Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 61 to 90 of 131
Like Tree39Likes
Addicted to pain pills
  1. #61
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    51

    Default

    Anj, you're doing great! I'm on day 7 and if it weren't for the dam cold I apparently picked up at one of my munchkins functions I know I'd feel much better than I do lol
    The anxiety has subsided and I haven't taken any xanax. Sleeping much better although not as much as I used to but it's actually nice. I'm not exhausted in the morning after 10+ hours of sleep like I was before. I'm up before the kids, which I've never done before. It's beautiful. It's getting better everyday and the "want" to take a pill hasn't returned. The "habit" of going for a pill is still there, annoyingly, but trying to retrain my brain. Ugh
    I will take the physical withdrawals over the mental and emotional one any day!
    What makes this all worth it, the guilt is gone, I can look at my kids and not be scared of leaving them, I hear them laughing and I smile, I remember things more, I'm more alert and even though I'm a dog a$$ right now, I feel like a better mommy than I have in years

  2. #62
    UTTAD is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    73

    Default

    Anj- just popped in to tell you how amazed I am that you are doing this with two very small kids. You should be through the worst of it. If you grow weary, try to see if you can take your kids to a mommy's morning out or even a drop in at day care. Many churches have these. It would be better for your kids to have some time away and give yourself a chance to recharge. I have kids too and it is tough. I haven't even tapered off completely. And I am sooo short fused. I yelled at my 12 year old yesterday over socks. Feel like a >>>> mom, cried about it last night. Trying to remember that it is a small price to pay to have a healthy mom for the rest of their lives. Keep it up!

  3. #63
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Thx Randy, I'll be starting my own thread soon. You are completely right and one even feels a little ashamed looking back at my last posts and wondering why I'm not on day 4 like Anj is. Posting from work right now and I took one pill at 9 (14 hrs after my last dose) and haven't taken one since. Trying to increase the time in between doses while making absolutely sure I don't go over the 25 mgs. Heading to the gym right after work. Didn't give it up ct and I have still felt this taper pretty strong so respect goes out to those who have gone ct. Doing absolutley AWESOME Anj!!!!!!!! Day 4!!!!!!!? You are in the clear!!! You are an extremely strong person and mother!!!!

  4. #64
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Anj, is your husband also in withdraw?

  5. #65
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    I mean withdrawal. Not so smart phone strikes again

  6. #66
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Bad timing you are doing awesome also! Day 7, that's so great! You have a whole week under your belt. I hear you on the being more alert and remembering things better. I have already noticed that now that the fog is lifting. Still am having my snappy moments with the kids but I'm trying to stay busy and that helps a ton. Today I cleaned my house so I felt good about accomplishing that! Tomorrow morning is grocery shopping day, not fun with two little ones in tow.

  7. #67
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Uttad thank you! It is definitely hard with the little ones but at the same time they are keeping me busy which is nice. I feel like the times when they are taking a nap is the hardest for me and my anxiety goes on highest because I'm just left alone with my thoughts.
    UTTAD likes this.

  8. #68
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Lookin I think you are doing really well with your taper! I know that I never have the self control to not keep taking more so that really says something about your willpower. I had a pretty good day, feel like most of the physical stuff is past now (except for sleep) and my spirits and mood is lifting again. Still have my moments though. Feeling pretty good about not going for a refill. Don't want to experience that again.
    Yes my husband is also withdrawing although he only ever took any norco in the evenings so he wasn't on as high of a dose as I was. He is still having issues sleeping and some stomach upset also though. He doesn't get the anxiety part of it and he is okay with being able to say no on the refill so that's good.

  9. #69
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Just finished another workout, feeling 100% better during workouts than i did a few days ago. Forgot to say way to go to Lookin for going to the gym! It helps a ton!
    UTTAD likes this.

  10. #70
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Anj, awesome job on the workout an you are doing great and I can tell your attitude has turned positive!
    BT, I hope to be where you and Anj are soon. The both of you are warriors!!
    I kept on my goal of 2.5 pills yesterday. I did cardio twice yesterday and felt great! I really think I could have easily dropped to 2.0 without a problem but I'm sticking to my plan for dropping on Sunday. What's y'all's take on that? While being on these evil pills for over 2 years, I gained 25lbs I was at a solid 183 and it spiraled out of control! Since being serious about the taper, eating right and working out, I have lost about 7 lbs in less than 2 weeks
    Everyone keep your head up out there as this can all be done! I'm feeling much better than I did at 120mgs!
    Hope your day kicks of to being a good one Anj and BT!!!!

  11. #71
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    That's great about sticking to your plan of working out, I know that for me, exercising regularly helps my anxiety and puts me in a better mood. Luckily the pills haven't caused me to gain weight, mainly because I have been doing this workout program since a few months after I had my son and it helped me drop all my baby weight pretty quickly. I stopped working out for the past few months though and I'm just now starting UFCfit again for the second time. I love it, it is really therapeutic for me. It also helps with my neck pain tremendously. Maybe instead of dropping from 25mg you could try diving the half pill into a forth and then do that sooner than Sunday. Maybe today! That way you are continuing to taper slowly and hopefully your body won't notice as much.
    Day 5 here! Wow! Feeling great about not getting the refill. Going grocery shopping this morning. Still having some problems sleeping but my anxiety is so much better than it was a few days ago. I think I'm definitely past the worst of it.
    UTTAD and Catherine120813 like this.

  12. #72
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Hey anj, just checking in. I stayed at 2.5 yesterday and the day seamed a little harder for some reason but I made it through. I think it may be because I didn't exercise. Well today is my daughters big day and I'm hoping to enjoy it with her Going for a run then off to a half day at work! Anj, I know today is Friday and the temptation may be there but DO NOT REFILL! You have been a warrior through it all and this is gods test to you. Be strong and do it for yourself and your family!!!! Keep me posted DO NOT REFILL!!
    silverlining1 likes this.

  13. #73
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Have fun with your daughter today! Actually got some restful sleep last night, it was glorious not gonna refill! Thank you for your kind words! I am feeling good!

  14. #74
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    I got chills reading your last post Anj!!!!! You did it! It's crazy how we are much stronger than we feel we are at our moments of weakness! You are a strong women and you did an awesome job!!
    silverlining1 likes this.

  15. #75
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Thank you Looking! How are you doing with everything? Honestly today I have had a lot of thoughts about being able to go pick up the prescription but I havent. Trying to stay busy but that little voice sneaks up on me telling me that it won't hurt to just take a few and that I can control it this time. Anxiety is creeping in a lot today

  16. #76
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    799

    Default

    Anj,

    I hope you never have to learn this.....but, just 'one pill' will lead to more. Trust me, I tried 3 times, and each time it got worse......you go right back to where you left off.

    Stay strong......you are such a vibrant person on here.
    Iluv2smile likes this.

  17. #77
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    How are you feeling Anj? I know just the thought of it can play with your head. What I think has helped me is going back and reading my past posts and reminding myself how frustrated and helpless I felt. Read the posts when you were in severe withdrawal and how you knew that you never wanted to go back to that place ever again. Once the time comes when we can fill our script we tend to so easily forget what we went through to get to where we are. We forget how terrible the pills make us feel when they are wearing off and how awful withdrawal can be. At your moments of weakness go back and read your old posts (it helps me a lot).
    I had a great time with my daughter last night! It was a night neither one of us will ever forget (thx to not having 120mgs in my system)! Keep me posted Anj.

    Good points Silver!

  18. #78
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Thank you silver and lookin, I appreciate the help. Mind is still playing some games with me some. That is a really good idea Lookin, even thinking back to how I felt on days 1-3 makes me terrified. I'm so glad to hear that the concert went so well! That's terrific! What is your plan from here, Lookin?

  19. #79
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Still planning on dropping to 2.0mgs Sunday. Hoping to stick to that for 4 days before dropping to 1.5. I hope all continues to go well for us both! Have u got any workouts in recently Anj? I found that helps me a lot with the mind games the pills play on me. I feel physically and mentally stronger after a good workout. Keep me posted Anj and stay strong sista!!
    Catherine120813 likes this.

  20. #80
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Anj,
    Checking in to see how it's coming along. Did you refill? Keep me posted.

  21. #81
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Just hoping you are doing ok Anj. Get back at me to give me a status.

  22. #82
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Hey lookin, sorry I disappeared there. Been a busy week and also i feel ashamed posting because I did end up getting the refill I have been doing a lot better about keeping the dosage intake a lot lower but I still know I shouldn't be doing it! I have so much guilt over it. Whoever said its so easy to go from love to hate with the pills was completely right! I'm hoping this means I can start changing my whole mindset on them. I feel much different taking them this time around than I ever have before. Tons more guilt and dislike of the pills. Yet their pull and hook on me is still there. I am focusing on lowering the dosage I'm taking. Feel terrible about myself for giving in. How are you doing? Is your taper working well for you?

  23. #83
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    799

    Default

    Don't beat yourself up, Anj. Lots of us on here did the exact same thing......took me 3 times. My only problem was I could never control the intake. I'd put in some good clean time, then relapse, and be right back to where I started in a few days......so maybe the 'hate' for the pills will be stronger eventually. That was what it took for me.......I got mad at those pills.

  24. #84
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Thank you for your inspiring words silver. I hope I can get control over this. I am able to control my intake so much more so far this time which I'm proud of.

  25. #85
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Anj, so good to hear your temptations are much more controlled now. I have yet to be able to make the jump from 2.5 to 2 pills daily and I caved a couple of days and did 4 I'm going to continue to work at dropping though. I feel the same way as you. I feel like the pills are my enemy instead of a friend so I think that's a good thing.
    How many mgs are you taking in if you don't mind me asking anj?

  26. #86
    Anj14 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    63

    Default

    I have been taking around 60 mgs or so. Not good but at least it's not like the 120 or higher like I was doing before. Still making myself work out whenever I can. It's very helpful for me. I went to the doctor this week and got a prescription for Ativan due to my anxiety. I haven't had to take it yet but even just having them makes me feel better because of the panic attack type feelings I was having. Are you experiencing any withdrawal type symptoms at the levels you are at now, Lookin? This is all a process and I do feel like I am heading in the right direction this time instead of into a worse place. Hoping we will both be able to kick this.

  27. #87
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    2,537

    Default

    Anj

    Hi there I was reading your thread.
    You have been through a lot and are so strong.
    Most addicts would not be able to turn down a prescription of their drug of choice especially during withdrawal!
    Norcos are tough pills to get off of .
    Years ago they were suppose to be the new non addicting drug!

    We now know that is a lie ..
    I haven't gotten off several times but got in a car accident ended up on methadone jumped from that to suboxone which I am now tapering..
    The only thing I can tell you about Norcos is they are a walk in the park to get off of compared to methadone and suboxone..
    I was addicted to Norco when it was still easy to get pills now....., not so much

    It will most definitely get worse if you continue to take them, once you cross that line into addiction there is really no turning back.
    There is no other way to go but down. I think you know that and you know what you really should do.
    Now that you have the Ativan for the anxiety why don't you do a 2-3 day taper if you can't just jump although I have never been able to taper short acting opiates you may do well if you come up with a plan.

    You will get support here no matter what you decide..

    Talk to you later,
    Bet

  28. #88
    The Husband is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    230

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Anj14 View Post
    I have realized that I have no control over my addiction. I use them when my kids are sleeping and I feel like it makes me have more energy and a better attitude. I know that it's not really the case. I run out of pills well before my refills and then I have to go through horrible withdrawals.
    I don't understand why you would fill the refill??? I know you are proud to be taking 60mg instead of 120mg each day but where does this freight train end?

    All I know is I never ran out of my script early and I decided to quit because the pills end up ruling your life. Do you have enough? When's my next refill? Etc. Once you take them long enough the energy boost will go away and you will get sick if you don't have enough.

    What are you waiting for? you admitted you have a problem it only gets harder each time you try to quit and tolerance is very real so you are just gonna take more and more even if you try to stay on the same dose if your are on it to long it the same dose will do nothing but keep you from being sick part of the day.

    God bless you hopefully you make the right choice.
    Iluv2smile likes this.

  29. #89
    LookinAhead is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Hi Anj! As far as withdrawal symptoms, it's now just a lil bit of anxiety (very minor) and a lil runny nose. Other than that, the cravings are what's getting me. My job and fam can become very stressful and it has just been an easier way to cope with it all
    You are doing great for taking half of your usual dose! Maybe we can be taper buddies?
    Iluv2smile likes this.

  30. #90
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    51

    Default

    Anj, I just re-read your entire thread...I read while you posted, but I wanted to read with a "clear and focused mind".
    I have to say, you and I have MUCH in common!! Kids, husband, guilt, anxiety, fear of drugs..etc. It's like I'm reading something I could've written.
    I know what you must be feeling right now and I'm so sorry. I hope I can give you some advice (just from my experience), some words of encouragement and maybe, just maybe that final push you seem to desperately need...from one mother to another.
    I too have NEVER done a "man made drug". I was antidrug my entire life. That was instilled in me by my big sister. She always taught me to stay away from anything that isn't "natural" because it'll take your life. Scared the >>>> outta me enough to keep me away my entire life...up until 10 years ago when I lost that same sister to "H". It was by far thee hardest thing I've endured to this day!! I was sooo hard on her when I found out what she'd started and even though she'd done soooo amazingly well detoxing on her own and showed enormous strength, I didn't acknowledge it because I'd never been there. Until now. Now, she's not here for me to tell. I can't take that judgment back and tell her how proud I am of her. She IS the STRONGEST person I have yet to be blessed with meeting in this lifetime. I hope she's with me and knows that I've drawn off her to make it through this. Her strength, fear, love, determination and willingness to forgive.
    After her death I had work done on my teeth, of all things right? Weird because I'd broken my neck and back years before and never had a problem with pills and addiction. The pills numbed more than my mouth pain though. It numbed my heart, my brain, my memories and my actions. It made me feel better. I got to forget. I was "super mom", "super wife" and "super daughter". I think I justified it because I couldn't be "super sister" I don't know. Pills WILL take over everything. I don't think there's anyone that's out of their grasp honestly. Let's face it, I was doing a derivative of what I lost my sister to forever. Ripped my family and life apart at the seams and left no prisoners. She left behind 2 children. There aren't words. Being a mother myself, I felt the daily guilt and fear that I was going to die and leave them without a mother. That I was going to put my parents in a position to bury another daughter. DAILY guilt, fear, anger, disappointment, shame...the list is endless!! I know what you're feeling on the inside sweetie. Counting the pills, re-counting the pills, counting days, calling the pharmacy to see when it'll go through, making up stories, excuses, spending money you don't have, justifying it in your mind "it makes me a better mom"...do any of my thoughts match yours? My husband was much like yours. He knew, but didn't know how bad it was. I was easy over 12 a day. I'd switch money around so he wouldn't know I was short. I would think "I can't go into a rehab, I couldn't leave my kids for a week". When I knew that if I didn't quit I'd risk them losing me forever. I lived with those thoughts for 10 years!! I HATED myself, what I became, and what I was going to be. I've always wanted to stop but never thought I was strong enough. I too deal with daily pain, most severe, anxiety, and depression. Mostly suppressed because of our lovely little oval "friends".
    A few weeks ago, I was sitting at my table during the day. I'd taken a pill that morning and I still had 2 weeks supply left. I was discusted with myself and terrified to leave my 4 children. I was telling a "friend" that I was going to stop the next day. She almost challenged me and said "why not today?"
    She was right!! I told her that I'd taken my last one and I walked away. I haven't had 1 since.
    I know that's it's the hardest and scariest thing you'll do, but I also know that it'll be the best choice you'll ever make. As a mommy, as a wife, a daughter, a friend, a woman, a person...
    You're life will be back to what it was before you know it. If I'd known 10 years ago that I'd be writing this, I wouldn't have lost all those years with my kids and family. I feel like I'm meeting my kids for the first time now...my oldest is a teen. That, is the hardest pill to swallow. We gave up so much thinking we were being "super mom" when in reality, we're giving our children a generic form or our real selves.
    I remember when I took my sister to the hospital. I was in the middle of being in shock, fear, disappointment and anger. I asked her "weren't you afraid you'd go to sleep and never wake up? Weren't you concerned it'd be the kids that found your body?" you know what her response was?
    "Every single time!" she said.
    We're MOMS...we're the strongest being on this earth and this little white tablet brings us to our knees. It's scary. Get mad at it. Hate them. Love yourself. Love your children. Your husband. Love your life that you were blessed with. You will overcome this and I will "preach" and help you in anyway I can.
    I know that our situations are a little different, but I pray that I can help. See, I was unable to help my sister. I thankfully was able to save myself before it was too late. I thank the Lord every night that I now go to sleep without the fear and guilt. Not scared of dying in my sleep because I took too many pills.
    My sister didn't die from Norco, but like they say..."H" is just the poor mans Norco. I only lived because I had access to more money than she. I have never been without a pill, I have never known detox symptoms. I would cheat and steal to make sure of that.
    You've already been through the worst. You're still here. You are on this forum. You are amazingly strong and have a long life ahead of you! I have every faith in the world that you will overcome this. Detox will not kill you, pills can. Having the flu for a week, not being the best mommy, wife and homemaker for 7 days...is nothing in comparison to what you have to gain.
    I pray I haven't offended or overstepped. I am certainly not judging and I apologize if this is read that way. I just wanted to tell you, that I have been exactly where you are right now. Your babies are sill so very young and you don't have to lose everything I did before you make this choice.

    Prayers

Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22