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terminally ill with a wife addicted to my meds...
  1. #1
    tattooedmick is offline New Member
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    Default terminally ill with a wife addicted to my meds...

    No point in going into gory details. I'm dying and it's pretty painful all the time, excruciating at others. Doctor had me on a regimen of 60mg Oxycontin, 2 times a day, 20mg of Percocet every 4 hours, and up to 30 mg of Lortab every 4-6 hours for breakthrough pain. This was my daily painkiller dosage for 2 years. Finally I quit taking all of them cold turkey because I couldn't remember entire months of my life and I wanted to remember the little bit of time I had left. It was unimaginable. Ended up being hospitalized for the withdrawals and detox. Get out, and miraculously illness goes into remission.

    anyway, fast forward 8 years. New wife, 3 young children, life is good. Illness comes back with a vengeance. Finally breakdown and admit I can't take the pain anymore. Doc asks me what do I want, I just get a script for Percocet. It knocks the sharp, unbearable edges off, and I can function fine on it. Here's the problem. Unbeknownst to me, my wife is a hydrocodone addict. Had to get her clean 4 times in 8 years. Rehab, in home health/mental care, treatment, the whole deal. Finally she's not buying them off the street anymore, not selling our antiques and my jewelry anymore to pay for them.

    Come home with my meds, hide them. She finds them and plows through 100 pills in a week. Now she's completely off he deep end again. I don't know what to do. I can't leave her- I have a very limited amount of time left. Can't leave my kids in her care when I'm dead, don't think I can take the pain like this without the Percocet, but can't have it in the house,... I'm just exhausted, demoralized, terrified, and to top it off in extreme pain because she emptied the bottle like Keith Richards on a bender....

    I don't know what to do. I don't have the strength to fight it again. I don't have the time left to start over, I just don't know what to do.... Figured worst case, maybe posting about it might help. It's been the families "dirty little secret" for almost a decade,... First time I've ever spoken openly about it.

  2. #2
    tattooedmick is offline New Member
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    not really sure why I posted this. Guess I was hoping for feedback from those dealing with addiction, spouses of those dealing with addiction,... something... anything...

  3. #3
    istrvler is offline Member
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    Since you have dealt with this before you know if she doesn't want to stop then she won't. Addicts have to want to quit for themselves, until I ran out of pills with my doctor out of town and started going through withdrawals I never would have thought of myself as being addicted and an addict. Running out of pills only 3 weeks after being prescribed more pills than anyone should be taking I had to look in the mirror and accept it. Even then when I first posted here to be honest I was just asking how long am I going to feel this way. I knew the doctor would be back in 9 days and my goal was to get there as painlessly as possible and then get a refill. It took some hard messages from people on here telling me the brutal truth, I was an addict, it didn't matter if I was a chronic pain patient I was no different the addicts getting their pills off the street. Did I want to put my family through the pain of losing me to pills. They made me face reality and I ended up coming clean to my doctor who is a personal friend, telling him how I manipulated him, that I was abusing the scripts and his trust was tough but totally necessary to truly quit and he ended up being great about it as someone here told me he knows these pills are addictive so I didn't surprise him. He claims to this day I was dependent not and addict but we agree to disagree on that and he has helped me though some tough times so if you do have a doctor you can go to there are things they can prescribe in addition to the Thomas Recipe I talk about below to help her through the toughest physical part of addiction.

    That being said it is tough to give you a harsh message, considering your situation, we don't want to make things worse. If she wants I get clean again, wants to stop then she can! I am far from an expert I have only my own experiences since Sept when I quit and what I have read here to go on. If she is willing I would go with her to NA or AA meetings. Get her on the right track get her to start building a support group, a sponsor people to talk to about her addiction will help her now and in the future. For the withdrawals google the Thomas Recipe it is a list of supplements, things like Imodium for the stomach issues she will face during withdrawals, bananas, etc. All there to help get her through the first week of physical withdrawal. She will be miserable for a week or so but that is just getting clean. Staying clean will take going to meetings since she needs support for now and into the future that goes beyond talking to you. A therapist (Drug counselor, Psychologist or Psychiatrist) to help her get through the self medicating that she is doing as well as dealing with your situation.
    I can't imagine what your going through but I also can't imagine what she is dealing with as well, as she probably feels powerless to do anything about the fact that her world is falling apart. It's terrifying to think about feeling that powerless over my life and how alone she must feel at times. I would also suggest if she is willing, to post here to either take over your thread or start her own, it helps to write it out and to read what people have to say. There are people that will respond and try and support her the best that we can through the forum, but I while I am not a medical professional it just makes sense to me that she needs more, that she needs the support a sponsor from NA will give her as well as the help a therapist can provide.

    As tough as it is stay strong for her right now, then when she starts to post and starts going to meetings she will start to get on the road to recovery. Once she is committed to it and on the road with support she should be able to stay there get back to being herself. Unfortunately there is no magic cure I wish there was especially for you, but the only way to get off this stuff is to go through the He** of withdrawal and then the only way to stay clean is to have support to help you get through the tough times ahead. Sorry if I rambled on to much post again and again it will help you as well, and people will start to respond they might not tell you what you want to hear but they will tell you what you need to hear.

  4. #4
    tattooedmick is offline New Member
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    istrvler,
    Thanks for your reply. Truly. I appreciate you taking time to reply to this. I guess I just don't get it. I was an addict. I knew it. I could feel it. And so I stopped. I am furious that she would take my pills. Put me in more pain than I am already in. That she would lie to me over and over again. That she would put me in this position. That she would just pile more on.

    And I am scared. I am scared for her. I am scared for my kids. I want to help her and I can't. Nothing I do works for good. It just buys time until the next relapse. When I am dead, how do I protect my girls from her? All are under the age of 8. When I am dead how do I protect her from herself? How do I spend the very little time I have left dealing with this @#it again. Maybe I should just get another bottle, one for me and one for her. She's a lot more caring and fun when she's whacked out of her gourd on lortab. I don't know. I guess just talking about it like this helps a little.

    When you're terminally ill you feel very isolated and alone. Add this on top of it (which I don't discuss with anyone) and you feel even more alone and segregated... it just sucks. At least writing about it here makes me feel a little less so.
    Alex5151 likes this.

  5. #5
    istrvler is offline Member
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    I will be here to post to you if it helps. You said in your original post it is the families dirty little secrete. If you were an addict you know we lie when we are using to ourselves to the ones we love. Is there anyone in your family or hers that you can tell. Someone needs to know what is going on. Especially if she is not going to quit. They need to know for you kids sake. Please know I am not a professional just your average guy that was taking pills for chronic shoulder and neck injuries that got addicted to this garbage, so all I can do is just talk to you as a peer. Don't take this the wrong way but you need some advice from a professional maybe one of your doctors can help you . Regardless if you take that advice or not I will be looking for your post to support you any way I can. I don't know if you can get out to an Alanon, NA, AA meeting but it would be a good place to start as I said before if you can get your wife to go get a sponsor from a meeting you will helping her build a support system fro now and in the future.
    You have rocked me to the core with your questions, as I can't even imagine what you are going through. Between your physical and emotional pain from your illness and your worry about your family I can't say I know what you are going through but I will tell you I care. You were an addict and you stopped because you wanted to stop, you and I know you stop for you not anyone else. I am going to give your wife the benefit of the doubt because I can't say that if my wife were terminally ill that I wouldn't reach for some pills to help me manage the pain of dealing with the situation. I know it hurts that she took yours and there are no excuses for that it is just what addicts do, I am sure she has rationalized it in her head, "you can get more", "she is hurting too", etc. I don't think she would do this to "pile on more" she wasn't thinking about you she was thinking about herself I doubt you her even in her thoughts as she was taking you pills.

    I understand that you are scared for yourself, for her and most of all for your daughters. I do believe your children need to be your main concern. Which is why I think you need to involve family, someone needs to be there to watch over them even if she quits again to protect them from any relapse down the road. Getting her a bottle is not the answer getting her to help is. As far as spending the little time you have left it needs to be dedicated to your kids, and doing your best that they are set up and protected.

    I also can understand your feeling of isolation, the issue is you need to talk to someone about the "dirty little secret" you have no choice, and yes it sucks big time. Please post as often as you want I will look for your posts so at least you know there is someone listening to you. I would also suggest that you post on the thread "Ask Ruth - aka ARTIST658" in Need to Talk? she is an amazing resource here, and probably can help you more than I can ever help.

    You might be alone at home but you are not alone here in CYBER space. Please seek out some professional help this is so above my level of understanding, and expertise I can offer support but I don't know the answers and don't know how much help I can be beyond being someone you can say anything to, and vent to, I can't express how important it is for you to get that type of help. I hope I am not rambling to much or being to harsh. I truly believe you wife loves you and from the way you have handled her problems and your posts I can tell you love her as well and I know you love your children. I also truly believe she did not do this to hurt you, she did it to numb herself from the her pain, and as I said in my original response to help with the feeling that she has no control or power over the situation she is in. It is easy to come down on her for being selfish, relapsing but she is hurting too and while it is a lot to ask of someone in your position you need to try to get her to help herself and if she doesn't you need to get someone to watch over and protect you children. Please do not take offense to this but is there any better way to spend your time left making sure your children are safe. Keep writing, I am working on a proposal and will be up for a while and will be checking the forum for your post. I will also be looking for you tomorrow so at least on here you are not alone.
    lindenx likes this.

  6. #6
    mr_c is offline Junior Member
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    I dito istrvler. We are here for you tattooedmick. Post away and we'll reply and always be supportive. *wow* -- I can't even begin to understand how hard this must be for you. Can you get a safe -- a real one -- they are like $800 and don't give her the code. So at least she can't steal your meds.

    Also, can you find a family member to talk to about your kids for after. Can someone else take them till your wife gets it together? Jeez, I feel terrible for you that you have to deal with this in your situation.

    Let us know if there is anything specific we can do to support you!

  7. #7
    lindenx is offline Member
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    I also read your gut-wrenching story. And I guess all I can say is I am here too and will watch for your posts. Unfortunately you probably will not be able to solve your wife's problems and the only action you CAN take is to protect the kids. I am sure your wife is beside herself with grief and that justifies the addiction in her mind, to take her own pain away. So difficult. I too recommend Artist658; she is very giving of her time and experience.

  8. #8
    Scared999 is offline New Member
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    I know this post is old but I couldn't read it and write nothing. Sending so much love to you. I don't know what you can do about your wife, perhaps give her a reality check, you're not gonna be here forever, you guys need to enjoy your time together. If you ever want to talk please message me xxxx

  9. #9
    blueopiate is offline Member
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    Another person hoping you can work this out with your wife. As far as your illness, I really don't have the words except the same old "I'm sorry". Those words just don't feel or sound right to me. I have not read a story like yours on here. In my job, I am around some unexpected death I have to deal with. After years of doing it, I still choke back tears sometimes, kinda doing that right now.

    Truth be told, you deserve, yes deserve to live what time you have left in peace and not be full of worry about when you are gone. I'm having a very hard time finding what to say to you, I just have never been good with these types of situations. I'm sure you have said many things to her trying to see what might work. As many have said, a person has to quit for them, even in the face of watching their spouse suffer with pain. Which you also deserve to live your days as pain free as possible and in your case, I would get and take whatever you need. Doctors usually will give you just about anything in your situation. I can't even begin to imagine the stress you are also under.

    This is a prime example of what opiates can do to a person. I am trying hard not to speak ill of your wife, that's not going to help or solve anything but it does piss me off to hear. However, opiates rewire the brain so much, it becomes a basic need like food, water, shelter, dope to survive. Part of it really is not her fault but at the same time it is. Not her fault what the drugs do to the brain, but if there was ever a reason to quit for another person and get help this would be the 1.

    If she won't get help and is this bad, you may have to take some action before it's too late with the assistance of a lawyer and or child protective services. You could make CPS aware of the situation and they will take action when the time comes. They will offer her help first but if she screws around with pills and CPS they will take your children. I know that sounds horrible and is a worse case situation. Do you have family that would take your children? You would have to go to court and make your case as to why your kids should not be with her once your gone. Backed by CPS, I can't imagine a judge not agreeing with you. The threat and or actually losing your kids could be her bottom. I know this sounds harsh but so is your children being cared for by a sole parent who is an addict. If it were me, I wouldn't even tell her until she is served or confronted by CPS with this situation.

    As far as your meds, she obviously can't be trusted with them. Do you have a family member that lives close who could give you a days worth every day? A friend or neighbor? Other than a brinks safe, I don't know what else you can do. I know it involves telling people more bad news but you can't do nothing.

    I'm sorry if anything I said has made you angry at me or anxious. But I see bad things happen to good people on a daily basis. You need to get your ducks in a row and act. Do what you have to do to give you some peace. I can't imagine how you are feeling inside. My prayers are with you, your children, and your wife. I'm not an attorney but deal with other people's problems for a living. And the worse thing I see is people failing to act. I'm sure you love her, want to help her, and want your kids okay. But the harsh truth is they are not going to be okay once you are gone. But there is something you can do about it. If you have any questions, and I have the answer, don't be shy to bounce them off me. I will tell you the straight truth. And I'm sure there has to be a lawyer on here who could probably better explain your options. Do what you have to do to protect your kids. Taking another persons narcotics is a felony, family court would take this seriously.

  10. #10
    blueopiate is offline Member
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    I didn't realize this post is old as well. I pray good things happened for all involved.

  11. #11
    Scared999 is offline New Member
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    Yes I didn't realise quite how old because I read the date the British way and thought it was the first of august, sorry! Not the 8th of Jan.

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