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26yr old grad student addicted for 3 years
  1. #1
    lost89 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
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    Default 26yr old grad student addicted for 3 years

    I have been lurking on this forum for at least 8 months now and I finally got the strength to post. I am 26 years old and currently working on a masters degree in human resources. I also work at a doctors office. My boss is my Dr and also the one who writes my scripts. My story starts like most others. I was prescribed hydrocodone 10mgs starting at age 18 for a surgery. I have had surgeries every year since along with being diagnosed with RA and endometriosis. I was always so responsible, always took them as prescribed. I loved them so much I wouldn't take them because I didn't want to lose them. in 2011 I became addicted. only taking 2 a day for about a year and then waking up one day and stopping. I honestly don't remember withdrawals or cravings. I even worked as a counselor at a rehab for women. I was done and that was it. after about 2 years sober I was in so much pain I gave in and took one. after that it was only once in awhile until one day it wasn't and I wanted them every day. that began 2years ago. only for the past year have I been taking about 10-12 a day. I don't know how it got so bad. This whole time I have kept my addiction a secret. My fiancé suspected but I would get really mad when he asked so he would just ignore it.

    today I am 11 days clean and I owe a lot of that to this site. when I look back I can't believe how many memories are tainted with my addiction. last summer was my first experience with WD. it was horrible. since then I have gone through WD's probably about 25 times. each time I would get tired of the cycle and swear I was done but I always knew I wasn't. I was just trying to get through the days until my next fill. being in school and working full time was always my excuse to use again. I couldn't quit because I had finals or I am going somewhere this weekend etc. I went to Italy to visit the in laws for my birthday and ran out of pills my first day. by then I had told my fiancé and he had to lie to his family about why I was so sick. that didn't stop me though. I think I have tried every WD method out there. overtime I would get clean for about 3-5 days then give in. I always hated myself afterwards then was too afraid to stop because I didn't want to get sick.

    this year is when things got bad. I was so hooked I doctor shopped and lied to get more. my first close call was when one doctor called my pharmacy and told them all my refills. I was caught but lied my way out of it. by this point i could only make my supply of 50-70 pills last a week. so I was in WD mode every other week it felt like. last month I lied and got another refill. When I went to the pharmacy the girl got my name then said hold on. Myheart pounded. I saw a show of this girl who got arrested at a pharmacy for her pill addiction and all I could think was run. but my addiction made me stay, another pharmacist came back holding a piece of paper that stated the DEA was aware of my refills. I asked if I was in trouble and they said no just stick to one dr. You wouldve thought that would've stopped me. by this point everytime I took pills I would throw up. I hated myself. I was tired of the cycle, the chase,the lies. I had cut off my family due to embarrassment. I was barely getting through school and I felt sick all the time. I barely even got high anymore. I used to feel normal.

    11 days ago I came on here to find encouragement. my day 1 was on a sunday and monday I had to work next to my best friend who had just got a script for my favs for her surgery. I had no idea how I was going to survive without having her give me some. So I went to work with RLS, the sneezes, chills,fatigue etc and read these posts all day long. I had made it through! my cravings were bad due to WD's. my mind has always been my worst enemy. but after day 6 my craving got quiet. I worked every single day during my WD's and it sucked. but like everyone says on here, once you get through the WD's its so much better. I look back and can't believe how many "day 1's" I have had.I never want another day 1. I kept thinking I needed the pills and the excuses were so easy to come by. The hardest part for me is where I work. Its so easy for me to walk to my boss and ask for a script, people bring in their left over pills all the time and the dr's just leave them out where any employee can get them. being on day 2-5 and having to have pills in your face is so hard. but I wanted to be sober more than anything. sorry this is so long. it is great to finally say my story. maybe I can help someone.I would always get mad for relapsing but I read a quote and it said relapse happens just don't give up. I always kept trying in hopes that one day I would pass day 5. don't give in to the WD"s i know they suck but that is a sign that we are healing.

    this time how I got through WD's is: I drank lots of water, immodium in the morning then i would go to jamba juice and get a smoothie and wheatgrass shot( it is a great way to get toxins out and equals 2.5 pounds of raw veggies), I took L-tyrosine in the morning with magnesium and zinc, I live in cali so weed is legal so I would rub salve on my legs and back to help with pain ( it does not get you high or dhow up on a test). after work I would go into the detoxification infrared sauna for 40 mins ( that helped soon much) I actually did it for 4 days, I showered at least 3 times a day to help with the RLS( my worst symptom), I would take 4 zquils which helped me kinda sleep through the night sweats which I get so bad! I did that every day and It is the best relief Ive ever gotten. day 11 and I still get night sweats and some RLS but its a lot better. I am excited to be sober! I reconnected with my family and I feel so much better.

  2. #2
    Anonymous Guest

    Default

    11 days is great lost! I know how tough addiction is. I know how upset you get every time you relapse. I know how it feels to always be counting pills. But I also know how good it feels to be free from it. It was always easy for me not to use while I was physically withdrawing. The tough part was after I felt better then the cravings really got too me. But after about two months they slowed down. They haven't gone away but it's not an every day thing anymore. It get so much better.

    You've done great and come so far, keep your head up and push forward.

  3. #3
    dartanian_lives is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
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    Hey there!

    I want you to know that I am with you on your journey through withdrawals. What portion of Human Resources do you specalize in at the moment? I could be wrong, but I felt better when I indulged in my expertise and others listened to my studies. If you want to share, I would be more than happy to listen to your educational achievements. Trust me, the world can't take your knowledge away from you. And, I selfishly want to know more about HR, recruiting, and the process.

  4. #4
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
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    251

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    Lost89, leave your job. You are sorrounded by pills and have access to a dr that gives it to you. You wont stay sober long there. Mark my words.

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