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2 week relapse. Will I have withdrawals?
  1. #1
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    Default 2 week relapse. Will I have withdrawals?

    I can't believe that I have done this to myself but I have and I need advice /help. I started messing around again for about 4 months. I had a moment of clarity and kicked CT. I made it 8 days and the relapsed for the past 2 weeks. Why did I do this to myself, again.
    I was just about 100% when I relapsed. Are the withdrawals going to be mild since it's only been 2 weeks? I know that I have to do this.

  2. #2
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Welcome back Oxy,

    Sorry this has happened. It's really hard to tell what you're going to be up against honestly. Doesn't really matter, does it? What does matter is that you need to get back up and fight. Plan for the worst and hope for the best. Keep posting and don't leave here!

    I have to ask, did you do any recovery work the last time? There's lots of options and I'm not cramming anything down your throat. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Stick around and we'll be cheering you on.

    Peace,

    Cat

  3. #3
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    I was feeling great and I got cocky and went out drinking with friends and I messed up. I had almost 9 days in. I'm having a hard time with depression. It began taking wellbutrin and I'm not sure if it was helping or not but after I started getting high again in was no longer feeling the depression so of course I quit taking them. I started back up the wellbutrin 2 days ago and my last roxy pill was 30 hours ago. Why am I so terrified right now. To be honest last time really wasn't that bad. Don't get me wrong it was no walk in the park. Am I afraid of life? And having to face it? Because things are very rough right now so it makes it soooo easy to just get high. I don't feel the strength that I had 3 weeks ago. How do I get that back?
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-01-2016 at 05:42 PM.
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  4. #4
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    It's pretty common for those of us with problems and/or depression to keep falling back into the trap. I know I did! You weren't on Wellbutrin long enough to know if it's going to help or not but almost everyone I know who has been on it and has given it a chance say it makes a huge difference. I hope that's true for you too.

    Why you so scared? All of it. It's scary. Starting a new Day 1 and how are you going to get through it and stay that way. Facing life sober is just scary. How do we do it? One step at a time. That's how. Get through the next week and stay on your Wellbutrin and give it a chance, Do recovery work, therapy, meetings, whatever it takes. If it were easy, none of us would be stuck in the same place for so long. Sometimes life just needs to change.

    Good luck and keep posting!

    Peace,

    Cat
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  5. #5
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    Well the anxiety has drastically reduced from just a few hours ago. Not sure as to why. One step at a time. First I will count the hours then it will be days before I know it. I need to stay positive and confident.

  6. #6
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    It's day 2. I feel pretty good considering. I definitely have some rls but it's not too bad so far. I have a little GI issue going on also but it's just brief shooting pains. This last detox 3 weeks ago sucked pretty bad and I am dreading going through it again but comparatively it was a breeze to the detox I had 6 years ago. I have to remember how painful it was then and not 3 weeks ago. I have to remember and remind myself of that. Of losing everything. My entire life slipped through my fingers like smoke. Now I am on the precipice of repeating all of this all over again. I know exactly where this road leads, goes, and ultimately ends. Opiates are my kryptonite. This is not going to be easy. I am going to need a support group for this. I am going to look up meetings and go check one out.
    When I quit 3 weeks ago, I didn't really want or even think about pills. This time is different. I catch myself trying to justify using. My brain is constantly trying to trick me this time around.

  7. #7
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oxy-moronic View Post
    I was feeling great and I got cocky and went out drinking with friends and I messed up. I had almost 9 days in. I'm having a hard time with depression. It began taking wellbutrin and I'm not sure if it was helping or not but after I started getting high again in was no longer feeling the depression so of course I quit taking them. I started back up the wellbutrin 2 days ago and my last roxy pill was 30 hours ago. Why am I so terrified right now. To be honest last time really wasn't that bad. Don't get me wrong it was no walk in the park. Am I afraid of life? And having to face it? Because things are very rough right now so it makes it soooo easy to just get high. I don't feel the strength that I had 3 weeks ago. How do I get that back?
    Dear Oxy
    You find that inner strength thru recommitment to your ultimate goal!
    Be determined and you can do this! No, I don't think that 2 weeks of using pills causes wds. The rest of the fear is based on guilt. That, and the fact that once we Know the truth, you can Never return to using without that little voice in your head reminding you!
    Don't put yourself in harm's way while you are in such a sensitive position. Focus on getting/remaining clean.
    Like Cat says, One step at a time. This mental practice helps keep the Fear of the Unknown in check.
    And yes, life can be scary--but it's far less so when the mind is clear-thinking.
    You Can do This!
    Proud of you for your honesty. Rooting for ya!
    Maggie1976 likes this.

  8. #8
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    Ming
    Thanks for dropping in. I can't tell you how much you and Cat have inspired and helped me. I have read tons of your posts.
    it's been 48 hours and I definitely have mild RLS and some anxiety plenty of anxiety.went and did some small jobs today to stay busy and just get out of the house I also went and looked at a new place because I'm tired of the one that I mean it's extremely small and I think that's definitely contributing to my depression.
    I'm glad to hear you say that you don't think I'll have much for withdrawals. I'm definitely nervous I feel like I'm waiting for the bottom to fall out been almost 48 hours and it's really not that bad so hopefully it stays pretty mild like this my energy levels are pretty high you know I don't have the lethargic feelings. Hopefully I won't.
    I'm in a constant battle with my mind last time I detox I had no craving to go get a pill except for like the first 24 hours this time I am in a constant struggle with my mind I want to go get a pill I mean a huge part of me doesn't but there is a part of me that wants to. last time no part of me wanted to so it's making me very uneasy. With time I am hoping that my determination will strengthen.

  9. #9
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    I just told my sister everything. We are not very close and argue and fight. We are extremely harsh and judgemental towards one another. It feels good to talk about this and I'm willing to spill my guts to anyone who will listen. It also seems to sure up my resolve. Mentally I am feeling stronger by the hour. My worst times are when I'm at home by myself. I just sit/fidget and let my mind race. It's seems to help for a while but then I start to get stir crazy. I'm at my sister's house now hanging out with her just to distract myself for a while. I'll post again soon.

  10. #10
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    Lol my sister gave me a half a Xanax. I couldn't sit still and it started driving her crazy. She also gave me one more to break in half if I need it.i feel better than I have for the past 2 days. To be honest I think I should have only taken a quarter pill. They are .5s. I will try . 125 tomorrow night if needed. I hope I don't. I'm hoping that the 9 days of being clean will make this pretty easy since it was only 2 weeks or at the least, very short lived. Had I come to this site ten years ago I would have laughed at someone like myself and thought I was weak and a sissy. I have always had the ability to just walk away from any drug. I can't do that with this drug. This isn't a battle, it's a full on war made up of tons of battles. Daily dirty battles. My connection was supposed to call me today at 11 this afternoon. When I woke up first thing this morning, I blocked calls and texts from him. I just need to keep plugging away and moving forward, "I need to get my chit together and find something to say" band of horses - Laredo. Song reference

    With every passing hour I feel more confident. I'm hoping it will continue like this.

  11. #11
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Oxy - I just wanted to chime in to post my thoughts and personal experience regarding your questions/concerns? First, I think you are/will experience some withdrawal! I don't think you mentioned how much you were using on a daily basis? I no longer use oxy (I myself had an awful time coming off them a few months ago) but I have friends that still do and they usually binge for a few weeks, maybe months and then get clean for a few weeks and then start again. They get sick and withdrawal everytime they stop!

    I'm on wellbutrin also, I started right after I quit the oxy. I started at 75mg and tirated up every 4 days or so until I reached 300mg xl once a day. I felt worse depression and anxiety on the wellbutrin for about 5 weeks and then it seemed like all of a sudden I was feeling better! I almost quit the wellbutrin early but I'm glad I didn't, you got to give it time to work, it can take 4-6 weeks to start working so I would stick with it for at least 6 weeks? I would say after 6 weeks and you still don't feel any better then maybe wellbutrin isn't going to work for you? Most of the time it's trial and error with anti-depressant medication, explore your options with your doctor? Also, just a reminder to taper off the anti-depressant if and when you are ready to get off them, sometimes doctors don't know what they are doing with these meds?

    Lastly, I would warn you about anti-anxiety meds especially xanax! I was warned myself on these same forums about how dangerous they can be! I started just taking them here and there as needed while I was quitting oxys and before I knew it I was taking them every night to help with sleep issues. I was increasing my dose because of tolerance and it was getting out of hand quickly! I ended up taking them for 3 months or so? I quit those c/t for 5 days and on day 5 the withdrawals were getting worse! Come to find out, xanax is one of the worst and most dangerous drugs to stop c/t! On day 6 I went back on them, I am currently tapering off them now.

    I would assume that you are going to be over the oxy withdrawals within a couple of days or so? Then you'll will have to figure out how to remain off them for good? Remember the saying "One pill is too many and a thousand pills is never enough"! I believe you can do it and you have my support! I hope I was able to help with some of your concerns? Best of luck to you! Take care and keep updating... God bless us all!

  12. #12
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    Hi Ricky, thanks for your words of encouragement. I can't express to everyone how much it helps.
    For my 2 week hiatus I was taking 90 to 120 a day sometimes a little more. 3 days before quitting again I only took 30 mg 2 times over the course of 3 days.
    In a few hours it will have been 72 hours since my last dose. I am definitely experiencing wd symptoms but not as bad as it was 3 weeks ago. It still sucks. I have no intentions of continuing to take Xanax. I have never liked it and I can't stand the way it makes me feel. I took the half last night because the rls and anxiety was getting pretty bad. That and the fact I was driving my sister bananas by not being able to sit still. The cravings are slowly subsiding which is awesome!! The past 2 days have been a constant mental struggle. I have a degenerative joint disorder and my body is literally eating itself so I'm constantly in pain. Funny thing is I made the past six years just fine so I know I can manage this without pills. It's just my brain is telling me that I actually need them and that it's OK if I take them. I just have to stay in shape and healthy. I do feel at times that the wellbutrin makes me feel more depressed than I already am. I just hope that over time it will balance itself out in a positive way. Regardless, I am going to keep taking it for at least a month unless the adverse affects become too much to deal with.
    This time last year I wasn't even smoking cigarettes. Now look at me. I'm grateful to have you guys in my corner. It means more than you know. Thanks again and I'll keep posting.

  13. #13
    ItsPossible is offline Member
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    The pain is most likely from all those NEW receptors that have grown from addiction.
    They will be put into a resting state as long as you don't take any opioids. Once awakened, they will cry like little babies until they are fed or get used to not having anything.
    The natural highs or life FEEL much better... time will heal... put your recovery through and never give up!
    My pain has been extreme too lately... day 10 for me.... and I know I just have to keep counting my blessings or I will lose focus and have to start ALL OVER. I am also back after a relapse and I really want to learn my lesson this time.
    Keep up the great work!
    Love and Light xxoo
    Kim xxoo

  14. #14
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    4 days on the books!!! The rls hasn't been too bad this time. Stomach issues on the other hand have been super rough. Major "sting ring"!!! I'm sure most of you know what I mean by that.

    My energy level is better than its been in a long time. I'm staying busy all day, besides the vomiting and bathroom firedrills. I will post again in the morning. I'm actually tired and sleepy. Thanks again everyone
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  15. #15
    ItsPossible is offline Member
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    Glad you are hanging in there!
    Stomach issues suck... but if you look at it like a spring cleaning lol maybe it will feel better.
    Immodium is helpful for that too.
    Just checking in to say keep on keeping on!
    Kim XXOO

  16. #16
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    Hi all.
    I relapsed again and I kicked again. I have 8 days clean so far. It was tough but I did it. Last night I slept for 7 straight hours. It has been a while since I have done that naturally.
    Today is the 26th, I used last on the 18. I'm feeling pretty good and I don't have any desire to get high which is awesome. Although, this time I am definitely on guard and paying attention to every little thing that could jeopardize my sobriety.
    I definitely have SAD and spring beginning to show itself is helping me.
    I really don't know how I did it this time. I just stopped thinking about it and just did it. Maybe the wellbutrin is helping? I'm not sure. I used suboxone this time. I used it for 4 days and I used minimal amounts. 1 MG day 1, .50 MG day 2, .25 MG day 3 and 4. As much as I hate sub, it helped me this time. The difference is, is that I used it a lot differently than a doctor tells you to. I followed the advice of others on this site.
    I know now that I suffer from depression and that is a major contributor to my addiction. At least I have somewhere to start. Now I can focus my energy on fixing or trying to fix it.
    I just wanted to update everyone and say thank-you to everyone. Good luck to all of you, remember that it CAN be done!

  17. #17
    ItsPossible is offline Member
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    Hey!
    Glad you are back on the path to freedom. Mistakes are proof we are trying, as Dave just wrote on my thread.
    Head up and keep going! I don't know anyone who has done this the first time.
    Thanks for sharing your experience, it truly helps others.
    Please get help for your depression. There are often underlying issues to addiction and depression is #1. Self medicating is how i began to. Numbing it does not make it go away.
    Some people need to talk about trauma or things in the past and then move on, others just learn coping strategies to deal with triggers. It can be a wonderful journey of self discovery, and learning how you tick is absolutely part of the journey.
    Love and light xxoo

  18. #18
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Oxy
    Good for you! Just try to stay in this very moment. Pay attention to your thoughts.
    Hang in there. Drink water when u feel anxious.
    Give yourself time to heal now...

  19. #19
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    Day 11 and still on track. I can't sleep for more than 4 hours which is driving me crazy and my energy levels are nonexistent. Feeling absolutely exhausted and not being able to sleep sux!! But!!! It's a heck of a lot better than being strung out.
    I hope everyone is doing well and staying strong

  20. #20
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    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-29-2016 at 06:53 PM.

  21. #21
    ItsPossible is offline Member
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    Hey O,
    Never worry about saying too much on here when it comes to length. This is a great place to let it all out. But it must not stop here.
    Sounds like you could use some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy from a cousellor. It can be very hard to live with the guilt of our past mistakes when we can not do anything to change them. Therapy helps us hash it out, understand why and what we can do next time we are faced with similar circumstances.
    AA/NA meetings are also a great place for hope. I love hearing others stories and feeling the warmth in the room.
    Only you know what will work for you, I just wanted to tell you what has worked for me.
    There is a lot of support when we are open to allowing it into our lives. This site, meetings, counselling.
    Emotional pain can physically hurt.
    Can you try YouTubing a meditation tonight before you fall asleep? Even just a quick one that will help relax your mind and tap into your subconscious to allow healing to begin.
    We must first forgive and love ourselves before others can do the same.
    Pray! To whatever higher power you believe in. Ask the universe to help you, it will show you the way when you're ready which seems like you are.

    Start with one step at a time... talking about it... check, and accepting it, and taking action to pave the way to a better life.
    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    As for wellbutrin, I had to stop taking all anti depressants because they made me more depressed. Instead I use a llot of vitamins. B complex makes a huge difference in my mood and vitamin D too. But please talk to your doctor if you do want to stop any medication.
    Take it one day at a time. It's all we have, TODAY and nothing else.
    Your path is yours to take and as bad as it seems sometimes there is a purpose in it. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE SPECIAL. Please believe this or keep telling yourself it until you do.
    LOVE AND LIGHT
    Kim aka Butterfly

  22. #22
    Oxy-moronic is offline Banned
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    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-29-2016 at 11:15 PM.

  23. #23
    ItsPossible is offline Member
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    I am happy you are talking about it. That is what it took for me the first time I tried to stop last year.
    I started seeing a counselor and all this stuff was brought back up and I learned new ways to deal with it. But then it all became too much and I relapsed as well. We all do... I think, I am pretty certain no one gets this right the first time.
    Coming to terms with the WHY is imperative in our recovery. I was unhappy in my relationships and when I thought I may have to leave my husband when I was sober, I started again because numbing was easier than dealing with the big changes.
    Well that didn't work and eventually I began self care practices and really started to get to know myself... the me I WANTED to be, not the me I thought I was.
    I still cringe at the many mistakes I have made. Taking pills from a dying man with caner (although he wasn't using the low dose ones) still NO EXCUSE... and I can't go back and fix it, so I pray for forgiveness and have to start with myself.
    There are so many things we can regret but all we have control of is this present moment.
    It sounds like you already know how to get what you want and be successful. That's a great character trait to have. You found a way to survive in dire times so I know you can do it again... but this time you'll have those lessons behind you so that you know where you don't want to go. It isn't as easy as forgiving ourselves... or is it?
    You served your time and although you could have had more, what you were given is what it is.... and you deserve to be happy.
    That is my wish for you... to be happy where you are at this moment in time because you are loved xxoo

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