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2nd short term sub detox. Last chance?
  1. #61
    jedie50 is offline Banned
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    Hey Geez. I don't usually feel down like melancholy but sometimes my thoughts are dark bordering on morbid. Death, life is pointless kinda stuff. I don't dwell on it long and most times Im like ...where did that come from? I have noticed Im a lot less angry. I have less.road rage and feel more of an even keel each day. Work went well today no offers. There are only 2 guys Id rather not work with. for now anyway. They aren't bad people they just don't seem to get it. I think it bothers them at some level. Misery loves company. when I do work with them we are busy working not a lot of time for idle chitchat or drug ideation. Perhaps it threatens them and they think I'll narc on them? Far as I'm concerned they can take care of their own side of the street.
    I feel pretty good today. A little tired but hey I worked 10 hours straight and I'm over 50 not bad for and old Man.
    I'm starting to feel clean!
    I hope you all had a good day too!

    Peace!

    J

  2. #62
    geez_again is offline Senior Member
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    Good! Happy ur feeling good today. Yes I know the thoughts of life is pointless. I never really had them but getting them lately. Only bc of my own situation.
    Correct, misery loves company. I've noticed a lot people feel threatened when u get clean. Hey not a bad thing bc I def do not need them in ur life. Glad ur keeping busy n don't hv to deal with them too much.
    Lol less road rage is good too. So happy today is going well for you.
    I'm hanging in there... just trying to keep my mind positive. Hope u have a great night. Stay strong n keep us updated.

  3. #63
    jedie50 is offline Banned
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    Two good days in a row! I'm eating better and better. Have gained almost 10 lbs believe me I need it. Good workout at work running hydroseeder lots of lifting walking etc.. Felt good and felt good about it. What a luxury for and addict to have a good day without drugs. No cravings.. Very subtle desire now and again easily dismissed.
    I'm not near 100% but hey this is allrighf!
    It's been 18 days? Clean. And it gets better? Ok count me in.

    Peace you guys. Thanks for being here.


    J
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  4. #64
    jedie50 is offline Banned
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    Pretty good day again. Killed it at work 11 1\2 hours. Eating junk food on the go and getting dirty mud muck grease oil welding grinding hauling stone driving a loader. Yep busy day. I'm tired and sore and I know I'll sleep like a rock. The things we take for granted...another day!
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  5. #65
    jedie50 is offline Banned
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    Well today kinda sucked. Seems if I don't move I have zero energy and just want to sleep all day. Cut the grass and sat around the house for the most part. Bored out of my mind. Gray and chilly didn't help. Oh well I've already had better days more to come.

    Peace

    J

  6. #66
    geez_again is offline Senior Member
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    Hi J
    Hope this message finds u feeling better today. Sorry u had a blah day yesterday, I've had a few blah days myself. I find that my most challenging days are the days I'm not working. Even with a huge to do list, I don't know what to do with myself, esp with skeebie jeebie crawl out of my skin feeling. It's awful. Ugh! But anyway, u did hv a successful day....sober and cut the grass! Good day in my book lol. Plus it seems like u work long days so it's totally natural to feel unmotivated on a day off. I think so anyway. And, you had a few great days in a row, that's fantastic! Well today's a new day for us all. I hope you have a great day. Let ur mom know u love her Keep up the awesome work ur doing. Be well my friend.

  7. #67
    jedie50 is offline Banned
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    Sunday was another lazy day. Didn't feel good no energy repeat. Mom's had a good day.
    Today started the same way then I got busy. The guy we paid in advance to take care of my parents lawn was a no show again. Kinda got.my blood pumpin. I was about to leave and said wth no reason I can't do it. Wasn't half done when I noticed I felt way better. Physically had energy and loosened up muscles. Mentally felt good about doing something decent for a change. I did a lot of selfish things using. I think we all do and know that shame. It's really hard to get moving sometimes but when I do it is Always better.
    Lot of stress here. God works in mysterious ways. If I were still using things would be so tight so quickly it would be devastating. its amazing how quickly the bank account goes to zero when using. At least now we can tread.water for a bit and it will be ok. No way its a coincidence.
    I'm so grateful I don't crave all day and I'm not ruled by the obsession to use. I'm going to do all I can to keep it that way.

    Peace

    J

  8. #68
    Day2_Nightmare is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey there Jedi - I finally found you. Glad I did. Just got caught up with your thread. I hope that you are doing well and getting along in your new sobriety...

  9. #69
    jedie50 is offline Banned
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    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-14-2019 at 09:52 PM.

  10. #70
    geez_again is offline Senior Member
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    Hi J
    Just coming by quickly to say hello. Hope ur having a good day.
    Yup I'm not good financially at all. Making me sweat actually, literally. N yes, when I get busy n move around I do feel better. However if im not working I do struggle big time. Glad u were able to get outta that funk. Keep up the great work. Gotta run but I'll be back later.

  11. #71
    geez_again is offline Senior Member
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    Come back jedie! Jedie50_2, perhaps? Wink, wink. This forum needs you. Anyway I truly hope ur doing well. Come back if ya can....plus I need more tough love. Big time!

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