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Advice about starting subs for PST addiction
  1. #1
    Poppy Girl 37 is offline Member
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    Default Advice about starting subs for PST addiction

    Hi All,
    After a five year relationship with opiates im ready to start a real journey into recovery. It started with prescribed painkillers for degenerative disc disease and endometriosis. The pills cured so much more than the pain. I felt like for the first time in my life I could truly relax. I've always been anxious and had trouble sleeping due to an abusive childhood. When the pills my doctor gave me ran out each month, the pain became worse and worse. I couldn't think straight. I felt so depressed. Then, I discovered PST on an online forum. It seemed too good to be true. It was natural, affordable (back then when I only needed a little) and best of all, legal. Each month I took more and more and more. Now I need them round the clock or wds set in. I wake up most mornings with sweats and chills just starting. They are always my first WD symptom. I dose 3-4 times daily and I'm guessing it's around the equivalent of 60-100 mg daily of hydrocodone, since that's how much I need to remain stable when I run out. I hate this. I hate what I've done to myself, to my body. It's so scary. I live in constant fear of running out and going thru withdrawal. I go to ridiculous lengths to hide it. Its so dangerous. I feel trapped. I just want to live again. Ive tried to get clean with at home tapers four or five times, but the changing potency of seeds and my own lack of willpower has caused me to fail. I've always been afraid to reach out to others for fear of being discovered. No one knows about my addiction but me. I've been stalking these boards for a long time but this is my first post. Please help. Here's what I need. I've just begun learning about sub treatment and I want to do it. But PST is a very unique animal due to unknown potency, and the dozens of different opiods and other chemicals involved. I would love support in general, but I would specifically like to hear from anyone who has used sub's to kick PST. I know that I will probably need wait longer and go further into WD before induction to avoid precipitated wds. How much longer? Some say it took them as long as four days to fully stabalize to the point most people do in one day. I've also read hundreds of posts saying "don't let them start you too high." I don't want to be on them forever or on a high dose, but I've been abusing for five years, heavily for about two and a half. How long do I need? How do I educate doctors about PST if they aren't familiar so I get the right treatment? I've also heard that sub's are very stimulating and are not good for people with sleep problems. Not sleeping has been what brought me back so many times before. I've never slept well, even before i used. Who knows how to handle this? I'm most terrified about what happens to me without sleep. I become hopeless and irrational. I know i need sleep to be successful. I know I need other supports too and I'm working on creating a system. I don't think I can go to a public meeting. I plan to do counseling twice a week, start an exercise program and use message boards for support in times of need. I hate this disgusting, putrid liquid that has stolen my joy, my health and my freedom. I want my life back. I'm really ready. I don't even enjoy it anymore. I haven't for a long time. Please help.

  2. #2
    TolikG is offline Senior Member
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    What's PST?

  3. #3
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    TG,

    Poppy seed tea. I had never heard of it until I met someone here when I first joined. God Bless America, I'm glad I never got my hands on it!

    Peace,

    Cat

  4. #4
    TolikG is offline Senior Member
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    Sorry...just realized its Poppy seed tea. I don't have any experience with that but I know it has longer half life than short-acting oxy of hydro. Be careful so u don't get in to PWD. I would wait until you're in AT LEAST moderate WD. Severe wd is ideal so u can induce at lowest dose possible. Good luck!!

  5. #5
    TolikG is offline Senior Member
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    Hey Cat! Lol I had to google it

  6. #6
    spincycle81 is offline New Member
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    I've been there, exactly where you were. You can check out my thread about it - I'm five months clean from a huge PST addiction. I'll post a better reply when I can. Good luck - you can do this

  7. #7
    Poppy Girl 37 is offline Member
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    Spin Cycle,
    Thank you SO much! Can't wait to check your thread out later tonight. I actually have another longer thread on the Suboxone board myself. Im in a taper and I described it there. I'm most likely going to go that route after getting my dose down a bit.
    I would really appreciate any advice you have to offer.
    Poppy

  8. #8
    spincycle81 is offline New Member
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    Hey PoppyGirl, again I want to wish you all the best getting this monkey off your back. Please believe me when I say that if I can do it, so can you. Unfortunately I don't have any experience with subs, but maybe I can offer you a different perspective and a different way. Lord knows, a PST addiction is no less severe than other opiate addictions.

    You mentioned that you live in constant fear of withdrawal - I relate to this 100% (most of your post actually seems like something I could have written just a few months ago). I spent a large amount of time while I was using just wishing that I could stop, but the fear was too much for me to overcome. In the end, the fear was worse than the actual experience. Until I ripped the proverbial bandaid off and went cold-turkey off the tea, I would play a game where every month or so I would resolve to quit, make it a day or two, and lose heart because I'd convince myself that it would either never end or that the pain wasn't worth it. It's not a matter of willpower. If you treat it that way, you're going to fail, because the drug is still controlling you. You sound like you're truly ready to quit - you have to want to do it for yourself. This is the hardest thing I think to remember when you're anticipating and going through the first stages of withdrawal. This mindset is everything, which is why I don't agree that willpower will ever be the solution.

    Do you have anyone you can confide in and get support from outside of the internet? I needed a strong push from the people in my life to make it over that 2 day hump. I spent the first two days feeling like I was waiting for a train to run me over slowly, inch by inch, but eventually I realized that I was in the worst of it, and thoughts of getting clean overpowered the desire to use.

    All that stuff aside, the real physical pain (and the God awful restless legs) lasted a week. I had tapered my dose down to about 1/5 of what I was using at my peak (unfortunately, with pst as you know, accurate dosing is impossible), so I think you're definitely on the right track with the taper. The tea is relatively long acting, so you should be able to do a pretty quick taper. While you're lowering your dose, I'd suggest saving some for bedtime just so you're able to sleep while you taper down and don't get discouraged before you even get clean.

    I'll be happy to answer any questions about my experience, so I'll keep an eye on this thread. If you do end up going with suboxone, I'm sure there are a lot of people here that can help you with that, but I would suggest just ripping off the bandaid after a 2-3 week taper. If you can get down to 1/4 or 1/5 of what you're currently using (while saving some for bedtime until you'd go cold turkey), I think you can be successful. You just have to want to live clean more than you want the drug, which realistically speaking would probably take a few days until that happens. That's why I asked if you have someone in your life you can be accountable to while you do this. I tried going it alone too many times to count, and failed every time until the people closest to me knew what I was going through and held me accountable for my actions.

    Good luck with whatever you choose to do - perhaps suboxone is right for you. I know I would have ended up addicted to the subs had I gone that way, but there are a lot of success stories too. What I can do for you is talk about my specific experience with quitting poppy seed tea, because there's a lot of noise out there and it's unlike most other opiates in its unpredictability and lack of credible information to be found.

    You just have to want it...no willpower involved
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-14-2015 at 01:16 AM.

  9. #9
    Poppy Girl 37 is offline Member
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    Thank you SO much Spin Cycle!
    If I wasn't working a more than full time job, plus full time graduate school courses I would probably consider CT after some more taper. I just don't think I can keep my life going through that. I was planning to use subs to control my taper over 6-8 weeks so I can keep working/going to school. I know it won't be a picnic, but I see subs as something to soften the blow enough for me to at least function. Im not 100% on this. I also have about 10 or so days of hydrocodone and I wonder if I could just taper myself all the way down to a half a pill a day before bed and then jump. That's actually how I started. 2.5 mg of hydro a day. Oh how >> love to only be that far in now. Last week I cut my dose by 25% and this week I've been kind of wishy washy. I cut my dose 10-15% but couldn't go further so Ive just started putting extra hours between my doses when I could. I went 12 hours twice but other times only 9 or 10. Im trying to listen to my body and go the right speed, but with one rule, no backtracking. No taking extra or going back up after I drop. I had an incident a few weeks ago where the seeds came in way stronger and ruined that for me, but I got right back on track.
    I hear your advice about telling someone and I've gotten it from others as well, but I'm just not sure I can do it. Im really scared to tell my husband and was planning to get clean while he was out of the country for 3 weeks wait until he got home to tell him. Honestly, I'm not even sure I'll be ready to tell him then. We live far from all family and close friends and only have work acquaintances in town who I don't think I can trust.
    I will definitely think about it.
    Just know how comforting it is to chat with a real life person who has beat this nasty stuff! Im so appreciative of your comments about how this is just as real as any other opiate.
    I didn't get to your thread last night, but I'm looking forward to it and I'll write more soon!

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