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Any advice appreciated!
  1. #1
    Nluvwithanaddict is offline New Member
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    Unhappy Any advice appreciated!

    I've posted this in a sub thread, but thought maybe I should post it here as well. Thanks in advance!


    My boyfriend was in an accident in September. He has had multiple hospital stays and multiple surgeries, with more to come. He has been on several pain meds. His current regimen is Fentanyl 100mcg plus 75mcg (but he has only been wearing the 100 and sometimes with half of the 75) and Norco 325/10 1 tab every 4 hours, he has been on this regimen for a little over a month. He has a history of addiction and has admitted to me taking more of the Norco than he needs. He wants off the pills he has told me this several times and his dr is suppose to be helping him achieve this by weening him off, and he was doing really well...but he has one issue...because of the accident he has had to move back in with his parents and his mom is also addicted to pills and will take half of his meds. At least that is what he says, I don't know if I fully believe that (I do know she has a pill problem, I have seen and heard a conversation between her and my BF and others of her trying to get pills).

    Here is where advice is needed....because his mom has taken half his meds (including some of the patches) and it has been less than a month since they were last filled, he has ran out of everything, so he pretty much has gone cold turkey not by choice. It is obvious to me he is going through withdrawals. I'm not an expert when it comes to addiction, but because of my line of work I have had to go through numerous substance abuse trainings and have read several threads on here to know enough to recognize withdrawals. I have tried to tell him this, but I according to him I don't know what I am taking about. Lol.

    It all started Thrusday when he ran out of Norco, he is erratic, lethargic, lying, stealing, majorly moody (he started a fight Friday, because I didn't feel well and wouldn't go to the doctor because I couldn't get in until Monday), teary eyes, eating m&m's like they are never going to be made again (actually any chocolate, it is all he eats!), he picks fights with his parents, restless (especially right before he tries to go to bed), sweating, nauseous, vomitting, achy, he doesn't remember things from the day before or even a couple hours before, and the list goes on. It is actually pretty scary to watch and worries me. On Thursday he slept from 1pm-9am (he fell asleep standing up and slumped over the edge of the bed trying to get in bed), then almost all day Friday and Saturday (when he sleeps he is dead to the world, you could move him and he wouldn't know) now he can't sleep at night (he says because of the pain). He then ran out of patches on Sunday. He told me 'I feel like I have the flu.' He is seeking pills anyway he can get them, because he says he is in pain, I don't doubt that there is real pain, but I know some of it is probably him 'thinking' he is in pain. Well apparently he made his mom give him 10 of her Tramadols she just got at the dr, because he was in so much pain. If I counted right this would be day 7....some of the withdrawal symptoms should be getting better right? He says he still feels like poo (not the word he used,lol) I'm sure him taking those Tramadols didn't help. Because of my job and the fact we live 45 minutes apart, I can't be there during the week to help him through this and to help not 'give into the temptation'. How do I make him understand it is withdrawals and it might not seem like it but it will get better? Is me supporting and encouraging him, enough or is the more I should/could be doing to help him?

    Thanks,
    NLuv

  2. #2
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Welcome,

    First, let me just tell you that he knows exactly why he's feeling the way he's feeling. Whether or not his Mom is pilfering his meds is irrelevant. Not good, of course but that's another issue entirely. He's been on some heavy duty stuff and because he has past abuse issues, detox isn't a new thing for him. He knows it. He's just not about to admit that to you. At least not until he's ready and he obviously isn't. By the way, if he's falling asleep standing up, that's a pretty clear sign that whatever he is taking is too much! Pain meds should help to control your pain, not make you a zombie.

    Bottom line is you can't help him. Don't participate in the pity party. Even if you lived under the same roof, there isn't much you're going to do. You can't help him. Recognize this for what it is.

    I'm sorry this horrible thing has happened to him and clearly he has a long road to recovery ahead of him. I'm not sure what he expects you to do to help him. What can you do? Nothing. That's what. The only thing you can possibly suggest is to get himself in to see his doctor and try to explain things....until the next time. Be glad that you live far enough away and that don't have to deal with this all day, every day.

    The answer to your question is your "help" isn't going to help. Not right now. Let him come to you and ask your support because of the spot he's in. Denial of feeling detox symptoms isn't someone looking for support. Living with someone who also abuses pills...YIKES!! Double whammy.

    Post here, read here. Get support for yourself. When your boyfriend is ready, I hope he reaches out but it will do no good unless he's the one who does that.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Randy35 likes this.

  3. #3
    Nluvwithanaddict is offline New Member
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    Thank you for your reply. I feel like there are some things that need clarification

    1) I have accepted and recognized a long time ago that I cannot help or save him, no matter how much I want to, it is all on him.

    2) He has asked for my support, hence my post. I don't know how to support him besides standing by and doing nothing. I watch him suffer, seek pills illegally, beg me for money to get pills, get mad at me for not giving him the money, make excuses for others to give him money to get pills. I just wanted reassurance I was doing the right thing, which you managed to do.

    3) This my support for myself. We live in rural communities and the closest 'support group' is over 4 hours away. I know it isn't easy for him, well it isn't easier on the ones who love the addict. He feels helpless, I feel helpless.

    So again thank you for your reply.
    Catrina likes this.

  4. #4
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    You have this exactly and are doing the right things. Good for you. I know both sides of this situation. I have been in recovery for 6 years and my adult son is an active active. Hands down, I'd rather go through it myself than to watch someone I love do it. Not even close. xxoo Good luck to you. I hope you continue to post and let us know how things are going. You post. We'll read and reply.

    Peace,

    Cat

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