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Addicted to pain pills
  1. #121
    Anj14 is offline Member
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    Hey everyone, it's been awhile since I posted but I wanted to give an update. First, Lookin and Bad timing, you guys still around here? I'm wondering how you are both doing and thinking of you guys.
    Well, my update is that I have had a few relapses. I was clean for about 14 days last time. I was really doing well after the first initial, 6 days or so of feeling sick, then for the next week or so I was feeling good. I wasn't feeling sick or tired or depressed or anything. I was surprised with how well I felt. I was feeling a little proud of myself. Then I replased again (this last time). I don't know why! I had this idea in my head to get some pills so I went into the doc within a few hours and had my script. Even right after I started them again I noticed right away how lousy they make me feel (besides the inital high I get). The grogginess, the moodiness. I always thought these pills give me energy but the truth is, it really zapped my energy this last relapse. I am so so ashamed of myself. I was doing good and I relapsed for no reason. Today I finished off the rest of them so now I have to deal with another bout of w/d. Of course I already feel the extreme fatigue and depression that accompanies the wd. I'm literally sick to my stomach over myself. I don't understand this. I want to get clean and stay clean. I'm hoping that since I feel like I FINALLY had a good experience of being off the pills that I can use that as my goal and strive for that. I have had a lot of changes in my life recently and I'm a little overwhelmed right now. I just hope I can finally get out of this hole for good. I could really use some support. I am just glad that I should be clean in and out of wd for Christmas for my kids. They don't need me on pills or going through wd.

  2. #122
    gottidog is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anj14 View Post
    Hey everyone, it's been awhile since I posted but I wanted to give an update. First, Lookin and Bad timing, you guys still around here? I'm wondering how you are both doing and thinking of you guys.
    Well, my update is that I have had a few relapses. I was clean for about 14 days last time. I was really doing well after the first initial, 6 days or so of feeling sick, then for the next week or so I was feeling good. I wasn't feeling sick or tired or depressed or anything. I was surprised with how well I felt. I was feeling a little proud of myself. Then I replased again (this last time). I don't know why! I had this idea in my head to get some pills so I went into the doc within a few hours and had my script. Even right after I started them again I noticed right away how lousy they make me feel (besides the inital high I get). The grogginess, the moodiness. I always thought these pills give me energy but the truth is, it really zapped my energy this last relapse. I am so so ashamed of myself. I was doing good and I relapsed for no reason. Today I finished off the rest of them so now I have to deal with another bout of w/d. Of course I already feel the extreme fatigue and depression that accompanies the wd. I'm literally sick to my stomach over myself. I don't understand this. I want to get clean and stay clean. I'm hoping that since I feel like I FINALLY had a good experience of being off the pills that I can use that as my goal and strive for that. I have had a lot of changes in my life recently and I'm a little overwhelmed right now. I just hope I can finally get out of this hole for good. I could really use some support. I am just glad that I should be clean in and out of wd for Christmas for my kids. They don't need me on pills or going through wd.
    It sounds kind of funny to say but sometimes a relapse can be a good thing in terms of long term plan of staying clean. You know what you have to do, you know what you will go through, and you know how much better you will feel when you are sober. You got this, just keep fighting and make this the last time you have to suffer through this week or 2 of w/d. I am on day 17 of coming off of 7 years of methadone maintenance and 4-5 months of suboxone to taper myself off of the methadone and I have never felt better. I have a thread updating my progress day by day if you want to read it. The important thing is to remember how much better you felt when you were clean and how you feel right now. The 2 weeks of w/d are nothing compared to the years you have ahead of you with your kids and family.

  3. #123
    Anj14 is offline Member
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    Thank you for your kind words, you are a strong person for making it as far as you have. Today I am not doing too well emotionally and mentally today which I know is part of it and it will pass but it doesn't make it any easier at the moment. One problem is that once I am clean and feeling good I downplay to myself how bad wds are.i think it's not so bad and I won't do as much this time so I don't have to go through the wds so badly. I can convince myself so easily that it's ok to do it again. I want to live a normal, happy life without pills so badly. God I hope I can find the strength to get past this point in my life.

  4. #124
    Jarrod81 is offline Junior Member
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    Anj14,

    Today is my first day of withdrawal. Was taking exactly the same stuff as you, 10/325. I am right there with you. I'm trying NA tomorrow for the first time as I have done exactly as you before, run out early repeatedly and so many false starts to quit. Gotta make it count this time. It will only get worse otherwise. Let's help each other.

  5. #125
    Anj14 is offline Member
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    I wrote two replies and they got deleted from the screen clicking the cancel button instead of reply button. Please let me know how your experience with NA is

  6. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by gottidog View Post
    It sounds kind of funny to say but sometimes a relapse can be a good thing in terms of long term plan of staying clean. You know what you have to do, you know what you will go through, and you know how much better you will feel when you are sober. You got this, just keep fighting and make this the last time you have to suffer through this week or 2 of w/d. I am on day 17 of coming off of 7 years of methadone maintenance and 4-5 months of suboxone to taper myself off of the methadone and I have never felt better. I have a thread updating my progress day by day if you want to read it. The important thing is to remember how much better you felt when you were clean and how you feel right now. The 2 weeks of w/d are nothing compared to the years you have ahead of you with your kids and family.
    Haven't read your entire thread yet but just wondering if you've used the Thomas recipe for Wds. I found it worked amazingly and couldn't have done it without the B complex, multi vitamin, RLS and t-Ly. I too suffer with anxiety so I looked up guided mediations for anxiety on Youtube and listened in the bath or in bed to help get me through those moments. Exercise helps a great deal. Jumping jacks, yoga, a walk, anything to get those endorphins working again. Ive been attending AA instead of NA and its been a God send.
    Good luck to you on this journey. Keep posting your progress!

  7. #127
    Jarrod81 is offline Junior Member
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    I am on day two today of withdrawal, at work and trying to keep it together. Got a wife at home today with my son who is sick. When I get home I will need to clean vomit from the car, the car seat, and help around the house. There are a lot of stressors going on that would cause me to seek pills. Plus my back aches, but I'm thinking that is just the withdrawal. Didn't sleep well at all. On the other hand, the NA meeting was very, very powerful. I went this morning. I was very nervous. I came close to leaving before it started, but I am so glad I stayed. The bottom line is the meeting helped me a lot today, and I will got to more meetings. It puts your addiction in perspective. Other people share their stories, and you can identify. The meeting brought me a great sense of hope. We addicts have a disease, which we use drugs to treat. We are talking our lives here. Our way is not sustainable, so we must change, and change is a process that comes slowly. We aren't just going to detox for a week and feel great and not slip back into pills unless something changes. It will take work. There is not an easy way to fix this. I strongly recommend you to go to a meeting. I am looking forward to my next.

  8. #128
    gottidog is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by butteflylove View Post
    Haven't read your entire thread yet but just wondering if you've used the Thomas recipe for Wds. I found it worked amazingly and couldn't have done it without the B complex, multi vitamin, RLS and t-Ly. I too suffer with anxiety so I looked up guided mediations for anxiety on Youtube and listened in the bath or in bed to help get me through those moments. Exercise helps a great deal. Jumping jacks, yoga, a walk, anything to get those endorphins working again. Ive been attending AA instead of NA and its been a God send.
    Good luck to you on this journey. Keep posting your progress!
    Yes, i did use the thomas recipe for the first week of detox and it helped tremendously. Along with me passing time by playing my online games(WoW and league of legends) it helped a lot but I'm a gamer, not everyone is. On day 19 now and throughout the past week i have concentrated hard on nutrition and taking care of my body to give it everything it needs to repair itself. I highly recommend protein shakes to anyone going through withdrawal. It replaces everything in your body that you are lacking, including the 9 essential amino acids and 9 non-essential amino acids. I also started jogging/walking a mile over the past 2 days and OMG, I feel so good at this point. My legs are sore and its.... refreshing. I highly suggest doing everything you can to eat right and take care of your body during this rough process. It can make a world of difference. I'm not some health nut either, I am not in great shape and i haven't worked out in a year or 2. I think i may turn into a health nut at this point, as good as i feel, I don't want this feeling to go away.

  9. #129
    Momof3inTN is offline New Member
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    Hi Anj, I've read through your entire thread and my story is so very similar to yours. Mom of 3 very active little boys, I stay at home and had a horrible secret. I could've written your entire post. I tried to do it myself countless times and it wasn't the physical withdrawals but the horrible depression, emptiness and boredom that came that sent me back to using. My husband didn't know at all!! I was using 15-20 Norco 10-325 a day. On October 22, 2014, I called him and told him a had a drug problem and that I needed help. I called my parents and my family doctor and he helped me find a treatment center. I realized I couldn't do it alone but the thought of leaving my babies was devastating to me. I knew that I was becoming a danger to myself and my Children though. My mom came and helped with the kids so that my husband could keep working. I stayed in treatment for 14 days and then did a 6 week IOP (intensive out patient) program. I had to give up control and stop worrying about things I couldn't control. My number 1 focus was getting well. In 2 days, I will have 60 days sober!!!! I was in pain management for a fractured vertebrae and I have had NO PAIN since going off the pills. Oddly enough, I could hardly stand up I was in so much pain WHEN I WAS ON THE PILLS!!! everything in my body hurt. Since I've confessed my secret and gotten help, I didn't have the depression this time like I did before. I think it's because I had help. I wasn't trying to carry the weight of the world. I try my hardest to attend AA or NA meetings everyday. I'm trying to accomplish what is called 90 in 90 which is 90 meetings in 90 days. I have a sponsor and I've met the most wonderful, supportive people and it's just so nice to be open and not try to be perfect all the time. I've had my share of hard days but I haven't had a SINGLE craving. This is just a miracle to me and I don't know why I haven't. I could go on and on but I never in my wildest dreams thought I would go to rehab or that I would have 58 days clean, but I do!!! Music sounds AMAZING to me now, food and sex are great, I look at my children and can study them so much more clearly now. Life is so much better not chasing pills. It consumed me. I'm struggling a little with boredom, but I now have tools to handle that. Please get help! Several people told me, because you got help, you are changing your children's future forever and I cling to that. They can either have an emotionally absent, drug addicted mom, or they can have a mom who isn't perfect, but is emotionally available to them. I am more patient and cherish my time with them now. I could go on and on, but I just wanted to say that just 2 short months ago, I was in your shoes and I was so scared and trying to control everything and I finally surrendered and it was the best thing to ever happen to me!! Thinking of you and wishing the best.
    Jarrod81 likes this.

  10. #130
    Anj14 is offline Member
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    Wow thanks so much for your post momof3. Really meant a lot to me. How long were you using before you got help? That is so brave of you to come clean and ask for help. I honestly don't know if I could ever admit it to my whole family like that, I'm so afraid of the judgement and stigma. I have one sister who is the "favorite" and she's an ER nurse and is constantly saying things about all the drug addicts who just come into the ER to get their narcotics. So I feel like they have a clear picture of how they see people addicted to pain killers and really look down on them. I don't know. What you did is amazing and I wish I had your courage.

  11. #131
    Anj14 is offline Member
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    I hate how when I take the pills some times I'm like, this isn't so bad to do. Then other times I'm like, why is this so great? I can quit this. And I recognize the negative aspects of it like how it gives me a short fuse, makes me tired, makes me want to constantly do them all day. I loved when I heard someone say "it's always just one more pill, but one more is never enough" or something along those lines because I can totally relate to that. These pills have my mind so messed up and confused. I want to quit but when I do, the cravings, the boredom, anxiety. They get stuck in my head that they are the best thing but at the same time I KNOW that they aren't. It's so many mind games. I have so much hope that I will make it out of this and other times I don't know how I will. I did get more pills, such a disappointment, and now im about 33 hours in w/d again. I hate doing this to myself. Please post! I love hearing stories from those who can relate to me and who have made it out and how they did it. I'm feeling quite alone with all this right now.

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