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18 years old and scared. Please help.
  1. #61
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by krash1 View Post
    First off since this my first post I will give some info on me. I was on MS Contin(morphine xr) 400-600mg per day and 40mg of hydrocodone I have been clean for 14 weeks. So the amount you're taking and the length of time that you have been using is definitely something that can be kicked. I can tell you how to kick, but what I really want to tell you is you need help from family, preferably your parents. If addiction and withdrawal has you attempting suicide then getting clean is something that you will need help doing and your roommate isn't equipped for that kinda help. Don't worry about college it will always be there. Us addict try to juggle 10 balls while trying to keep it a secret and that's the hardest part. Drop everything but what is best for you. I guarantee your health and safety are the most important things to your parents. Tell them your problem and your addiction will have nowhere to hide
    Good advice but we know theres some people that will fight alone. Lone wolves sort of say. Im one of the, i did it without anyone knowing.

  2. #62
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
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    Sterling!
    We fall down. We get up. We try harder.
    That's all there is. Don't hate yourself. Be glad that your mind is changing and you can no longer indulge without guilt. That's a Good Thing!!
    Tapering pills is challenging. You might just take 5 days and quit cold. Ask Catrina about that!
    You can do this! You know already that u don't want to stay where you're at now. And it inly gets uglier as you get older!
    Hang in there. The fear of WD is an obstacle but not insurmountable!
    Give it your best college-try!!
    Hang in there. Whichever way you go, taper or cold, know that many others have walked this path and succeeded. Why not you?
    Rooting for ya!

  3. #63
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey guys. I have been struggling still but I am realizing things that are causing me to use. One thing that I have been hiding is the fact that I am gay. I haven't been able to tell anyone and this is the first time i've said it out loud or to anybody. I have known this since i was a kid and i have always tried to suppress it and just pretend it didn't exist. just saying it here and I already feel relief. I feel like maybe this is why i started abusing drugs, to try and numb my sexuality. i feel so depressed right now and all i want to do is hide from the world. I'm ready to be healthy again and deal with everything I've been covering up for years and years. i think the hardest part of this whole thing is the emotions that come back with a vengeance. everything is so overwhelming and confusing right now. thank you to everyone who's been supporting me through this. all of you keep me hopeful and that is what i need right now.

  4. #64
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Dang Sterling! Yeah I think you hit the nail on the head. That drug will numb your sexuality whatever it is, and your emotions, and you are doing great, you are having insight into the whole process! This is wonderful and is a positive sign. I have another comment that I was reluctant to say because didn't want to discourage you, but... right before FINALS?? This is not a good time to quit, but any addict will tell you there is no "good" time to quit, however I think some times can be better and some times worse. You don't want to blow the college semester however I'm not saying go back on them to get through finals, I'm just questioning why you didn't decide in the first place that just AFTER finals were through would be a better time to cold turkey? Look at the big picture. You don't want to undermine things. You want to get through this with as little damage to your life as possible, but you do want to get through it. Admitting you're gay (to yourself is the biggest hurdle) will transform everything. This is wonderful. You want to, need to, and you WILL leave your love for the drug behind and embrace a bright and happy future.

  5. #65
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    You will be fine sterling. Give it time. Thats the key. Then startvyour life again.

  6. #66
    LifeSaver77 is offline Member
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    Sterling!

    I applaud you for coming out. Bravo.

    I still really encourage you to seek help from health services at your college. It's free and confidential. None of your issues...being gay, an addict, are unusual nor unfamiliar for them.

    I hate seeing you continue to struggle and torture yourself, and I think a professional can really help you sort all this out.

    Will you at least consider it?

  7. #67
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey everyone. I have been kind of up and down, it's been really weird. I'll go one day without any pills and then right back on them the next. I keep having this deep depression where I feel so alone and as though I'm stuck. I wish I could go to sleep one night and wake up and this all be over and done with and that I could be sober. I really miss the way life used to be before the pills. I miss the natural highs of life, like hearing your favourite song while driving. I guess I just feel like I'll never get back there again. I'm going to try again, starting now. I can't give up even though it's pathetic how many times I've had to "try again". I need to keep posting here so I can be accountable. I hope you are all doing well.

  8. #68
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    Sterling one day you'll wake up and decide going through all of these troubles aren't worth it anymore. I hope that day is today for you. Addiction is so tough. You're young and have so much ahead of you. You don't wanna miss out on all of this life while numb on pain pills. It'll get even worse as time goes on.. You've got to put an end to it sooner or later so why not sooner?? I hope life gets easier for you. Good luck and will look forward to seeing your posts man.

  9. #69
    Jakesjs is offline Banned
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    Sounds to me like your past the physical part of withdrawal. Been there. If you can go a day without pills and without issue you're moving forward and you don't even realize it. When I was using, if I had pills on me or available to me I was taking them. There was no "today I feel like it, tomorrow I don't." We(as addicts) don't have that luxury. Your biggest enemy right now my friend is your head. That's why withdrawal, in the big picture of things, is easy. It's recovery and abstinence, that's the real >>>>>. And there is no good time to quit, something will always come up, real or imagined! You know what has to be done, find that resolve that's in you, that's in every human being and do it. And stay on these boards. I wish to hell they were around when I needed them.

  10. #70
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Feeling really down today. Not sure if its stress or depression but either way its not fun. In my sober moments i have come to realize that there are so many things i am not happy about in my life. After I post here I am going to make a list on my computer of everything i want to change and start working towards that because i feel stuck in a rut. One of the things that i find relieving is that when I'm sober i am able to cry and feel something. It comforts me reading through the comments and posts here seeing the support and the success stories because we are all fighting the same battle, each of us from all walks of life. I hope one day my posts will help someone too. I don't really have much of an update but i just felt like writing here would help me feel less alone. I fear that the sadness won't ever go away

  11. #71
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Okc21 View Post
    Sterling one day you'll wake up and decide going through all of these troubles aren't worth it anymore. I hope that day is today for you. Addiction is so tough. You're young and have so much ahead of you. You don't wanna miss out on all of this life while numb on pain pills. It'll get even worse as time goes on.. You've got to put an end to it sooner or later so why not sooner?? I hope life gets easier for you. Good luck and will look forward to seeing your posts man.
    Spot on. Its when you are really sick of the cycle. Then you really quit for good.

  12. #72
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sterling98 View Post
    Feeling really down today. Not sure if its stress or depression but either way its not fun. In my sober moments i have come to realize that there are so many things i am not happy about in my life. After I post here I am going to make a list on my computer of everything i want to change and start working towards that because i feel stuck in a rut. One of the things that i find relieving is that when I'm sober i am able to cry and feel something. It comforts me reading through the comments and posts here seeing the support and the success stories because we are all fighting the same battle, each of us from all walks of life. I hope one day my posts will help someone too. I don't really have much of an update but i just felt like writing here would help me feel less alone. I fear that the sadness won't ever go away
    Perfectly normal. Its hell for the first week.then drags on for another week mentaly. Then it gets better.

  13. #73
    MississippiGal is offline New Member
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    If you take 2 pills a Day you shouldn't go into withdrawls. You may not feel great but you will not be in full blown withdrawls. You would have to stop completely and take nothing for that to happen. You could try skipping a day or going longer without and wait and take one when the withdrawls start getting unbearable. Just calm down everything will be ok (-:

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