Page 4 of 7 FirstFirst ... 23456 ... LastLast
Results 91 to 120 of 191
Like Tree159Likes
Ahh Day 9 off Subs AGAIN
  1. #91
    10years39days is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    NW Oregon
    Posts
    326

    Default

    I just realized my last post was a mess. Sorry about that! I was tired...that's my excuse! I wish I could say I had fat thumbs but I don't. Dang it.

    Duuuuude...seriously its crazy that you mention that story in the diner with the elderly man. I was just thinking the other day about how refreshing it would be to have a conversation like that.

    I would like to think that you made his day...and hopefully he knows that he made yours as well.

    Good on you, Max. The next time I see that a person sitting alone in a diner, and they don't appear to be plotting a murder, I'm gonna strike up a conversation.
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  2. #92
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,997

    Default

    Great update max. That sounds amazing. Random acts of kindness are another thing that makes me feel great. When I get a coffee in the morning I'll pay for the person behind me. It's never expensive but I drive away feeling amazing!!

    Beef

  3. #93
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    199

    Default

    10 and Beef-
    Thank you! Yesterday made me feel really good and soo right in that it was probably more gratifying for me than him.

    Today is cold and miserable but it's nothing compared to the H E double LL of physicial W/D. I'm grateful most of that seems behind me. Now it's just making sure my psychological strength is good and stays positive and keeps me clean.

    Hope you all have a terrific day!

    Oh and what about that Vikings play?

    Wow. I do feel bad for NOLA. Love that town amd hated to see them go down like that!

    At this point I'll root for any team that isn't New England.
    10years39days likes this.

  4. #94
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,997

    Default

    Not me!!! Go Vikings, or any other team that beats the Saints, Falcons, or Panthers!!!!! Even though we are awful, GO BUCS! There's always next year!!!

    Just wanted to pop in and say thanks for the kind words and tell you you're doing an amazing job!!

    Keep up the good work!!
    It keeps getting better!!
    Beef
    10years39days likes this.

  5. #95
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    199

    Default

    Morning all. Let's all get up and tackle this day. After all, it's waiting on us.

    Thought I'd also share a very touching documentary I saw on Netflix.

    It's called "A New High". It's about this Christian Mission based in Seattle Washington who delivers meals to homeless folks then invites some of them into a year long program where they tackle their demons and train to climb Mr. McKinley. Makes the viewer think long and hard before casting negative judgements on anyone without a place to call home. And it definitely inspired me to continue on the path of sobriety and see where this thing takes me as well as my brothers and sisters in addiction.

    highly recommend it!
    10years39days likes this.

  6. #96
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    199

    Default

    HARD night.


    Overwhelmed.



    Started off with a positive mind set and ended with me here posting with tears pouring down my face.

    Incredible grieving over my cousin. It's been so hard to deal with his loss and to try my hardest to be there for his children. I have tried and tried to hug them
    And let them know I feel their loss too. But I don't know if I really understand the gravity of it all. I'm laying in this bed with tears steaming down my face over the horrible and tragic loss of Travis.

    I want you all to know his name. His death has to be more than my silent thoughts. I should have died the same night. Now I'm alive and he is dead. The sorrow is too much to bear. Why am I still alive? Why is it I have been asked to carry this sorrow?

    Why did I have to see my cousin lay in a casket? Why did I have to wrap my hands around his cold body and try to brig him
    Back to life?


    Why?
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-16-2018 at 11:09 PM.
    10years39days likes this.

  7. #97
    10years39days is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    NW Oregon
    Posts
    326

    Default

    Hey Max - I'm sorry to hear that your cousin's death has been affecting you like this. Grieving is a process, and given the circumstance I think you are having some reasonable thoughts.

    Death is inevitable, but some of us are chosen to follow the light before others. We will never know why exactly. I don't know if God exists, but I believe in a higher power.

    Maybe, through this loss, you will rise up and transform into the best person you can possibly be.

    You have the ability to honor Travis in an incredible way that only he could ever understand. I'm sure he's looking down with a big smile, and so proud of everything you've accomplished.

    I'm proud of you!
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  8. #98
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,693

    Default

    Ohhh Max Sorry your going through all this. Face to face Support helped me to cope with all my demons. It's God's will do the best of your ability to be the person your meant to be. Hug and love those kids.. guilt shame we all have a past don't dwell on the past you can't change it but what you can change is what you do today Max. Stay the course and not only you will benefit but all who love you. Good job my friend.
    10years39days likes this.

  9. #99
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    199

    Default

    Really needed to let that out. I am an extremely private person and seldom share anything of this magnitude with people in my life. But on here I feel ok to say I'm weak; to say I'm not the strong one this time; that I can show my scars to all of you and receive unconditional support and care.

    Coming off this garbage is hard enough but the added pressures of dealing with loss makes it all the more difficult. And I know I'm not alone as there are many addicts who have lost someone they love to addiction.

    10- your words make me choke up all day. I hope I can be that person too.

    LVG I have every intention of hugging them. Hugs seem to be the best medicine I've found.

  10. #100
    RightTurn33 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    51

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxheadrum View Post
    Really needed to let that out. I am an extremely private person and seldom share anything of this magnitude with people in my life. But on here I feel ok to say I'm weak; to say I'm not the strong one this time; that I can show my scars to all of you and receive unconditional support and care.

    Coming off this garbage is hard enough but the added pressures of dealing with loss makes it all the more difficult. And I know I'm not alone as there are many addicts who have lost someone they love to addiction.

    10- your words make me choke up all day. I hope I can be that person too.

    LVG I have every intention of hugging them. Hugs seem to be the best medicine I've found.
    Max - I haven't mentioned this, because as you know - the devastation is unbearable. So very sorry for your loss, I share your pain in this regard: 10 years ago this coming March 4th, my 21 yr. old son was found dead in a hotel bed several States away from where I live of a drug overdose. The autopsy found H in his system along with other drugs. This experience that I am now going thru, has brought this loss hauntingly back to me full force. My ex and I did everything possible to help my son (Matt) - he was in residential treatment for over a year at one point, along with other programs along the way. He just wanted to live his life as an addict and never could see himself as being part of society. I've been thru the ringer with his loss - every emotion possible x10. This experience I'm going thru now with detox and w/d's has given me a taste of what part of his life was like and it's killing me. The tears are flowing as I type this - the pain, the loss, never goes away - but time does lessen the impact; time does indeed heal. I wish you the best in this regard and with the clean life you have embraced.
    10years39days likes this.

  11. #101
    Autumnhopes is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    447

    Default

    I'm so sorry for your loss!! I've been reading your posts because I'm also going through the withdrawal process this week it's been a back-and-forth process for me for the last couple years I've been posting here and I'm finally think this is it this is my time to be clean but I've received a lot of encouragement from reading through everything you've posted so thank you for that...
    but my thoughts are with you and your family I hope that you can gain some comfort!!

    Also I have to say through all this you're staying clean that is beautiful...so good for you that is just a wonderful example for your whole family
    10years39days likes this.

  12. #102
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,997

    Default

    Hey Max. I'm sorry the loss of your cousin Travis has hit you so hard. That's a tough burden to carry. I wish I had some answers for you. I really do. I know you are there for his children and that is huge!! They need a positive male role model and you are an amazing human being for stepping up to the plate and being there for them. Give them the love they need! I know you will. You have to stay strong! You are doing so great. I know that Travis would be proud of you. I know I am and so many others are too. There are many who I'm sure have followed your story on here and have been inspired by your strength and determination. You are a warrior!! Don't let anyone tell you different!

    I know you're feeling down and out right now but it will pass!! You're beating this and its throwing a last ditch hail Mary at the buzzer. Keep it going big guy. Keep racking up those clean days!!

    We are all here for you!!

    Beef
    10years39days likes this.

  13. #103
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,693

    Default

    I'm sending you a big virtual hug Max..

  14. #104
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    3,107

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxheadrum View Post
    HARD night.


    Overwhelmed.



    Started off with a positive mind set and ended with me here posting with tears pouring down my face.

    Incredible grieving over my cousin. It's been so hard to deal with his loss and to try my hardest to be there for his children. I have tried and tried to hug them
    And let them know I feel their loss too. But I don't know if I really understand the gravity of it all. I'm laying in this bed with tears steaming down my face over the horrible and tragic loss of Travis.

    I want you all to know his name. His death has to be more than my silent thoughts. I should have died the same night. Now I'm alive and he is dead. The sorrow is too much to bear. Why am I still alive? Why is it I have been asked to carry this sorrow?

    Why did I have to see my cousin lay in a casket? Why did I have to wrap my hands around his cold body and try to brig him
    Back to life?


    Why?


    Hey Max -

    I'm so so sorry to hear of the loss of your cousin Travis. Such a terrible ting to have to go through and I know the hurt you're feeling. I lost a cousin to a drug overdose a few years ago and it devastated me because we wee so close. We were always together it seemed.

    Just know I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the best during this very difficult time.

    Randy

  15. #105
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,997

    Default

    Hey Max. Just seeing how its going for you today?? I'll be a little nicer to your house than I was to 10's. Just driving by and saying hello.

    *Beef waves*

    Hope you have a great day my friend.
    Beef

  16. #106
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    199

    Default

    The sincerity and care I've just read is like a warm blanket cast over a cold day. Amazing kind souls congregate here to share pain and joy but also to serve as protectors of one another. In the military, it was driven in our heads that we would put ourselves in harms way to pull a fallen soldier out of the battlefield. They would not be left behind. This site makes me feel exactly that same way.

    My cousin and I were closer than brothers. Like you Randy, we did absolutely everything together. We both are infantry veterans but he had to one up me and took the path of Army Rangers. I wasn't one but he was. Six foot 2 and not an ounce of fat on the guy anywhere.

    He loved his family so softly and gently. Always very tender with us and with his kids. But if you were a bad guy, he'd kick down doors to find you and point 5.56 MM of straight American power in your face. One of the very best our nation had to offer but couldn't beat addiction.
    We looked so much alike that at his funeral, people who knew him but didn't know me were startled to say the least.


    LVG- I feel that and know I'm slapping my paws around you. I feel your sincerity so much and I can't thank you enough for that.

    Beef I swear I don't know why but you always seem to say things to me that register and you are so consistent in your approach to me and other. What a terrific man for caring as much as you do.

    Autumn your words were so delicate and sincere. I've read where you've posted before and to know you have the courage to keep getting up and staring this thing down is such an inspiration. I admire your toughness so very much.


    Right turn- all I can say is I am very humbled you chose to share that story with us. The loss of a child...I don't know if there's a sadness in the world that can possibly compare. I have to admit. I was crying when I read your response and am getting choked up now thinking how treacherous your path has been. What s beautiful sentiment to Matt to have him watch you develop and how steadfast you remain through sobriety. I am cheering for you really hard to stay on this path of sobriety. And I sure as H E L L and cheering for those of us in early recovery and i send huge thank you's to God for giving us hope through the caring hands of members in long term sobriety. I don't feel worth any of this lovely support I am blessed to receive but know it has mattered so much to me. Today is 4 weeks clean for me and I am so happy to share this day with each and every one of you.

  17. #107
    10years39days is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    NW Oregon
    Posts
    326

    Default

    Max - hey did you hear something early this morning? Beef was crying in my driveway...did he stop by your place too? He was muttering something like, "poor Lucille...poor Lucille"...and..."ouchy my hands sting".

    Man I hope today is just awesome for you. You are doing this! 28 days! Proud of you!

    PS - tell Beef to stay away from my mailbox. First warning.
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  18. #108
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,997

    Default

    Dam trick mailboxes!!! Poor Lucille. I've already got a place to lay her to rest.
    10years39days likes this.

  19. #109
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    199

    Default

    Ha ha! I'm going to have to go read 10's thread now
    10years39days likes this.

  20. #110
    10years39days is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    NW Oregon
    Posts
    326

    Default

    Ah just use some FlexSeal she'll be alright.
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  21. #111
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,997

    Default

    Ha!!!! Flex seal. Love it!!
    10years39days likes this.

  22. #112
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    199

    Default

    I'm gonna have to get me some of that stuff. By Watching the commercials, sounds like you could re glue a house foundation with it!

  23. #113
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,997

    Default

    I've been real skeptical since I saw him saw a boat in half but everyone says good things.
    10years39days likes this.

  24. #114
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    199

    Default

    Lol!

    That's funny man.

    I saw him do the same thing with that boat!

  25. #115
    Autumnhopes is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    447

    Default

    Thanks for your beautiful thoughts of support Max! It's 1 week clean for me..
    Lots of Congratulations on 1 month clean!!! That's wonderful

    Btw.. note to Beef, I'll make you pork chops but please leave my mailbox alone lol

  26. #116
    10years39days is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    NW Oregon
    Posts
    326

    Default

    Hey Max - how you doing on Day 29? You ready for that cake?

  27. #117
    10years39days is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    NW Oregon
    Posts
    326

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Autumnhopes View Post
    Thanks for your beautiful thoughts of support Max! It's 1 week clean for me..
    Lots of Congratulations on 1 month clean!!! That's wonderful

    Btw.. note to Beef, I'll make you pork chops but please leave my mailbox alone lol
    Wait...Beef gets pork chops? I thought he was a Negan?

  28. #118
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,997

    Default

    Oh I am Negan!

    Good for you. If youre looking for a laugh. Go over to the "Need to talk" section. Check out "Anybody else struggling to sleep?" by Somo.
    or "New joke thread" by Randy

    When I jumped I didn't realize people were laughing and having a good time around here.
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  29. #119
    10years39days is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    NW Oregon
    Posts
    326

    Default

    I'll definitely do that!

  30. #120
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    199

    Default

    Now Tom Petty too?
    Better thank your lucky stars we all found this page and a community of sober people. That is some real ness.

Page 4 of 7 FirstFirst ... 23456 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Jumped Subs at 16 per Day
    By locuseye in forum Suboxone Treatment
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 03-29-2017, 07:29 PM
  2. day 4 off subs
    By sklingsheim in forum Need to Talk?
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 09-20-2016, 11:23 AM
  3. Day 21 off subs, did I screw myself?
    By Mrsarchie in forum Prescription Drug Addiction
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 01-02-2016, 03:06 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22