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18 years old and scared. Please help.
  1. #1
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Default 18 years old and scared. Please help.

    Hi. I have been taking Percocet 5/325 for 8 months now since a surgery I had in the summer. My drug use was moderate, about 4-6 pills a day until the last 2 months. I've been taking 12-16 pills a day and I can't seem to stop or control myself. I have 50 pills left to last me 20 days until I'm due for a refill. I can't go cold turkey because I'm first year in college in a competitive program be if I miss any classes I will fall too far behind. I am really scared and don't know what to do. I know I need to stop and I want to stop but I just don't know how. What am I supposed to do until my next refill? I've been taking 4 pills at a time and now I have approx 2 pills a say that I can take so I don't run out. Will the withdrawals be horrible? I really need help and advice because I haven't told anyone about my addition and I need people to talk to who understand. I've tried drawing up a taper plan with what I have left and I will run out too soon.

    Sterling

  2. #2
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Welcome,

    It surely is time to pull in the reins and get this under control., You probably will have some physical symptoms to deal with but the tough part I think is going to be the mental. Staying busy helps that. This is a vicious cycle, and just looking into that bottle and watch it dwindle too quickly tends to have what most people would consider an odd effect. For people with no issues taking pain pill,s they would simply notice it and do something. Once we cross that line to dependency, that low supply sends us into survival mode and has us gobbling what we have left to help numb THAT awful feeling.

    You want to be done with these or what you are feeling now is going to get even worse and your priority will become doing whatever it takes to avoid getting sick. I assume at 18 you're a freshman. It will only get harder to quit the longer you go on like this so if not now, when? It's not just you. We all tend to find any reason to delay stopping this madness. There just never seems to be a good time. You are standing on the edge of h*ll and it's not too late so back away now.

    You have already acknowledged that you can't stick to a taper and the chance of you taking them as prescribed or tapering "beginning with the next script" is slim. Honest. I would suggest one of two things. Either use what you have to taper as low as you can and try to plan it for your last pill to be on a Thursday. You shouldn't have too much trouble the first day, Friday and then you'll have the weekend to see what happens. It could very well be that you'll be doing well enough for Monday and if not, you'll lose a day. I know you don't want to, but if you need to, you need to. The other option is take advantage of the fact that we are at the weekend. Get rid of what you have and get it done. In the long run, the second option is the best one. Tapering is reallllly hard but this is your journey so choose what's best for you. Your use is just now getting out of control and hasn't been that long. I don't think you'll have too too much trouble. Find the Thomas Recipe and stock up on those vitamins and supplements and a few other things to help treat the symptoms. This is doable and you're young. You'll do fine.

    Stay close to this Forum and you'll get a lot of support to get through this. Get this done now. It will only get worse. That refill? Don't do it. If you still need something for pain control, use an anti-inflammatory or something over the counter. Tell your doctor that you have been on the percs long enough and don't want any more. He will respect you for that and will help you with any residual pain. What kind of surgery did you have? I'm surprised that your doc is willing to continue to prescribe narcotics for this long out for you. That's not a criticism of you, it's just noteworthy that this is but one of the reasons people get into trouble with this chit. Now you're aware and you will need to always be aware.

    I know this is scary, but it would be a great idea to share with your parents. They love you. You haven't done anything wrong. Just tell them that you are afraid of what these pain pills are doing and you need to stop them but are having trouble. They will be more than happy to do whatever it takes to help you. It will lighten your burden and will help to make you accountable. Think about it please. It's important.

    Read plenty here and post, post, post!

    Peace,

    Cat

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    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks Cat! You're right, I need to keep posting on here. I've been reading other people's stories and it's inspiring to me. These drugs are hell on earth; they grab you by the balls and take everything from you. I caved this morning and took 4 percocets and I feel like >>>> mentally and I'm beating myself up for being so weak. I feel like a complete loser. I wish so badly I could turn back time and never have taken that first one. Here's to going the rest of the day without anymore. I have some Ativan and clonidine so I may take those if it gets bad. I'll keep posting here for updates.

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    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Also need some advice on constipation. I've tried docusate sodium, senakot, Metamucil, doculax suppositories; nothing works. I'm so bloated and I'm worried about getting completely blocked up.

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    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Hello? Is anyone able to chime in?

  6. #6
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Sorry Sterling that you're not getting more activity here. The weekends get slower around here. Watch throughout the day and I'm sure at least a few folks will stop in.

    Constipation is another of the lovely side effects of taking narcotics. Drink lots of water, I mean have a water bottle near you at all times. Try to eat high fiber, more veggies and less meat, and stay away from fast food. Take a stool softener every night. Try Miralax or another laxative. It might day a couple days in a row of taking the laxative to get some results and there likely will be some hefty cramping. Not fun but you need to do something. Once you stop the percs, Mother Nature is going to step in and you're going to want the opposite relief so be sure you have some Immodium on hand.

    How did you do yesterday? Were you able to cut back some?

    Peace,

    Cat

  7. #7
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    Good morning Sterling,
    I just wanted to stop by and give you some love for your upcoming trials. Please, please, please stop this thing NOW! I'm so glad your aware of what you are doing and are searching for a way out. That's the 1st step. You have to decide for yourself what your next step will be. We can give you tips and encouragement, but you know your body and mind best.
    Like Cat says, it's your choice, not to tell anyone, but hiding alone is extremely difficult. If you don't feel comfortable telling your parents, maybe a friend, relative or school councilor. It makes it easier to have someone to lean on. You stated that you've tried to lay out a taper plan, but it sounds like you might have a hard time. By having someone to be accountable to, will up your chances of success. I had to have my husband be in control of my pills, because I had absolutely no power to control myself. That's nothing to be ashamed of. I know if your like me, you feel like you should be able to conquer this on your own, but I spent 15 years trying it on my own. Don't waste anymore precious time living like this.

    I don't think you will have too many physical side effects, but the mental games your brain plays on you, can be very tough. The anxiety can be through the roof, but keeping busy, staying hydrated, and even add some exercise if you can, will make a world of difference. Talking about it and understanding what your body is going through is important. Do some research.The makeup of your brain has changed since your dependence started. The good news is you really have caught this in the nick of time!

    You can do this!! We will be here to support you, cheer you on, and never judge. Believe me, we've all been where you are. Members of this forum are here to help you, and Cat is one of the very best! She has gotten me through some very dark times, guiding me back to the land of the living. So please keep us up to date and let us know how your doing.

    Blessings,
    Michelle
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-05-2016 at 12:04 PM.

  8. #8
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey everyone,

    After several days of hard contemplation, i've decided to go cold turkey because i cannot stick to a taper. I am really afraid of what its going to be like and how long its going to last. I decided to start tomorrow, because I have 2 exams today in school and need to be able to function. In terms of what I need for this detox, so far i've gotten gravol, clonidine, ativan, multivitamins, ginger candies and ginger tea. What else should I get before tomorrow? How long am I looking at in terms of physically being bed ridden (my habit was 60-80mg oxycodone per day). Any advice is so greatly appreciated, as I am clueless on this and need as much help as possible. Thanks to everyone for your replies so far.

  9. #9
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Sterling,
    .
    I think you're making the right decision. Find the Thomas Recipe here on this Forum. It's a list of the things that will help you. Expect around 5 days. You'll feel like you have the flu but will have trouble with sleep. Immodium is a must. Almost without exception, you'll be needing to run to the bathroom (so much for needing the laxative--you won't!"). Lots of hot baths/showers and I used two heating pads set on low for the aches and would wrap them around each of my legs. They relieve some of the restless legs. Try to avoid the benzos because they are very addictive but if you do need them, use them sparingly and only during those 5 days. You'll be left feeling like you just got over the flu. Tired and a bit weak.

    Very important to try your best not to stay confined to bed. Get up and walk around. Any exercise will help and the more you can do the better. It's hard but you won't be sorry.

    You're young and resilient. Your Day 1 shouldn't be too bad except if you let it, your anxiety will be bothersome. By the overnight hours or into Day 2 they symptoms will become at their worst and will remain steady until Days 4 or 5 and then will probably end quite abruptly.

    Stay close here. I promise you. It helps.

    Peace,

    Cat

  10. #10
    ghostrc is offline Member
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    im no expert but these people have help me so much, trust what their saying they ve been there done that, heating pads did help me but most of all baths then another bath and another then race to bed. but like cat said and what i just got through my thick skull is you got to get out of your head do anything walk, book anything. you can do this pretend theres no choice, what ever you do dont go on suboxone i was on a 80 mg or so oxy habit and doc gave 10 mg suboxone if you look online 10 mg suboxone is 160 mg oxy sub is super powerful if i would have known what i know now i would have just cold turkey from the start, you can do this

  11. #11
    7fourteen is offline Member
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    Sterling, some great advise here. I can't stress how important the exercise is. Just walking is great, heck your 18 might try a slow jog. Playing around feeling bad is the worst. Another thing, if you have any Percs laying around get rid of them. That temptation can be too much when you are going through WD. After this is done, and it will be done check into getting some type of support afterward. It is great that you recognized this at such a young age. Took me till I was 55. Hang tough and keep posting.

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    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks everyone for the replies. I messed up today. Went most of the day without and then the leg pain got so bad I took Percocet. I feel disappointed in myself and also scared because i only have a few pills left. I see my doc soon and I'm scared because i don't know what to say. I want to taper because it would be so much easier on my body. But I've gone through my script 2 weeks early and he warned me once before that he wouldn't be filling it early again. So I'm at a loss. I need some advice. What should I say to my doc? Should I just suck it up and go CT? So upsetting.

  13. #13
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Sterling,
    .
    Don't be too hard on yourself. You can read all the advice we give you but we only really learn once we experience the power of these pills for ourselves.

    OK. Having said that, we already know that tapering is HARD!!! I can tell you I've never been able to do it. It's possible. I have seen people do it. Tapering is especially challenging unless you have someone you can hand those pills over to in order to control the urge to "just take one more".

    Your doctor has already warned you no more early refills. This may be a blessing. You will clearly be out of pills before you can get a refill. My honest opinion coming from years of experience is to flush the pills you have left and just go for it. Call your doctor to see if you can get in to see him sooner. Be completely honest with him--my bet is the fact that you are abusing your pills won't be a surprise to him. He can prescribe clonodine and maybe gabapentin. The first will help with anxiety and the second the restless legs. He won't give you a lot of each and that's a good thing but he hopefully will give you enough to get through the 5 days of detox. Can you manage until Thursday with what you have left? If you can, make Friday your Day 1. By Monday or Tuesday you'll be mostly over the acute physical symptoms.

    Looking at that bottle that just keeps getting more empty, counting the days and doing the division makes things worse. Been there. Done that. I know that flushing them is hard. I cried when I did it but man, did I feel empowered after that!

    Keep posting.

    Peace,

    Cat

  14. #14
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    So I flushed my pills. I have none left at all in the house. Really feeling physically like hell. Legs are killing me and I'm shaking and anxious. I'm so terrified of the fact I know this is going to get way worse before it gets better. I have school tomorrow and Friday and I have no idea how I'm going to get through it. I'm swamped with assignments and essays and I can barely walk from the couch to the kitchen. Head is pounding like it's in s vice. Trying my hardest to stay positive and know there's an end in sight but it's the in between that's making me feel upset. I'll keep you guys posted on my progress.
    Catrina and Jakesjs like this.

  15. #15
    blackwilliam is offline Junior Member
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    You should recover quickly because you didn't have the habit for a long time. Cat is right it's the mental thing that's the hardest. Your doing the right thing. Believe me you don't want to end up in the shape i was in for the last 2 weeks. Your so young and it would be a shame to let this go on. Good luck

  16. #16
    LifeSaver77 is offline Member
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    GREAT JOB, Sterling!!! Flushing pills is SO liberating.

    Have you pooped yet? When I first went on a heavier does of Norco when I trashed my back, I was bound beyond belief. I thought they'd have to chisel poop out of me. Isn't that an attractive visual from a woman? Anyhoo...I gave myself an enema. Granted, not the most glamorous way to void, but super effective, and requires no pills or special diet.

    Do you have some motrin you can pop for the leg pain? Helps me a bit, along with ben gay at night.

    Before you know it, you'll be on the other side of this, and in time, you won't even remember this blip in your life. Meanwhile, STAY STRONG and take care of you.

  17. #17
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Sterling!!

    I am so proud of you. Flushing the remainder of your pills is so symbolic. It's like finally breaking up with a really bad abusive boyfriend (or girlfriend...sorry I just realized I have you pegged as a woman).

    When was your last pill? Detox from short acting opiates is very predictable. I'm an old gal but you're young so you'll bounce back sooner than I did but I can most certainly tell you what to expect. Right now, based on your post you are probably coming up on 24 hours. The anxiety and fear of the unknown is making this worse than it already is. Post and let me know when you took your last dose. That will tell me a lot and I can give you a head's up on what to expect. Getting your anxiety under control is honestly half of the hell of this.

    As far as school work goes. Here's what I would propose. Get in touch with your instructors and let them know that you are really sick and ask for some extra time. Having that looming over your head isn't helping anything. I know you don't want to do that BUT what if you had a really bad flu or something that would prevent you from class and finishing your assignments? OK. Maybe you'll have to go get a doctor's note. What you discuss with your doctor or any doctor (maybe one at the school's infirmary?) is confidential. Be honest with them and they'll write you a note with discretion. Please consider this.

    I'll watch for you to post soon. In the meantime, what is your plan for your next doctor's appointment and script? I'm speaking from experience that you have to shut that door. Have you thought about calling his office for an emergency visit? I think that this is in order. You can explain where you're at and let him know you flushed your remaining pills. Ask him for something non-addictive that can get you through the next few days. I promise you, he will want to help you and now that it's out there, you won't have to think about the date you are due for a refill. That option will not be an option. This is a biggie. From now until then, you will be struggling to fill or not to fill. End it now. Even once you get through this detox (and you will!!!) it only will take one weak moment to throw it all away by thinking you've learned your lesson and you can control yourself with that refill. Once we cross that line, we have no control. Sorry. What a thesis! Think about getting in to see your doctor before the weekend. I really think he can be your best ally right now...besides us that is. If he suggests suboxone, "just say no". Those should be used only after every other choice has been exhausted and many doctors think they are the cure-all. They most certainly are NOT.

    Keep us updated. Wishing you the best.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-09-2016 at 05:15 PM.

  18. #18
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    Congratulations sterling!
    Your going too look back in a month or so and be so happy that you made this choice today, I promise. Yes this next week isn't going to be easy but it will be worth it. Stay positive and stay busy. Even if busy is writing your essays or cleaning. Anything is better than laying in bed with your brain going crazy. What bothered me the most was nights. I couldn't sleep and I would lay in bed in the dark and couldn't keep calm or keep my legs still. Don't do that. Get up, watch a movie, do laundry, anything. It takes a while for sleep to come back so just accept it. Also eat and drink as much as you can. I know you probably won't feel like it but you've got to get all these pills out of your system. Hot baths helped me more than anything. I'd have them so hot I almost couldn't stand to be in them.

    You can do this. And you will if you really want it. You're young you don't want to keep this up. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Keep posting

  19. #19
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks everyone! Your words of encouragement are really warming.

    blackwilliam- thank you, I am hoping you're right about the wd's, I'm nervous as hell.

    Livesaver77- I have pooped! It wasn't very comfortable at all though. I got some RubA535 (i think thats similar to bengay) and advil and naproxen. I have also had a hot bath and it helped temporarily.

    Cat- thank you It was liberating and terrifying all at the same time, you're right it was like leaving an abusive relationship. I took my last dose (3 percs 5/235) at 10am this morning. By about 3pm the symptoms hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm not sure I can miss school tomorrow because I have a test, but Friday I will be able to skip out. My next Dr Appt is set for Friday morning, I am not sure what i should say to him. Im worried he will fire me from his practice after finding this out. I have some clonidine and ativan already so I could always just use those? I tried to quit in the past and was given that by another doc. I definitely do not want to go on suboxone, I'm sure it works for some people and I'm not bashing it, but i would be the type to abuse it.

    Okc21- thank you for your kind words! I think I'm going to definitely suffer the insomnia as I already have a tough time falling asleep. I will binge on netflix at night if I'm unable to sleep, maybe go for a walk or something to stretch my legs. I have a home gym in the basement so i could always go down and work out. I've let my body go badly, i used to be in such good shape and now I've gotten chubby and just gross looking. Is that a common thing to happen when you take opiates the way we do? the weight gain?

    Alright guys, well I'm going to try and eat some dinner now. Ill keep posting!

  20. #20
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Sterling,

    Be completely honest with your doctor. He's not going to discharge you. He hopefully won't prescribe any narcotics again but that's what you really need to do anyway. Be sure to tell him you flushed what you had. That will underscore your commitment to do this. We all think that we're so clever that no one knows what we've been up to. We ain't that clever.

    OK. What can you expect? 5 hours from last dose to symptoms. Forgot you're young and probably have a faster metabolism than I do. That's actually good news! Once the symptoms start, they will peak pretty quickly. You are apt to be in full blown withdrawal sometime tonight. Once the bathroom starts to call your name on a very regular basis and your legs start to hurt, you're peaking. The symptoms shouldn't get much, if any worse than they will be during the overnight hours tonight and will stay steady for the next 3 days or so. At least for me, it was never ever gradual and is why it's just so exhausting to not just get a small break from it. The good news is that the restless legs and aches will stop very abruptly.

    The weight thing. I've seen it go both ways. Some people gain weight and others lose weight. When I was using, I had absolutely no appetite. I could go for days on nothing but coffee. I had trouble eating 1/2 of a sandwich. No worries though I found every pound I lost and then some! I'm sure your weight gain has a little to do with several things. First year of college--common knowledge that Freshman 10 is a very real thing. You are probably less physically active than you were and eating on the run usually means junk food and lots of carbs. That'll do it every time. This is the perfect time to put more attention on your overall health including finding the time to exercise and to be aware of what you are eating. See? Time for a complete do-over. I love that!

    Keep checking in. I'm apt to be around.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  21. #21
    7fourteen is offline Member
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    Great job Sterling! You can do this. Stay strong and post as often as you can. You have a lot of people with tons of experience here to help. A couple days of bad discomfort for a lifetime of freedom.

  22. #22
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Okay guys here's an update:

    My lower stomach is cramping up so I'm assuming the runs are on their way. I feel achy but it has it gotten any worse from earlier. Really worried I won't be able to sleep tonight but we will see how it goes. Stomach cramping is so bad I feel like I might puke.

    Thanks again everyone, each reply builds me up stronger!

  23. #23
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    Don't beat yourself up over not getting much sleep for the next week it's normal. I was lucky to get 3 hours. Im sure you've had the flu before this won't be any worse physically. Mentally it's tough, but you CAN do it. Hang in there sterling. Try not to stress out about how bad you feel (I know that's really tough) and think about how this is going to change your life for the better. No more counting pills to make sure you have enough to make it until the next refill. No more having to make sure you brought your pills with you every where you go. It's a great feeling and is SO worth it. I'm 97 days clean today. Stay positive. In a month you'll look back at all this and be so glad you made this decision today.

  24. #24
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Okc21 thank you you're right about everything you said. Counting the pills and the stress of figuring out what to do when I run out was insane. My life was completely wrapped up in the pills. I neglected my studies and all I wanted to do was get high and lay on the couch nodding off. I am definitely having the runs now so I'm hoping this is as bad as it gets but we will see.

  25. #25
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Well guys I messed up big time. I ended up using again. A friend of mine came over and had drugs with him and I was feeling so physically strung out I popped a couple Percs and then ended up getting a lot more from his dealer. I feel like a complete loser and I'm so embarrassed of myself. Honestly I feel trapped. I can't control myself and I don't know what to do anymore. I want to get clean. I want to be sober and back to my old self. Today I did nearly 80mg of Percocet for NO reason other than to get high. After I take them the guilt rips me up inside. And you know what I was thinking? These beautiful and kind people here are going to be so disappointed in me. Tomorrow I'm going to cut myself down and get off these pills again. My liver and kidneys are probably destroyed. I need some words of wisdom, some kind of mantra that I can tell myself when I feel like using. How did you guys do it? What keeps you sober? I'm sorry everyone

  26. #26
    Kitteh is offline New Member
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    Relapse happens. It sounds like you're ready to quit and that's what matters. Can you get to a NA meeting? Willpower alone might be not enough.

  27. #27
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    Exactly what just happened to you is what keeps me from using again. Attempts to quit that lasted a very short time and having to suffer from wd over and over again. Over time I got so fed up with it. I've seen people say on here "I don't have another day 1 in me". We don't want to go through this again. I'm not going to give up all the tough days I've put behind me only to start over again.

    Yes it stinks. But it happens. It's happened to me many times and the same with others. What matters now is what you do from today. You can't change yesterday. We've all been there sterling. Get back up and change today.

  28. #28
    7fourteen is offline Member
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    Hey bud, don't beat yourself up. Once I decided to quit I relapsed several times. Kinda like falling off a bike. Get up, brush yourself off and get back on. One thing I had to do was completely cut off anyone I knew that was using. Not the easiest thing since some of them I knew for a very long time. If they know you are trying to stop and still supplying you, what kind of friendship is that? May be that you need to get help in stopping. I don't think anyone is disappointed in you, we have all been there. Stopping is not easy. If it were there wouldn't be so many addicts out there. You can do this. Get your mind right and make the best decisions for yourself and your future.

  29. #29
    LifeSaver77 is offline Member
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    7Fourteen is 100% correct, Sterling.

    In order to stay clean, you need to cut ALL ties with anyone who uses, deals, or anyone you used with before. Remember...co-addicts aren't your real friends...they're enablers that like you to stay as addicted as they are. Birds of a feather and all.

    This is a hard boundary you're going to need to adopt in your life in order to stay sober. Remember...if this "friend" didn't swing by, and didn't give you drugs, you'd be through your WD, and starting to feel better.

    No one here is going to be more disappointed in you than you are in yourself. We've all been where you are. We know the shame and regret from relapse. It sometimes takes more than a few attempts for it to really click.

    If you're committed to getting and staying clean, which I believe you are, you'll do it. Just delete all these "friends" from your phone and your life to start.
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  30. #30
    Sterling98 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks everyone, I appreciate everyones support here. Truly a great place and group of people. Today I woke up and felt an overwhelming surge of emotions, maybe I was masking everything for so long I didn't realize how much emotional pain i was in. I spent an hour crying this morning, it was really hard. I know I was covering up something that really hurt me 4 or 5 months ago, it was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I felt comfort in the drugs because it hid that from me and I didn't have to deal with it. I don't know how to process everything emotionally, I think ill need a therapist or something. Today, physically feeling very sore and goosebumps everywhere. I have quite a few things to do today so I'm hoping I can get everything done. Been going to the bathroom a lot but took some immodium for that. I just can't believe how well these drugs hide emotions, its insane. Ill keep everyone posted on how I'm doing, I'm hoping this all passes soon. The depression is really bad.

    Sterling

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