job etc. Since I don't think you're really willing to let them go, a different approach without pain or withdrawal might work. Trams are VERY dangerous if you take more than 4 a day. This entire thing sounds crazy to many, but it has worked well for me. I work everyday and I don't think about running out or think about them anymore at all. It's a complete mind set! I dose them all out for the whole month. When I look at ALL of them I wondered how I did it before...not dosing them and leaving them in the bottle! I always ran out. When you see them all in their little boxes with the day of the week on it, I swear you'll be MORE scared to take more because you know when it gets to Day 26 you'll be sorry. The first step was the day of the week pill boxes that has helped me tremendously. The switching of the 2 drugs has also allowed me to not HAVE to take more to get the same effect. If you are stopping completely I wish you all the best!! If you can't or don't want to, try to organize them, manage them and you'll feel better. Plus there's the added benefit of not overdosing!! You'll know exactly what you're taking and doing, you may even cut back! I did. Seeing all those lined up seemed bizarre, and I don't take as many either. Hope you will find a way that's good for you, if you don't need them for pain I hope you can kick it all! I wish wellness for you and hope you will quit if that's the choice. It's all just a choice anyway isn't it?
    It's a playing with fire plan, and walking a tight rope, but I guess if that plan helps to keep your vicodin dose down to meaningful levels and doesn't make them escalate indefinitely, I suppose you can call that a success.

    No matter what though, the tramadol and vicodins are still taking turns propping up your brain's mood and filling those opioid receptors, so you are probably still stuck in a state of dependence, unable to stop either drug without going through a WD, but I think you realize that already. Again, at least this cycle is at least somewhat sustainable as opposed to regular plans of chornic opiate use where inevitably the dose will stop working andthe only way to go is up on the dose indefinitely until everything comes crashing down...


    She didn't mention how bad her chronic pain was, however, She probably doesn't even know anymore what her pain level is at under normal conditions without the vicodins. It will probably take 2-3 weeks of being off opiates to truly read your chronic pain levels, becauase there will be rebound pain just like rebound of all other symptoms when you stop opiates cold turkey. Alot of chronic pain users on opiates... when they finally kick the habit... they end up admitting to themselves with much surprise that wow the non-opiate solutions while not as sexy and not as easy do work and give them just as much pain relief as the opiates did once they find the right combination of whatever works for them.

    Chronic opiates also raises your pain levels... your brain gets used to getting that opiate so thats what it now wants to make the pain go away... when the opiates stop or goes down the pain will come back roaring when you take less opiates than you are used to even if its a dose that in the past used to work wonders to control ur chronic pain.

  7. #7
    dsh12345 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Howdoesthestoryend View Post
    I have been up all night thinking about the coming days. I ran out of hydrocodone well before my refill date once again. I am tired of this. So, I am quitting. I work a high-paid full-time job, and I am terrified on how to function in the coming days. I have been on pain meds for about 4 years due to a disc herniation which led to a disc replacement surgery that has left me with lasting nerve damage. I am prescribed 5/10mg hydrocodone, but I usually surpass that. This month, I was taking about 10/day, which is why I ran out. I had a Butrans patch left from a failed attempt of getting a long-lasting pain med option, so I put that on today.
    I don't want to tell anyone what I am going through due to my embarrassment. I also don't want to lose my job. I need to refill again to replace the ones I used from my boyfriend, so I can't request any help from my doc.
    I am glad I found this forum so I will finally have someone to talk to about this and know that I am not alone. I am so scared.
    Hey can you give us an update on how things are going? Were you able to make it through OK?


    I see what you were trying to say about not being able to go to the doc about the refill now... it was to pay back the BF not for you to recontinue use. But, I just wanted to comment on that too. Why does your bf have an opiate supply? You sound like you are a relatively young professional-type person. It's rare for young ppl to be put on chronic opiates, how is it possible 2 young ppl both on chronic opiates found each other? Does he have a good reason to have those pills, like a very specific medical problem?

    I guess what is concerning is the fact that undergoing a sobriety process is very hard when the significant other is still regularly using. If he lives iwth you, the pills are also still in the house and will be a constant temptation. Also, the idea that the pills are being treated as 'currency' that has to be paid back like a debt so the speak between you and him is also not the best sign....

    Do you have a good plan on how to stay clean when your bf is still using regularly regardless if his use is strictly recreational or not?

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