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Is anyone there?? Please help! Advice/support needed!0
  1. #31
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Jan 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jbeyoutiful View Post
    Hey cat! Ive been running all day long. Busy day with the kids!

    But yeah totally sucks. I read your message earlier abs its good to know im not the only one who isn't perfect. I felt ashamed to write what happened. I hardly ever see anyone admit that their attempt failed miserably. I wish that my friend wouldn't have done that, i called him a couple hours later because he said, "no thank you? ??" I told him that i know he was trying to help, but im actually trying to stop. He apologized to me and said he wont dip it again, that he knows how it is to feel how i feel.

    Yeah i know it probably wasnt the best time to try this, but i was out of pills and money and all i had was sub so i was like why not end it now. To be honest 4mg did the trick last time, even though i was still very emotional as expected because everything ive been running from finally catches up and im forced to face myself. I was taking between 150mg and 180mg daily. Around here they are a dollar a milligram, you're lucky if you get a deal. I just want to be able to do things i used to love, but im always broke. I get the things my kids need then rest goes on pills. Sucks.

    I have a question though, one of my moms older friends is prescribed 4mg subutex to take at night and also is prescribed 40mg OPs and 15mg oxycodone. She says because her doctor told her it keeps her tolerance down and she doesn't wake up in the morning deathly sick. Ive read so many mixed reviews...that you can take subutex while opiates are in your system? I know you can't with suboxone due to the naloxone right?

    Unfortunately im broke and just got this job 2 weeks ago and i work the next 4 days straight from 5pm to 2am...i really need time for myself....i feel like im falling deeper into a hole and the guilt is unbelievable. My small family knows my struggles but only one here is my mom and she has her own issues and doesn't understand my addiction although she is sympathetic she doesn't get it. She works 6 days a week otherwise id ask her to help me out. Idk but i need to figure something else out. Is it like against the law on here to exchange phone numbers? Jw because ive never seen any one do it. Lol

    You're right yesterday did make me scaresub isn't for me but i think i just need to take it slow like you said! Ugh in wish i had someone like you in the flesh around me that understands! You are a very strong woman cat! Going through your own problems and still here to help me with such understanding and encouragement! . Do you have your own story? Id like to hear it!
    Oh yes I do have my own story. My thread is Catrina's Journey that I started in January 2010. It's quite long but the most juicy parts are at the beginning anyway. I didn't post there for a long time unless I noticed that someone had posted to me. I have posted there again more recently as more people have posted there to me. It's long! lol When you have time (like you have plenty of that!) feel free to take a look.

    I have more to say to you but I really have to run right now. I'll check in on your tonight.

    Peace,

    Cat

  2. #32
    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    Jul 2016
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    Virginia
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    Hey JBey,
    Read your brief story! I hope you're still reading if not ready to come back and post. I left too after a few months.. stayed clean for awhile but fell back in a little bit.. l know the shame! I just came back on a couple days ago. Starting over again.

    I can't help with subs, I'll leave that to Cat.. she's awesome! But I think I can help with the shame you're feeling! Because I'm right there with you! Here's what I'm telling myself: Beating yourself up serves no purpose! You're still a good person. And you're still a good mommy!

    Everyone here has had more than one day 1 I'm sure of it! We are all human. We all fall.. some of us fall a LOT lol.. and one of my favorite quotes: It's not how many times you fall, it's that you get back up!!
    I hope you get back up and come back on here! I could use some help.
    Just wanted you to know You're not alone!
    Xoxo
    Mary

  3. #33
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Jan 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jbeyoutiful View Post
    Thank you,! Im just feeling hopeless. I have 2 young kids, 5 and 1, who depend on me fully. I wish i could just go check into some impatient and get out of my environment for even a week. I want to be done so badly. Ita funny how for me they were never taken for pain, but now it will ive me the worst pain ive probably gone through. I wish to wake up one day, no withdrawls and my babies smiling faces and i can smile back knowing im giving them my all. Unfortunatelt im taking them again. Idk i feel like a failure idk what to do
    You are NOT hopeless! I'm sure you feel that way right now but this is not hopeless. I'm sorry to see that you gave up and you haven't been back for a little love, so if you're still reading, check in and maybe we can inspire you enough to give this another go. What do you think?

    Peace,

    Cat

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